The right and left hand who accompany you countdown

and red book

Xiao Chong, I love:

I picked up the pen under the lamp, only to realize that the pen is extremely heavy. It turns out that today is the sky, and the night is as cool as water.

I never thought before that one day, I would express my thoughts about you in this way. Originally, I thought it was something that hypocritical literati would do.And I, no matter how many things I want to say, I think I can sleep with you and let me talk freely.Unexpectedly, the situation suddenly changed overnight, steel fences and iron pillars, square inches of blue sky, and you are actually not allowed to meet.

I love, but there are thousands of words in my heart, thousands of words, and I want to say it to you tens of thousands of times.I just hate that once I miss it, it is like a silver man and a cow and a weaver girl, watching each other from afar, golden wind and rain, if we want to meet again, I don't know how long we will have to wait.

Years behind bars, days and nights, my love, only your black hair, stubborn eyes, smooth back, warm lips. . .It is the only thought in my sleepless nights, which can make me ignore the frosted iron grid and be covered in the cold.

Looking back and counting, from the moment you and I collided and met, it was only a little over a year.In just a few hundred days, there are so many past events that are unbearable to look back on. Now that I think about it, I made mistakes again and again, which hurt you too deeply.There is only one sentence, even if I see through this iron window and sit in prison, I still want to tell you, I love it!No matter how many crimes and mistakes I have committed in public or private, I will never regret the mistakes I made against you!You hate me to the ends of the earth, but for me, this mistake will never be corrected.

My love, everything here has long been involuntary, and the lights are about to be turned off, so I won't say much.

Tonight, the crescent moon is like a hook, rising from three or four gaps in the iron bars on the window, silent and gentle, just like your passionate eyes.Chong, you still miss me, don't you?

A certain month, a certain day and night by Lin Yuanshu

Xiao Chong, I love:

It was cold in the early autumn night, my stomach hurt unbearably, I tossed and turned, and couldn't sleep all night.At this moment, I wish I could drink a bowl of hot porridge that you cooked carefully to warm my stomach and heart.

When you are upset, your mind is full of your figure, the past is vivid, and your heart is full.

When I first arrived in Jinshan, I was full of pride and enthusiasm, and my mind was full of how to make a big difference, thinking about how to turn this ancient and dilapidated place upside down with my ability, so that the people's livelihood in Jinshan will be greatly changed, and the people will benefit. A red list of achievements.I still remember that night when I first arrived in Jinshan, I was thinking about the future in the government guest house. I was neither sleepy nor hungry. Zhongzhong came downstairs to eat some Xiaoye.Only then can you be able to collide with your fateful and destined collision.

To this day, that scene is still clearly remembered in my mind, as it was yesterday, I love, tell me, are you as unforgettable as me?

You have a strong and tall figure, a straight and handsome face, and the smell of sweat all over your body, full of the hormones of a young man.At that moment, what stunned me was not only your strong and powerful body, but also your slightly surprised and nervous black eyes.You held my hand tightly, so that I didn't really fall down. Perhaps, this is the silent reminder and arrangement of fate for you and my future.

Your palms are warm and moist, full of sweat from boys after exercising.I was a little reluctant to let go, maybe because the touch and taste caused an irresistible response to my long-term hunger and thirst, or it might be because your photos have been deeply imprinted in my mind during the day, and at that time Suddenly, the overlapping of photos and people made my heart beat faster for no reason.

The majesty of the mayor made me let you go coldly, but the electrified touch in the palm of my hand reminded me of the decision I was about to make. During the time of drinking a bowl of porridge, the collision between you and me has given us In life, bets are made and games are set.

I know that I have a big temper and love to get angry, but I didn't expect you to be reprimanded by me on the first day you moved in with me, but you didn't make excuses or be cowardly, but bit the corner of your mouth to correct your negligence and improve yourself responsibilities.I found that since the day you really worked for me, you have never acted like many people, looking down and looking at me.Maybe you are also watching my face, but you are observing my work needs and life details, and thinking about how to do my job better, instead of staring at me, submissive, or even obedient.

I love, how many times I have asked myself in my heart, what kind of magical power do you have to take a person like me who has a heart like a stone and never touches emotions so thoroughly and tightly.Now that the night behind bars is long and my thoughts are calm, I may slowly come up with the answer.

It's not all about your young and strong body, because I have seen countless younger and more perfect skins and eyes after going through thousands of sails.

It's not all about your excellent cooking skills, because no matter how good your food is, it can't compare to the honed skills of various famous chefs.

It's not all about your meticulous care and methodical work. As the leader's secretary, although you do your due diligence, you are not the only one in a hundred, and it is up to you.

So, what made you conquer me who was like a prodigal son, and conquered that unrestrained heart that used to play games in the world?

Xiao Chong, my love, what you really conquered me was your ordinary but noble soul!

It's not because you are my lover that I use such seemingly flashy words.You must know that in such a cold world, money and power have already crushed the souls of most people in the dust under their feet, drifting with the tide.Being able to seize an opportunity to climb up and hug the thigh of a powerful person is an opportunity that many people dream of and even work hard for.But you don't.

I remember that in the snow-white bathtub of the Yunkai Hotel, I tested your bottom line, asked you what plans you have for the future, and hinted that as long as you surrender to me, I will naturally help you to go all the way to the top.However, you quietly avoided my body, and more clearly expressed your heart that will not sink.

I still remember overhearing the conversation between you and your brother-in-law in the Provincial Hospital. You firmly rejected his request, which was not too much.Even if you were bullied by me at that time, you knew that I would agree to any request you made with me, but you didn't!

Yes, thought of that hazing!In our love, this is an unavoidable beginning.What a sad and terrible beginning for you.It breaks your body and almost destroys your soul.But until now, Xiao Chong, my love, my despicable soul will still secretly rejoice in this first hurtful time.because. . .Before that time, I really never had such crazy pleasure on anyone, in any single sex.

Forgive my selfishness and shamelessness, my love, since these words are only for myself, I don't want to deceive myself.Really, that time, I will never forget it.

But I really didn't expect that your temper would be so fierce and ruthless. You didn't know that when you kicked me, my eyes were filled with golden flowers, and my stomach hurt like it was splitting open. For a moment, I even thought you would stop Can't hold the momentum, it might even kill me.

But you are still you after all, you with a kind nature and a soft heart.When you endured the pain in your body and struggled to hand me a warm towel, you didn’t know that at that moment, I could wipe the blood from my mouth, but I couldn’t clean my dirty heart. I was so ashamed , Don't even dare to look up at you.

The old man who looked at me said that it hurts to hit someone with my severed palm, but Xiao Chong, it really hurts when you hit someone. Every time, it hurts my heart, but it feels like my soul has been opened. .

It's time to turn off the lights again. Today is a cloudy day with no stars and no moon. I can't see the moonlight like your eyes. How can I survive this long night. . .

Lin Yuan wrote on a certain day in a certain month

Xiao Chong, I love:

As autumn and winter come, the nights seem to be getting longer and longer, and my stomach seems to be getting used to it. I can sleep well if I don’t care about it. Of course, there must be moonlight shining on me.

Shangmeng, Jiahe, and Dalong came to see me today, which is very comforting.They asked about you, and I gently pushed it away, but you know, my heart hurts like a knife.

Everyone thinks you're the one who should visit me often, but only you and I know, you're not!

On the contrary, you are the one who most wanted to run away from me, the one who stabbed me in the back!However, I don't blame you, I don't hate you, but I just want to love you more.

Because I know that you have been tormenting and struggling between love and hate. You love me as much as you hate me.The knife you stabbed is not fatal to me, but it is a heart-wrenching pain to you, right?my sweetheart!At this moment, no one knows you better than me. In this long and cold night, I must not be the only one watching the moonlight to comfort you!

I once asked you, will you really be happy if you do this?Your pale and helpless face gave me the most honest answer.You are not happy because you love me!

Xiao Chong, don't be sad!

You still remember the villa in the provincial capital, you still remember the two months that you lived together every day, living like a husband and wife.I was waiting for my lover in the alley behind the provincial government compound, shopping for vegetables together, and returning to our home in the afterglow of the setting sun, accompanied by the red glow of the West Mountain.

There, I slowly stopped using the drug on you, but used my heart, my body, and my love to approach you and move you.I can feel your changes, your more and more obsessed with my body, your suppressed feelings towards me, every day, I am secretly happy, and every time I have a good time, I am like a big boy who has just begun to fall in love, carefully, Cherish it incomparably.Because I know that what is fascinated by the drug is your body, and what I wanted at that time was already your most precious soul.

I will be jealous for a long time because of your contact with your girlfriend, and I will be ecstatic because you occasionally spit out "I want you" unconsciously when you are passionate. In my 30s, I am like a boy who is entering his third puberty. I am obsessed with you, drunk for you, and in love with you. Sometimes when I am calm, I will ask myself, "Lin Yuan, are you sick? ? Are you also drugged by him? You are like a madman in heat, do you know that? "

But I know, I know everything in my heart, I just fell in love with you, fell in love, and became obsessed.I touched the bottom line that a politician should not touch. At the age when I should have frozen the earth, I was foolishly dreaming of the spring blossoms like a teenager.

Knowing that you are going to get married, and seeing you taking wedding photos with her, my heart seems to have fallen into the ice cave of the North Pole.The more you and her match each other, the more you love each other, the more painful and tormented my heart will be.I once thought about giving up, and wanted to give you the happiness and peace of the world, but I strengthened my determination time and time again on the sleepless lonely pillow, I want you!

I have already taken you on a train bound for heaven or hell. There may be flowers all over the ground in front of me, or mountains of swords and flames, but no matter what, I don’t want you to turn back, because you don’t understand yet, but I do know, You are already a man who has waded in the river of men, and your body and heart have sunk to me. For you, you are a Buddha who violated the precepts, and turning back is no longer the shore.

Chong, the lights are going to be turned off again, and I feel that there are still countless words in my heart that I want to confide to you.Are you missing me as far away as Shenzhen? If not, why is the moon so round tonight, just like your shining eyes.Are you okay in the southern country? The Xiangjiang River across the river, will it bring back the best memories of you and me?

I want you.

Lin Yuan wrote on a certain day in a certain month

Xiao Chong, I love:

Tonight, my stomach hurts so much that I even feel unable to write, but I feel so anxious and helpless that I have to tell you.

Go, I'm afraid. . .Fear made the whole person shiver under the thin quilt.Because I finally know that I may really lose you.

This feeling once hit me unexpectedly on a stormy dawn, on a rugged and gloomy mountain road, amidst mudslides.At that time, facing the bleak wind and cold rain, and the ruthless cold mud, I discovered my weakness and powerlessness for the first time.Even then, I don't want to give up, even if I cut off one of your legs, I want you to be with me forever.The moment we thought we were powerless, we seemed to be one, we couldn't remember how tightly we hugged each other, only knew that when we let go, I even thought my ribs were broken by you.

At that time, we all realized that our feelings can already face death together, so what is more terrible in life than death?At that time, I thought that I finally really had you, and I could finally kiss each other on the countdown to the New Year's night and say to each other, "I love you."

But only when you have walked a certain distance, you will know how many thorns there are on the road, and you will know that there are things in this world that you cannot face than death.It turns out that people are not simply living themselves. Parents, family, and the world, accompanied by habits and responsibilities, entangle us and torture us.So you had to tell me that you still want to choose to get married.So I finally made up my mind and used the most hurtful and effective picture to end the road you and her have been trying to go on.Maybe it's because I want you too much, want you too much, but I don't know how hurtful that cruel scene is.

Thinking back, I was still too selfish, too bossy, and the thing I thought about the most was myself.

So, I finally cornered you. . .

I don't want to mention the past, because I firmly believe that even if you have a black hand on me, your heart will never be as black as your hand.I kept saying to myself, as much as he hates you, he loves you as much, and he will always. . .waiting for you.do you know?Xiao Chong, this is my only motivation in this dark prison.

And that day, when Ah Biao flew from Shenzhen, he faced me for a long time without saying a word, and finally told the truth, I didn't know what kind of expression I had at that time.It must be very ugly and scary, because I saw A Biao on the opposite side blushing anxiously, and shed tears like a man I had never seen before.

For several days, I couldn't eat, drink, or even speak or cry.

My little rush. . .Are you really like what I said in your ear before leaving, let go of everything and live a good life?Yes, this is what I once threw at you like a man, and it is also my sincere expectation for my lover.But, but I know that I can speak beautiful words, but I can't heal my heart full of holes.From the moment I knew that you were with another man, Lin Yuan, who was once tyrannical, domineering, arrogant, and conceited, was dead. , is nothing more than a walking corpse wearing Lin Yuan's body.

Xiao Chong, do you know that when you are in the green trees and red flowers of the southern country with other men in the spring breeze, in the prison cell of the northern country, that old and thin man slowly regards missing you as a kind of atonement? relief.

Since you love him so much, let him be happy.

Since you love him so much, never disturb his life again.

Since he no longer loves you, let him go forever.

But why, I will lose weight day by day, day by day, lifeless.

Go, I'm afraid. . . .

Lin Yuan wrote on a certain day in a certain month

Xiao Chong, I love:

I haven't picked up a pen for a long time, just like I haven't stared at the moonlight like water in the night for a long time.Although every night, I know it quietly shines on my sleepless back.

A Biao came to see me a few days ago and told me about your current situation.Knowing that you have such a good life in Shenzhen, I seem to be getting used to sharing.Before leaving, he hesitated to speak, and finally said something under my questioning gaze, but just such a sentence made me toss and turn, and my heart was in a mess.

Xiao Chong, do you really want to immigrate with that man?Do you really want to stop in a distant country?Could it be that when I came out, there were mountains and waters between us, separated by oceans.With my status at that time, is it impossible to have the opportunity to go abroad to see you again? Is it that I will not even be given the chance to meet you for the last time?

No!Chong, don't be so cruel to me, don't even refuse to give me such a humble wish to see you.Have I been wrong all these years?You don't love me as much as I imagined, or did you throw me out of your heart after giving your love to someone else?

Chong, I seem to be a little confused now, I can't find the direction, and I can't see the reality clearly.

But I still want to tell you that even if the arrogant and confident Lin Yuan is dead, his love for you has never changed. Today I swear to the moon, what will I, Lin Yuan, do hard work from now on, and what extra points What to do, what to reduce my sentence, what to do!I want to go out, I want to go out early, I want to see you, I want to see my Xiao Chong, even if I just let me see your back and hear your voice in the dark, that's enough. . .

Xiao Chong, I love it. From today onwards, I may not write these hypocritical words anymore, but you know what?In every dark and lonely night, under the quiet moonlight, I miss you. . .

Lin Yuan's Final Pen in Prison