four year itch

【The world is very lonely, can I just say that?You and I have tasted love like beasts that have tasted blood. 】[1]

The night Ye Jia escaped, Xu Ruibai was severely whipped by Xu Yuwei with a horsewhip. He hadn't seen Xu Yuwei get angry like this for many years.Xu Yuwei is indeed a little old, and has reached the age where he needs to use external force to hurt his child.Xu Ruibai knew that once he fought back, Xu Yuwei would be powerless to fight back.He is like a lion who exposes his belly to the sun, unknowingly exposing his aging to others.He is just the most ordinary middle-aged man who lost to time.

However, Xu Ruibai did not.

Every time Xu Yuwei dropped a whip, he missed Ye Jia even more.Every scar on his body is a testimony of his loyalty to his lover. In this way, he repented for what he had done in a place Ye Jia couldn't see.

So he endured it without saying a word, until he was beaten to pieces.No one stepped forward to dissuade him, including Bai Zhuyu.This time she didn't hold Xu Yuwei as she did every time in the past, she just stood aside coldly, her eyes were full of disappointment and pity.

There is no distress, no one has such emotion in their eyes.

Everyone felt that Xu Ruibai did something wrong and he needed such punishment.

Xu Ruibai once again lived with alcohol all day long, staying in his small studio, drunk and dreaming.It's as if nothing has changed.He held up the opal that Ye Jia had left for him, squinted one eye, and looked at his painting through the stone.

It's beautiful, every picture is beautiful.

He can paint countless similar, exquisite paintings in the frame.

Along the way, he has received various compliments. He is talented, aura, and promising, and he is a rare genius.But only now did he realize that perhaps God had never chosen him. Like those without talent, he forced himself to move forward on this road, but was exhausted.

It is he who traded freedom for these beauties, the same beauties.

We all know that freedom is the root of beauty.

Xu Ruibai's eyes stayed on the white marks on the wall, and he thought of Ye Jia's smiling eyes. The stars are always the stars, but his eyes were covered by the haze.

He wanted to give up.Tired of stories of defection and struggle, no longer wanting to ask right or wrong, and obeying his family.But he found sadly that he could not turn back.Like a beast that has tasted blood, he has tasted love, and he can no longer force himself to live a life without love.

Everything came to an end when Bai Zhuyu opened the door of his room.

Like all parents who are tortured by rebellious children, Bai Zhuyu said to him in a tone similar to a sigh, "You go."

The wine bottle fell to the ground with a clear sound, Xu Ruibai looked at the Omega at the door, his eyes were full of disbelief.

"Do what you want to do." Bai Zhuyu said.

Xu Ruibai staggered and stood up, he was already a head taller than Bai Zhuyu, but at this moment he was still as dazed as a child.

Bai Zhuyu touched his face tenderly, with reluctance in his eyes, "He's at that doctor's."

Xu Ruibai was speechless, it was the first time he had emotions other than hatred towards Bai Zhuyu, and he even wanted to attribute that emotion to gratitude.

"Go, the car is waiting at the door." Bai Zhuyu hugged him and bid farewell.

He was about to leave this place, and he ran towards the door almost without hesitation. In the face of pain, everyone is a coward, no one wants the pain to increase, and everyone wants to escape.

"Ruibai." Bai Zhuyu called him from behind, "I will always be your family, you will come back."

Not sure if it was a curse or a sigh, maybe both.

Xu Ruibai looked back at Bai Zhuyu, he felt very strange, but he didn't know what was so strange, it all went so smoothly, so smoothly that people couldn't believe it was true.

However, he soon found out.

It's just that at this moment Xu Ruibai was so full of freedom and Ye Jia that he forgot about this weirdness very quickly.

-

"It's 14 yuan in total." The cashier handed the sandwich to Xu Ruibai with a smile on his face, and secretly glanced at him a few more times while Xu Ruibai turned on his phone.

Xu Ruibai has long been used to these gazes, he took the bag expressionlessly and was about to leave.

"Wait a minute, sir, you just failed to pay, and your account shows insufficient balance."

Xu Ruibai frowned, stepped back, opened the phone and changed a card, and asked the other party to scan the code again.

"Sorry, but the payment still failed." Although the cashier was still very polite, he already showed a hint of impatience, and the customers who were queuing behind also raised their heads and looked at the cashier.

When he clicked on the third card, Xu Ruibai's fingers stopped suddenly.There should be no shortage of balance in any of his cards.

Xu Ruibai smiled, as if laughing at his own whimsy, he should have known that Bai Zhuyu could not let him leave the Xu family so easily.

"Sorry, sorry for the trouble." He put the sandwich in his hand on the cash register, turned around and walked out of the store.

As the sky was getting dark, Xu Ruibai sat quietly on a bench in the dilapidated park, listening to the sound of the trees swaying.His finger swiped across the contact list on the phone, and found that there was not a single number that could be dialed.

Xu Ruibai found that he had no friends, and the only clear time in his life was given by Ye Jia, but this time was too short, like a carnival tavern, hasty and lively.The rest are all dark nights. During these nights, he thinks about all kinds of meanings, including family, including love, but in the end he gets nothing. He is like a wasteland.

The world is so vast, and he is the only one who is sick, confused and false.

He took out all his belongings from his pocket, a mobile phone, a pack of half-smoked Marlboros, a lighter, a crumpled ten-yuan note, and the opal left by Ye Jia.

Other than that, nothing great.It can't be called penniless, but it is already stretched.

Xu Ruibai doesn't regret his choice, but he hasn't eaten for a long time.When people can't fill their stomachs, they have no way to think about whether their choices are correct. They will only yearn for their dreams more, because only such light and heat can keep them alive.

He had a presentiment, he had a presentiment that he might die here, come out of the night, return to the night, disappear without a trace in endless time.

If he died tonight, then he would like to see Ye Jia again and send him a rose for the last time.

Fortunately, the flower shop was still open, so Xu Ruibai bought a cheap rose for six yuan, smoked the last cigarette downstairs at Ye Jia's, put the flower on the door, and said sorry to the cold light .

The scarlet petals looked like a suicide note that had been written all his life, and the lonely "sorry" was an engraved inscription.

Then, he turned to leave.

No matter how much he regrets, he shouldn't appear in his life anymore——

Ye Jia never looked back at him when he left, not even once.

City G was still brightly lit in the early morning, Xu Ruibai was walking aimlessly in the bustling pedestrian streets, he needed to think about where he was going to spend the night.

There was a Beta girl on the street who was drawing with an easel. She looked like a college student. While sketching, she painted portraits for passers-by to earn some change. Xu Ruibai unconsciously took a few more glances.Although the brushwork is neat and tidy, it is a bit youthful according to the script, and the use of color can only be regarded as quite satisfactory.

The Beta also noticed his stop and asked, "Sir, do you want to draw? There are 51 landscapes and 31 portraits."

Xu Ruibai shook his head, and ran away in a hurry.

——"Why are you only painting in the frame?" Ye Jia's voice surged up from the depths of his memory.

Xu Ruibai's footsteps paused.

The girl felt someone tap her shoulder lightly, and she turned her face away.

"Hi, may I use your pen to draw a picture?" The person in front of him said with a smile.

It was a slightly haggard but undiminished face with bright eyes shining with determination.She nodded almost subconsciously.

Xu Ruibai thanked her, sat down on the chair, and picked up her paintbrush.The surroundings are very noisy, but his heart is unusually quiet, the kind of silence that can only be found when he is doing one thing wholeheartedly. The paintbrush in his hand is no longer a weapon that restricts him, without difficulties and shackles, he has no scruples. to draw.

Before, he didn't think about the reason why he likes painting, or he just used painting as a weapon of resistance. He had nothing in his hand, and only this insignificant talent could be used as a sharp knife to cut through life. rock face.But now he understands that he likes the feeling of being able to control everything freely. He can paint a world just with a pen, and he himself is changed by the painting itself. This feeling is so happy.

The girl felt that she had seen this person somewhere before, and she secretly guessed whether the person in front of her was a senior in the industry who had already made a name for herself, but she couldn't remember who he was after searching all over her memory.But this is not important anymore, because there is no need for it. There is never more than words that can be spoken. Anyone who reads his works at this moment will be impressed by his painting skills.

"Can you sell this work to me?" After Xu Ruibai finished the last stroke, the girl behind her almost couldn't wait to ask.

"sell to you?"

"Yes, if no offense."

Xu Ruibai stared at the other party calmly for a long time, then nodded slowly, "Yes."

"Then please make a price."

Xu Ruibai turned his head to look at his own painting, and smiled with satisfaction, "Just eighty."

The girl had already planned to buy it at a high price, but at first she thought she had heard it wrong, so she confirmed in disbelief, "Eighty?"

"Well, pay in cash."

The girl quickly took out the money from her pocket, as if she was afraid that he would regret it.

Xu Ruibai was not polite either, he took the money generously and said, "Thank you"

"It should be me thanking you."

Xu Ruibai shook his head and stood up from the chair.

"By the way, is there a hotel near here?" He said as he waved the 80 yuan bill in his hand.

"This is all my belongings."

The girl blinked, "I don't know a hotel where you can stay for 80 yuan, but there is a good youth hostel in front of you, it only costs 30 yuan a night."

[1] Excerpted from Lu Xun's "With the Young"