Gay Chronicles

【Chapter 5】

After coming back that time, Jiang Feng was no different from usual, but he felt vaguely that he was deliberately alienating me. His original tone sounded even less warm, and he used more and more polite words. When talking to me, the words are getting more and more concise, and I don’t say what I can’t say.And I also consciously avoid it, if I can't talk to him, don't talk.In my spare time, I still flip through the "Don Quixote" next to my pillow, but most of the time, my eyes are on the paper, and the words on it have never entered my head.

If you realize that something is wrong, it is better to clean it up as soon as possible, and don't play with fire.That's what I thought at the time. Although I didn't know it very clearly, I still felt it a little bit.Obviously, Jiang Feng felt this too.Fuck, there is such a tacit understanding.

Even so, occasionally when the eyes meet, there will still be an inexplicable agitation in my heart, and after touching it, it will bounce away quickly, and the eyes will look elsewhere but they are still reminiscing about the feeling just now, unable to stop.We met on the road and pretended to say hello naturally, but the more I wanted to be natural, the more awkward I felt.Occasionally eat together, but also try not to have any contact.I thought to myself that it's a good thing I'm not in the same class, and the time is staggered, otherwise I will definitely go crazy.

However, when I can't see it, I really want to see that side again.When I go to bed at night, I can't help but look across the way, wondering what he is doing, what book he is reading, and whether he has read it or not.Especially when I looked to the opposite side, when he was climbing onto the bed, his ass was facing me, at this time his right hand would be hot, causing an inexplicable impulse.

I punched the wall with my fist and said to myself, shit, what a fucking bastard.

I don't know if I'm scolding myself or Jiang Feng on the other side.

Soon, the school was on winter vacation and everyone went home.I was on vacation later than them, and Jiang Feng was the last one to leave.There were only the two of us in the dormitory that night, and I flipped through the "Don Quixote" in my hand. The sound of my flipping the book was all in the dormitory, and I felt a little irritated.The more irritable I was, the faster I turned, and I went back and forth over and over again, but the more I was like this, the more irritable I felt.Jiang Feng was still lying in that position. After reading a page or two of the book in his hand, he stopped reading and stared at the ceiling in a daze, not taking me seriously at all.

"What's so interesting about the ceiling." I closed the book and asked him.

"Do you know why Don Quixote is a tragedy?" He tilted his head to my side, squinted at me, and then said: "He has been dreaming all his life, and to be one is nothing but a dream." Unrealistic dreams, not only unrealistic, but unrealistically unrealistic, almost idiotic. Doesn't he know? He does. He knows his ridiculousness and his pain at the same time , is as painful as it is funny.”

I didn't know what to answer, so he continued on his own: "But in the end, when he was dying, he still woke himself up. How many people can have such courage and wisdom in a big dream? Pull away from the dream when you are dying, and accept the bloody and cruel reality."

Fuck, what is this guy thinking.

"What the hell are you thinking?"

"It's nothing, I just heard you flipping through this book, and suddenly remembered. Did you know that in modern China, only Wang Guowei is worthy of Don Quixote."

"Who is Wang Guowei?" I intentionally ended this topic.

Sure enough, Jiang Feng gave me a blank look and stopped talking.

The dormitory was so quiet that you could hear your own heartbeat.

I dreamed that night.I dreamed that I was alone in the crazily growing wild bamboo forest, walking with my body bent, and I was trying to find a ray of sunshine in the gray air.The sun did not find me, so I fell into the vast sea, floated on the sea, was lifted by the waves, and disappeared into an invisible place with the waves.I can't touch the sky with my hands, I can't see the ground with my eyes, and I don't even seem to see the horizon.In the last scene, I was standing on the edge of the cliff, and there seemed to be the sea below. I don’t know if I finally came up from the sea, or if I was going to jump into the sea.In the dream, I glanced down the cliff, and then I was awakened.

Ever since I can remember, I have rarely dreamed.Even if it is a dream, it will be forgotten as soon as you open your eyes the next morning.However, I still remember the dream that night.After waking up, I recalled that dream for a long time. When I put my hand on my heart, I could feel the heart beating very fast. It didn't take long for the sky to dawn.

Jiang Feng is on the train in the morning, and my exam is in the afternoon.I lay on the bed and watched him pack his things. When he left, he said: "If dreams are all about waking up, then it's better not to dream." Then he closed the door gently.

My emotions hit rock bottom with the soft slam of the door.

On New Year's Eve, I was on the roof watching the fireworks blooming everywhere, and I felt a sense of loss.

If the dream is to wake up in the end, then it is better not to dream.Jiang Feng's words rang in his ears.

So, tell me, why do the fireworks bloom so hard?

Fuck, when did I become so artistic?My parents taught me how to eat dumplings downstairs, so I hurried down.

While eating dumplings, the sound of "bang bang" kept coming from my ears. I made up my mind in my heart that I would go to a showdown with Jiang Feng after school started.

After finally waiting for the start of school, my mother said that since I was studying, this is the first time I was so excited when I saw that school was about to start.

seems like it.I replied to my mother, and then went to pack my clothes.

In fact, there is nothing to clean up, it is just that this excited mood needs to be vented, calmed down, and covered up by doing some things.Turning around in the room, I wish I could go to school now.

After I arrived at school, Jiang Feng hadn't come yet.The first thing I saw was the fat man.When the fat man saw me for the first time, he said, "Why didn't you see that you are fat when you come back after a year?"

"You think everyone is like you."

After the fat man made a joke, he said, "You don't know, you're going back to live in your dormitory. I heard that a boy in your class dropped out of school, and there was an empty bed. Maybe you have to go back."

My face changed and changed, "Are you serious?"

"Why lie to you, someone will tell you soon." The fat man looked serious.Fatty's news is generally not wrong.I was still there, only to hear the fat man say: "Oh, it's too late, I have to pick up Lin Yan." With a whoosh, he disappeared.

The first thing I did when I came to my senses was to put my luggage on the ground, and went to our dormitory to find out the facts.My buddies all warmly welcomed me back to the embrace of the organization.

I don't know how I coped with it. When I finally returned to my luggage in the Chinese dormitory, I looked at the two empty beds of myself and Jiang Feng, and the feeling of emptiness in my heart doubled.

Everyone seems to be a little excited about the start of school, calling friends and saying that they want to get together, after all, we haven't seen each other for a winter vacation.After I tidied up my own bed, I lay on my own bed and slept with my head covered without talking to anyone in our class.They all thought I was too tired, or unwell.Naturally, I skipped this one party.

After everyone left, the dormitory suddenly became quiet.I stuck my head out and stared at the ceiling in a daze.Thinking of the last night of last semester when it was just me and Jiang Feng, and what he said the next morning, my heart was always up and down without a place to rest.

Involuntarily, he thought of Jiang Feng's dormitory to see if he had come to school.

When he entered the door, he looked up and saw Jiang Feng making the bed.The dormitory was empty and he was the only one.

"When did you arrive?" I said to him in a relaxed tone as I walked in.

"It's only been a few minutes." Jiang Feng made the bed neatly.

"Where did everyone else go?"

"out."

"Oh."

After being silent for a while, I pretended to mention it casually: "I moved back to the dormitory of our class."

Jiang Feng stopped his hand for a moment and said, "Oh, I heard from Fatty."

I dawdled down below, looking here and there, not knowing what to say.

Jiang Feng's bed had already been made. He climbed out of the bed and asked me, "Why, did something fall?"

I looked up and met Jiang Feng's eyes.The moment the two pairs of eyes looked at each other, I clearly felt that my impulse was also in Jiang Feng's eyes, and I believe Jiang Feng had already felt it.Because in less than a second, I can see the fear, impulse and dodge in my eyes.

And I believe that these in my eyes will only be more than his, not less.

Neither of them spoke, they just stood there in a daze, their eyes looking away.The air had never been so oppressive, nor had it been so restless.

After a stalemate for a while, I couldn't help it. I hugged him and gasped in his ear: "You actually know what I think in my heart."

When he was hugged by me like this, he was obviously not prepared for anything, and his body became stiff and stiff.But I can feel his heart beating fast.He tried hard to restrain his breathing, broke me apart, took a step back, looked at me fixedly and said, "Impossible."

There was trembling in the hardness, and the faint tone was gone.

I took a step forward and stared at him, "How is that impossible?"

He avoided my staring eyes and said, "Didn't I say that, since dreams are all about waking up, then don't dream." Then he glanced at me again, and his tone became a little difficult, "Besides, don't you think Is this abnormal and disgusting?"

"Disgusting? Damn, do you really feel disgusting?"

"Yes, it's disgusting."

"Then I'll try and see if you're disgusting."

The blood rushed to his head all of a sudden, and the fire aroused by the hug just now became more and more intense, and I pressed towards his lips with one stride.The two lips were pressed together, and the long-term thinking and calculations were finally realized. I have never felt that the kiss between two people is so beautiful and exciting.

With a lot of strength, Jiang Feng pushed me away suddenly, his eyes were red, and he looked at me with a very complicated expression.

I asked him in a very hooligan tone, "How is it? Is it disgusting?"

He said nothing and went out.

I watched his back disappear at the door, desire, longing, hope, disappointment and despair all overwhelmed me at once, I stood where I was, unable to find an outlet to vent.