little uncle

Beijing in January, like most northern inland cities, is gray, biting and dry everywhere, adding a bit of desolation and desolation to this bustling city.

Sometimes, Zhou Hongyuan felt like he was traveling through the steel and iron bones of this city, a traveler who had lost his soul, and his heart was a little more desolate than in midwinter.He can't fall in love with women, not even anyone other than Cheng Yu. It's not that he hasn't struggled before, men and women, but every experiment can only deepen his own judgment. He can't fall in love with others.This one-sided love developed to the end, and Zhou Hongyuan could only pour down happily when he held up Cheng Yu's photo.After the stimulation of the senses and body, it was his deeper self-abandonment.He knew that he was guilty.Perhaps what Zhou Hongyuan wants to get rid of in his essence is not the taboos and sins in this relationship, but the sense of powerlessness that is bound by fate and lingers in despair.He knew it was all hopeless.He could not see hope, let alone a future.Cheng Yu couldn't accept him, and he couldn't let go either.

Over time, Zhou Hongyuan became numb, numb to the end, it was a more ruthless heart and harder perfunctory.

Zhou Hongyuan undoubtedly loves Cheng Yu, so much that he rejects all other people in this world, so much that he has desires and desires only for him, but this love contains countless impurities, including attachment and familiarity, as well as contempt and contempt. I don't understand, even, to a certain extent, Zhou Hongyuan hates Cheng Yu.These dark impurities mixed with too much human nature are weeds emerging from the lawn. At first, they are just a few spots, but in the end they occupy the entire lawn.

Since the beginning of school, Zhou Hongyuan has received a few sporadic emails from Qin Yiming, some of which only posted photos, while others wrote a few paragraphs mixed in Chinese and English, with stories and experiences.In Qin Yiming's irregular emails, Zhou Hongyuan walked through Franklin Street, visited one history and one cultural museum after another, saw the Liberty Bell in Philadelphia, watched the Philosophical Society and the Cathedral...everything on the other side of the ocean is a novelty Yes, it was another dream of Alice, and it was another milestone in Zhou Hongyuan's desperate life.

Under Qin Yiming's temptation and encouragement, Zhou Hongyuan's thoughts sprouted. He really needed a real escape, to get rid of this hopeless feeling and this hopeless life.He has been suppressed for too long, and the end of this suppression is a resolute runaway.After several consultations, Zhou Hongyuan visited the China Study Abroad website again and again, and finally found a project suitable for him among thousands of pieces of information about government-sponsored study abroad.After deciding all this, the final exam, TOEFL, SAT, and other difficult problems came to him one after another.Zhou Hongyuan is a man of action. Instead of being knocked down, he became more courageous.

The winter vacation is here, and the people in the dormitory leave one by one, the whole building becomes quiet and lonely, only a few lights flickering lonely in the white cold.

The call from Cheng Yu was full of anxiety and distress, and he asked Zhou Hongyuan pitifully when he would go home, and even comforted him not to have too much study pressure, but Zhou Hongyuan only shirked that many students of Peking University stayed at school during the winter vacation, and he was the only one If you work harder, you will not be left behind.As a result, Cheng Yu didn't know what to say. The uncle and nephew were silent on both sides of the phone. An awkward and embarrassing atmosphere surged between them across Beijing and J City. The silence lasted for tens of seconds. , or maybe a few minutes, and after this long embarrassment and embarrassment, Zhou Hongyuan heard Cheng Yu's sigh, followed by a sharp busy tone.

This was the first time Cheng Yu voluntarily hung up on Zhou Hongyuan's phone call. Zhou Hongyuan thought that Cheng Yu was probably angry, or maybe he regretted adopting him long ago.

Thousands of mountains and rivers separated them far away, and the life and destiny of the two people parted ways at seemingly insignificant nodes during the seven years of spring and autumn.They all understood, but no one deliberately pointed it out.

On the 27th of the twelfth lunar month, Zhou Hongyuan took the snowflakes and exhaustion in Beijing and set foot on the train home.

It coincided with the Spring Festival travel season, Zhou Hongyuan couldn't buy a sleeper berth, so he huddled in a hard seat, and after a whole night, he knew that this was timidity due to his closeness to his hometown, and he was even more ashamed.He knew even more that he was sorry for Cheng Yu, and perhaps he would not be able to repay Cheng Yu what he deserved throughout his life. Sometimes, he even felt that there was no doubt about this.

When he got home, Cheng Yu was very excited and never mentioned the conflict on the phone that day. He took Zhou Hongyuan's suitcase, took off his down jacket for Zhou Hongyuan, and hung it at the entrance. Immediately afterwards, he took Zhou Hongyuan's hand and said, "Hands are cold!" It's so cold, go to the radiator to warm up."

Zhou Hongyuan lowered his head, he didn't dare to look into Cheng Yu's eyes, let alone face Cheng Yu's tenderness and calmness.He said "um", and then sat on the sofa without saying a word.

Cheng Yu didn't allow him to do anything, so he quietly looked at Cheng Yu's busy figure at home. This was the person he had dreamed of for countless years. In this warm home, he washed fruits and poured water for him. Get snacks for him, and then he sat beside him and said to himself, "Are you tired? Do you want to go to the room and rest for a while?"

Zhou Hongyuan stayed up all night on the train, and now he was sitting on the sofa, feeling drowsy as soon as he was warmed by the heater. His eyelids were sore that he could barely open them, so he nodded and said "OK".

Cheng Yu didn't go into the bedroom with him. Zhou Hongyuan pushed open the door, only to find that the furnishings in the room, including the usual pens on the desk, were the same as when he left.Zhou Hongyuan's eyes were sour, and his emotions were complicated.He knew how much Cheng Yu missed him and cared about him.But he didn't want to continue like this.He still has his own long life, he still has his own dreams and future.

Zhou Hongyuan changed into the pajamas Cheng Yu washed and put away, and fell asleep as soon as his head touched the pillow.Cheng Yu was busy in the kitchen, washing, choosing and chopping vegetables, and finally serving them out. Even though the door was closed, the sound entered Zhou Hongyuan's ears one after another. It wasn't loud, but he could hear it.Zhou Hongyuan unexpectedly slept very soundly amidst the noise, and he was also very at ease, without dreams, let alone boredom.

When Zhou Hongyuan woke up, it was past one o'clock in the afternoon. Cheng Yu sat at the dining table and read a magazine. Looking at Cheng Yu's back, Zhou Hongyuan felt sour and astringent in his heart, which finally turned into bitterness, which made his stomach feel sick.Hearing the sound, Cheng Yu turned around and saw Zhou Hongyuan coming out, so he asked warmly, "Shall I have something to eat?" Then, without waiting for Zhou Hongyuan's answer, he heated up the rice in the pot and served it skillfully. come out.

The two sat at the dining table, eating quietly, Zhou Hongyuan didn't say much, only Cheng Yu kept saying, "This is delicious, eat more."

Zhou Hongyuan stayed at home for ten days, and took the train back to Beijing early in the morning of the seventh day.Cheng Yu was reluctant for him to leave so early, but he couldn't persuade him.He knew that his nephew had always had his own ideas, and even he couldn't change the things he decided.

In this regard, Cheng Yu and Zhou Hongyuan are very different. One of them is emotional and always changes his principles and even the bottom line for the one he loves, while the other is rational and refuses to give up an inch in front of "self" and relatives.

The spring is cold and the willows are sprouting. Time is fair to everyone. It may be silent, but it changes the world people live in all the time.Zhou Hongyuan is in a hurry, he has countless jobs and tasks, and he has infinite power and ambition in his heart.

Throughout the six months, Zhou Hongyuan was extremely busy, with numerous courses, standardized quantitative examinations, personal statements, information notarization, recommendation letters... But he never thought of giving up. On the contrary, this complicated and tedious work made him more and more frustrated. brave.Sometimes, he feels like a lone warrior, doing a great cause that no one understands and no one supports.Finally, on the eve of the summer vacation, Zhou Hongyuan received an offer from the New York University Business School.

Receiving the offer is far from the end. From receiving the offer to actually flying to the United States, there are still countless tedious tasks.Zhou Hongyuan does not have a vaccine book, and the vaccines required by the school need to be re-vaccinated. Although he is studying abroad through the public channel, the visa still needs proof of funds. Although the amount is far less than self-funded study, he still cannot afford nearly 10 yuan. of.He couldn't ask Cheng Yu to ask for it, so he had to borrow it everywhere and return it one by one after obtaining the proof of funds from the bank.He suffered countless blank stares and rejections, but he endured them all. He had a scale in his heart that would never go wrong, so he knew that all the hard work he endured was worth it.

Zhou Hongyuan almost stopped answering the phone calls from Cheng Yu. He was really busy at first, busy with exams, busy with documents, busy with visas, and busy with fleeing. On the other hand, he didn't know how to talk to Cheng Yu. He didn't want to deceive Cheng Yu again and again, but he didn't dare to tell the truth.

He just wants to be an ostrich, hiding in the gravel, chewing on his own ugliness and shamelessness.

He just wants to be alone, cross the mountains, cross the sea, and escape with his wings in this desperate emotion and oppressive life.

Zhou Hongyuan is used to frugality, he doesn't have much clothes, he can barely put away a suitcase.Finally, he stood in front of the desk in the dormitory, and pulled out from the bookshelf the "Moon and Sixpence" that Cheng Yu gave him on May [-]th Youth Day last year, together with Cheng Yu's book by the Taihua Lake in S University. According to the old photos, put them together in the box.

Pushing the box, he skipped over the lush greenery beside the Weiming Lake, passed the beautiful shadow spirit of Boya Tower, and walked across the entire Peking University campus, waving goodbye to his dreamlike days.

Before boarding the plane, Zhou Hongyuan wanted to make a phone call to Cheng Yu, but he couldn't get out anyway. He didn't dare to hear Cheng Yu's voice, he was afraid that Cheng Yu would hear the clues, he was afraid that Cheng Yu would be sad, but he was even more afraid of himself. Relentless.In the end, he only edited a short message with only 21 characters, but he tried in vain to explain his seven-year relationship, "Uncle, I've been busy recently, so don't call if there is nothing important."

Once the text message was sent, Zhou Hongyuan quickly turned off his phone. He didn't dare to read Cheng Yu's reply, let alone face the real parting.

The moment the plane took off, Zhou Hongyuan was relieved, he thought, he finally got rid of, got rid of fate, and got rid of the deep despair.

He thought, even if he is a scumbag, he is still worth this brand new everything.

The author has something to say:

Finally wrote here!The hypocrisy and viciousness of human nature was finally exposed. Today, who doesn't shed tears for Cheng Yu? qq group: 667218509