don't make a fuss, bend

In September, Baiqi arrived in Fuzhou.Changsha, Chongqing, and Fuzhou, the three cities seem to have two things in common, they are all stove cities, and there are famous mountains in the city.This is Bai Qi's second visit to this city, and it's hard to avoid recalling the first time seven years ago.It was the time after the college entrance examination, the physical examination related to dreams.At this moment, Bai Qi couldn't remember the places he had been to or the roads he had traveled at that time.The only things left in my memory are the intertwined big banyan trees on the side of the road and the tall buildings standing in the sky.In the past seven years, these two things seem to have not changed much, which verifies the connotation of the word "things are right and people are wrong".To Bai Qi's surprise, there is no subway in Fuzhou, and this big project is in full swing.Bai Qi couldn't help complaining that it was also a mountain city, but the modernization of Fuzhou, a coastal provincial capital, had already been left far behind by the inland cities in the southwest.

A few days after arriving in Fuzhou, Bai Qi applied for a job at an education and training institution, became a full-time tutor, and started a new job.During this period of time, except for sleeping and going to work, Bai Qi almost stayed in the house for the rest of the time.Take time out occasionally to get outdoors, but only within an hour of walking.Bai Qi gradually got used to strolling on the road alone, either enjoying his own quietness, or joining in the excitement of others.Zuohai Park, Provincial Museum, West Lake Park, Three Lanes and Seven Alleys, these areas seem to include all of Bai Qi's spare time.

Bai Qi returned to his hometown to start a new life this time, perhaps it was the time when Bai Qi least thought of himself in the past 20 years.If he had not first confirmed—at least temporarily—the importance of Bai Qi to his mother and the importance of his hometown to Bai Qi when he came back this time, Bai Qi would not have come to talk about Bai Qi as a wicked son.Many times during this time, Bai Qi would relive the conversation between Bai Qi and his mother when they were enjoying the cool on the balcony on the second floor every night in summer from another direction.Since they had dinner at that time and there was still some time before the Golden Theater, their family did not have the habit of watching news broadcasts, so they sat on the balcony to enjoy the shade.Now when night falls, they have to stay busy until late, and they can't wait to sit in front of the screen after dinner.In the past, when enjoying the cool on the balcony, it was a pleasure to see the night sky under the sky against the long stars, or to find the brightest star in the night sky.

Now, the surrounding houses are built higher and higher, and there is no good view to look up at the starry sky, and the fun no longer exists.In the evening, the setting sun hung on the top of the mountain and slowly set, and the rare sunset glow reflected the corner of the sky in the west.The thin grandmother walked vigorously and fed several captive chickens and ducks, and everything seemed peaceful and peaceful.After a while, at one end of the village, the afterglow of the setting sun has disappeared, while at the other end, the moon has risen, and the moonlight will soon illuminate the entire village.Sometimes, Bai Qi would stroll alone on the empty lawn in front of the house.The moonlight shines on Bai Qi's body, passing through Bai Qi's body.Bai Qi turned around, sometimes following his own shadow, sometimes being followed by the shadow, like a pair of twin stars moving in a circle according to certain rules.

But more often, Bai Qi sat opposite his mother.Although she doesn't show it often, Bai Qi can feel that the confusion in her heart towards the evil boy in front of her has become more and more intense.They tried to communicate, just like Bai Qi used to chat with her as a child. However, although Bai Qi and her have returned to the distance, the distance between the hearts has been difficult to close.In addition, Bai Qi tried to explain to her over and over again that it was not a disease, everything was normal, but it was abnormal after being corrected.Whenever Bai Qi talked about losing interest, Bai Qi swore that he would never mention this matter again in the future, and just treat it as a person from two worlds, and don't have any more ties to it.Bai Qi was disappointed that her mother had no time to understand these things, and she was restless.So, Bai Qi racked his brains, hoping to find a few metaphors, such as left-handed people, to explain that he is normal.When his mother retorted that most born left-handers eventually developed the habit of using their right hands, Bai Qi couldn't think of any other more appropriate metaphor.

Bai Qi felt that his imagination and judgment had declined, and he even began to question whether homosexuality was really normal.Bai Qi feels that the current night sky is not only not beautiful, but also dark and irrelevant.This is not because Bai Qi sees that there are many specific differences between this night sky and the night sky in Bai Qi's memory, but because Bai Qi has left the places Bai Qi experienced when he lived a different life, so in these places and Between white and white, there is no such thing as the kind of similarity that can unknowingly make people happy in a moment.Bai Qi didn't quite know what its nature was, but Bai Qi thought sadly that Bai Qi's imagination and judgment must have weakened, so Bai Qi couldn't see the beauty of the night sky, and even began to question what he was very sure of.Bai Qi told his mother that Bai Qi had only one request, not to get married.Yes, Bai Qi can live without a boyfriend, and can live alone for the rest of his life, but he must never deceive a woman and live with her for the rest of his life hypocritically.

Compared with marrying a woman, being alone will be happier and happier.Mother's understanding of this kind of thing is more superficial than Bai Qi imagined. She cares more about the eyes of others than Bai Qi's happiness and life, which adds to Bai Qi's sadness.She said to Bai Qi: "How can it be possible to be a bachelor all your life? What will everyone think of you in the future? You will be killed by everyone's contemptuous eyes, and people will laugh at you for having no offspring." They talked, and Bai Qi found that the corner of his mother's eyes flashed tears.Finally, the mother made a statement, hoping that Bai Qi would let nature take its course.There are layers of people, and these layers are different, there is a man-like character, and there is a woman-like character.People show one level at times and another level at other times.

To this day, Bai Qi is still not sure whether things like homosexuality are normal.Because of the long-term contact and acceptance of this phenomenon, Bai Qi established a kind of identity in his heart, and made Bai Qi unwilling to violate the sense of identity he had generated, even though Bai Qi did not sign or pledge these identities.Speaking of mother, she is a very strong woman, but she has a paranoid side.Bai Qi remembers the first time Bai Qi talked about this topic with her when he was working in Chongqing.At that time, not long after Bai Qi and Li Lei broke up, Bai Qi was on the phone with his mother under the shade of a tree in front of the library of Gongshang University.She said to Bai Qi: "Don't be afraid, child, you can tell mom about anything, you are my good baby."

So, Bai Qi told her that he didn't like women, but men.While Bai Qi was waiting for her mother to be angry or cry bitterly, she laughed and said, "Son, you haven't tried it at all, how do you know you don't like women." This sentence disturbed Bai Qi. All Qi's thoughts over the years made Bai Qi realize that this road is not as simple and clear as Bai Qi thought in the past.However, what makes Bai Qi most gratified is that Bai Qi finally started the long journey of coming out to his mother.However, what troubled Bai Qi was that his mother hadn't made any progress in understanding this aspect for so long.

For a whole month, stay in this country house full of idyllic scenery.In this kind of residence, there is usually a small courtyard next to the building.There are usually a few poultry raised in the courtyard, or a few fruit trees and flowers planted.In the corner of the building, there is usually a swallow's nest.There is no luxurious decoration on the wall of the room, but against the off-white background, a few old posters of out-of-date stars are pasted, making Bai Qi hallucinate during the hours spent in bed.For the whole month, Bai Qi spent most of his time in his room. From the room, he could see the fruit trees in the courtyard and the poultry foraging under the fruit trees. The green leaves on the branches shone in the sun, and the The fruit turns from green to red.Bai Qi felt happy looking at this scene through the window, just because Bai Qi thought in his heart: "Bai Qi's world alone is unique and beautiful." Until Bai Qi's sight passed through the courtyard, Bai Qi saw the distant Phoenix Mountain.The Tea God Temple on Phoenix Mountain is painted in dark red and blue in the vast green picture, which looks different only because it is far away.This is not an image representation of the temple, but the temple itself, which presents the distances of places and ages before Bai Qi's eyes, in a completely different tone amidst the glistening greenery. , presented in the white square window frame, the tone is very dark, as if it was painted on it.

He was alone on the leisure corridor on the west bank of the Minjiang River, walking from the Monkey Stone Bridge to the Juzizhou Bridge.The sodium-yellow light shone on his round face, and the soft lines made him look like a college student.However, his eyes, the melancholy revealed between his brows, made people feel that he should have experienced a lot.His alone appearance and his lonely pace make people wonder if there is an unforgettable person hidden in his heart.

He went down the leisure corridor and walked to the shore.It was a land full of rape blossoms.He remembered chasing and fighting with that other person, taking pictures, and flying kites.He spread his hands and ran.He closed his eyes and saw the man's face.His feet were cold for a while, and it turned out that he had walked into the water of the Minjiang River without knowing it.His heart suddenly hurt, it was frozen by cold water, and it was like someone cut a hole with a knife.He remembered the scene of soaking in the water with that other person in the summer.This summer was coming soon, he could have waited, he had decided to wait nine years for that person.But now he couldn't wait anymore, that person had already left and disappeared, so what's the point of waiting until Xia Tian.

He slowly walked forward into the deep water area, and the river water continued to overflow his body.Then a big rock in the water blocked his way.This stone seems to have a spirituality, trying to stop his absurd behavior.But he said, I have made up my mind to go, whether it is absurd or not is self-evident.He stepped on the stone, slipped and fell, and fell into the river lying on his back.He instinctively struggled a few times, and the river scrambled into his body, as if trying to kill him.He laughed but shed tears, saying, what is there to fear in death, no one is more painful than death.He opened his eyes and saw the man waving to him from the bottom of the water.He stretched out his hands to the bottom of the water and said, please take me away.He then lost consciousness and his body slowly sank to the bottom.His tears and his love sank to the bottom of the water.