Gee, are you picking me?

Not knowing if "I like men" aroused his subconscious mind, Xu Yang had a dream, returning to the days when he finished the college entrance examination.

In midsummer, the sun is dazzling, the green leaves reflect the scorching sun, the invisible cicadas on the high branches are noisy, and the air is hot and oppressive.

At the moment when the last exam was over, unlike other students who were relieved and prepared to go on a wild ride for three days and three nights, Xu Yang looked worried, and ulcers developed on the corners of his mouth.

There was something he held back for three years, and he couldn't stand it anymore.

Parents thought he didn't perform well, so they kept reassuring their son. A skinny camel is bigger than a horse. It doesn't matter if he doesn't pass the exam. That's enough, and they won't force him to repeat it.

However, when the score came out, I saw it was pretty good. What happened to my son with such a high score?Could it be that he was broken in love?They have never objected to him falling in love. As long as it doesn't affect his studies, the family is still open-minded. They haven't heard when his son has a girlfriend?

However, no matter how he asked, Xu Yang just didn't say anything. His parents thought that he was still under pressure after the exam, and felt that he was a boy, and his mental capacity was strained.

Who knew that Xu Yang made a big move.

That's right, at his school entrance banquet, in front of his parents, relatives, friends and colleagues, in front of his teachers who have taught him for several years, classmates who have been classmates for several years, and in front of hundreds of people present, Came out.

"Thank you everyone for coming to my college entrance banquet today. I can be admitted to XX University, thanks to the hard work of the teachers present here..."

Xu Yang held the microphone that day, stood on the stage and carried the manuscript he had written on his back.There are more than a dozen big round tables in the audience, and everyone present is looking at today's protagonist, waiting for him to make a concluding speech on his study career over the past years, and at the same time open up new prospects at the turning point of his life.

The scene was quiet, and most people praised him. A young man with good conditions in all aspects has now been admitted to a prestigious university, and his future is bright.

They never imagined that after 10 minutes, the atmosphere at each table would become awkward and disorienting.

After Xu Yang finished reciting the last sentence, he pinched the microphone and looked around for a week, finally fixed his eyes on his parents, and fell silent.

What lingered in his mind was his father's impassioned statement just now, the words were full of uncontrollable pride and joy, a son who strived for himself.

But what he will do next will shatter this beautiful scene, the joy will fade into a phantom, the pride will no longer exist, and the atmosphere will take a sharp turn for the worse, replaced by the shame of being caught off guard.

His back was drenched with sweat, and his hand holding the microphone was trembling uncontrollably, and even his teeth were chattering slightly.

He wondered if he could still utter a full sentence, or even make a sound.

After all, he never let his parents worry about it, and passed the rebellious period peacefully, but discovered the secrets of his body, and finally he inevitably wanted to fuck the big ticket.

He can't back down, except to make it public, Xu Yang has never thought of a second-best solution. Those are all tactics to delay the attack. He knows that no matter how he hides it, one day the issue of his liking for men will be put on the agenda. Instead of bringing a boyfriend If you suddenly appear in front of your parents, it is better to tell them early so that they can be mentally prepared.

Your son likes men.

He thought about a lot of public scenes, such as when he was celebrating at home on the day of the college entrance examination, he was so hungry that he didn't know if he should say it right away.But in the end, I endured it for another two months and made it public in the most once-and-for-all manner.

Xu Yang is just afraid of trouble, he doesn't want to explain for a long time when he meets acquaintances with his boyfriend in the future, and he will be embarrassed many times, why not take this opportunity to announce to everyone who knows him that he likes men, if you see I'm not used to it, so I'll just pretend I didn't see it when I run into it in the future, if I can accept it, say hello, we're still acquaintances.

It was quiet down there, waiting for him to say something, but saw that his face was getting serious, frowning and remaining silent.

Seeing that he was silent for a long time, the master of ceremonies thought that the young man was nervous and forgot his words, and was about to help smooth things over, but saw Xu Yang raised the microphone again and clenched his other hand tightly into a fist.

"Everyone..." His voice was suddenly hoarse and his breathing was unsteady.

"Student Xu may be a little nervous, everyone encourages you." Finally, the master of ceremonies couldn't help but look at the audience with a smile, signaling for some applause.

There was a burst of applause from below, and a few of his classmates who played well yelled, Xu Yang saw his parents frowned, but there was a doting smile on their faces...

When the noise subsided, the master of ceremonies looked back at Xu Yang with a smile, motioning for him to continue.

However, her smile froze immediately, and Xu Yang cleared his throat, as if he was going all out:

"I have one thing I want you to know." His hands that were not holding the microphone were tightly clenched into fists. Unexpectedly, the fingers with almost no nails were clenched and embedded in the flesh. The ten fingers connected to the heart, and there was a throbbing pain at the position of the heart, " I... I'm gay and I like men."

The audience was silent for the next second, and he kept staring at his parents, watching their smiles dissipate, turn into disbelief, and then from disbelief to anger.

His father jumped up from his seat, stepped onto the stage in two or three steps, and dragged his son down.Xu Yang seemed to have used up all the strength in his body, and when he didn't pay attention, the microphone in his hand fell to the ground with a "boom", and there was a palpitating loud noise from the speaker, followed by harsh noises.

Xu's father dragged Xu Yang to the private room upstairs, closed the door with a "bang", furious, "What did you say!"

"I'm gay, I like men." Xu Yang's voice calmed down instead. After all, the words had already been said, and no matter how hard they were, they couldn't be taken back. The feeling of being stuck in the throat at that time also disappeared.

"Do you have the guts to say it again?" His father's face was flushed with anger, his eyebrows were almost frowned, "See if I don't break your leg!"

"I like men..."

Before he finished speaking, Xu Yang felt a shadow approaching him, and before he had time to dodge, he was punched in the face, hitting him against the wall, causing his back to hurt.

Before he could react, Dad Xu had already picked up a chair and threw it on his lap. Xu Yang couldn't help but groaned in pain and knelt on the ground.

Looking back, he hasn't been beaten by his parents since he was in junior high school, but his father really did what he said, without mercy, saying that he would break one of his legs, if his mother didn't come up in time to stop him So, maybe the other one can't be kept.

A good school entrance banquet turned into a farce in the end. Xu Yang didn't know how it ended. He only knew that he had treated his foot injury in the hospital. Seeing his mother's sad expression, his heart ached. Even the new injury on his leg hurt It doesn't hurt that much anymore.

"You...why do you like men?" His mother choked up, and the twinkling tears were full of despair.

"Mom...", Xu Yang couldn't say a word, his neck seemed to be strangled desperately, he couldn't breathe well, and tears streamed down his face.

Finally his mother let out a long sigh and left without saying a word, leaving him alone in the ward.

In the midsummer of almost 8 degrees in August, Xu Yang felt like falling into an ice cellar at this moment.

Indeed, he can choose to hide it. Many people played with men when they were young and finally found a woman to marry. After marriage, they either keep regrets and restrain themselves, or continue to mess with others behind their backs.

But he can't.You can't do it just by thinking about it.

Xu Yang thought that he didn't have such good acting skills, nor did he have so much energy, and he couldn't pretend to love another person while pretending to be in his heart. His conscience couldn't bear such torture.

Later, his father asked his mother to ask him if he would change his words. Xu Yang insisted that he would not change his temper, even if his hands and feet were interrupted, he would not change. If he wanted to hit him, he would hit him quickly. The bones are simply raised together.

I have already taken this step and paid the price, so there is no reason to turn around and go back.

What's more, if things like sexual orientation can be straightened out, why would he wait until now?After all, long-term pain is worse than short-term pain.

Compared with the torment he endured psychologically, this bit of trauma was nothing.

This is a battle, and he must win.

Because at least I want to keep my future relationship from being made things difficult by my own family, so that in the future, I will be generous and have no scruples.

"Can't you really like women?" Mother Xu asked him crying, "Try hard..."

Xu Yang shook his head, "Mom, this is not something I can change by will. I have never had feelings for girls, and now I am like this, and I don't want to find a girlfriend and get married in the future just to lie to you. It's not fair to girls, and it's not fair to me. Mom... haven't you read the reports of the same wife, why did this happen to our family, two people are not happy together, will you be happy? "

Xu's mother was startled. It's not that she doesn't understand this truth. In all fairness, she has no prejudice against the homosexual group. After reading some reports, she even supports the disclosure of homosexuality. Don't marry innocent girls to cover up your identity, but be your own son It is the one-dimensionality of that group, and it is still unacceptable for a while.

She loves her son dearly, and she can't imagine that her baby will live under the strange eyes of others, endure other people's pointing and pointing, and endure all kinds of unfair arguments in society.The mere thought of the possibility of someone exposing his scars for being gay would break her heart.

"Mom", Xu Yang saw his mother's thoughts, calmed down, grabbed Mother Xu's hand with both hands, and tried to comfort him calmly, "You don't care what others think of me, what the public opinion says in society, I don't care about those things .For me, as long as you and Dad accept me and agree with me, I will be satisfied."

Mother Xu took a deep breath at that time, tears streaming down her cheeks, and after a while, as if she finally made up her mind, she held Xu Yang's hand, "Okay, mom understands you. If you like men, just like them. Mom believes in yourself." You can live a good life, my son is so good, so what if he likes men, are you afraid that you won't find someone?"

"Hmm..." Xu Yang watched his mother weeping, and he couldn't help sobbing, his eyelashes were dyed brightly by the tears.

Later, Ms. Xu took the initiative to do ideological dredging work for Dad Xu. After talking about it, Dad Xu's views were gradually shaken, and the relationship with his son eased.

Xu Yang now recalls the cold war with Xu's father at that time and still feels uncomfortable. When he woke up, his chest was full of distress. He took out his mobile phone and saw that it was only six o'clock, and the dormitory was soundly asleep.

As soon as he woke up in the morning, it was difficult to fall asleep again, so he simply turned off the airplane mode, and the phone vibrated just after connecting to the Internet, and a message popped up in the early hours of yesterday:

"Honey, are you asleep?"