Personality

During my French days, I almost completely didn't shave.Maybe it's because each other's mood is completely relaxed, life is as leisurely as an adagio, and there is an indescribably comfortable and lazy between knocks and knocks.Kazuya doesn't shave either, because I do it for me.Every day I hold him in my arms and sit in front of the window sill, with the pleasant pastoral scenery in the south of France stretching as far as the eye can see, I carefully shave my lover.

Kazuya will always look at my dedicated face, and then give me a mint-scented kiss after I'm done.One has a beard and a straw hat, like a farmer that can be seen everywhere in the French countryside, and the other has clean brows and eyes, wearing simple flip flops, like a teenager studying.He also often giggles because of my beard. In the pure sunshine of France, his smile has no shadow.

If I could choose again, I would not let Kazuya go to that photography exhibition alone.

But the fact is that Kazuya went, and has been restless since he came back.As if returning to that indifferent and withdrawn self again, he sat alone in the corner without saying a word, closed all the doors, and immersed himself in his own world.

I know that Kazuya is sick, but I can no longer trust any psychiatrist.They seem to have become synonymous with demons in my heart.And since that incident ended, Kazuya has been showing a very calm state.I don't even write those words that are like talking in my sleep.I used to naively thought that as long as I was by his side, he would be able to live a peaceful and trouble-free life like a normal person.

It's just my own wishful thinking.When Kazuya took the rabbit doll again, the panic that had faded in my heart came again.That night when Kazuya told me that he wanted to go to Italy and let me go back to China alone first.I chose to stop him in the most drastic way possible.Never got out of control like the day I took down all the mirrors in the hotel and yelled at him hysterically I won't let you go to what Italy, I won't let you go! !And He just stood there silently, letting me yell at him.

Can you understand that fear? Jin showed me a powerless expression, covered his face with his hands, then buried his head deeply, and let out a sound close to whimpering.

It's like an invisible man by your side, who will come out to compete with you for your lover at any time.You don't even know who he is, when he will show up, and when he will bring tears to your loved one's face.Your opponent exists in the body of your lover, and there is nothing you can do except watch him suffer.

Jin's eyes were faintly red, as if tears were brewing.I originally wanted to comfort him with words, but suddenly lost the desire to speak.Just watch him quietly all the time.

I know my stupidity, my self-deception.I have been refusing to admit a fact, and I am also an out-and-out patient with split personality.

His body is split in two, one half is Kazuya I love, and the other half is an Italian teenager whom I am totally unfamiliar with.

What I love is a disabled person who uses half of himself to love the other half that was split in his fantasy.

How could I let him go to a strange country alone, and take his split self to do some things whose consequences might be unimaginable.

How much I want to tie Kazuya firmly, no matter what method I use, let him stay quietly by my side.But I know I can't, and I can't bear to treat him like this.The only thing I could do, after yelling at him, was to squat down and bury my head deep between my knees, and wait for him to walk across the room without a word or simply slam the door and walk away.

However, and also came over and hugged me.Get down on your knees.He said: Ren, I knew you had guessed it.

Please believe me, I know what I'm doing better than anyone.I'll be right back as soon as I finish one last important thing.

I raised my head and asked him with a hoarse voice that had already shouted hoarsely: something important?Kazuya, tell me, what is important?What is worth putting me aside without even thinking about it?

Kazuya was also speechless, looked at me quietly, and then hugged the helpless me very hard.Trying not to let me break free from his arms.

He made me completely surrender with one sentence: Ren, you are the most important person to me.What I want to do is something as important as you.

I finally let go of his hand. Between believing and not believing, I finally chose to believe.Believe Kazuya, believe that I will be the one he loves most.

The day after Kazuya left, I foolishly came to Italy alone.Knowing that it was impossible to be lucky enough to meet Kazuya, I still stubbornly wandered the streets for a long time.The landscape of Italy, in my eyes, is nothing but a mass of meaningless ruins.The charming and shining Po River is just a pool of stagnant water.What I need is not a beautiful scenery, but a harmony that is here but does not know the exact location.

However, after some disheartening wanderings, I finally left alone.

At the airport in Turin, Italy, the voices were boiling.Passengers with different skin colors came and went. I sat on a bench in the airport hall and lit a cigarette for myself. It was the time Kazuya was used to smoking.The smell of tobacco, faintly like the earthy smell of water plants in the rainy season, diffuses in the mouth, just like Kamenashi Kazuya, I can't help but fall in love with it, and I am willing to indulge in it.

It's only been a day since I left and I'm already missing him.I miss the light smell of trees in his hair, and the smell of tobacco around his fingertips.

How much I want him to know that I just want to be with him.together forever.

The plane flying back to Japan from Turin, Italy will take off in one and a half hours, and will arrive at Tokyo Narita Airport in a dozen hours.But I don't know how much time I need to go through before Kazuya will return to me.

Someone was talking on the phone in the chair back to back with me, and the triumphant voice interrupted my thoughts.There is nothing surprising about this. There are many people who like to talk loudly on the phone.What really caught my attention was his familiar Japanese in a foreign environment.I had no intention of eavesdropping on someone talking on the phone, but his voice made it hard for me not to hear what he was saying.

It seemed that they were discussing some exciting news, and they talked endlessly.The mystical words mixed in his words from time to time made me feel a little annoyed.

Maybe it’s because I’m a star, I’ve seen many ugly faces of reporters and media fighting for news, so after confirming that the annoying guy sitting behind is a reporter, I immediately decided to pack my luggage and change to a cleaner corner.Unexpectedly, the Japanese reporter also got up at this time, and the two of us walked in the opposite direction and bumped into each other.The document bag he was holding in his hand fell to the ground, and all the photos were scattered.I spilled the coffee in my hand and wet some photos.

I didn't want him to find out that I was Japanese, so I apologized to him in English.Anyway, back then I had a healthy tan from the sun in France, and I had a bushy beard.At first glance, it looks like a travel-worn foreign tourist.I squatted down, and I picked up those photos for him, but he was not angry that I knocked over his things, and said thank you repeatedly.After a quick glance, I found that most of the photos were of buildings that can be seen everywhere on the street, but they all seemed to be different sides of the same building.At that time, I felt a little sorry for the reporter. It turned out that he was just a photojournalist. When I thought about it, I recognized the famous Antonella minaret not far from the building.Symbol of Turin, Italy.

It's Italy again.In my heart, this country has become very subtle and vivid because of Kazuya's mysterious whereabouts.

Italian, French, Japanese reporters, and the news he said, I had an extremely ominous premonition in my heart at that time.

Then, this hunch was confirmed in the next second.Picking up the last photo, I saw a young man leaning against the window sill.

When I heard Jin say this, my hands couldn't help trembling, and the tea spilled out a little bit, staining the white saucer red.Wrapping the woolen shawl around my shoulders tightly, I looked back at the clock on the wall. It was already eight o'clock, and the phone still didn't ring. I thought my friend would not show up tonight.Maybe I should make a phone call and ask, and after a while I didn't.I also poured myself a cup of black coffee, and I sat back in front of Jin again.