four year itch

【I don’t know how I fell in love with you / I don’t know when or where / My love is very direct and neither complicated nor proud / I love you / Because I don’t know what other options I have besides loving you / I have other options】[ 1]

Ye Jia waited for a few days and didn't see Xu Ruibai's reply, so he somewhat understood Xu Ruibai's thoughts.But he didn't want to plan for the worst. First, he still had illusions about this person, and second, he really didn't want to believe that his luck would be so bad.Originally thought that the spring of a dead tree would be a double whammy, Ye Jia couldn't figure it out and didn't dare to think about it.

He just lived like this day by day, his heart became more and more peaceful, and he made arrangements for himself in just one week.As a result, the editor-in-chief quit. Xu Ruibai has not delivered the manuscript for two whole weeks, and there is still no news this week. The fans who urged him to update are aggressive. The meaning of male and female.

The editor-in-chief couldn't stand it anymore, so he threw an address to Ye Jia early in the morning, asking him to come to urge the manuscript.Although Ye Jia said he wanted a result, but making him face Xu Ruibai suddenly, he became afraid instead.It's just that he didn't dare to neglect, and hurried to the place on the address.

In front of me is a house surrounded by gorse bushes. Right now, the yellow flowers are in full bloom in sunny summer. The path leads from the middle of the road to the gate of the house, and extends back to a large lush green space.The hot air condensed on the gray and white exterior wall, shining on the design glass, and even the air became transparent. Ye Jia slowly passed through the flowers, and the fragrance of the flowers was strong, but he felt dizzy for a while, humming in his ears. The chirping cicadas seemed to come from far away.

He finally understood where the indescribable distance between him and Xu Ruibai came from.

That's not the gap between him and Xu Ruibai, it's the powerless gap between the two classes, and those things can't be filled by his own efforts.

Standing in front of the villa's door, Ye Jia's heart was already half dead, the feeling of being disillusioned is not good, when your faith starts to collapse, besides the sense of powerlessness, you are actually more at a loss.

He subconsciously wanted to escape, but when he turned around, he thought of the editor-in-chief's explanation.

Yes, he came here not for his love, but for his work.

Ye Jia took a few breaths and pressed the doorbell.

There was still a final struggle in his heart, struggling to hope that the editor-in-chief gave the wrong address, so that he could continue to approach Xu Ruibai pretending to be ignorant.No matter how bad it is, even if Xu Ruibai is not at home, then he can escape here without hesitation, and then return to his corner, after self-healing, he can face the result in a better way.

But how can God wait for you to be ready for everything, no matter how much he hesitates and wanders, the story will continue.

The doorbell rang three times, as if knocking three times on the door of his misery.

As soon as the door was opened, strange pheromones rushed out from the crack of the door and quickly occupied Ye Jia's nasal cavity. The idiot also knew what happened here just now. Ye Jia's face became paler and his hands and feet felt cold.

Seeing him, Xu Ruibai's expression changed slightly, and he asked, "Why are you here?"

Ye Jia tried his best to restrain his beating heart, and replied in a calm tone: "The editor-in-chief asked me to accept the manuscript. You have disappeared for almost three weeks. Even if you don't update, there should be a reason, otherwise, it will be bad for readers. Confession."

Xu Ruibai frowned, as if he was dissatisfied with the fact that Ye Jia broke into his territory without his consent: "I haven't finished the painting yet."

"How much more?" Ye Jia looked directly at him, "I'll wait here for you to finish drawing."

Xu Ruibai turned sideways slightly, pressed against the door, and expressed silent rejection: "I will send it to you when I finish the drawing."

"I can wait for you to finish painting at the door." Ye Jia also refused to budge.

"The door?"

Simply incredible.

The scorching sun in August is the time when it is stinging and stinging. Even in the middle of the mountain, the temperature at noon is really not comfortable.Ye Jia only stayed here for a short ten minutes, and there was already a thin layer of sweat behind him.Ye Jia said this half out of anger and blood, and half as a bet that Xu Ruibai would not be so heartless.

"Yes, this is my job. I must take the finished manuscript back." Ye Jia said loudly.

"Work." Xu Ruibai seemed to have heard a joke, "Apart from me, do you have other painters in your hand?"

It was the first time Ye Jia saw Xu Ruibai showing such an expression, it was an expression that was even more unbearable than indifference - contempt.Ye Jia never thought that this expression would appear on the face of that gentle gentleman Xu Ruibai.

Ye Jia explained in embarrassment: "Not yet, but I just joined the company..."

Before he finished speaking, he was interrupted by the figure appearing behind Xu Ruibai, a slender and beautiful boy Beta stepped out from the shadows, "Jude, you are here as a guest, then I will go~"

Xu Ruibai nodded.

That Beta brushed past Ye Jia with a smile, and waved at Ye Jia in a friendly way, "bye~"

Ye Jia felt cold all over his body, he only came back to his senses after watching the figure disappear into the depths of the garden, and asked tremblingly, "Who is he?"

"Friend." Another ambiguous answer.

"A friend who can sleep with?" Ye Jia felt that he was on the verge of collapse.

"Yes."

"what about me?"

"Same."

Xu Ruibai defeated his last resistance with ease, and Ye Jia felt that something had been shattered to the ground.

He roared angrily, "Why, why do you feel the same? Have you asked me?"

Xu Ruibai stared at him expressionlessly, and said indifferently, "Isn't that why you followed Yu and called me over?"

Ye Jia was stunned for a moment, then asked back in disbelief, "Purpose?"

"Yu Yiyi, isn't that what you meant when you shouted cheers?" The contempt in Xu Ruibai's eyes surfaced again, thinking he had seen the person in front of him clearly.

"That's..." Ye Jia organized his words, trying to explain what happened that day, but he didn't know where to start.

Seeing this, Xu Ruibai was even more sure of his judgment: "Otherwise, it's such a coincidence that you just came into estrus on that day?"

Ye Jia's heart was ashamed, he never thought that he would be such a scheming person in Xu Ruibai's heart, and he actually naively thought that he and Xu Ruibai were friends with equal relationships?To think that he and Xu Ruibai would have a future to look forward to? !

Now he can't wait to give himself two slaps to wake himself up.

Ye Jia gritted his teeth and asked with the last bit of dignity: "Since you are so unwilling, why didn't you take me to the hospital to get the inhibitors? Since you don't like it so much, why didn't you give me the answer earlier?"

"Answer?" Xu Ruibai repeated the two words, the expression on his face couldn't tell whether it was pain or what, as if he had searched hard for the two words for a long time but found nothing.

"Ruibai..." Ye Jia called him.

Xu Ruibai became sober, he sneered, he didn't know whether he was mocking his gaffe or for other reasons, and said in a low voice: "It doesn't matter."

Ye Jia hadn't chewed out the taste of these words, but in the next second, her lips were blocked by the person in front of her. The moist touch was so familiar, but at this moment, it didn't interest anyone at all.The moment his tongue pushed against his cheeks, Ye Jia pushed him away heavily.

"Xu Ruibai!"

Xu Ruibai sneered and wiped the saliva from the corner of his mouth with the back of his hand, raised his eyes: "Isn't this what you want?"

Ye Jia closed his eyes, opened them again after a few seconds, and it was already clear.

What Xu Ruibai said was right, he had already harbored evil intentions from the first time he saw Xu Ruibai, no matter whether he came to G City or joined W Club, every time he contacted Xu Ruibai, he always had those shameful selfish intentions.So what if he explained?Xu Ruibai will not fall in love with him just because of his explanation, he already clearly knows the gap between himself and Xu Ruibai, and also understands that this is a fruitless relationship.

So instead of falling back into a half-hearted friendship, this might be exactly what he wanted now.

Afterwards, in countless sleepless nights, Ye Jia would think that if he had made a different choice at the beginning, would everything have been completely different?

But in Ye Jia's eyes at that moment, he already had no choice but to take the risk of loving him.

"Yes, you are right, this is what I want." Ye Jia heard his own voice, with the determination to die.

Note: Excerpted from Pablo Neruda's "Twenty Love Poems and a Song of Despair"