I am romantic

On his fifth day out of prison, Rapper took a job as a pizza cook and delivery boy.

In fact, he hasn't worked seriously since he graduated from high school.When he needed money, he went to steal, rob, and sell banned drugs, and cut the throats of a few unlucky people who got in the way from time to time. After he was caught, he was sentenced to 21 years in prison for many crimes, but Fortunately, the police did not find evidence of his intentional homicide, otherwise he would have been sentenced to 80 to [-] years at least.

When he was imprisoned, he was a precocious 19-year-old. When he was released from prison after serving two-thirds of his sentence, he was 33 years old. many years.

In short, after Rapper sees the light of day again, out of fear and abhorrence of federal prisons, he intends to keep his duty and be a good citizen.But for a recorded ex-convict, the colored eyes and the sense of discrimination given by most people in the society are everywhere, which makes his cold heart with no human touch, and the ghost in prison. The self-centered dark survival that has been honed is constantly impacted by humiliation, provocation, and oppression from the outside world (he thinks it is) and is ready to move.

For example, at this moment, the landlord who is looking mean, nagging and taunting him non-stop.

Repper stared at her puckered, wrinkled mouth as if it were an open and closed trash can, emitting an unbearable stench, feeling the peak of disgust.

Damn old woman, disgusting existence like rotten meat in the refrigerator!Did she really regard her dilapidated apartment, which was worse than a slum, as a luxury hotel, thinking that she would show how charitable she was if she was willing to rent it to an ex-convict?Will twisting her head off and stuffing it in the toilet can stop this stinky mouth?He thought silently and darkly.

But the other party continued to grumble, "...It's only been two days! It's only been two days since the previous tenant moved out, and the kitchen drain is blocked again! Are you busy stuffing garbage into it all day? Today you don't care. How to fix it...Really, I knew that I shouldn't rent the house to people like you who have been in prison.

Repper squatted down, unscrewed the cover at the corner of the sewer, reached into the wet, slippery, and smelly pipe, and pulled out a mess of things——

Hair, fish scales, bone residues, rotten vegetable stems... all mixed together, dripping down with muddy water.He suppressed his nausea, pulled out a large lock of white curly hair and handed it to the landlady: "Your hair, isn't it?"

The old lady almost screamed and cursed angrily: "Take it away! Throw it away! It's so dirty! My God, if you don't sanitize your hands properly, don't touch my furniture... the sofa, the wardrobe, and so on. There is a bedside table with scratches and stains on it, it is really not my own thing or I don’t know how to take care of it..."

Repper heard her start another round of offensive, eager to stuff the garbage from the sewer into that chattering deflated mouth.

An old woman like her with rheumatoid arthritis and poor legs can easily slip and fall in a wet bathroom, knock her head on the tile floor or the edge of the bathtub, pass out, and then because no one notices because she lives alone, she eventually dies of intracranial hemorrhage, no .Rapper lowered his head indifferently, staring at the wet kitchen floor under his feet. An idea began to rise and linger in his brain, and then gradually matured, as if a tropical cyclone was born on the ocean surface, from small to large, spinning rapidly, and finally forming a hurricane that destroyed everything.

Look at the angle and push it, fall near the sink, your head will hit the quartz stone countertop (it’s okay if you don’t hit it, he will let her aim at it and hit it again), and accidentally touch the thick wooden cutting board placed on the side of the counter , the chopping board fell, along with the whole chicken and the bone cutter resting on it—it was a tragic accident, mixed in with other news such as the elevator falling down the shaft, the mobile phone exploding, and so on. Those who saw it sighed.

As one of the tenants, he only needs to provide an alibi-he was already running around the street delivering food, but for a phone call from the landlord, he would never have appeared in this remote apartment, and he had already Be careful everywhere, if you don't meet anyone when you come in, you will naturally be more cautious when you go out.The police would close the case as an accident, and at the funeral, the few relatives present would only shed a few tears for the surly old widow and go on with their lives.

This old woman who had been scorning and humiliating him for the past few days, he imagined her death, calmly as if calculating a math problem in an exam, and felt the pleasure of looking forward to a perfect solution.

He moved his steps calmly, walked to her side, and stretched out his strong arms from behind——

pain!Severe knife-like pain exploded from his right arm and radiated to his whole body along the nerve line. His body trembled unexpectedly, and he let out a low "ah".

Reflexively withdrew his right hand, he raised his sleeve to check his forearm—the severe pain continued, as if an invisible blade was moving, invisibly cutting flesh and severing blood vessels...

He kept gasping for air, fighting against this inexplicable but real pain.What's going on, is there something wrong with his arm?Neuralgia?periostitis?Do you want to go to the hospital immediately?He thought in a cold sweat.

Immediately afterwards, something even weirder happened: on the painful right forearm, black lines as thick as little fingers gradually appeared, like handwriting, and knife marks, as if seeping out of the blood, ferociously and clearly Floating on the skin, composed of graffiti-like words - that is a word, patience, patience.

"endure"?What's the meaning?What the hell is going on?Unbelievably, he touched the tattoo-like text on his arm, winced in pain, and murmured dreamily: "No wound... Where did this ghost thing come from? Hey, did you see it? Here! Do you think this What is it?" He stretched his arm under the landlady's nose, his eyes startled and his tone excited.

The old woman glanced at him with the look of a madman, took two steps back, and replied in a shrill voice: "This is your arm." After she finished speaking, she added slowly: "I think you should go See a doctor in the psychiatry department, if it is serious, I'm sorry I have to terminate the lease in advance."

She stopped asking about the clogged sewer and walked out of the room with her shawl wrapped around her face.Repper stood alone in a pool of kitchen sewage, staring blankly at the "trick" on his right forearm that only he could see.

Yes, spooky, other than this word, he couldn't find a more appropriate word to describe this scene that looked like a third-rate thriller movie.

He stayed in a daze for a full 5 minutes, until the old doorbell that hadn't moved for a long time rang very ugly.

The landlady babbled and moved over to open the door.It stands to reason that on such a busy weekday morning, no one would knock on the door at all—in fact, she had no visitors for half a year, and she never dealt with couriers. Reception only after calling to make an appointment.

The door opened, and a tall young man stood at the door and gave her a hug with a smile on his face: "Hey, aunt, big surprise, right? I just happened to be on a business trip in city A these days, so I stopped by to see you. Knowing this kind of weather you will definitely stay at home... how are you?"

"Oh, it's been a long time, my little Charles." The old woman hugged her nephew in a dragged tone.

Repper stood at the door of the kitchen and saw this sudden scene, his fear and great joy hit his heart.Think about it, if you really did something to her just now, when he was arranging the corpse, the doorbell rang, and the young man who visited the old aunt stood at the door, the next scene can be imagined without having to happen—I am impatient The phone call, the helpless self, the unmanageable mess, the report full of doubts, the police who broke into the door...he had to go back to that dark, narrow, smelly cage that looked like a swamp full of crocodiles!

God bless him with his escape!

He suddenly looked down at his right arm, the pain disappeared without knowing when, as suddenly as when it came, and the black "strange traces" quickly faded from the skin like stains that had been scrubbed away.His arm was back to normal.

"Patience"... He slowly chewed the word with strong doubts, feeling a sense of mystery and fatalism, as well as the fear of unknown things in the dark.

The direct result of this weird incident was that he moved out of the rented apartment. Of course, another important reason was that if he didn't completely stay away from this naughty old woman, one day he would kill her unbearably.

He couldn't find a place to live temporarily, so he set up a camp bed in the warehouse behind the pizza shop.The penny-pinching fat manager almost killed him with his eyes, but for the sake of delivering food in the middle of the night, he reluctantly agreed with him to stay for a while.

So after receiving a damn order call at 02:30 in the morning (the party seems to have a lot of people, laughing and talking to himself, excited as if taking drugs), Repper reluctantly got up and baked a few large-sized The pizza was packed, and he rode his bicycle to the address given by the other party.

It was an old building in a backward neighborhood. The rough wooden walls, exterior walls full of messy graffiti, and dim lights complemented the dilapidated atmosphere of the entire neighborhood.

Rapper is no stranger to this atmosphere, in fact, every child who "grew up on the street" is familiar with this atmosphere-the dark atmosphere that lurks and breeds crime.So when he knocked on the creaking door and walked into the room, he saw the men inside in groups lying on the sofa, smoking, drinking, talking and laughing loudly, watching a boxing match on TV, and two people in the corner were arguing and arguing. They huddled together, and when the smell of obscenity and lust floated in the air, they didn't show any fuss.

"Who ordered the pizza? Please sign for it. Five 12-inch pizzas total 89 yuan and 50 cents. This is the receipt." He said routinely, placing a stack of pizza boxes on the messy tabletop.

A tall man with a tattoo on the back of his head came over and picked up the pizza, threw the boxes to his companions, then sat back on the sofa, took out a slice and munched.

Standing alone in the middle of the floor, Rapper raised his voice in the cold reception and asked again: "Who is responsible for signing for the payment?"

Still no one cares.He looked around and saw himself in the cracked full-length mirror by the wall: he was wearing a bright red peaked cap, a red and white striped pizzeria uniform, and a logo with a crooked mouth and a thumbs up printed on his chest.

Damn it's so stupid... He couldn't bear to see him turn his face away, and shouted again with hidden anger: "Someone has to pay for the meal, right?"

The big tall man got up and walked over staggeringly, with an impatient and domineering expression on his face, he said, "Still leaving? Are you waiting to be beaten?"

"You haven't paid yet," insisted the hard-working ex-convict. "You should pay for the things you buy. You can't eat bully meals."

The big tall man laughed like he heard a funny joke, "Hey guys, did you hear that? He asked us to pay! Tell him, when did we pay for the meal we ordered for so long? "

As soon as Rapper heard it, he understood that this group of people deliberately ate the king's meal, and they were probably members of the local gangsters.If he had known the inside story before, he would never have answered that phone number—the hateful thing is that those pizzeria colleagues who knew the inside story knew that he was on the night shift, but no one reminded him.

...these bastards!He thought bitterly, and was about to turn around and leave, when a sharp whistle sounded from the sofa.A man with shawl hair poked his head out from the armrest, and licked his face with obscene eyes like a snake letter, "Do you want money? No problem, come and play with my brothers, you little boy."

Rapper clearly heard something in his head, like a taut bowstring snapping.He suddenly picked up a heavy metal ashtray in his hand, and smashed the man's head in the air with an astonishing aim.

Blood spattered in the screams.

The whole room was stunned for three seconds, and then boiled with anger.At least four men rushed towards him at the same time, their fists rushing towards him with the sound of howling wind.

For how to fight alone, and how to protect yourself and defeat the opponent with the least cost when being surrounded, Rapper has practiced this topic throughout the first half of his life.During the 14 years spent in prison, he gained a lot of upgrade experience points for this skill, so that he became more and more proficient in smashing other people's heads on the walls and iron pipes of public bathrooms.

While struggling to fight back without losing the wind, he quickly retreated towards the exit.

But there were too many opponents, and they were all good fighters who were used to fighting in groups. He gradually became unable to support him, and was tripped to the ground by a sneak attacking sweeper.

Fists and kicks greeted him like raindrops. Repper struggled with the pain all over his body. With his waving left hand, he inadvertently touched something cold and hard in the gap between the cabinet and the floor.

Familiar shape, familiar texture.

—It was a pistol.

With a heavy gun body, you will know that the magazine is full as soon as you start it.He had no time to think about why this pistol was right by his hand when he needed it most. He subconsciously clenched the handle of the gun and put his finger on the trigger...

Just turn over, snap your index finger, and shoot a few times, you can easily get rid of these attackers around you, and then sneak away in the dark, and go back to the store to erase the caller number stored in the phone and the order record on the computer.When the police found out and tracked down, nine out of ten they would think it was a vendetta between gangs-in this neighborhood known for its street violence, such incidents are commonplace, happening once or twice every few weeks.

Just when Rapper made up his mind and was about to kill someone, the severe pain struck again—this time it was the left arm holding the gun!Although the entire body was in pain from the beating, this split pain was not confused at all, it was still sharp and piercing, and other pains seemed so insignificant compared to it.

Rapper's scalp tingled from the pain, his muscles trembled, and the handle of the gun fell from his fingers.He struggled to open his sleeve with his right hand, and sure enough, on the skin of his left forearm, he saw black tricks clearly emerging, arranged in an unsightly pattern—it was still a word, restrain, restraint.

"Restraint"... that's great, and I'm being forced to compromise with these bastards and this filthy society again!He thought angrily, who cares what the hell it is!No matter the will of God or the pranks of the devil, no one can control his thoughts, grind away his edges and corners, and chisel him into an honest and peaceful round shape!

Regardless of the pain, he touched the gun again.But that powerful force easily defeated him, crushing his will completely from the inside out.He gave up the gun in excruciating pain, put his head in his hands, and remained motionless as if in a coma.

"—he's passed out," one of the beaters found.

"It's almost done, just teach me a lesson, there is no need to kill people." Another person said.

The man whose forehead was hit with a bloody pit by the ashtray held the blood-stained bandage, grinned his teeth and said in a hateful voice: "Killing him is too cheap! I have to clean him up!"

The assailants, several of whom were also injured, relaxed their aching muscles, rummaging through drawers for medicines.Repper fell like a torn sack on the floor not far from the door, painstakingly thinking about how to get out.

At this time, there was a knock on the door.The regular rhythm seems to be a secret signal with some deep meaning.

The tall man froze for a moment, put his hand on the dagger at his waist, and asked in a low voice, "Who?"

"Benjamin Franklin," said the man outside the door.

——The head portrait on the hundred-dollar bill, no one will be tempted by this old man with half of his forehead bald.The tall man hesitated for a moment, and replied cautiously: "It's closed tonight."

"Oh no, buddy, don't do that," said the outsider in an urgent and pleading tone, "Saving people is like putting out a fire, you know, it's worse than death."

The tall man continued to hesitate.

The other party added another sentence: "10% price increase? I want a large quantity."

"...30%, no counter-offer." The tall man made up his mind.

The other party was silent for a moment, as if engaged in a fierce ideological struggle, and finally compromised: "Deal."

The door was opened, and two young men dressed in hip-hop styles walked in, paying with one hand and delivering with the other.The transaction was completed smoothly and quickly, and the two left with a large bag of white powder.

Two minutes later, before the seller even had time to collect the banknotes in hand, loud shouts outside the door sounded like thunder: "Police from city A! You are surrounded! Open the door immediately!"

The men in the room looked at each other in panic, and fled in all directions towards various hidden exits.The gunshot of breaking the lock rang out, and the wooden door was kicked flying and fell to the ground with a bang. A team of city police swarmed in, and the first ones were the two buyers who just made the deal.

"There is a wounded person here, it seems to be a food delivery person." Repper, who was pretending to be dead, was helped up by two policemen and put on a stretcher. Among the countless flashing police lights on the roof, he finally realized the word on his arm. the true meaning of

restraint.

If he made a sudden attack just now, it is true that he could shoot and kill at least half of the gangsters, but he would definitely not be able to escape the ambush network laid by the anti-narcotics police. …

Rapper raised his left arm in the swaying ambulance cabin, and the black traces on his skin disappeared along with the pain, leaving no trace.

For the first time in his life, he was deeply grateful to God from the bottom of his heart.When he was abused by guardian relatives in childhood, he showed no mercy, and when he went astray in adolescence, he still did not show the way; and now, after he was released from prison after suffering, he is finally like a busy and dull father who suddenly pays attention to his incompetence His son, at the last step of falling off the cliff, pulled him back in an almost miraculous way.

——Is this really a miracle?Repper was dubious, and asked the void silently.

There was no answer in the void.

After the wound was treated in the hospital, because the injury was not serious, most of it was a large area of ​​bruises and soft tissue contusions, Rapper was taken to the police station to make a statement, and was sent back to the store by a special car shortly after.

The fat manager who rushed over after hearing the sound frowned when he saw his appearance, and cursed involuntarily: "I know the so-called nature is hard to change, but you just came out anyway, so you can restrain yourself and don't cause trouble for me, okay?"

Repper, with a bruised nose and swollen face, looked at him coldly with a pair of frozen green eyes, like the pupils of an animal in the dark.

The manager was stared at by him with goosebumps all over his body, and waved his hands with a headache, "Forget it, forget it, I don't bother to talk about you. You have to pay for the meal, which will be deducted from your salary this week."

"—I'm a work-related injury, Murdoch."

"Fuck your mother's work-related injury! If you weren't worried about people from the Social Security Administration coming to make trouble, the ghost would take you in." Mo Kedo muttered in a low voice and walked out of the room.

Repper crossed his hands, clenched his forearms, and said silently to his round back: patience.restraint.

The following days were uneventful, until his injuries healed to a great extent, and he became more and more integrated into the role of a food delivery boy, so that every time he looked back on the thrilling growth process and boring prison life, it seemed like he had done something. field dream.

Perhaps the first half of his life was just a dream, in which he was a criminal full of crimes, but now when he wakes up from the dream, he is just an ordinary, unremarkable employee of a fast food restaurant in this society.

Only in the dead of night, recalling all the indifference, discrimination and exclusion he suffered during the day, he could not help hearing the roar of the beast in his heart—it was howling, biting, restless, and yearning all the time Break out.

In order to suppress this instinctive aggressiveness, Rapper endured very hard.

Until one day, because of a fortune that fell from the sky, this heart was shaken to pieces.

The author has something to say: Chapter [-]: The unruly and vicious subject from the prison, running wildly on the road to death~