Kiss the moon

Lucky:

This is the first time I write to you.I don't have a chance to call you that, so I'll just call you in my letter.But unfortunately, the first and last letter was written on this night when you and he were reunited.

I've read every letter you've ever written to me, and I've read it countless times, and they're all here with me now, and I've just read them again when I couldn't sleep.

You guessed it right, I really like the expression of writing letters, I don’t know if it’s because I’m getting old.But this letter won't reach you, it's just my rambling late at night.

In fact, the first time I met you in the bookstore, when I took the book to the reading area, there were still many empty tables.But when I saw you lying on the menu, sleeping soundly and comfortably on the page of sweet and sour pork ribs, with a smile on your face, I sat across from you for some reason.

While reading, I noticed that you occasionally reached out to touch your face, but I checked carefully, and there was nothing on your face except for the cake at the corner of your mouth.

The kick you kicked me was not serious at all, and you don't need to apologize.But the dazed look on your face when you wake up in a daze is kind of cute.I was concentrating on reading, but when I saw you sneaking a few glances at me, I was about to leave. After a second of hesitation, I decided to remind you that there is cake at the corner of your mouth.

I don't know what you're thinking of, but I see that your face suddenly turned red, and your red lips look even more beautiful.You left in a hurry and left your scarf behind. I wanted to wait for you to pick it up.

Later, I saw that you went to the bookshelf area to talk to a boy who was about the same age as you. From your demeanor, you can see that you have a good relationship, and you went to check out together with a tall stack of books.I was going to send you the scarf, but seeing you coming this way, I didn't know why, so I left in a hurry and went to the bookshelf area.

I saw you bowed your head and wrote something on the bookshelf, and put it in my pocket after writing.It's not that I want to take a peek, it's because your expressions and actions of doing bad things are too obvious.I took it out and looked at it on the way home.After only one meeting, I leave my name and contact information to others, and I am not afraid of encountering bad people.

I thought you might be a little interested in me.But it only took me 1 minute to decide to ignore that bookmark.But I didn't expect that we would meet again that night.

You really blush too easily, the soft light of the KTV hits your face, making your shyness very attractive, um, a little bit attractive.But meeting by chance, there is no difference between once and twice, I don't think you should pay much attention to it.

But then the clerk said that you went to the store for several days in a row, not to read or buy books, but to wait outside in the winter for the store to open.

I guess, just guess, you might want to meet me again.

In fact, I was quite tired after staying up late that day after work. In the past, I would catch up on sleep at home and rest.But in the end, I changed my clothes and went to the bookstore, and comforted myself on the way, "I'll go and see what the kids want to do while they're waiting."

You are not sleeping this time, you secretly look at me for a while, and you are in a daze for a while.I found that I really couldn't read the book.

You were cute when you pretended to meet by chance at the door of the bookstore, as if it said "as long as you can fool yourself, the other party will believe you".But I still don't plan on connecting with you with anything more than a stranger.

I can see that you are a little disappointed, because you seem to be a person who can write all your emotions and thoughts on your face, and you don't have to bother to guess at all.So when you said to add a WeChat account, I hesitated and agreed, and said to myself, "Anyway, it's WeChat for work, maybe it will be a customer in the future," deliberately ignoring the fact that you are still a college student.

You didn't send me a message that night, I thought you were just a child on a whim, and you forgot when you went back.

But you still sent a message the next day.I still remember the content of that message.Somehow, I seem to have memorized it.But I haven't replied to you, I don't know what to reply, and I don't want things to get out of control.

On the day we met again, I happened to be on vacation, so I sat in the same position where I met you for the first time, reading idle books.I saw you when you first came to the reading area.

I saw your awkward posture scanning the QR code on my desk, I also saw your expression after noticing the shoujo manga on my desk, and saw your face after I took a sip of the lemonade you bought for me Inexplicably flushed, I don't know what's going on in my little head.

I've used that lipstick you insisted on giving me.It's a sweet peach smell, and I was dazed for a moment, "Is it the same smell on his lips?"

When we met again later, I saw a completely different you.

You sat there with a blank expression on your face, you stopped looking at me secretly, and when you raised your head, you looked sad, with crystal tears in your eyes.I followed you out of the bookstore and walked a long, long way.To hear you tell me intermittently about your father, to hear you sit beside me and cry.

I thought you grew up in a happy family, so you can be so brave, confident, and public.I thought you fell in love with me on a whim because your life was so smooth all the time. I am so much older than you, and I am completely different from you.

But you are not.

Do I feel bad?There should be some.

Looking at the back of you going back that night, I guess you are not as relaxed as you said.No matter how old sesame seeds and rotten millet are, the pain will not turn into flowers.

I don't know why, the next day I kept thinking about the back of you going back to the dormitory.I even want to go to the bookstore to see if you have sorted out your mood and continue to go there looking forward to meeting me by chance.But I didn't go.Reason tells me that since I don't want to develop any further relationship, I shouldn't go.

But Lin Musen called you here, in my name.I saw you squatting at the door of the box, looking tired and weak, with an unusual blush on your face.I want to ask what's wrong with you, are you sick?But I didn't ask, I just ordered you some hot food.

You see, how useless I am.

You sang "The Postman" the other day, and I watched you stand there with a microphone, singing that song intently.I watched you turn around and look at me, the affection and firmness in your eyes were like a ray of light, burning my whole body with heat, pain, and heartbeat.

You are so brave, you don't hide your feelings and thoughts, not only me, but everyone present can see your thoughts.

But I am timid, and I have exhausted all my strength to give myself the courage to catch your gaze.The hand that wasn't holding the wine glass pinched his leg so painfully that he resisted the urge to go forward and give you a hug.

It's like we're in a race to see who's the first to lose in the other's eyes.In the end, it was you who looked away first. At that moment, I breathed a sigh of relief, but my chest was suddenly filled with disappointment.

You see how hypocritical I am.

At the end of the KTV corridor, I used various reasons to prevaricate and reject you, but in the end I was defeated by your directness and persistence, I admitted to you the fact that I was single, and implicitly agreed to let you pursue me.

I saw the surprise in your eyes. When you shouted to chase me behind my back, I almost turned my back and hugged you into my arms.But I just clenched my hands.

You see, how cowardly I am.

On the way to send you to the hospital, I saw you closed your eyes and frowning as if you were not sleeping well, so I touched your forehead to check your body temperature, and I couldn't resist stretching out my hand to gently smooth your frowning brow .

From the moment you pulled my hand on the side of the road to cool yourself down, I knew that I didn't reject and even liked physical contact with you.But I only dare to touch you quietly and get close to you when you are asleep, or when you are sick, and find a legitimate reason to convince myself.

When the car was turning, you leaned on my shoulder, and I stretched out my hand to protect you. In fact, there were two villains fighting in my heart at that time.One shouted, "Hold him, he's asleep anyway," and the other shouted, "Don't cross the safety line."

Before they could decide the winner, you lay on my lap again.I saw your slightly trembling long eyelashes and quietly rolling eyeballs, and I also noticed the nervous expression on your face, so I realized that you were pretending to sleep.

I knew your thoughts but didn't expose you, I was greedy for the temperature of your body when you and I were close together, but I didn't consider that this might give you illusions and give you hope.You see, I look like a scumbag who doesn't take the initiative, refuses or takes responsibility.

I looked at you for a while during your infusion, at the mole on the tip of your nose, at your eyebrows and dimples, and I still guessed whether others would like your small features.

You asked me in a daze if I could go to your house to celebrate your birthday. In fact, I wanted to readily agree like Lin Musen and the others, but I didn't.When you held my hand in your sleep, I even thought that you should sleep a little longer, just a little longer, even if you are still sick and uncomfortable.

You see, am I still a little vicious?

I ran away before you woke up.The more I get in touch with you, the more I know that you are good, and the more I feel that I am not good, so I think I will stop here, before it is too late.

So I started to stop going to the bookstore on purpose, leaving everything in the store to the clerk or online, and never giving us the chance to meet.

But I will suddenly think of whether you are in class or taking a break during the work break. When eating, I will suddenly think of the restaurant recommended in your broadcast. When reading a book, I will think of your sleeping side face with a recipe. The face that cried into tears by the lake at night, and the way you carefully peeked at me...

In the end, I couldn't resist going to the bookstore, but I didn't go in. I just waited for you to come out of the milk tea shop next door, and then watched you go away.

I watched you become more and more disappointed day by day, without a smile or anger.Obviously things are about to develop in the direction I hoped to have a result, but I can't be happy.On the contrary, I was also very lost, and even felt distressed.

I saw you posted in your Moments that you had gone to City H, so I went to the bookstore and took back the letters you gave me.I've been struggling to see it or not.If I read it, I am afraid that I will be shaken.If you don't read it... In fact, if you don't watch it, I will already be shaken.

Looking at the way you come out of the bookstore every day, the more lost you are, the more shaken I will be.But the more disappointed you are, the more I can be sure of the fact that you like me, and I can't help but feel a little bit of joy in my heart.

You see, I am not very bad.

In the past few days, I read the letters you sent me, and it seems that I have gone through some of your experiences from the perspective of a bystander, and I have learned more about you.I also know better how much my alienation and rejection have changed you.

I originally wanted you to live a happier and smoother life, but I personally consumed the vitality of the flower that bloomed in the sun.But I still feel that after a while, forget about me, gain new people and more worthy relationships, everything will be fine.

So I just read the letter you wrote before going to bed by myself, went to eat at the place you recommended to me, listened to the boss talk about something related to you, read back and forth the travel experience shared by your circle of friends, and sat in the bookstore Sitting by the lake and recalling the few times we met and being alone, we engraved all the details in our minds and in our hearts.

Because I don't want to forget.

Apart from these, I did nothing and dared not do anything.

until tonight.Until you said that you met Lin Yi, the ex who didn't break up because of relationship problems.He seems to fit all the settings in my heart.I am the same age as you, know you, protect you, and even have a relationship with you.

But when I saw that sentence you posted in Moments, the throbbing pain in my heart reminded me that I lost you, and I gave it up with my own hands.

Although I haven't owned it yet.

How much I want to bless you all, but I can't ignore the uncontrollable voice in my heart: he is so good, you will regret it.

I mustered up the courage to prepare for the last time, and the first time, to give it a try.I wanted to start a conversation with you by saying "Sleep?", but found that when I was finally afraid of losing my preparation and wanted to take a step forward, you were no longer waiting for me.

After all I left you there alone and even pushed you back.

After today, it will be over between us.The stories that haven’t started yet and those fragments that have happened before will all be left by you on the beach in City H and taken away by the tide.Then you can start a new relationship with ease, with new joy and vitality, just like I want.

But I'm so sad, Ah Xing, I'm so sad.

My heart seemed to be tightly held by someone, kneaded and squeezed fiercely, and someone took a large handful of fine needles and densely pierced my heart with small holes, and sadness seeped out of it, and my whole body was full of bitterness.

When you were rejected by me and pushed away by me, were you also so sad?

Sorry for making you so unhappy.

Thank you for being so kind and loving me so earnestly and warmly.I'm really sorry that I couldn't respond to you and didn't make you happy.

Be happy.Whether with him or someone else.

I hope you are always happy, and tears are shed only for joy.

The author has something to say: Thank you for stopping by.

than heart~