REMIX

"So be it."

I picked up the half cup of cold tea and drank it all in one gulp. I threw the cup around in a circle, and the residual liquid splashed onto the reflective table top, above which were pairs of horrified and unbelievable eyes.I didn't want to stay in this filthy room for a second, so I rubbed the corner of my mouth with the back of my hand, and pulled Xia Jie up with the other hand, "Mom, let's go."

Once the out-of-control emotions just vented, I only felt that my heart was beating fast and fast, and my throat was burning. I remembered that I had a cough a few days ago. The weather has been dry recently, and my anger showed signs of aggravation. I cleared my throat again. When talking to Xia Du, he automatically lowered his tone, "Go back."

My patience has long been exhausted, and my spirit is exhausted. It seems that I am still standing here, and my insides have collapsed like an ant's nest, eaten away by those vicious words.Maybe I didn't have any concept of family relationship since I was a child, so I couldn't force myself to express my emotion at the moment of reunion. I have always been honest with the sharp side of my nature. Bullying, punching to the flesh.

I don't want to hear any more stories about me, I don't want to look at that black and white photo, I don't want to recall the dusty past, how the man named "Father" came back to her at the cost of destroying another home, home I don't want to know what the family members have to do with me—I can pretend that I am a fake, the target of her misjudgment, even if she has my photo, she can tell that I am abandoned Even if there are all signs that she is my biological mother, I still have good reasons to deny her.

Who raised me?

No one can threaten me.

"Hey, I'm talking about you! How did you talk to your mother?" The middle-aged man couldn't sit still, and angrily patted the table: "Do you know how long we've been looking for you? You just come here from a long way Attitude? Do you hear what you say is called human?"

"I don't know how to speak human language, and you haven't taught me."

I kept Xia Jie behind me, and opened the door of the private room, "As for how far I run, that depends on how far she throws me. I should have thought of such a day."

Now that I have lost the ability of self-discipline, I can say as much as I can. Since I knew that there would be no room for maneuver, I have an indescribable pleasure in peeling off the outer skin of politeness.Looking back at the woman slumped on the chair in a daze, the girl who seemed to be my cousin pulled her sleeve, whispering something in her mouth, and after a while, she covered her face and began to sob.

"Woooo...I'm such a big joke...my son said that..."

I turned around and went out.

There were many more people at the door than when I entered.

As soon as you walk out, you feel surrounded. They stand or squat. They are all dressed in uniform black and have bad expressions. They clean up the corridor so that there are no idlers. The waiters and the boss are hiding in the hall. Move forward.

Gong Junye leaned against the wall on my left, showing a well-measured formulaic smile, "It's all right."

"It's okay..." Xia Jie answered him, but his eyes were still on me: "Baby, listen to me."

Regardless of the irrelevant people around her, it seems that if she doesn't explain clearly to me now, then there will be no more chances in this life, she is so eager, grabbing me and the arms on both sides of the body, and I am dying, the ups and downs in my heart have already become stagnant water , with a satisfying quietness.

"Mom didn't hide it from you on purpose..."

I do not speak.

"They contacted me in advance. I'm afraid I'm a liar, and I communicated with them in private." Her hands trembled, and her voice was the same, "But they didn't tell me that you were lost like this...I admit that I was I had selfish thoughts, because I brought you up with my own hands, and I watched you grow up from such a small age to such a small size...But I, can I not allow other people's biological parents to find their own children? ? Isn't this a crime..."

"I understand." I brushed off her hand in a low tone, "I understand, Mom."

"Leave me alone for a while."

Then I ignored her sadness and persuasion, and walked to the bathroom not far away by myself.

Those people seemed to be still in the private room, maybe they were discussing how to end the matter at this point, whether to find another way to take me away, or to just leave disappointed.

I didn't want to care about anything. I stood in front of the sink at the sink and poured a handful of cold water on my face. The protruding parts of my eyebrows and the bridge of my nose were numb from the cold almost immediately. Two vertical lights came from above me obliquely. Looking at my red eye sockets and withered yellow hair in the mirror, I look like a terminally ill patient.

I couldn't think of anything to say to myself.I can make decisions about many things, such as coming and going, going and staying; many things I have no right to decide, such as blood parents, high or low birth.Of all these surprises, two are the most ridiculous to me—one is that I should spurn the person who made me into this world, and the other is that I can't cry a tear.

I took another sip of the rust-smelling tap water with my palm, and tightened the faucet in circles. Hearing the familiar footsteps behind me, I temporarily hid in his arms before someone stretched out his arms to me.

Just let me hide for a while.

Even if life and death are separated for a while, and the world is destroyed, I will be braver than now.

It was like a wrapping hug, reminding me of the quilt I covered when I watched the snow with him, it was as forgiving as he was, always accepting all of me.He was inseparably close to me, he raised his head slightly, and the voice came from the top of my head, so soft that he seemed to be about to fall asleep.

"...I know all about it."

I nodded on his shoulder.

"Let's go."

He straightened my hair, like calming a frightened animal, his fingertips had a different heat than mine, "Let's go home."

I want to say, yes.

But this time I stopped as soon as I took a step.

"..."

I couldn't make a sound out of my throat, and my hands were still holding onto his cuffs, and my whole body was nailed to the spot. He looked back at me, but didn't wait for what should be said.

"what happened?"

I opened and closed my mouth repeatedly several times, and it seemed that there was a hard-to-swallow core stuck in my throat. "Speaking" was an extremely simple action that had been repeated for 20 years, but I suddenly forgot how to do it, and I couldn't even think about it. A second before I got up, I wanted to say something to him, and I stood there like a dumb mime, and the blood all over my body suddenly became cold.

"what happened to you?"

He has never lacked the sense of observing words and expressions, and he is keenly aware of abnormalities. When he stepped out of the door and turned back, I saw my panic-stricken face reflected in his eyes.

"Baby?"

I was trembling all over my body. I pointed to my mouth, and my lips opened and closed, suspecting that I was deaf.

But I can hear him calling me, but I just can't speak.

I lost my voice.

The author has something to say: short-term sudden loss of voice, caused by vocal cord congestion, there may also be psychological or external stimulation reasons, and it will recover soon