Big Fish Begonia

I was very lucky to find a place to hold my hand-the Chisongzi was leaning there, next to a horizontal handrail of the car window.Zhu Rong stood there with one hand, clutching his test admission ticket, pencil, etc. in the other hand, and remained motionless in the dangling carriage.

But it looks a little difficult.In the heat wave, Chisongzi struggled to say: "Let me get the things." He stretched out his hand, but was avoided.

"No need." Zhu Rong said, "It doesn't take much effort."

"Okay. Come to my house tonight?"

"There will be an event at school tomorrow, so get up early."

"……All right."

I don't know if it was an illusion, but I always felt that the atmosphere was a bit weird, and they fell into silence again.

The car was driving unsteadily on the road, swaying back and forth, some people got on and some got off, Zhu Rong was squeezed closer and closer to him.Chisongzi felt a little difficult to breathe, and her heartbeat changed a little-it should be due to too many people in the car and lack of oxygen.He was half-bent, almost leaning on Zhu Rong's chest, wondering if he could hear this guy's heartbeat—no, what was he thinking.

He had never been so grateful for the hustle and bustle of the evening rush hour.

It was getting late, and it didn't take long for the sky to go from bright to dark.Chisongzi stared at the feasting lights of the high-rise buildings outside the car window on the other side from the gap in the crowd, and came up with a strange idea: the city is like a huge whale carrying them, and driving is like slapping on the waves, pushing them to the distance.The boundless sea is salty and vast, and he is wrapped in it, weak and insignificant.

"Pine nuts..." After a long time, Zhu Rong suddenly interrupted his thoughts, and the second half of the sentence was lost in the electronic female voice announcing the station.

Chi Songzi raised his head and looked straight into Zhu Rong's eyes.pine nuts.Zhu Rong called him that just now.He realized that Zhu Rong hadn't called his brother for a long time.The young man was already so tall, taller than himself, with a deep voice and a protruding Adam's apple, and a layer of light stubble covered his lips and chin.He found that he seemed to be staring at his lips all the time, and looked away guiltily.

"Songzi, I won't see you off when you leave."

#04

The two of them stuck together almost all day that summer, three months, hundreds of days and nights, countless times of sunrise and moonset and breathing close to our ears.Even their parents laughed at them, "I can't wait to grow up as a person".

He taught him to play football, basketball, and games. He taught him to write questions, read books, and listen to music.

They go swimming.Red pine nuts emerged from the bottom of the water, and when they saw Zhu Rong, water droplets glistened on the young man's tanned body.Zhu Rong looked at him, and seemed to be more than looking at him.He knew what Zhu Rong wanted to tell him.

He doesn't want to listen.

#05

In Chisongzi’s junior year, Zhu Rong went back to his hometown far away with his parents during the Spring Festival. Chisongzi felt that it was a pity. After entering university, let alone Zhu Rong, even his parents would not see him a few times a year.Originally, during the Spring Festival holiday, I could meet face-to-face and talk about my ideals in life, so I could only grab red envelopes on the screen of my mobile phone.

The night of New Year's Eve was not deserted either. My aunt and uncle brought my cousin to play at home. The little girl was in junior high school. She usually had time to play after a busy study. She hugged his mobile phone and did not let go.Chi Songzi lay idle on the sofa watching the Spring Festival Gala, glancing at the clock from time to time, wondering if he should send a blessing to Zhu Rong at zero o'clock—there was no news of this guy all night.

As the minutes passed, the elders couldn't help but start playing mahjong. Chun was still chatting enthusiastically with friends on the mobile phone. Only Chisongzi watched the Spring Festival Gala and his eyelids twitched. Finally, he fell asleep on the sofa with his head tilted.

I didn't wait for the firecrackers and the bell at zero o'clock, but I waited for Tsubaki's pushing and shoving.Chi Songzi rubbed his eyes and sat up: "What time is it?"

"It's almost 12 o'clock," the girl handed him the phone, "Brother Songzi, your number."

Chi Songzi was still a little confused, but he glanced at the screen of his phone and suddenly woke up—"Little brother next door", he gave Zhu Rong a name in a note that was a bit evil.

He swapped the phone with the iPad, went back to his room, and finally pressed to answer.The person on the other end of the phone was out of breath, as if doing a difficult exercise.

"Hello?" He hesitated and asked, "Zhu Rong?"

"...Well, it's me." Zhu Rong sounded a little strange, "Wait for me a little longer, and I'm about to climb to the top of the mountain. Three minutes."

The signal in the mountains is not good, intermittent and not very clear.Chi Songzi can almost imagine what Zhu Rong is like now—sitting on the mountain with arms folded and calling him, maybe shivering from the cold, maybe pacing up and down restlessly, in the cold winter, no insects can be heard, and the surroundings are dark, but There are stars in the sky.

"What are you doing running up the mountain at night?"

"Clean. Playing mahjong is too noisy, and there are children who have never seen a mobile phone before, so they pester them for it."

"...That's quite sympathetic. Why did you call suddenly? You are long distance."

"I called you long distance when you were at school."

"Okay, I can't talk to you. How is the New Year? Is the country fun?"

"It's okay, I just do my homework all day."

"Grow up quickly, and you won't have to do homework when you grow up."

Chi Songzi thought of Tsubaki who came home with a schoolbag, and felt that these children had a long way to go.

"Pine nuts." Zhu Rong called his name, sounding thoughtful.

"Huh?" He fiddled with the globe lamp on the table, which was a gift from Zhu Rong - in the year when he struggled to study literature or science.

"I have thought about it for a long time, for a long time, and after much deliberation, I still feel that I should say it. Otherwise, my high school would not be peaceful. I think you must know what I want to say, but some words must be said in person, otherwise they will lose their value So, pine nuts..."

"Don't—" Chi Songzi stopped, feeling a strong premonition.

"Don't interrupt me." The voice on the other end of the phone is unquestionable, "At least let me say this: Chisongzi, let me be your boyfriend."

Chi Songzi felt his blood buzzing.Before he could say anything, the other end hissed: "I don't need you to answer me now. The signal here is not good, so I'll hang up first. Happy New Year's Eve, Happy New Year, and make a fortune if you wish."

... What a fortune.

Before his slander was even finished, all he could hear was a busy tone.

This is not Zhu Rong's first confession, and certainly not the last.But Zhu Rong always thought it was the first time—after all, the night before Chisongzi was going to leave home for school three years ago, he didn't remember what kind of truth the drunk boy was pouring out.

At that time, red pine nuts could pretend to be stupid, but what about now?Three years later and three years later, three years later and three years later, it cannot be dragged on forever.Zhu Rong is no longer a child—at least, he is no longer a kid who can make up fairy tales to fool him.

The globe lamp turned around, and the light and shadow were soft and soft.Seven continents and five oceans, the world is so big, how can people be so small?What about people's hearts?he does not know.How does he feel in his heart, what kind of choice is appropriate; more importantly, does he like Zhu Rong?

he does not know.

He told himself he didn't know.

Chisongzi held the slightly hot phone, holding her breath and typed word by word:

Study hard, study hard, and work hard to get into college.

——This is actually a couplet with Zhu Rong's New Year greetings.Chisongzi thought for a while and added a few more words.

come to my city.

#06

Time passed faster than he imagined. The little guy also graduated from high school when Akamatsuko graduated from third-year research and decided to give up his Ph.D.It's a pity that he spent the entire vacation looking for a job. Although Chisongzi is excellent, he is also very picky. Most of the positions he applies for require a doctorate or a diploma from a prestigious overseas school, so he can't easily get an offer.It’s fine if I didn’t go home that summer, and I lost my mobile phone. After Zhu Rong entered high school, I didn’t have much time to contact him. Too many things crowded the storage space of memory. Chi Songzi actually forgot about Zhu Rong’s college entrance examination. .

After the beginning of autumn, he finally began to receive responses from resumes. When an unfamiliar number appeared on the call, his first reaction was that another company had taken a fancy to him.It was a night, it was raining outside the window, and the autumn wind was mild, he was flipping through a book on the desk with the window half open, accompanied by the sound of the rain, when the phone vibrated suddenly, he grabbed it and put on a professional tone - "Hello ?”

"...pine nuts?"

Sometimes sound, like smell, is a string that awakens memory.Chi Songzi spent a few seconds searching the memory for the owner of the deep voice, until the name jumped into his mind, and a string in his chest was gently and slowly plucked.

"……Hi."

Zhu Rong asked him: "I report to school tomorrow, can I stay with you tonight?"

Many things are self-evident in such a simple question.

"Okay." He replied, standing up and reaching for the window, the wind slipped in and lifted the pages of the book, and the raindrops fell on the globe lamp.After all these years, it still lights up beautifully.

Chi Songzi laughed softly: "...Of course."

He also answered many things.

He tied his scarf and closed the door. The car keys and house keys jingled in his pockets, and the lights in the corridor were turned on gently.He will arrive at the station in 10 minutes and see his boy next door who has grown into an adult, even though the older boy is already taller than him.

He will walk through traffic and night, through early autumn and winds from faraway hemispheres.He will bring an umbrella, a promise, a relationship, and maybe a kiss.

He walked through the rain.

#07

"You take off your shoes, so do I. In the evolution of the world, only the naked