four year itch

[When people have the opportunity to love strongly, they will spend their whole lives chasing that passion and that light][1]

The next day, Shen Qingchuan took Ye Jia to wash off the temporary marks. Unlike the pain during the mark, the process of washing off the marks was very simple, and he hardly felt anything.

He seemed to have completely removed Xu Ruibai from his body, he thought, he would soon get used to life without Xu Ruibai, just like he was used to life with Xu Ruibai back then.

Ye Jia did not go home, but chose to find a new job as an institutional teacher in G City. It was a cram school specially set up for Omega, and all the teachers were Omega.He is temporarily staying at Shen Qingchuan's house, and is planning to move back when he finds a suitable house.

Shen Qingchuan was still meticulous, Bai Xiaoyu and Chen Lang would visit him from time to time and make jokes.Everyone is bright and full of life, but he can't participate in it.Everyone but him is back to normal life, and he looks like he's back on track too, except for being more withdrawn and having more sleepless nights.

The days remained the same, Ye Jia went to work on time, got off work, prepared lesson plans, from work to the supermarket, from the supermarket to his own room, these were his entire life for the past month.

On this day, Ye Jia went to work as usual, standing lazily at the entrance of the aisle, swiping his phone, listening to the footsteps around him coming and going, listening to the door opening and closing, and a few Omega women smoking not far from him , came some trivial conversations, mixed with the smell of cigarettes.

It's nothing more than about house prices, about children, about their Alpha, and Alpha's lover.

He felt the familiar boredom.

"Every family has scriptures that are difficult to recite, and everyone has come here like this."

"How can an Omega survive without being attached to an Alpha? You have to find an Alpha. I'm not as good as you. My family is a Beta."

Ye Jia looked in the direction of the conversation. The protagonist of the topic was a docile Omega. During their conversation, Ye Jia learned that the other party had a daughter and an Alpha who loved her. It was said that her Alpha was a well-known Omega. Entrepreneurs live the happiest life in the eyes of outsiders.

Omega women are always more likely to be happy than Omega men.

"It's not necessarily better if you change people."

"There's another child."

"Let's live it together."

The other two people were proficient in persuading you sentence by sentence, as if they had experienced such moments thousands of times before.But that Omega kept smoking without saying a word, as if he was just listening carefully.

"Be realistic."

——The reality, the reality is that most people think it should be. It may not be the best choice, but it must meet the wishes of most people.

The cigarette in his hand burned to the end, and the Omega took a new one, and the lighter failed to ignite after three attempts.Her face became irritable, and she threw the cigarette and lighter on the ground together.Before the two Omegas next to them had time to react, there was the sound of breaking glass, followed by a loud bang from the door panel.That is obviously a thin woman, you can't imagine where she got so much strength, the almost self-destructive emotion is so intense that it seems to take everyone to hell together.

Only then did the other two people come to their senses and hugged her waist tightly. She was defeated and was pressed to the ground, her hair scattered all over her face, her well-painted makeup was all gone, and her gorgeous lipstick spread to her side cheeks. Her hands and feet were restrained, but she was still screaming with her mouth.

It seemed unbelievable to say it, but Ye Jia felt that that moment was the happiest expression he had seen on her since he had known her for a month.She has the desire to fight again, she has a way to vent, she is not screaming, she is fighting against her unchanging oppressive life.

By the time the police came, she had already calmed down, sitting peacefully in the mess, lowering her head, laughing softly, her expression so calm, so resigned to her fate.

At this moment, Ye Jia finally knew what the inexplicable strange feeling these days was.

It is a sense of hopelessness that recognizes the mediocrity of life. He is unlovable, living the same life over and over again, for 30 years, 40 years, 50 years, until life becomes a daily tragedy, and then he dies.

Ye Jia looked into the distance, it was the endless plains and the trivialities of the cycle, Xu Ruibai was the lofty mountain he just climbed over, he still couldn't get used to the feeling of stepping on the flat ground, just like a killer who is used to the smell of blood would choose a certain day when the weather is fine Like swallowing a gun in the morning.

Xu Ruibai asked him for help as hope, so why isn't he using the kind of love that burns everything to escape his hopeless life?

He has loved intensely, and hated intensely. Although it is painful, even if he does it all over again, he will probably still choose that hot love. Choose to burn.

"Crazy..."

Ye Jia heard someone whispering, he thought, he must be crazy.

But everyone is more or less crazy.

He watched helplessly as the Omega was taken away, and the unlit cigarette rolled to his feet.He lowered his body and picked it up. Marlboro is the one that Xu Ruibai smokes most often.He put the cigarette up to his nose, and the smell of the tobacco calmed him down.

Then he felt that he was not ordinary enough, so he stuffed the cigarette into his mouth.The moment he lowered his head to look for the lighter, he suddenly felt that the world was spinning, and the whole world was spinning, only he stopped.He desperately wanted to breathe, but his lungs and heart seemed to be out of control. The feeling of suffocation seized his brain, and he almost thought he was going to die like this.

But his consciousness didn't disappear, and the expected death didn't come. The surrounding voices were still clear, but they seemed to come from another world. The people in front of him were brightly colored, but they dazzled him.

Then, he heard the sound of himself falling to the ground, and heard the wailing from his chest. The sound was so shocking that the people around him were stunned.

When I woke up again, my eyes were already white, the sun was shining through the curtains, and the room was warm and comfortable, pure and flawless.

"I'm not dead yet." Such thoughts jumped into my mind.

Shen Qingchuan stood up from the chair with an anxious expression, checked his body for any abnormalities, and after confirming that there was nothing wrong, he calmed down and said, "The doctor said that you don't have enough sleep for a long time, and you only faint when you are suddenly frightened."

"How do you feel now?"

Ye Jia looked at him, Shen Qingchuan was still wearing a white coat, he should have rushed over directly from his department.

Suddenly Ye Jia raised his hands to cover his face, and the voice came from between his fingers, with a depressing dullness."I can't stand it," he said.

After returning from the Xu family, he has been restraining himself from saying such things, because once he says these things, it proves that something is wrong with him, and he is different from most people in this world.

——I can't let myself go on like this anymore, I want to become more normal.

"I'm so miserable."

The words spoken and the thoughts in his mind ran counter to each other, he was out of control, his body was out of his control.

He began to sob uncontrollably, buried his head in Shen Qingchuan's arms, Shen Qingchuan didn't know why he was crying, all he could do was stroke his back as gently and slowly as possible.

One of them didn't know why they were crying, and the other didn't know how to comfort them.

--

"Depression."

After nearly an hour of repeated examinations and tests, the doctor gave a cold verdict.

— Well, now I'm crazy too.

Seeing the desperate expression on his face, the doctor seemed to be unable to bear it, "It doesn't mean that you are depressed, and it is a long process to diagnose depression. I will prescribe some medicine for you first, and come back for a follow-up visit in half a month. "

After speaking, he told Shen Qingchuan who was behind him, "Xiao Shen, remember to take him to bask in the sun more."

Shen Qingchuan nodded towards the other party, and the doctor left the ward.

"It's okay, it's just that some parts of your body are out of balance, as long as you take good care of it, it will get better." Shen Qingchuan's tone was still so gentle, as if this was just a trivial self-reorganization in the body.

But Ye Jia knew, no, his body was experiencing a small storm, and if he was not careful, he would be swept away, leaving a piece of scorched earth.

[1] Excerpt from Camus' "Return to the Vatican"