night fades

"I haven't been here for a long time. What's the matter today? I called you suddenly. I thought something happened to you." Xu Pingchuan was taken aback when he received Zhou Ning'an's call. He hadn't seen Zhou Ning'an for a relatively long time. A first-class psychiatrist, what he felt was not relief, but a vague worry.Since Zhou Ning'an was 12 years old, in the past 16 years, he has never been able to go for more than a month without a psychological counseling, and what happened in this more than a month?

"What's the matter? I'm still alive." Zhou Ning'an forced a smile. In front of his psychiatrist, he finally didn't have to hide anything.

Xu Pingchuan took out a thin blanket, and Zhou Ning'an took off his coat and lay down on the physiotherapy sofa, wrapped tightly the blanket that the doctor gave him, closed his eyes, and slightly raised the corners of his mouth: "I'm going to find him .”

Xu Pingchuan was taken aback, but his tone was very calm, and he asked gently: "Who, Lin Ye?"

Zhou Ningan opened his eyes, saw the doctor's frown tightly, and smiled slightly: "As for it? Be so serious."

"It's been more than ten years since you saw him, why did you decide to look for him now?" Xu Pingchuan still frowned, but his tone was still very slow.

"There's no reason, I just want to go." Zhou Ning'an murmured, sat up and hugged himself with his arms, and buried his face in his knees, a very protective posture.Xu Pingchuan patiently waited for him to open his mouth. After a long time, he heard Zhou Ning'an murmuring in a low voice: "It's too difficult, doctor, I really can't keep going. I know I shouldn't go to him, but I can't bear it." Yes, really. I can't take it anymore."

Xu Pingchuan sighed, Zhou Ning'an turned his face to look at him, with a tired smile: "Besides, he is also very kind to me."

"Oh?" It was Xu Pingchuan's turn to be surprised this time, "Very good? What's the best way? How did you tell him?"

"I offered him money to be with me, and he didn't refuse." Zhou Ning'an put his chin on his knees and smiled weakly, "He still talked to me and asked me what I like. He doesn't really hate me."

Xu Pingchuan has known him for so many years, watched him grow from a confused and precocious child to this independent but lonely man, and his feelings for him are more like a junior than just a patient.Xu Pingchuan knew that in Zhou Ning'an's world, it might be good for him not to hate him or leave him.

"Why are you so close to him? You are not afraid of him..."

"He needs money, and it will probably take a long time. If I give him money, he will not leave me. This is the safest way." Zhou Ning'an smiled helplessly, and said to the doctor: "I know what you want to say What, he also likes men now, and I'm afraid he has forgotten me a long time ago. I didn't want him to love me more, but when I was with him, I could breathe more. "

"Have the suffocation and insomnia improved?" Xu Pingchuan was concerned about this most important topic.

"The insomnia is still the same, and the suffocation is better." Zhou Ning settled down, "Actually, I came today because I found that when I was by Lin Ye, there would always be a feeling that it would be nice to die now." Feeling. I know it's dangerous, so I'm here to ask you, is there any way to solve it?"

"Ning'an, I'm a doctor, just like all doctors. I can prescribe you medicine and solve some symptoms, but what I can do is more limited than those doctors who can perform operations. Your suicidal tendencies have always existed, and I I can guide you, but it depends on you how to react correctly." Xu Pingchuan sighed, "Being with Lin Ye has aggravated this tendency. You think it's because you subconsciously feel that this is the biggest thing you can get. Are you happy, or is it because you are afraid that one day you will be separated from him?"

"Hmm... probably all of them." Zhou Ning'an said hesitantly, sitting up and leaning on the back of the sofa wrapped in a blanket, leaning on his neck and closing his eyes, he said: "Before I went to find him, I also thought that in the future, even if we can't be together , as long as I can see him from time to time, it’s fine to sit for a while and talk. But since I’m really with him, I’m getting more and more greedy, I want to see him every day, I dare not go Thinking about the future. I... I'm scared. What if he really never has feelings for me?"

Dr. Xu looked at Zhou Ning'an's red eyes, lowered his head silently, and said softly, "Isn't it because I was afraid of you that I waited for so many years. Since it's already like this, why don't you try to tell him this?"

Zhou Ningan opened his bloodshot eyes and shook his head, "He is very kind, but I don't need him to pity me."

"Emotions are very complicated things. It's not that if you don't tell him, he won't feel anything. Some things may be more effective if you tell him than to me." If several years of love can't impress Lin Ye, then Zhou Ning'an's real disaster will be at that time.

Dr. Xu knew that Zhou Ning'an was really about to lose his grip, and if he didn't hold on to something, he couldn't fight against the depression and loneliness accumulated over the years.Lin Ye was his last straw, his hope. Until the end, Zhou Ning'an was reluctant to show this hope.

But what would he do if even that straw were broken?

Regarding his illness, Xu Pingchuan has always been very helpless.He thinks that Zhou Ning'an doesn't even need a doctor, because they all know the treatment method, but no one can prescribe this medicine.Lin Ye was a strong booster, and it was also because of this that he dared not persuade Zhou Ning'an to find him.

How could one dose of medicine be enough for Zhou Ning'an to survive his long life?

I don't know how the woman will feel when she sees all this.Xu Pingchuan had to admit that she wanted to take revenge and ruin a person's life.

"Since this is the case, don't hold back any longer. Think less about the future and do what you want to do now. After all, you finally have something you want to do, which is good after all."

Xu Pingchuan came to this conclusion with a bit of worry, what else can he say now that the matter has come to this?