The Deepest Color of the Night

The success rate of unrelated bone marrow matching is one in hundreds of thousands or even millions. If it is panda blood, the matching may have to add zero to the denominator.

Fang Jin has been looking for matching bone marrow since he entered the acceleration period. After searching for more than two years, it is not that he has not matched six points, but at most there are only six points.Every time he succeeds in the first match, he has endless hope from the desperate situation, but every hope is exchanged for more tragic disappointment. As time goes by, he becomes a little numb to the whole process.

Gu Yuan sat beside him, his back straight, like a bow stretched to the extreme.

Fang Jin hesitated for a while before reaching out his hand hesitantly.He paused in mid-air before struggling to put it on Gu Yuan's lap.

Those thigh muscles tense like rocks.

Gu Yuan suddenly grabbed his hand with his backhand, let out a long breath, and said, "It will definitely match."

Fang Jin didn't answer, Gu Yuan said to himself after a long while: "We have the same blood type, what's the chance? We can definitely match."

The waiting time was extremely long. After 10 minutes, Gu Yuan began to look at his watch frequently, his eyes hard to hide his anxiety.However, when it was almost time, he suddenly stopped looking, as if he wanted to break every second into three pieces, even his breathing was extremely slow, and he turned Fang Jin's palm over and over again to look at it.

"Your lifeline is so long," he said suddenly, "Look, it's all up to your wrist."

In fact, it didn't reach the wrist at all, and the slight lines on the skin could only be seen by facing the light.

Fang Jin hummed lightly.

Gu Yuan said: "I met a poppy farmer in the Golden Triangle. He is in his [-]s this year, and his lifeline is so long."

"What are you doing in the Golden Triangle?"

"Go explore jade mines. Besides poppies, Myanmar also produces jade. Take it easy."

Only then did Fang Jin stay silent, and after a while he whispered, "I used to look for you, many times... Once they told me that they saw your car in a village below Mengding, but I sent someone to When we rushed over, the whole village was empty, the tire marks were still on the sand, and the tea on the table was hot..."

Gu Yuan smiled bitterly: "I know."

"what?"

"I was just behind the gate of the courtyard. I watched your people come in. I walked around and left. I wondered if you were looking for me, but why are you looking for me? Could it be that you occupied the Gu family? Forget it, are you planning to cut the weeds and get rid of the roots?"

Fang Jin said sadly: "...how could I want to harm you?"

"I know, but I didn't want to see you at the time. I wanted to wait until I was stronger, and I would go back when I was stronger than Gu Mingzong and could give you more things and a higher status..." Gu Yuan let out a sour mouthful. Angrily, he said: "At that time, I should have hated you, but I couldn't let go, so sometimes I also hated myself for being so humble."

Fang Jin's eyes flickered slightly, Gu Yuan was silent for a long time, and suddenly laughed shortly: "Fortunately, I bowed my knees."

·

After 35 minutes, the second hand ticks and points to zero.

At this moment, the door of the laboratory was pushed open, and the director came out with the report.

Gu Yuan immediately got up and went forward.His expression didn't seem to have changed, and his walking posture was stable, but if you look closely, you can find that his thumb is deeply pinched on the belly of the index finger, because the force is too great, almost even the flesh is a little discolored.

"doctor……"

The director gently handed him the report, and regretfully said, "Mr. Gu, I'm sorry."

For a split second, Gu Yuan asked, as if he didn't understand, "What?"

"I'm sorry, Mr. Gu, but the initial HLA match of the two of you can only match two points, which cannot meet the basic requirements for transplantation."

Gu Yuan stared straight at the doctor. At that moment, his usually sharp gaze was completely blank, loose and without focus, like a puddle where he couldn't even find a life-saving driftwood.

"Why not?"

"Mr. Gu..."

"Why can't we match?" Gu Yuan's voice became louder and louder: "We can even match our blood types, do you know that? We are both Rh-negative AB blood, the rarest blood type in the world, why can this be the same? Only two points match?"

"Mr. Gu!—"

"It's okay, Gu Yuan," Fang Jin suddenly got up from the sofa and walked over, hugged Gu Yuan tightly from behind, and buried his face in his tight neck: "It's okay, the chances are too small to be too big." It's normal, it's okay..."

"No, I have to check again. What if the test is wrong? Do you need to draw blood again? It doesn't matter, you can take it anyway. Fang Jin comes here and we will draw blood for him again—"

Gu Yuan fought back and abruptly pulled Fang Jin in front of him, as if he was about to break into the laboratory, the director immediately avoided half a step in a panic: "Please calm down, Mr. Gu, this test cannot be wrong! Look at the six-point sequence on this table..."

Gu Yuan suddenly opened his mouth to argue, but Fang Jin stood in front of him with red eyes and shook his head resolutely.

"If you're not right, you're not right, Gu Yuan. It's normal to be unsuccessful with a ratio of one in a million."

His voice was very calm, without any depression or disappointment, as if he had never had any hope from the beginning.

Gu Yuan panted heavily, and raised his hand to cover his face tightly.He remained motionless in this movement, his whole body as stiff as a black rock, before turning around suddenly after more than ten seconds, and walked out staggeringly.

·

Obviously Fang Jin was the one who got sick, but Gu Yuan seemed to be the one who was hit harder.

In other words, the failure of matching this time is like a fuse that has been ignited to the end. It shattered with a bang, tearing up the last layer of false buffer, leaving only the bloody facts to appear in Gu Yuan without any cover before.

After returning to Red Reef that night, he stood alone on the beach smoking a cigarette. The high tide rushed in from afar, submerging his trousers, leaving layer after layer of dark wet marks on the sand.

Black clouds gathered from all directions to cover the sky, and the world was about to fall silent amidst the sound of the tide.In the night, only the cigarette in Gu Yuan's hand glowed red, flickering on and off, then lit up, and returned to the vast darkness in an instant.

After an unknown amount of time, there was the sound of footsteps stepping on the water behind him, and they stopped behind him.

"...Go back..." Fang Jin whispered.

Gu Yuan didn't turn around, his tone sounded a bit weird and hoarse: "How many times have you failed?"

"Ok?"

"How many times have you failed this match?"

"...a lot of times." Fang Jin's voice was scattered in the wind as soon as he exited: "—the first match is too difficult to count, and more is the news of the success of the first match, and then the marrow donor comes to the blood center for a high match But it’s not, maybe eleven or two times? There are also a few times when people regret donating. I gave a lot of money to them to make a high-end match, but in the end it was..."

—Eleven or twice.

There are so many repeated hopes and despairs, and fate is like rolling over and over again, which is enough to squeeze every inch of flesh and blood into crumbs.

Holding a cigarette between Gu Yuan's, he wiped his red eye sockets with his palm, only to hear Jin whisper behind him: "I might...just like this, I can't find the bone marrow. If I can't find it, the chemotherapy can't last too long... "

"Freeze said."

"They say it's fast going into blast phase, and it's not really painful, but the ulceration and splenomegaly can make me ugly. If that's the case, can you let me go to the hospital alone? We're okay Talking on the phone every day..."

"Freeze said!"

Fang Jin only felt that his eyes were in a trance, and Gu Yuan had turned around and pressed him tightly in his arms, the smell of tobacco mixed with the salty sea breeze immediately filled his nostrils.

"...I will really become ugly..." Fang Jin murmured.

"No, we can find the bone marrow. We will definitely find it." Gu Yuan slightly repeated nervously, not knowing whether to tell Fang Jin or himself: "We still have time, so many people on this earth will definitely find it." Yes. Be patient, just wait a little longer, just wait a little longer..."

Fang Jin silently shook his head in his arms.

It's been too long.

No one said anything, but everyone knew that even if they continued to wait, it would be nothing but a long and hopeless torture.

·

Before going to bed that night, Jin took a bath, and Gu Yuan, with his firm upper body bare, helped him dry his hair.In the mirror, Fang Jin's head was slightly lowered, wearing a snow-white bathrobe, sitting upright, as if very silent and docile; his hair was still very black, but Gu Yuan's fingers ran through the hair lightly, no matter how careful he was, , Comb down a handful of hair.

Gu Yuan glanced in the mirror, wanting to throw away the lost hair unobtrusively, but Fang Jin suddenly said: "It's okay...it will fall out during treatment."

"Has it always been like this?"

"Ah."

"...does it hurt?"

"It doesn't hurt, it's just a little uncomfortable occasionally."

Gu Yuan rushed to rush in silence, Fang Jin said behind him: "It will fall out after the start of a course of treatment, and it will grow back during the interval of treatment, but the new hair will be very black... so it looks good, it just falls out. I feel bored when I look at my hair."

"That's why you are alone. I'll just be with you in the future."

Gu Yuan wiped his hands, turned around and carefully stroked Fang Jin's exceptionally soft black hair after blow drying, but as soon as he moved, strands of hair fell down, and he couldn't help but pause.

"...But I don't want you to accompany me," Fang Jin said softly, with a little sadness in his eyes: "I don't want you to see that, anyway, I will go on the road alone in the end..."

Gu Yuan half-kneeled on the bathroom floor, took his hand, and said seriously: "As long as you survive, it doesn't matter what you become."

Fang Jin twitched the corner of his mouth, but it was supposed to be a smile, but there was only bitterness and desolation overflowing from those bloodless lips.

·

Fang Jin was not in good spirits and went to bed early.After nightfall, Gu Yuan leaned beside him and watched him quietly for a long time, the clock gradually went round and round, but it felt like only a few minutes had passed.

The last greed should be this feeling.

He patted Fang Jin over and over again like putting a child to sleep, and he gradually became confused after a long time.

But soon, he suddenly felt a sound beside him while he was half asleep and half awake.Although the movement was very slight, the instinct soaked in his bones and blood for a long time made him wake up immediately, opened his eyes and looked to the side.

——It was Fang Jin.

Fang Jin carefully moved Gu Yuan's arms around him, then sat blankly on the bed for a while, only vaguely listening to his short breathing in the darkness.

What is he going to do?

For some reason, Gu Yuan suddenly had a vague and uneasy feeling in his heart. The next second, Fang Jin leaned down again. Gu Yuan immediately closed his eyes and pretended to sleep, only feeling that his lips were kissed.

——It was a kiss that was not deep, but very long, like a greedy kiss.

Gu Yuan's heart was pounding, and after a while he felt Fang Jin's aura go away, then he got out of bed, put on his slippers, gently opened the door and walked out.

This……

What is this for?

In fact, there are many explanations for going out at night. Suddenly thirsty and wanting to drink water, unable to sleep and sitting in the living room, no matter which one is very common.However, for some unknown reason, the strong palpitations in Gu Yuan's heart could not go away. He remained in his sleeping position, waited for about half a minute, then got up suddenly and followed out of the bedroom.

The corridor was empty and quiet, and there was a sound of a sliding door being opened in the hall.Gu Yuan hid in the stairwell and looked down through the handrail, and saw Fang Jin wearing pajamas, not even a coat, taking off his shoes and walking out barefoot.

"..."

Gu Yuan suppressed his breath, went downstairs lightly, and walked out the door through the living room.

Outside the sliding door is the quiet garden in the middle of the night, the fountain is gurgling, and the tide is coming from not far away under the moonlight.The iron door key in the front yard was hanging under the lamp. Fang Jin had already opened the door with it, and was just hanging the key back to the original place, and then walked straight towards the beach.

This seaside villa is built quite close to the coastline, and it takes less than 2 minutes to walk there.Gu Yuan saw Fang Jin's footsteps stumbling under the moonlight. He almost fell down because he stepped on the broken shells on the beach a few times, but he didn't hesitate in his movements, and he didn't stop until he walked into the shallow water with high tide.

He stood there straight, facing the vast sea, and the tide was roaring from the sky towards the beach.

Gu Yuan's heart was seized by the increasingly clear and terrifying premonition.He stood more than ten meters behind Fang Jin, clenched his teeth tightly, and relied on this movement to silence himself.

The night wind on the sea is cold, as if a whistling whistle came from the cracks in human bones.Gu Yuan stepped in the water, his whole body was completely frozen. After an unknown amount of time, he suddenly saw Fang Jin's figure not far away move slightly.

——The sea water at his original position has already flooded his calf.

And now, wading through the water, he took another step forward.

Chapter 63 The sea tide in the distance rushed from the dark night, and witnessed the wedding in a place where there was no sound

He is going to...

This is……

In an instant, Gu Yuan's consciousness went blank. Before his brain could react, his body had automatically reacted, and he rushed forward!

At a distance of more than ten meters, Fang Jin staggered two steps into the deep water, then stopped suddenly.

At this moment, another wave of water came in, and Gu Yuan's steps were slowed down by the water; in the interval of a few seconds, Fang Jin seemed to be awakened by the cold water, and retreated again. half a step.

The tide was rushing up, Fang Jin fell down with a plop, and then was swept by the ebb tide and slid into the deep water!

Gu Yuan rushed forward in the splash of water, almost jumped down, and grabbed him tightly with both hands.In the dimness, Fang Jin turned around in astonishment. Gu Yuan didn't have time to say a word, and dragged Fang Jin back in the waist-deep sea water. During the struggle, both of them drank several sips of water, and they didn't even know how many branches and broken shells they stepped on. .

"Huh...huh..." Gu Yuan panted heavily, and finally dragged Fang Jin back wet to the beach, and pushed him to the ground heavily.

"What do you want to do?!"

"...Gu Yuan..."

"What do you want to do?!" Gu Yuan's snarled voice changed on the beach, "What the hell do you want to do, tell me! Tell me! What the hell do you want to do! How dare you! How dare you!" ah?!"

He pressed in front of Fang Jin like an angry wolf. Under the moonlight, Jin's body was covered with water, his lips were black and blue, and he shivered from the cold when he spoke: "Yes... I'm sorry, I'm sorry Gu Yuan..."

"If I wasn't afraid of killing you, I would beat you to death right now." Gu Yuan pointed at him and said word by word: "You are not a fucking thing, Fang Jin, you are nothing at all, I I really want to dig out your heart to see if it is black..."

Fang Jin trembled violently, trying to curl himself into a ball.His whole pajamas were stuck tightly to his body because of being soaked, and his bare snow-white feet were covered with gravel; because his hair kept dripping down, flowing down his forehead to his eyes and cheeks, he kept raising his hand to wipe it, even He didn't even care to touch the wound.

Gu Yuan suddenly stopped scolding, grabbed his hand roughly and threw it away, then stretched out his hand and wiped his face heavily, deliberately avoiding the area of ​​the scar.

"I'm sorry Gu Yuan, listen to me, I don't want to... go inside... I just..."

Even if his physical condition is not that bad, even if it is only a little bit better, Gu Yuan can't wait to raise his hand and give him a slap in the face: "Shut the fuck up! What crime did I do to like you so much?" , you can kill me, let's jump down together and die, you fucking—”

His voice stopped suddenly.

Fang Jin's face was hot, scorching hot, for a few seconds Gu Yuan even thought that what he touched was blood from his hands.

But then he saw that it was tears all over his face.

"I'm sorry Gu Yuan..." Fang Jin's whole body convulsed and his throat choked up. He was so embarrassed that he huddled tightly and didn't dare to raise his head: "I... originally wanted to jump, but suddenly... I remembered You, I want to come back to see you again, I can't bear you...I'm sorry!..."

He finally burst into tears, completely broken, without any image, almost hysterical.

Gu Yuan panted hoarsely, and after a long time, his body, which was tense like a furious beast, finally gradually collapsed.

He leaned over and picked Fang Jin up from the sand, and hugged him tightly like this, his heart was pounding in his chest, transferring the heat unreservedly to the cold and trembling body in his arms.Fang Jin's mind was already in a trance, his throat was slightly gasped due to unfinished sobbing, and he subconsciously raised his hand to grab Gu Yuan's shoulder.

"I'm sorry, I really...I can't bear you..."

"I can't bear you either." Gu Yuan said in a low voice, holding him through the night and walking towards the end of the beach.

·

Fang Jin looked very depressed, his whole body was soaked in sea water, his face was wet and blue, and even his hair was full of sand.Gu Yuan ordered the housekeeper who rushed over in panic to cook ginger soup, then gave Fang Jin and himself a hot bath, hugged him tightly with a dry towel, and turned on the indoor heating to the maximum.

Fang Jin no longer choked up, and fell into a daze that was almost collapsed after the extreme emotional madness.Gu Yuan took the ginger soup from the housekeeper, went to the bedside and fed him a spoonful, Fang Jin swallowed it numbly; he drank more than half of the bowl before Gu Yuan put down the bowl, half-kneeling at his feet, slightly Looking up at him, he asked, "Is it still cold?"

"..." Fang Jin shook his head.

"Listen, Fang Jin." Gu Yuanhei stared at him with deep eyes, as if he could see into his soul through the eye sockets, and said, "Even if you die, I will not get married, let alone Have kids. I'm not going to live the way you want me to be. I'll be alone, eating, sleeping, working, walking, going to the park, going to the movies... growing old alone. When I die, man It will be written on my tombstone, This is the life of the discarded trash."

Fang Jin moved, and his voice was as thin as a mosquito: "That's not the case..."

"That's it, do you know why?"

"..."

"Because in my heart, I'm married. I'm a family man when you're alive, and a widower when you're gone. People call me your widow. Do you know what a 'widow' is? That's it." Man is alive, he's just not dead. He's just not dead."

Fang Jin's eyelids were slightly red, and he said softly after a while: "...don't be like this..."

"I used to hate you very much. I thought you were an eyeliner sent by Gu Mingzong to monitor me. But then I gradually felt that it is not good to always make things difficult for you. You are just working for a job and getting a salary. Why do you have to endure my endless Making things difficult and having a bad temper? So gradually I started to be more polite to you, lessened, and even paid more attention to you. "

"But you, once you start being nice to you, you can't stop, as long as you set your sights on you, you can't look away. Gradually, I feel that you are good everywhere, and everything suits my heart. The attention on your body is getting deeper and deeper, even to the point where I miss you when we don't see each other..."

Gu Yuan seemed to recall himself who was worried about gains and losses back then, and a distant and faint smile appeared in his eyes.

"At first I wondered, could this be liking? But how could I like the same sex? Later, I gradually realized that I didn't have any feelings for other same sex. Only you are very different. To me, it is the most special that one."

In this half-kneeling posture, Gu Yuan turned around and picked up a string of shiny silver chains from the bedside table.

On the chain was a pair of rings.

"Even if you want to be a widower, you can't just become a widower." Gu Yuan smiled wryly, lowered his head and took off the pair of rings from the silver chain, his tone was full of sourness and self-deprecating: "Others have at least been certified, and I'm fine if I don't. Not even your acknowledgment."

Fang Jin's numb heart suddenly ached, it felt like being pierced by the fangs of a poisonous snake instantly, and remorse flowed through every inch of his body like venom.

Gu Yuan didn't wait for him to speak, he put the ring on his open palm, and stared up at him: "I asked you for love twice. The first time I prepared flowers, candles, romantic dinner, I put the ring on In the velvet box, in the music you were asked to accept it, but you refused."

"The second time I asked you where the ring was, you said it was lost; I said that if one day I become famous and come back to give you more power and more money, would you change your mind? You said you told me to get married properly, so I threw the ring away in a fit of rage."

"What you don't know is that after throwing away the ring, I looked for it with a flashlight for a long time before I found it in the grass. At that time, I hated myself for being so lowly. If someone told me before I met you One day I will kneel on the ground to pick up the rejected ring, I must think he is crazy; but the fact happened so clearly in front of my eyes, the moment I saw the ring from the mud, I almost cried with joy, The feeling at that moment was that I was really the cheapest person in the world, even the wild dogs begging on the roadside had more backbone than me."

"Fang Jin," Gu Yuan stretched out his palm with the ring spread out to him, and said word by word: "——Today is the third time."

"The first time I proposed to the little assistant I had known for five hundred days, the second time I proposed to the enemy who betrayed me and almost killed me, this is the third time, I have no secrets from this one, All the humiliation, hatred, blood debt and grievances have passed with time, just like a newborn baby, I proposed to Fang Jin who was honest with each other."

"My heart for you has never wavered. Although you still have the right to refuse, at least please give me a legitimate chance to live through the next few decades as a widow."

With tears in his eyes, Gu Yuan said, "I beg you, Fang Jin. I really beg you."

Fang Jin slowly put his hand on Gu Yuan's palm, his fingers were icy cold, but hot tears just hit it drop by drop, soaking the palms of the two along the palm lines.

"I love you too..." He whispered tremblingly, "I want too... I want to go down with you too..."

He picked up the slightly larger plain ring without diamonds from Gu Yuan's hand, his fingers were cold and extremely hard, as if he was grasping the most precious diamond in the world, he held it tightly without loosening at all.

Then he grabbed Gu Yuan's left hand, put the ring on his ring finger very seriously but a little clumsily, and said: "I want to accept Gu Yuan as my partner, from... from today, whether it is good or bad , bad, rich, poor, healthy, sick, till death do us part..."

With a strange soreness in Gu Yuan's nasal cavity, he picked up the other pair of rings, pulled Fang Jin's fingers and put them on, then bowed his head reverently and kissed the cool knuckles.

"No, even death cannot be separated."

Fang Jin stretched out his arms to hug Gu Yuan, he almost had no strength left, but the hug was very tight, as if pouring the last strength of his whole body into the moment when the skin touched.

Gu Yuan embraced him with his back, closed his eyes tightly, and felt that the ring was so subtle and almost imperceptible on his hand, but it was as heavy as a thousand weights.

He didn't know what that feeling was, it seemed to be painful and very happy; it was like cutting open his chest with a knife, digging out the heart and holding it to the person in his arms. But the heart was so happy that it was about to bloom.

——The sea tide in the distance rushed from the dark night, and witnessed the wedding in a place where there was no sound.