coward

For more than a week, Chen Jingyue clamored to be Li Xiluo's younger brother. Seeing Li Xiluo's neat feet, he expressed that he would continue to help Li Xiluo go up and down the stairs.

Li Xiluo was so annoying.Ignore him and go to the bathroom in the east building to smoke.

Li Xiluo pushed open the bathroom door, filled with smoke.

The four people inside turned to stare at him.

A boy who looked like a dog-legged boy was lighting a cigarette for another person leaning against the wall. Seeing him push the door in, they all stopped.

The man leaning against the wall didn't speak, just stared at him through the choking smoke.

Li Xiluo glanced at her, ignored her, helped the bird to pee, and left after finishing the work.Turn around and go outside to wash your hands.

As soon as he stepped out the door, one of the boys in leggings raised his voice: "Stop! The sissy really has no eyesight, close the door for me!"

Li Xiluo ignored it and turned to leave.

The boy in tight pants said again: "Don't you have long hands? You can't close a door?!"

Li Xiluo licked her dry lips, "Then do you ask Dad to help you after going to the bathroom?"

Tsk, this is arrogant.

The person leaning against the wall stared at Li Xiluo, squinted his eyes, and smiled very cheaply.He walked up to Li Xiluo's slightly open neckline and took a puff of smoke, "Yo, it's still so dragging, you have long hair... um..."

What he didn't finish was replaced by a muffled groan. Li Xiluo slammed his elbow on the opponent's ribs, kicked him in the abdomen, and took advantage of him to bend down and grabbed that person's hair and pressed it against the wall with a bang: " Lin Muyang, right? It’s a pity that I didn’t beat you up last time? Come to Dad’s place to get beaten up?” Li Xiluo’s eyes were red, and he turned his head to stare at the three younger brothers at the door.

Lin Muyang coughed and clutched his abdomen, unable to speak, the three younger brothers are the masters who come first and then come, look at each other and curse.

……

"Crack", Li Xiluo was the only one left in the toilet. Li Xiluo picked up the lighter that the brother in tight pants left behind, took out the cigarette, and shook his hand.

The punch that hit Lin Muyang's face just now made his hands numb.

In the end, he let four Sabbies go, ah no, two, two of them ran away, yelling at him to wait.I'm sorry, he couldn't wait, so he could only continue to beat Lin Muyang who was lying on the ground on his knee, and that-b finally held his head and begged for mercy.

"Tch, cowardly."

Li Xiluo looked down at Mars slowly devouring the cold white smoke body, his thoughts overflowed.

"Why the hell did he name him that? Tsk, the names of the Mary Su novels read by the girls in the class are not so girly."

"I fucking despise this kind of pretentious, constipated expression, who do I look down on?"

"Is it disgusting for a man with long hair?"

"He's quite coquettish. He wears perfume and has long hair, as if he was... in a shop."

"Wow! Does it feel good to c, have you tried it?"

……

Li Xiluo opened the window and looked at the cars on the road outside. The school was surrounded by residential areas but no one lived in them. The buildings were surrounded by jagged trees. It was hard to tell whether it was lonely or lively.

He originally thought that he didn't care about certain words, like when he returned to that house and stopped arguing, he just walked in the door silently, then called his parents, and went back to the room to lock the door.

Li Xiluo felt that he had been living in shackles, and he would do what others told him to do. If he resisted a little, they would be heartbroken: You shouldn't do this, you can't do this, you should do that.

He is what other people say he is, there is no reason, I want you to be like that, you have to be like that; I see, you are like that.

For him, fate has never been controllable, it is fate that chose him.

He had to smile and kneel on the ground to bow his head, grateful for everything he had been given.

Darkness pierced his chest, because he was black inside, and they needed a pure and noble perfect work of art.

So he can only fall into the abyss.

He smashed himself, made himself broken, wanted to throw everything into the darkness.

Li Xiluo took a deep puff of the cigarette, flicked the remaining half of the cigarette to the ground, and smashed it out with his feet.In the end, he bent down and picked it up and threw it into the trash can.

After washing his hands, he lifted his feet and stepped through the broken door.

……

Li Xiluo was driven home by Pei Yu.

There are no other reasons, violating school discipline, fighting and smoking, being persuaded to leave, going home to reflect for a week, [-] words of self-criticism.

After getting in the car, Li Xiluo patted the drenched clothes, a few small ice crystals rolled from the clothes onto the car seat, Li Xiluo stared at them as they melted into a small water stain.I don't think it's necessary. It's easy to rain and snow during the winter in the north, and it's early now.

In order not to let her face-conscious mother lose face in front of teachers and classmates because of his unworthy son, he stood at the gate for an hour and a half with a schoolbag that didn't contain a few books.

The little ice beads rolled into his clothes, making him shiver, and he actually felt like laughing.

Pei Yu's face was ashen, and the mother and son who had lived together for nine years did not say a word now.

The five-hour drive made the eyes of this beautiful and elegant woman bloodshot.

In fact, not only now, but also many times.

Li Xiluo recalled the content of their conversation, except for various cram schools, competition courses, and quarrels.

He stood still and didn't speak, his dear mother was hysterical and sometimes cried, and his dear father always had a meal.

Li Xiluo looked at the receding tree outside the window, without a single leaf.

The small ice crystals obliquely hit the glass and were bounced off, and finally rolled down into the gap between the glass and the car window, slowly melting into a puddle of water just like him, and were thrown to the spot as they flowed down.

The broken building in the distance trembled, lingering and dilapidated.

Li Xiluo closed her eyes.

……

Entering a home that he was familiar with but felt strange to him, he found that his father, whom he didn't see once or twice a month, was actually at home.

Li Xiluo stepped forward and called out, "Dad."

Li Zhenxing hummed, agreeing.

His mother closed the door, threw the handbag on the shoe cabinet at the door, and sat on the sofa with a cold face.

It's like this a lot of times, he's standing in the living room, his parents are sitting on the sofa, and then the conflict breaks out.

Li Xiluo was surrounded by furniture, but every time he felt that he was standing in a desert where not a single blade of grass grew, the surroundings were empty, like falling into boundless darkness.

He waved desperately, but no one came to rescue him.

He begged the gods to take him away over and over again, but he always waited for accusations and disappointment.

"Li Xiluo! Look at what you have done!"

"How old are you? Huh? Why do you always get us into trouble!"

"Look at what you look like now! Why are you not motivated at all?!"

"It's been nine years, and you're still like this! What if..."

"If he was still alive, if he hadn't died, he would definitely be a thousand times better than me! But he's dead!" Li Xiluo couldn't suppress the emotions in his heart anymore, and roared out with grievance and anger with scarlet eyes.

"Snapped!"

For nine years, Li Xiluo has never said these words, just like the slap he received.

"What did you say?! What did you say! Why do you?!"

"Yeah, what the hell am I?! Ah? Why do you say I am? What am I, mother." Li Xiluo asked her hoarsely, as if asking herself.

Tears flowed down her cheeks, and Li Xiluo was so hot that she ached.

Li Zhenxing buried his head, still not saying a word.

"Mom and Dad, who are you thinking of every time you call my name? Do you dare to let me in that room?!"

Li Xiluo pointed to a door, which was old and simple, as if it had been buried and sealed for a long time.It doesn't fit in with this home.

Pei Yu's chest heaved violently, her lips trembled, and tears filled her bloodshot eyes.

"Dad, Mom, tell me, who am I? Why should I? Ah?! You have asked me if I am willing, and is he willing?!" Li Xiluo yelled out with all her strength, even with all the anger and unwillingness, and wronged.

"Shut up! Why do you speak of him?! You don't deserve it! How can you speak of him?! How can you speak of him!"

Li Xiluo looked at the woman he called mother in front of him, the years had left few traces on her face.

Beauty is still beauty.

But Li Xiluo felt that every time she was hysterical, it was like punishing her noble elegance.

Li Xiluo stood still, smiling wryly with the corners of her mouth pulled, the red mark on her face was slightly swollen, tears flowed out of despair, and fell to the floor, dizzy into a small puddle of puddles.

"Xiluo! Go back to your own room, your mother didn't mean it." Li Zhenxing stood up from the sofa and pointed to Li Xiluo's room.

Li Xiluo turned around to leave, his body swayed a bit, like a soldier fleeing from the wilderness, he had lost his city and armor, and was in a panic.

He couldn't stay here any longer, he felt like he was going to be out of breath, someone was pinching his neck and tearing his body, he was going to die.

Despair swallowed everything, and he turned and walked toward the room.

"Click" the door was closed, and Li Xiluo sat slumped on the side of the bed, holding his head, and the pain surged in. He tried his best to suppress it, leaving only the burning sadness.

……

After a while, he felt that he was about to fall to the ground with a headache.

He took off his soaked clothes, took a shower, wrapped himself in a blanket, and tucked into the bed.

He is sleepy.

He wants to sleep.

He never dared to say that he was tired, as if he really couldn't hold on after saying those two words.

Countless times he told himself that he was sleepy and he was going to sleep.

Hopefully, everything will be fine once you get some sleep.

Too bad it never came to fruition.

Li Xiluo felt that his whole body was icy cold, and his teeth were shaking and knocking together.Cold sweat stuck to his body, and the pain was like a sharp knife, with a faint cold light, stabbing into his body without hesitation and stirring his internal organs.

The previous memory was so entangled that he couldn't breathe.

Li Xiluo had no parents, and it was raining and snowing in December, and he was taken out of the trash can in less than three months.

It was a small ball, its face was purple from the cold, and there was nothing on its whole body, just wrapped in a half-dry woolen blanket. When it was discovered, it couldn't even cry.

Later, he lived in an orphanage as long as he could remember.

Others said his name was Tian Cen.

Others said that his parents didn't want him, and he was picked up from the trash can.

Others said that he was sick and played alone without talking.

Others say that he is a monster, only he eats and writes with his left hand.

Others said that he was disobedient and always bullied other children.

Others said that he killed the cat that often lay on the wall with a brick.

Others said that he didn't need to live here anymore, and he was going to enjoy happiness.

Others said that he was lucky to be adopted.

Tian Cen was adopted.

Lived in a village until the age of 11.

Oda Cen feeds ducks, sheep, pigs, everything.Then he moved a stool and sat in front of the locked door, and the uncle on the east side talked to him, but he ignored him, and everyone ignored him.

Later, during the day, I went to the air-leaky classroom to study with children with runny noses in a classroom where three people squeezed into one desk.

When the teacher spoke in dialect, Oda Cen couldn't understand many of them.

I do my homework under the dim light bulb at night.He dared to switch back to his left hand while his parents were away, otherwise he would be beaten.

The old earthen walls are rustling with dust, and the windows pasted with plastic sheets are whistling by the wind.Sucking his nose, Xiaotian Cen wrote crooked characters with his right hand.

Later, the little brother was born, crying and urinating all over him.He just felt that his little ball was so soft and small, and the hands holding him were so stiff that he didn't dare to move.

From that day on, his parents always watched him hesitate to speak, and they stopped beating his left-handed writing hand with a bamboo whip at night.

It's good that my hands are not swollen.

Later, his parents took him to take the train. He was very excited when he took the train for the first time. He didn't fall asleep all night. When he opened his eyes again, he was in a beautiful room.

He cried and asked where his parents had gone, and the kind couple in front of him said that they would be his parents from now on, and his name would be Li Xiluo from now on.

Tian Cen cries every day, looking for his parents.

The beautiful aunt told him over and over that they were his parents, and he asked why, but the aunt told him there was no reason.

It's been a week, and Tian Cen's parents haven't come to pick him up.

It's been a month, and Tian Cen's parents haven't come to pick him up.

A year later, Tian Cen's parents still haven't come to pick him up.

Tian Cen no longer writes with his left hand.

Tian Cen began to learn all kinds of things he had never seen before.

Tian Cen stopped crying for his parents.

Tian Cen began to agree when others called him Li Xiluo.

Tian Cen is Li Xiluo.

He is Li Xiluo.

Calligraphy, piano, art, football, English cram school, Chinese cram school, various subjects cram school, elementary school cram school, various private education, swimming, taekwondo, oral English, writing, Mathematical Olympiad, exam, grade examination, dance, flute, competition, game, game...

For eight years, everything has been a nightmare.

His mother never praised him, always said that he was stupid and not self-motivated at all.

His mother will demand him with various standards and let him develop various small habits.

You are not allowed to write with your left hand, you must love to eat small tomatoes, you must wear short hair that does not reach your ears, you must love to laugh, you must study well, and you must be excellent.

very many.

Li Xiluo is very obedient, learns a lot, and learning is not his little habit at all, without any complaints.

After tossing and turning, Li Xiluo never thought about it, and had no time to think about it.

Li Xiluo never made demands, he felt that what he got was good enough.

It's just that this kind of life frightened him many times.

In the middle of the night, Li Xiluo woke up, hugging the quilt and curling up in the corner.

His mother never came in.

Many times, when Li Xiluo woke up in the middle of the night, he saw his mother sitting on his bedside touching his face, tears dripping down her cheeks onto his face.

There was no light in the room, the door was open, and there was no light outside, only the moonlight shining through the window on half of his mother's face.Half of it was cold moonlight, half of it was darkness, she was silent, her tears were streaming down, her eyes were full of unresolved sadness, but there was a twisted smile in the corner of her mouth.

Li Xiluo screamed.

Since then, Li Xiluo has suffered from insomnia.

Boundless fear surrounded him, and the darkness fought against him to the death. Whoever is afraid will die.

Every night is fear, every night is suffering.

Li Xiluo began to be afraid of looking into his mother's eyes. Looking at his mother, he felt unspeakable fear.

His parents began to quarrel frequently.

One day, Li Xiluo entered the room that his parents never let him in.

The room was big and clean, as if someone took care of it regularly.

The sheets were sky blue, the same as those in his room. There were posters on the wall that he didn't recognize, and there were many books and gadgets on the table.

The glass case against the wall is full of trophies and awards, and there are many photos on one wall.

A very happy family of three.

Mom and dad hug their children and take pictures happily in the playground.

The little boy held the trophy with a smile on his face, and the corners of his mouth curled up like a small bend.

The boy at the dining table was holding a plate of small tomatoes, squinting his eyes, and was putting one into his mouth.

The boy drank water with a puffed face and a smile, his neck was dripping with sweat just after dancing.

The parents in the photo are the parents he has called for eight years.

The boy's sheets are sky blue,

The boy looks good when he smiles,

The boy has wide eyes,

boys can dance,

Boys love to eat small tomatoes,

Boys are excellent.

Li Xiluo is engraved on the boy's trophy.

……

who am I?

I am Li Xiluo.

He turned his head and saw his mother looking at him angrily, pointing to his nose and saying: You are not allowed to step into this room.

……

who am I?

I am Tian Cen.

I am Li Xiluo.

I am Li Xiluo.

I am nobody.

I kneel before my grave and pray.

Bloody roses covered with thorns are buried in the grave.

……

When Li Xiluo woke up, it was already dark, the half-drawn curtains were drooping on the window sill, and there was a big gap in the window, and the cold wind was whizzing into the room.

Li Xiluo panted, her hands holding the pillow trembled, and it took her a long time to adapt to the darkness.

His head hurts, his throat hurts like gravel, he opened his mouth, unable to speak.

Li Xiluo stared at the window, huddled under the blanket and remained motionless. The air conditioner kept running and humming, but he still felt cold all over. He curled up, with his back against the wall, and his eyes stared at the gap in the window , until the sky slightly reveals a little light.

……

Li Xi got out of bed, took out her mobile phone from yesterday's drenched coat, and checked that today is Saturday.

He flipped through the address book and made a call.

The person over there swears a dirty word first, and heys impatiently, "Who is it! It's not even six o'clock the fuck!"

Li Xiluo hoarsely said, "Me."

"Damn it! Li Xiluo, have you indulged too much?"

Li Xiluo smiled bitterly: "Do you have a place to live there?"

"No, brother, what's the matter? Where are you, I'll pick you up."

"No, I'll find you, it's quite cold."

"What the hell are you talking about! Where is it? Send me the location, and I'll pick you up! Hang up!"

Li Xiluo changed her clothes, sent a message to his parents, closed the door and left.

After walking a few steps, he looked back at the opened curtains on the second floor. He wanted to curl his mouth into a wry smile, but he didn't even want to do this now. He turned and walked into the white mist.

Standing outside, Li Xiluo was top-heavy, shivering from the cold, called a car, was shivered by the heater in the car, and sent a message to Xu Yitang.

Fifteen minutes later, Xu Yitang, wearing a natural hairstyle, slipped up to Li Xiluo on a small electric donkey at full speed.

……

"Xu Yitang, are you going to pick me up with this little broken car?"

"Tsk. Not enough noodles?"

Li Xiluo rolled her eyes: "I think the two of us can crush this car."

"No, I took my sister to the supermarket yesterday."

"Can a man like me compare with a little girl?"

"Hey, come up quickly, something is better than nothing."

Li Xiluo sat in the back seat of Xu Yitang's car and felt that his legs were about to break: "This fucking design is unreasonable! Is this the only one that can sit on people?"

"Aren't you sitting up there? It's alright, don't show off your long legs, scheming boy." Xu Yitang gave Li Xiluo a white look.

"Contract your orbicularis muscle smoothly."

"..."

Xu Yitang took a down jacket from the front car and handed it to Li Xiluo, "Put it on quickly, I can already hear your teeth grinding."

Li Xiluo straightened her legs and stood up with difficulty, wrapped Xu Yitang's down jacket on, and nestled in the back seat again with difficulty.

"Go! My leg will be broken later."

"Okay! Hold my brother." Xu Yitang stroked his hair thinking he was very handsome.

"Believe it or not, I'll pinch your ass." Li Xiluo gritted her teeth, "Fucking go!"

"..."

The author has something to say: light rain today.

The flowers are blooming very well.

Thank you for your love.

Happy viewing!

? (here is a small sunflower)