masculinity

Chicheng looked at me, with certain emotions hidden in his eyes, but I couldn't pierce them. I won't blame him for these things.

Even though Chi Xu, and him, I don't blame him anymore, I still choose to leave. These things were caused by myself, so now I choose to stay away.

I want to end this state of life, love is too tiring, love is too bitter...

Because of a love, it brought too many changes in my life, because of me, my parents died innocently, although Chi Xu didn't do it on purpose, but it was Chi Xu's indirect killer.

Even so, I think it's time for retribution. Since he has already surrendered, I don't want to continue to hate, not to mention that I regard him as a friend. He is not sincere, but I have given my sincerity.

And Yunlong, because he loved me and made him wait for so many years, I selfishly enjoyed and accepted Yunlong's selfless love.

Yes, I have figured it out now, and I already feel that love is so helpless, so let myself be quiet for a few years, and take a good look at the great rivers and mountains of the motherland.

"Do you have to choose this way?" Chi Cheng finally asked me after being silent for a few seconds.

Chicheng won't let me leave, I am very happy, I know he is really in love with me now, but I have to leave.

I'm going to take the little one away, I have to let the little one grow up well.

"Well, I want to be quiet." I looked at Shang Chicheng's eyes, his eyes were not so deep that I couldn't understand, now I can see what he is thinking.

"You...you can't stay for anyone." Chicheng faltered to me for the first time, as if there was something unspeakable, I was very curious.

"Huh? For you?" I smiled, and said what he meant directly.

I know he has a good face and doesn't condescend casually, so I offered it.

"Is it not possible?" Chi Cheng asked me with a slightly embarrassing expression after being embarrassed by me.

Chi Cheng's face was a little disappointed, he seemed to hope that I would stay for him.

I want to stay, but I want to give myself some time and space.

In addition, I also want to test the relationship between Chicheng and me. If time is not an issue, then there is no reason not to be together for the rest of our lives.

"Well, I want to give us some time for each other. If we really love each other, we will still be together in the end, what do you think?"

I told Chicheng my thoughts, hoping he would not misunderstand that I don't love him anymore.

I will stick to him forever, I only like him alone, even if I was fooled by Qianye Lishu during the period, and regarded him as Chicheng...

"Okay, I'll wait for you." Chi Cheng looked at me affectionately, his eyes were tender like water, and his words were gentle.

Let it be like this with him, I'm going to Dali, Yunnan for a period of retreat, one year?two years?Maybe a month, half a year...

I'm not sure how long I'm going to stay, because Xiaobudian is still young and doesn't have to go to school, so I can go and see far away.

When the little one is a little older, I may return to Beijing or other places.

I want to find my original self, the self that I once had some wonderful crush on.

"Papa, where is this place?" Xiao Budian asked me when he woke up.

"Yunnan. A beautiful place."

I smiled and looked at him, this little guy is getting more and more handsome, because there are some mixed-race genes in his body, his appearance is outstanding.

We were on the plane, the little one just woke up, looking out the window sleepily, this was the first time he looked at the scenery on the ground on the plane.

It was also the second time for him to take a plane. The first time was when he came back from Canada and came to my side and became my precious son.

"Oh, when will Daddy come to play with me?" Xiao Budian asked me with big round eyes.

In this pure and innocent world, I don't know how to respond. Should I deceive him?But I have always practiced non-deception education for Xiao Budian, even if it is a white lie, I don't agree with it.

Now, I am in a state of entanglement, because I am not sure when I can return to Beijing, will I still see Chicheng in this lifetime?

When I left, I didn't tell him, and where I went, I also kept Chi Cheng a secret...

"Hush! Keep your voice down, look..." I deliberately avoided the little one's words, and pointed to the white clouds outside the window.

"Well, it's so beautiful...but Daddy didn't see it, so he's not happy."

Xiao Budian suddenly popped out such a sentence, and I was speechless for an instant, this guy has really developed a sense of dependence on Chi Cheng.

It seems to me that I can't divert the little guy's attention, so I keep silent and let him tangle himself.

The more I moved, the tighter he grasped...

This little guy is too precocious, he can understand everything, just like a little adult.

The plane landed, and I led Xiaobudian to the side of the road outside the terminal to take a car. After waiting for a while, I heard Xiaobudian sigh.

"Hey... Such a good city, why doesn't Daddy come and be unhappy..."

Once again, I was speechless to Xiao Budian, this guy likes Chi Cheng so much, why did he act like he didn't come with me before, so he didn't want to eat.

As expected of a child, childish words are not taboo.

I remembered Chi's mother's words in my ears, "Lin Xi, can you keep the little baby?" I saw Chi's mother's pleading look at that time, and I planned to keep the little one at Chi's house.

In this way, the little one can have a good environment to grow up, and both Chi's mother and Chi's father like him.

But this little guy actually cried and hugged my thigh, crying, "Papa, I don't want you to go, if you go, I will go too!"

I was frightened by the behavior of the little one. How can this child be so hard to hold back and love.

Acting so cute, I couldn't refuse a request from the little one.

I had no choice but to take him away, so I took him away, but now he said again that he misses Chicheng!

What else can I say, a child, the heart is always not too settled, nor will it be entangled for too long because of any one thing.

It won't be long before the little one forgets Chi Cheng.

But what I didn't expect was that, like Xiao Budian, I wanted to force myself to forget the past, but I was still deeply trapped in the city of Chicheng.

Later, we found a two-bedroom, two-living room house in the suburbs of Kunming. I started to take the little one to meet various men, but every time the little one would pull my clothes and pretend to be cute and pitiful.

"Papa, be careful when Daddy hits you!"

I was very speechless at the time, and what I didn't expect was that the little one would never forget Chicheng so much, so every time I wanted to develop further with other men, I would stop here. I didn't expect that I thought I had forgotten , but still love deeply, and even like Chicheng's things very much, especially the domineering feeling of kissing me.

Sometimes I would really like to go back to the past, but I am also afraid, so I have never been with Chi Cheng.Or maybe I should go back to the original starting point, in another place, maybe I won’t be able to meet Chicheng.

The weather in Yunnan is not as spring-like as it is in the legend. Sometimes it rains, and people can wear all kinds of clothes. It was early spring. When I went out to buy vegetables, I secretly drank the pre-cookie. I drank the orange juice in the refrigerator, that's all, the little guy has a high fever, I plan to turn him out of the long sleeves, and then take him to see a doctor.But the little boy keeps saying the word "Daddy" in his mouth. I don't know why Chicheng has such magical power, which once made me fascinated, and also made the little boy fascinated.

I dug out the clothes in the closet, but accidentally collapsed a pile of clothes, and suddenly a piece of clothing ran into my eyes. I remembered that I didn't have that piece of clothing, and I also remembered that that piece of clothing belonged to Chicheng.

In fact, sometimes I also ask myself, if Chicheng comes back and comes to me, should I promise him to live forever with him.

When the little boy's fever went down, my eyes were blurry, and I didn't even know how much I was crying. I only know that I still love Chi Cheng very much, the daddy in the little boy's mouth.

"Papa, do you miss Daddy?"

"Papa, let's not cry, Daddy will feel bad when he sees it."

"Papa, actually Daddy told me that he likes you, but I think little boys and little boys are not bad."

I don't know when Chicheng told Xiaobudian about this matter, and I never wanted to instill this kind of thinking in Xiaobudian. In the end, it is his own opinion about what kind of person he likes and what kind of life he wants to live.

"Little one, Papa doesn't cry, because Papa knows it doesn't look good when Papa cries."

"Yeah, it's good to know that you don't look good when you cry."

The familiar voice made me dumbfounded, Chicheng's sudden appearance was like an airborne landing, so much so that I suspected that I was dreaming, but the little action told me that this was not a dream, but reality.

"Daddy, Xiaomi misses you so much, but Papa misses you even more!"

At that time, I was stunned, I didn't expect that the little girl I worked so hard to bring up would actually be me!

"Little one, secretly drinking iced drinks and talking nonsense, I will settle with you when I turn around."

"Papa, I'm telling the truth! Didn't you teach me to be honest and not lie? But the baby is very honest now, and Papa is angry..."

Every time as long as the little one looks cute and pitiful, I am at a loss what to do, just like the sudden appearance of Chi Cheng, which makes me at a loss.

"Xiao Budian called me and said he had a cold, and then told me the name of the hospital."

I was also confused at the time, how did Xiao Budian get my mobile phone!How did you call Chicheng again!The key is how to unlock it!

"Go away, I won't like you anymore."

"Papa, how can you drive Daddy away? And Papa, you dare to go out to see your uncle behind Daddy's back..."

I really didn't expect that I would just be given away by the little one.Chi Cheng approached me step by step, then pushed me to the side of my breasts, kissed me viciously, and then let go.

"Come back, Lin Xi."

"I surrender."

I am so arrogant, but I fell in love with Chi Cheng, maybe this is the so-called fate.

I also admit defeat, I am willing to lose myself to Chi Cheng.

I gave him the best youth, and the rest of my life belongs to him.

Right now, I am sitting at home and writing this.

Chicheng's mother, that is, my mother-in-law, brought me a cup of freshly fried corn juice at this time.

"Thank you mom."

"Hurry up and drink, by the way, can you and Chicheng move a little bit less at night? The little one didn't sleep well all night."

"Okay, Mom."