Looking back and waiting for the dawn

, the pain of being slapped by Kyuhyun yesterday, the lower body hurts even more, and I am afraid that the penis will split and dare not move casually, but no matter how painful it is, it will not hurt more than the heart. I have no self-esteem at all. Since I was a child, I heard those words of contempt for my mother, saying that my mother is a crazy woman, a lowly woman, and that I am not much better... It turns out that this is my fate in this world.

Kyuhyun also woke up early in the morning, and found someone beside him, so he turned his head and saw Ryeowook, seeing Ryeowook crying, his heart stopped suddenly, Kyuhyun has often bullied Ryeowook since he was a child, it’s not like he hasn’t seen it before. Ryeowook is crying, but why does his heart feel so uncomfortable this time, like dry and cracked skin, I don’t know how to make it return to its original state immediately? Immediately? That’s impossible, because of the party before graduation, Kyu Hyun and his friends gambled on the topic of sex, and were ridiculed by friends because they had no sexual experience, so they had to go home and use alcohol to paralyze their nerves with a bad excuse to make sure that they had sex experience, not the virgins that friends said, Kyuhyun stood up Looking at Ryeowook coldly, he said:

"Forget about this night"!

After speaking, he went into the bathroom to rinse, and after a while, when Kyuhyun walked out of the bathroom, Ryeowook on the bed was no longer there, but the cute and pitiful look in his mind made Kyuhyun's heart throb, and he saw the light blue The sheets were stained with red blood, Kyuhyun said to himself:

"It's just a servant, what's wrong with serving the master?"

Having said that, the contradictory Kyuhyun is actually very angry with himself. What is wrong with him? There are countless girls who pursue him later, but as he gets older, it seems that the focus of his eyes has changed, huh! That’s right. , When will I stop paying attention to girls, but boys of the same gender as myself? It’s not that I don’t know my mother who has a strong personality and sharp words, so I started to like and pay attention to boys, let alone tell my mother, let alone Sharing or discussing thoughts with classmates, usually selfish, domineering and stubborn, it is impossible to tell classmates that there is no friend around who can talk to them. This mentality is a sense of distrust of classmates, thinking that these classmates will betray themselves, maybe not Now, it is a question of sooner or later, because Kyuhyun has been suppressing the changes in his body, after being ridiculed by his friends, he will burst out in an instant, and he has no choice but to vent his sexual desire on Ryeowook.

The day after Kyuhyun raped Ryeowook was Sunday, and I really wanted to go to the backyard to see Ryeowook, but because of the self-esteem problem, the next day, Uncle Lee had to send Hyunwook to class, and usually Ryeowook could only wait for Kyuhyun , on this day Kyuhyun yelled:

"Go tell that stinky boy to hurry up, you want me to wait for him, are you getting impatient?"

Hearing the impatience of Cao Shao's urging, the servant dare not neglect, and come back to reply Cao Shao in a while:

"Xiao Xu asked for leave today and can't go to class"?

"That brat, are you blatantly skipping class?"

"No, it's Xiaoxu who has a fever. I heard that the fever lasted a whole day and she's still asleep and can't get up."

Hearing the servant's message, Kyuhyun sitting in the car has a more serious face than usual. I heard that if it is the first time to do that kind of thing, you may have a fever. Could it be because of yourself? Ryeowook?

On this day, Kyuhyun was not in the mood to go to class at school, and he couldn't find a suitable reason to go home early, otherwise he would be questioned by his nagging mother, so he had to endure until the end of class time, Kyuhyun used the school's excuse to find opportunities in the name of schoolwork Look at Ryeowook; Kyuhyun seldom comes to the backyard when he is at home. When he was young, he felt that Ryeowook was an infectious disease and bacteria, and it was impossible to come to the backyard. The sentence "There is no special reason, I will never go to the backyard to find Ryeowook."

懊恼

Said that that day was the first time Ryeowook walked into Kyuhyun’s room, such as the luxury of the prince’s bedroom opened Ryeowook’s eyes, why not Kyuhyun, this was also the first time he walked into the backyard to Ryeowook’s room, it turned out that the servant People say that the Cao family is like South Korea and North Korea. The place where I live is full of sense of technology, almost sensory and touch life. Ryeowook is like living in North Korea. The environment is completely in an undeveloped world. The room is very small. Single bed, a desk, there is not a big bookcase, but the bookcase is crowded with books, it doesn’t matter, and they are folded outside. Ryeowook doesn’t have many clothes, so there is only a small modular wardrobe, and the horizontal wall outside the wardrobe Only the school uniform was hung on the hanging rod. It is a small room, but it is very clean. The room lighting is not too bright. Fortunately, the desk is illuminated by a desk lamp. Although there is a desk lamp to reinforce it, Ryeowook is still nearsighted. Kyu Xian couldn't believe that this was Ryeowook's room in Cao's house. When he was young, he saw Ryeowook coming to the house, and learned from his mother and Mrs. Yan that Cao's family treated Ryeowook well, and he thought Ryeowook should live in it. Not too bad, I didn't expect that what I saw in front of me was a severe slap in the face.

Kyuhyun asked in a low voice:

"Is the doctor here?"

"No, Xiao Xu said, he just needs to take antipyretics."

Kyuhyun suddenly became angry, he sighed after holding back, and said in a commanding tone:

"Go and call the doctor."

"Okay...okay, I'll go right away."The servant put on a stinking face secretly, thinking in his heart that he must have seen the devil, that Young Master Cao would actually help Xiao Xu find a doctor?

Then, Kyuhyun waved his hand to the servant who followed, indicating to go out first, and stay in Ryeowook's room alone, Kyuhyun watched Ryeowook who was frowning and fell asleep, but his heart suddenly twitched , originally wanted to touch Ryeowook's forehead, but couldn't take action, and then looked at this warehouse-like room, feeling very uncomfortable, got up and left in the mood that he couldn't stay any longer.

When the doctor left and told Rye Wook that he was in good health, as long as the fever subsided, he would be fine. This matter also spread to Mrs. Cao, making Mrs. Cao think that it was just a fever, and even Cao’s doctor was really invited. It took a lot of trouble, but Mrs. Cao didn't ask any more questions, otherwise Director Cao would definitely protect the little bastard, and wouldn't embarrass himself again.After 2 days, Ryeowook slowly returned to normal, and went to and from get out of class normally, but the distance from Kyuhyun was even further.

After that night, Ryeowook's definition of his own existence in this world is "zero". That's right, he doesn't need to pray to himself, and because of this mentality of life, Ryeowook's essay topic " Future", the content is almost lost hope for this world, although it is not written from my own experience, the writing method uses hypothetical hunger and war as metaphors, the gloom of the content impressed the teacher deeply, and was selected as an excellent work by the teacher, knowing that The work was appreciated by the teacher, but Ryeowook could only smile wryly in his heart. What kind of situation is this? I live in a panic environment like hunger and no freedom. I look rich on the outside, but in fact my heart is about to fester, but I can’t give up on myself. What are you waiting for if you can walk step by step? I don’t know, even if it is the beginning of another day, when the dawn rises and the sun comes out again, I hope there will be new miracles behind the sun.

When his mind is empty, Ryeowook sometimes thinks about the days when he was wandering the streets in order to find his mother. During that time, he learned to lie, because he would get sympathy for lying. At that time, Ryeowook was very hungry and told the bakery clerk: "I'm so hungry, can you give me a piece of bread?", this is a truthful sentence, the clerk made a gesture to drive away stray cats and dogs and said to himself, "You are so dirty, get out".In this way, he was driven out of the shop by the bakery clerk.Later Ryeowook told the clerk in a different way: "My mother is sick, wait at home for me to bring something back for her to eat, I can help you work, I just need a piece of bread", unexpectedly, Ryeowook not only got a piece of bread, but A whole piece of milk toast, Ryeowook happily divided the piece of toast into 3 days, reluctant to eat it slowly.Maybe this kind of incident is still in Ryeowook's heart, and he never told anyone, so he was misunderstood as a thief and a cheater when he was in elementary school... Ryeowook didn't bother to defend himself, he felt that he was not a pure person , and let this state of mind affect growing up, it seems difficult to change.

At school, Kyuhyun didn't like to see Ryeowook being too kind to others, and he didn't like people asking Ryeowook to help east and west, getting too close to Ryeowook. For Ryeowook, not offending others means "living a good life", so Ryeowook Occasionally, Xu would help his classmates. Although Ryeowook was passive with his classmates, there was almost no smile on his face. When Xu was with Zhong Yun and Sheng Min, their smiles were different, although they were not laughing loudly, maniacally, or even making laughter, but it was a natural, shy, and vivid expression, and at that moment, only one word was seen." Therefore, Kyuhyun is unhappy, unhappy with Zhong Yun and Sungmin coming to Ryeowook, and even more unhappy with the kind of "pureness" that Ryeoowook will show in front of them, but he can't explain the reason for his displeasure?

Ryeowook seldom spoke at school, after that "night" of lack of self-esteem, Ryeowook didn't even bother to talk anymore, he felt that his hearing was not as good as before, and he often had tinnitus, and he didn't want to check his body for any discomfort, so he was so muddled every day The good memories of my junior high school should only be in Jin Zhongyun and Li Shengmin, especially in the last half of the semester, I was always encouraged and comforted by these two seniors. Qualifications are for those who are capable. If you can’t do anything well by yourself, it’s good not to cause trouble for others.

Zhong Yun and Sheng Min are childhood sweethearts, their fathers are both city councilors, they are very popular with their classmates at school, apart from being handsome and having a sense of justice, they have experienced