To Goddess

We got up early the next day, and Roy tidied herself up and picked out some clothes for me. She had a lot of clothes, most of which were gifts from sponsors, and none of them were worn.

She dressed me up very well, and looking in the mirror made me feel that my character should be so obedient.

In fact, I was quite nervous, so nervous that I almost bit the milk carton into my mouth, but Roy was very calm. At this time, I was very lucky to have her by my side, and she always calmed down when I panicked. Prepare everything by my side.

Just like when I was in my sophomore year, I participated in a senior performance in the academy. In fact, I didn’t have many roles. I could be regarded as an extra, and I only had 8 lines. But there were many people in the audience that day, and people from the entire academy were present, including The high math teacher who almost made me fail the subject, turned his feet up and molested our professional English teacher in the audience.

Such a relaxed atmosphere is actually to relax, but I was so nervous that day that I went to the toilet three times in 10 minutes.

She was with me backstage, she was ashamed of my performance, and she laughed at me while teaching me her experience.

I am not suitable for the stage, I am suitable for doing everything silently behind the scenes, what I like to do most is to serve Roy, hard work without complaint.

Before going on stage, she educated me one, two, three times, and helped me check my makeup and clothes.The performance that day was very successful, of course I know it was not due to me, I only played 8 lines in less than 2 minutes.

When I got off the stage after the end, I saw her waiting for me at the exit, helped me take off the colorful things on my head, and asked me if I wet my pants.

I said pee.

She patted my head and smiled and told me that the stage was just like that, and she also said that let me experience more, so that I would not be nervous when I saw the dark audience below.

I have learned my lesson, but I still feel that it is better to experience this more.

Hey, thinking so much can't relieve my nervous heart.

Roy drives very steadily, but I am unsteady, and my palms are sweating a lot. This sentence rhymes.

She stopped the car at the gate of the community. I thought she wanted to buy and write something, but I didn't expect her to park the car and said to me: "Get out of the car."

I wondered: "There is still a long way to go, why don't you drive in such a hot day?"

She replied to me and walked in and quickly untied the seat belt and got out of the car. I had no choice but to get out of the car silently. We entered through the gate side by side. When we got downstairs, she patted me on the shoulder and said, "Go up, I'll wait here."

This behavior confuses me even more.

When she said she wanted to go home with me this morning, I was a little confused. After all, I planned to go back and face it by myself. If my parents hit me, it would be bad in front of her. It seemed that I was very shameless. It's light, in case my parents get mad and beat Roy.

Then I really don't know what to do.

But Roy insisted on coming with me, that's all, what's the point of standing downstairs?

I looked at the scorching sun, looked at her dark shadow and said, "Come up with me, it's too hot, what should I do if I get heat stroke."

She said, "I won't go up, just wait here until your parents let me go up."

I froze for a moment, thought of something and asked, "Bitter tricks?"

She nodded.

ah!I'm so sorry for her.

I pointed to the door downstairs and said, "Why don't you go in and wait?"

She said no.

So we were pushing and talking downstairs, and she rejected all my summer plans and insisted on waiting at the spot downstairs, refusing to even wear a peaked cap, only wearing a mask, and said that the location was good, Looking down from the balcony of my house, I saw her at a glance.

After being sent away by her, I immediately went upstairs, and such a fuss successfully liberated my nervous heart.

If the previous mood was that I did something wrong and was caught by my parents, now I feel that I have to go to the toilet, so hurry up and say it.

But we still have to be calm. When my mother opened the door for me, we both looked at each other for a while, which made me very flustered. A little behind me, I immediately seized the opportunity to say, "Roy was waiting downstairs and didn't come up."

At this time, my dad suddenly appeared, and I glanced at him, but I couldn't tell from his expression whether my mother had told him about it.

Dad said, "She's waiting below? Why don't you come up on such a hot day."

I let out an ah and didn't answer it, but I was relieved when I saw him walking towards the balcony.

The first step to a successful plan is for the enemy to fall into your trap. I remember a history teacher in high school told a story about an undercover agent. He said that the undercover agent did not complete the task until he died, which was equivalent to being useless.

This story tells me that I must let them see Roy's head down, such a sacrifice is meaningful.

Before my father came back from the balcony, my mother called me in with a straight face, and told me to go to the study and talk to me.

Before entering the study, I saw my dad open the window and look down. I don't know if she saw Roy, or if she recognized Roy.

After waiting in the study for a while, my mother walked in with a blank face, saying that not only the disease is contagious, but even the mood is contagious, so my mother's depressed mood was successfully transmitted to Me, the whole study was suddenly immersed in a dull atmosphere.

She cut to the chase: "Is what you told me yesterday true?"

I let out a groan, and when I looked up, I suddenly saw a few white hairs of hers. It turned out that she was so old, but after thinking about it, I still don't want to tell her about it. According to past experience, if I said she was old, she would Her mouth was torn apart.

Such a relaxed mental activity is mainly to cover up my panic, I have already predicted that no matter what she wants to tell me next, it will not be easy to deal with.

I don't want her to get hurt, but the result I want is bound to hurt her. This is a way that can't be both. If possible, I would rather choose to lose both.

She asked again: "Really?"

I still thank you.

She sighed, "Don't look absent-minded, I already asked your dad to call Roy up."

I stuck out my tongue and smiled at her.

She is serious: "I'm not kidding you."

She added: "Do you know what it's like to like? Maybe you just adore her?"

I shook my head and said no, but before I continued to explain, the expression on her face was a little ugly.

I understand that at times like this, if I justify myself more, it will be a torment for her. I know that she wants to find a breakthrough in my relationship. This breakthrough will make her feel that I can still be saved, and then she can persuade It's not real about me, it's just my illusion.

But really not.

Leaving aside those crazy words about love, I squeezed the seam of my trousers and said, "Mom, I'm serious."

Her breathing began to be a little heavy, and it took a long time before she said: "You are like this, Mom is really sad.

I bit my lip and listened.

In the following time, she asked Roy and I one by one when we started, and also carefully asked why I thought I liked girls. I was actually very embarrassed about her. This embarrassment was not only because I was talking about myself with my elders. love life, but also because I don't want her to know these details.

She has a problem, she likes to accept the unacceptable things in a way of abusing herself, and likes to think of things in the worst way, so that when the time comes, the result will be predicted, so that she won't be too sad.

This conversation took me an infinite number of brain cells, and I spent a long time deliberating every answer and every wording in my mind, but I knew it would have no effect.

My mother cried, and I cried with her. She cried silently, but wept silently. I didn't dare to do anything, I didn't dare to hug her, so I could only hold her, and let the study room go quiet like this.

After calming down a bit, she handed me a tissue, and suddenly asked me, "Is there really no other way?"

If she keeps asking like this, the flesh of my fingers will be picked off by me.

I said: "Mom, I know that you and Dad have always wanted me to be happy. You used to say that I will find a boyfriend when I grow up. You don't ask for anything else. As long as he loves me and loves me, we will support each other for the rest of our lives." , you see that your wishes are so small, you just want me to be good, I am fine with Roy now, she treats me very well. You also know her, what do you want from her current status and identity, but she still With me, she said we'll always be together."

"Mom, I won't be happy without Roy. I only want her in my life, and she's the only one."

After I finished speaking, my mother finally held back the tears and she choked up: "But she is a woman."

"What can a woman do, what can a woman do with a woman."

She kept repeating this sentence, maybe she was repeating it to me, maybe she was trying to persuade herself repeatedly, but no matter what it was, I was very sad.

I cried worse than her, and she didn't give me the paper, so I dared not take it.

We stayed in the house for more than half an hour. During this time, neither of us spoke, we just kept crying. The back of my hand was full of snot and tears, my hair was a bit messy, and I was very messy.

What broke the deadlock was my dad knocking on the door outside, and I realized that Roy was outside, wondering what she and my dad were talking about.

A few seconds later, my mother suddenly stood up, straightened her clothes and gave me a blank look. I was startled by such an unreasonable style of painting, and then I heard her say, "Go wash it, it's so dirty."

When I came out of the bathroom, the living room was peaceful. I wanted to check the progress with Roy on the sofa, but Roy never looked at me.

I sat down next to her, remembering what she told me yesterday, deliberately kept a little distance, not too close, my mother sat on the side sofa watching TV, she looked very old, she just sat down Sent.

She said, "Let's go."

Roy and I looked at each other, and after a second of staring, my dad suddenly forcibly stopped our gaze, so the three of us looked at each other a few times, and then walked to the door quietly.

This ending of being driven away is what we expected, but fortunately my mother didn't have the violence I imagined, hitting me with a broom or a spatula, it wasn't that bad anyway.

When my father watched me leave, he only said a word to me. He said that my mother needed time to digest this matter and asked me to wait for his call.

After closing the door, I was a little puzzled. Why did my dad act like he had nothing to do with him during the whole process, as if he knew about it a long time ago. After I told Roy about this doubt, Roy smiled and told Me, a student came out to him a few years ago. At that time, he was also extreme, but later he realized that coming out was just a result of others. He told you this result not to ask you to give any advice or counseling. So he knew that everything he was about to do was futile, so he might as well accept it as soon as possible.

After hearing this, I was in a trance. I didn't expect my dad to be quite understanding. I haven't seen this through all these years. It's a bit unfilial.

I asked again: "Then what did you guys talk about outside?"

Roy replied: "He asked me if I would be responsible to you in my life."

I was surprised, hooked her hand and said, "Then what did you say?"

Roy didn't answer my question, he just opened the car door and stuffed me in, then closed the door, as if he didn't want to talk to me.

I……