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Both Xu Xiaoxiao and Xu Yang like this good-looking brother very much. Their mother said that the brother doesn't like to talk or play with them when he is sick.They thought, then they should be more obedient and like their elder brother more, so that one day when his elder brother recovers from illness, he will like them.

Xu Yang discovered that his elder brother seldom went out, and often stayed in the room for a whole day, and was occasionally persuaded by his parents to go out, and he also went to Dr. Bai's consulting room.

He wanted to invite his brother to hang out with him, but he always dared not ask.

Time passed quickly, and in May of the following year, the steel plate in Shen Qi's calf needed to be removed, and he underwent another operation that took more than an hour.

After the operation, the orthopedic doctor said to Xu Dongcheng: "Hey, he was seriously injured before, and he didn't recover well after the operation. In the future, although his walking will not be affected, he must not exercise strenuously."

Xu Dongcheng sighed and sent the doctor away.

Shen Qi stayed in the hospital for a week after the operation. Nearly three months after he was discharged from the hospital, he couldn't exert any strength on his calf. It wasn't until more than half a year passed that he could gradually walk normally.

As the doctor said, his prognosis is poor, and he can't tell if he walks slowly, but running is already impossible, and he can't keep up if he walks fast.

After the leg injury basically recovered, Shen Qi came to Dr. Bai's consulting room alone for the first time.

He has a fixed time every week, and Xu Dongcheng and Ruan Changling will accompany him no matter how busy they are, rain or shine.He hated such conversations, but often he couldn't refuse them.

This time he wanted to walk around alone, so he insisted on coming alone, alone, living under the eyes of others all day long, it was really depressing.

During the conversation for more than a year, Dr. Bai always talked with him about childhood, Tangqin Town, childhood things, the green river and willow trees in front of his house.Sometimes he was asked to draw, scribbled without a clue, and then listened to Dr. Bai tell Ruan Changling some inexplicable morals.

Shen Xi cooperated extremely well, he didn't care about anything, there was no joy in life, no sorrow in death, living was no longer for living, but just happened to be alive, and dying was a very troublesome thing.

Ruan Changling is a woman who cries endlessly, that's all.

When Shen Qi arrived, Dr. Bai had just sent away the previous guest, and when he saw him, he asked his assistant to pour water for him.

Holding a cup of hot water, Shen Qi stared at the water in a daze.

Doctor Bai asked him: "Let's talk about high school today. Liucheng No. [-] Middle School is a good school. Have you met any interesting people or interesting things?"

Uncontrollably, Zhou Jingtang's face appeared in his mind.

Dr. Bai finally saw a vivid expression on Shen Qi's face, and he hurriedly continued to ask: "It must be very interesting when you are sixteen or seventeen years old. Is there anything interesting?"

Shen Qi lowered his head, and opened his mouth in a rare way: "During class, if I'm sleepy or distracted, the people behind me will push on my stool. He probably wants to show off his tall legs and long legs."

Doctor Bai smiled and said, "Then the classmate at the back table really deserves a beating."

"He deserves a beating," Shen Qi said, "but no one dares to beat him, because he fights very fiercely."

Doctor Bai was quite surprised, because he had been in contact with Shen Qi for more than a year, and he was the one who always spoke guidingly between them, while Shen Qi was often silent.This is the first time that Shen Qi has said so much, and he said that the person deserves to be beaten, but his eyes are smudged with tenderness.

"By the way, what's the name of this classmate who deserves a beating?" Dr. Bai asked.

Shen Qi wanted to open his mouth, but found that he could no longer say Zhou Jingtang's name naturally. He wanted to say it, but felt a pain in his heart, so he could only shake his head.

"Is he your friend?" Dr. Bai said, "He should be a very naughty classmate. You are very quiet and your personalities complement each other."

Shen Xi remained silent.

Doctor Bai thought for a while and asked, "Do you like him?"

"I like it," Shen Qi said.

He liked him, never said it, but never forgot.

"Talk to me about him," Dr. Bai said, "I'm curious what kind of person we, Qiqi, would like."

Shen Qi said: "He is very bad and domineering. When he gets angry, he raises his eyebrows and looks contemptuous. He is also very irritable and beats people very fiercely. He is also stingy, always angry, and when he is angry, he will blow up of."

Doctor Bai has been observing Shen Qi carefully. When he said these things, it was very different from before. He no longer had a numb face and deep emotions in his eyes.

He thought that the person Shen Qi likes should be a very flamboyant boy.He is not surprised that Shen Qi likes men. His adoptive mother raised him as a daughter, and her gender consciousness has long been blurred. It is possible that he likes boys and girls.

Dr. Bai said: "Why do you say that this classmate is not likable?"

Shen Qi thought, if you don't like people, you don't like people. It doesn't matter if you like it or not.

If there is no accident, that person is probably already outside his life.

In the evening, when Dr. Bai called Xu Dongcheng, in the principle of respecting the patient's privacy, he told him in a nutshell about Shen Qi's sexual orientation.

Xu Dongcheng chatted with Ruan Changling very late, and they both understood that Shen Qingzhu had ruined Shen Qi's life, and that he would not have children in the future, which was destined to be a lifelong regret.Shen Qi likes men or women, as long as he is willing to love someone.

All they wanted was for Shen Qi to get better.

When Shen Qi sat in Dr. Bai's psychological consultation room again, Dr. Bai mentioned the classmate at the back table again, and asked Shen Qi: "What happened later? Did you still contact that classmate later?"

Shen Qi said: "There is no later."

Later, the boy he liked got into a car on an ordinary day, made an appointment with him to see him again, and never saw him again.

Later, Doctor Bai could no longer ask about the young man at the back table, Shen Qi briefly mentioned him, and then he kept silent, the tenderness in his eyes faded again, and he became indifferent again.

Everyone thought that Shen Qi had gotten better. He ate normally, and he no longer stayed up all night. He would often watch a rose bloom in the garden during the flowering period, and would occasionally walk with Xu Xiaoxiao and Xu Yang Backgammon.

He seemed to be back to normal, with occasional faint smiles.

Ruan Changling thought she had watched the dawn until two years later, on an ordinary afternoon, she and Shen Qi were on their way home from shopping in the supermarket.When crossing the zebra crossing, a car didn't stop and rushed towards her, Shen Qi pushed her away, but he didn't want to.

She saw Shen Qi standing where he was, obviously he had room to dodge, but he stood straight, with no fear in his eyes.

His eyes were so calm that there were no waves, and he even slowly closed his eyes when the car was about to hit him.

Ruan Changling was stunned until the car stopped in front of Shen Qi, and there was no distance between him and him.

She broke down and cried, hugging Shen Qi and weeping until she couldn't make a sound.

She didn't tell Xu Dongcheng about this later, but she had already realized that her child had never gotten better.

He doesn't love the world anymore.

He didn't deliberately seek death like he used to, but he didn't want to live well either.He is like an old man on the verge of decay, whether he lives or dies, it doesn't make much sense.

It was the late autumn of 2005, and Ruan Changling found sadly that her child had never called her mother, and would always be the polite and distant Aunt Ruan.

Ruan Changling was so focused on making up for it that she even put down her work and focused her life on Shen Qi. She cared about what kind of food he ate every day, and only wanted to treat him better.

But later, Shen Qi said to her: "Aunt Ruan, don't be so... treat me deliberately, as if you love me very much."

"But you don't love me, do you?"

"I'm just you, the child who wanted to kill but couldn't."

"Don't act like you love me very much. I used to think that my mother loved me very much, but she loved her daughter, didn't she?"

"Her daughter is dead, and your son is dead too."

When Shen Qi said this, Ruan Changling didn't even dare to shed tears, she always felt that she had sinned deeply in front of Shen Qi.

But even with a sense of guilt, she still loved him, even in those years when she thought he was not in this world, he was still the child she felt so distressed that she would die whenever she thought about it.

Shen Qi was already afraid of this kind of emotion. Shen Qingzhu told him that once he was bitten by a snake, he was afraid of well ropes for ten years. His heart was already wrapped in a hard shell, and he never dared to show it.