live-in close friend

He never doubted the natural father-son relationship between the two, even though he rarely spoke, he was still his father, and he was always his son.

But in the future, will he still recognize him as his father?Does he still want his son?

The air in the room seemed to be boiled into a solid, making it difficult to breathe.Mother Qu was the only one who was really happy. She calmed down and greeted with a three-point restraint of joy: "From now on, we will be a family. If Xunran wants to, let's call Director Li's father. Director Li, do you still recognize Xun Xun? But this son?"

Li Xunran looked at Director Li with a bit of urgency in his eyes. Director Li looked at him and nodded slowly.

Li Xunran felt relieved, and sat down on the ground.

Mother Qu hurriedly got up and pulled him: "You child, it's so cold on the ground, get up quickly. This is a happy thing, why do I see you and He He not very happy?"

Li Xunran was pulled back to sit on the sofa, controlled the expression on his face with great strength, and gave Qu's mother a smile: "I still don't get used to it for a while."

Mother Qu knew that he couldn't change his words in a short time, so she comforted her considerately: "It's okay, if you can't change your words, you can continue to call me auntie." Tears welled up in her eyes again: "As long as you are happy. "

Li Xunran forced the corners of his mouth to smile again: "Happy, of course I am happy, how can I be unhappy when I have an extra brother." Did not give him.

Qu He suddenly broke out.

"No, I don't want this brother! Who said he belongs to my brother?! I don't want it! Why do you test my DNA without my consent?! I don't agree!" He snarled and stood up, staggering out the door, The door slammed shut with a "bang".

The people staying in the room looked at each other in blank dismay, no one expected that the one who reacted the most would be Qu He, who was always gentle and polite.

Qu's mother was afraid that Li Xunran would be sad, so she quickly comforted him: "Hehe might not be able to accept it for a while, I just persuade him, don't take it to heart, my own brother, there is no overnight hatred."

Li Xunran's heart was gouged out by the phrase "brother", and he felt that his seven orifices were bleeding, transparent, and no one could see it except himself.

He turned to comfort Mother Qu: "Don't worry, I won't be angry with him, never."

After speaking, he stood up and walked out the door: "His foot injury is still not healed, I'll go and have a look."

☆, you and I, but you as a businessman (3)

E. brother

Qu He didn't go far.

The foot injury has not healed, and there is a faint pain every time I step out, but the pain does not seem to come from the soles of the feet, but more like spreading from the chest cavity, piercing into every pore. "The heart is a house with two bedrooms, one for pain and the other for joy. One cannot laugh too loudly, otherwise the laughter will wake up the pain in the next room." Qu He recalled the one he had seen before A book by Kafka, he thought, and he probably just laughed too loudly.

Li Xunran chased him out, and saw Qu He walking on the road not far ahead, his back looked desolate and lonely in this city that was so strange to him.He didn't seem to know where he was going, he just walked forward in a daze and confusion all the way, and kept walking.

A night ago, they were skin to skin, and there was no barrier between their bodies and hearts. Now, they even need courage to get close to each other.

Li Xunran finally caught up, he stretched out his hand to pat Qu He's shoulder, but stopped at the moment of contact, and only said softly: "The foot injury is not healed yet, don't walk so fast."

Qu He's footsteps faltered, but he didn't look back, and then continued to walk forward, ignoring him.

"Auntie will be worried if you're like this." Li Xunran was a step behind him and followed slowly.

"You still call me Auntie Mom?" Qu He's voice sounded a little cold.

Li Xunran habitually stretched out his hand to grab him, gritted his teeth and held back: "I can't change it for now." He paused, and continued: "However, it shouldn't be a problem to change the name to your brother."

Qu He was like an inflated balloon, pierced with a "bang" by the needle-like words, and all the wrapped emotions gushed out.He turned around and held Li Xunran's shoulder: "Call me brother? Didn't you say that it's not certain who is the brother? From now on, we will be two brothers who love each other? Oh no, there is neither intimacy nor love, only brothers! "

Li Xunran felt that his bones were going to be crushed, but he didn't move, he just looked into Qu He's eyes.Qu He has always been gentle on the outside and firm in his heart. The only time I saw him shed tears was that night when he was drunk, and there was only one drop. The drop from his left eye disappeared as soon as smoke, and now it feels unreal when he recalls it.Now there are no tears in these eyes, they are just terribly red, as if trying to control the blood from flowing out.Li Xunran recalled the feeling of bleeding from his seven orifices just now, probably the person in front of him is also the same.He was surprised that he turned out to be the calm one in this state, no hallucinations and nothing appeared, his body and brain were very obedient, and he made many decisions quickly.

Perhaps, Qu He really cured him.

"Having brothers to be with is better than having nothing." Li Xunran said this in a slow and flat tone.

Qu He only felt that the person in front of him was scattered like fragments, his hands were empty, his heart was empty, the surrounding was silent, only the coldest wind blowing before the arrival of spring.

He suddenly reached out to wrap his hands around Li Xunran's head and was about to kiss him, but was blocked by a pair of hands quickly and swiftly, and the owner of the hand also easily broke free from his control.Yes, as long as he wanted, he could get out of his arms at any time. He didn't break free before because he didn't want to.

Qu He's consciousness gradually became clear, he withdrew his hand and looked at Li Xunran: How could he behave so calmly?No, maybe not calm.His lips were bloodless, and his big eyes were dark, like returning to the singularity before the big bang, without any energy, let alone a speck of light.It is a kind of death, the silent and long lifelessness before the birth of life, and these are in the eyes in front of you.

Qu He understood Li Xunran's thoughts as quickly as before.

He reached out to caress his side face, changed his route halfway, rubbed his hair, tried his best to give himself the best smile he could make: "Walk with me, brother."

This "brother" destroyed Li Xunran, he couldn't say anything anymore, he could only grit his teeth and order his brain to send instructions to his legs, and followed Qu He to walk forward slowly.

They just walked in silence, no one said a word, until the phone rang.

"Xunran? You're back! I called Uncle Li just now, and he said you're back, so why didn't he tell me. Where are you now?" Jian Yao's voice came through the receiver, a little anxious.

Li Xunran raised his head in a daze, and found that he had come to a bar that Jian Yao and Bo Jinyan used to go to, because it was very similar to the one they went to in Jiangcheng, so they would make an appointment to sit down when they returned to Tongshi .

"The bar we often go to. I want to drink some wine." He turned his head and glanced at Qu He. At this time, probably only wine can save them.

"Then you wait for me, Jin Yan and I will come right away." Jian Yao quickly finished speaking and hung up the phone.

Li Xunran was not prepared to meet Jian Yao at this moment, but then he felt that two more outsiders, drinking and singing, maybe this difficult night would be better passed.

After tonight, tomorrow is another day.

F. Jian Yao

Jian Yao and Bo Jinyan came very quickly, they were still the same, a little sister in Li Xunran's eyes, a high-cold psychologist who always kept a cold face and was indifferent to the world.

"Xunran, are you okay?" Jian Yao looked concerned, it seemed that she had heard the news from Director Li, she was no better than others, and her father would not hide it from her.

Li Xunran nodded, the lights in the bar were dim, the expression on his face was normal and indifferent, as long as no one saw his eyes clearly, his mood would not be revealed.

Jian Yao originally had a worried expression on her face, but she half believed what Director Li said, and was even more worried that Li Xunran would not be able to accept it, so she hurried over to try to relieve him.However, when she saw another person sitting with Li Xunran, she accepted the fact in an instant—they looked so similar, if they were not twins, no one would believe it.

She asked cautiously, "This is your brother?"

At this time, Qu He seemed to have returned to his previous state, with a calm face: "You are Jian Yao, right? Xun Ran often mentions you to me."

Jian Yao has a good impression of this brother who has the same face as Li Xunran: "Can I think that I will have another brother in the future?"

Qu Hexiao: "Of course, they are all brothers anyway, one is to be, and the two are also to be."

These words sounded right, but I always felt a little awkward, Jian Yao frowned slightly and glanced at Bo Jinyan, the psychologist leaned on the sofa with her arms around her chest, her eyes flicked back and forth between Li Xunran and Qu He, There was an almost imperceptible upturn at the corner of the mouth, if it wasn't for Jian Yao, no one would have noticed it.

"I heard that you are a musician?" Seeing that Li Xunran is doing as usual, and she doesn't seem to be in any particular mood, Jian Yao is relieved, she is now most interested in Qu He, and puts others aside for the time being.

"A cello player is not considered a musician." Qu He was still smiling, and the smile hung on his face like a mask, and he couldn't take it off.

"Cello! What a coincidence, Xun Ran studied violin for several years when he was a child! You are indeed two brothers."

Qu He turned his gaze to Li Xunran: "Have you ever learned the violin? I don't even know."

"When I was 5 years old, I was playing around with the name of the newspaper. After entering junior high school, I was nervous about my homework, so I gave up. I almost forgot it all now, so I don't bother to mention it." The girl is sitting on the stage singing "Next Year Today" quietly: "Next year today, don't suffer from insomnia anymore, the mattress has changed. If you are lucky enough to meet, or at the feast of your partner's wedding, I will be anxiously waiting for you to appear. Next year today, I haven't seen you yet." You are one year, who is willing to change, leave you for 60 years, I hope I can recognize your children, and I can hear you say goodbye when I leave. I can meet you in the moment of my life, but I spent all my luck until this day Found, had breathed air..."

Qu He stood up suddenly: "I didn't bring my cello today, so I can't play a song for everyone. I'll sing a song." After he finished speaking, he walked to the stage, said a few words to the band, and took the microphone from the girl. , sat on the chair, quietly waiting for the prelude to sound.

Qu He's hair has always been stiff and straight, this is the biggest difference between him and Li Xunran in appearance.The straight crew cut made him look dignified and stable. When the two of them walked together, Li Xunran's curly hair lost a lot of momentum, so most people who saw them would guess the song and say it was the elder brother.At this moment, this brother is wearing an off-white sweater with dark patterns, cropped denim pants, and black loafers. Li Xunran helped him choose from head to toe. This body looks bright and quiet.The high stool pulls up the trouser legs, exposing his bony and thin ankles, his wrists appear weak and fragile in the semi-dark light, and the stage lights shoot down from the top of his head, making him look like a star that has been spinning alone in the night sky for billions of years the stars.

Li Xunran felt that this scene was very familiar. He had watched the video recorded by Jian Yao, and he was wearing a dark gray shirt singing "So What if You Win the World" in a bar. The video overlapped with the song on the stage, and he heard His singing voice:

"I hugged you with all my might

Willing to retreat to neglect myself for love

thought you had me as your own

also suspect

Also believe

Our present is plus the past

Don't worry about time

always you run out

Created a distance to let me find you

If I were you

instead of you love me to the end

every moment from the heart

When you look back I'm still standing there

Can you afford more courage than me

If I were you

i'm going to keep going

pity i'm not you

every time i think about it

will cry

I understand in my heart

love you never give up

have gone through too many difficulties

I didn't mean to ask you

you know how i hurt

every time i think about it

will cry

Desperate in my heart

pity i can't be you

......"

Jian Yao listened intently: "He sang really well, with more emotion than the original one. I didn't expect musicians to listen to such an unpopular old pop song. But I think the lyrics of this song are not as good as the Cantonese version. It's too straightforward. gone."

Bo Jinyan at the side still didn't speak, his eyes turned to Li Xunran from the stage with a little understanding, observing with great interest.

Li Xunran was familiar with the tune of this song, it was "How to Cry", he had heard Jian Yao sing it, and when he was in Suzhou, the lyrics had appeared in his mind over and over again.But he never knew that there is also a Mandarin version of this song.

He and Qu reconciled, is this fate, or evil fate?

☆, you and I, but you as a businessman (4)

G. Expert

In the following days, a large group of people lived together lively and lively.

Jian Yao, Bo Jinyan, Jian Xuan, Jian Yao's mother, Qu's mother, Director Li, these people got together because of inexplicable fate. Qu's mother had a new son, and the joy in her heart was beyond words, so she simply called Lao Zhao. I got on the phone and said that I would not go back to my hometown for the Spring Festival and would stay here with my son.

Jian Yao's mother and Qu's mother got along unexpectedly, and warmly invited Qu's mother to live at home.After Jian Yao got married, she moved to Bo Jinyan's place. Now she and Jian Xuan are the only ones in the house, so it's strangely deserted.Qu's mother didn't refuse, and stayed with Quhe at Director Li's house, letting him spend time with his younger brother and Uncle Li.

This made Li Xunran and Qu He heave a sigh of relief. They really don't know how to face each other alone, and Li Xunran also doesn't know how to face the new mother.Qu He lived in the guest room originally reserved for Qu's mother, and went to Jian Yao's mother's house for dinner with Li Xunran and Director Li every day.

Director Li took a long vacation for this matter, and he didn't go to work before the Spring Festival, and his mood gradually improved.Staying together every day, the relationship between him and Li Xunran is actually a little closer than before, maybe it is really not until the loss that he understands what is more important.He once thought about whether to sue the small hospital in the county through legal channels, but the world has changed in the past 29 years, the hospital has moved out of the old site, reorganized and rebuilt, Qu's father has passed away, and considering the feelings of Qu's mother and Qu He, So let it go.He figured it out, it doesn't matter whether he is a parent or an adopted child, as long as he is his own son in his heart, it doesn't make any difference.

The Spring Festival in Tongshi has never been so lively.

The elders are busy for the new year, Jian Yao often takes Li Xunran and Qu He out to play together, together with Jian Xuan and Bo Jinyan, four or five people drink coffee, watch movies and sing K, the days are smooth and happy .

After Bo Jinyan married Jian Yao, nothing changed on the surface, but Li Xunran still felt that compared to before, he seemed to be less resistant to people now.He is willing to come with Jian Yao to every party. Although the expression on his face is the same cold, sometimes he will take the initiative to chat with Qu He, ask him about his life when he was a child, and even chat with Qu's mother, and the topics mostly revolve around Qu He. on dad.

On New Year's Eve, a group of people gathered at Jian Yao's mother's house for a New Year's Eve dinner.Mother Qu's eyes suddenly shed tears while she was eating, Jian Yao's mother hurriedly comforted her: "What's the matter, it's the joy of the Chinese New Year."

"I'm just happy, happy. In the past, on New Year's Eve, Hehe and I were the only ones at home, and it was deserted. After Hehe got married, his wife was not here, and we couldn't spend the New Year together. There have never been so many people celebrating the New Year together." Qu After finishing speaking, mother turned around and took Li Xunran's hand: "Of course, it's all because of you, you brought it to me!"

Li Xunran didn't know what to say, so he could only wipe her tears with a piece of paper: "Don't cry, the New Year should be happy, and we can all celebrate the New Year like this in the future."

Qu He raised his glasses across the table at this time: "Come on, everyone, let's have a toast. After tonight, it will be a new year. Everyone, next year, be happy!" Drank it down.

When there are many people, it’s best to hide your emotions, and the whole room is chaotic. Whoever is down and who is excited, most of them have no time to take care of; Accidentally revealed its original shape.

Qu He stood alone on the balcony, with high and low laughter behind him, mixed with the music on the TV for fear that it would not be loud enough, just like the days he liked and yearned for the most.But now in front of his eyes are the lights of the city in the dark night, which seem to be scattered in all directions, but none of them can be touched.None of them belong to themselves, except the night.

Recently, he hardly spoke to Li Xunran, and he rarely even looked at each other.They are too tacit to understand, fully aware of what the other party is thinking, so they have nothing to say.They hide from each other, not knowing whether this hiding will last a lifetime.

"You don't want to recognize Li Xunran as your younger brother." Bo Jinyan came and stood beside him at some point, also looking into the night.

Qu He didn't speak. He had heard the legend of this psychologist, and knew that he might spot the clues if he was not careful.

Bo Jinyan didn't seem to want him to answer, but just continued on his own: "But it's not because you hate him."

Qu He still didn't speak, but Bo Jinyan seemed to be thinking about something, and stopped talking.

In the hazy night, a few fireworks floated out from nowhere in the distance, setting a short light in the pitch-black sky, which was soon swallowed by the dark night.

"Li Xunran told me about his symptoms in Shanghai, but I think he concealed something. Given your concern for him, I think you should know what he concealed." Bo Jinyan's tone fluctuated. , like talking about the weather under a clear sky.

Qu He stared at the place where the fireworks were extinguished, and replied for a long time: "What he said is all I know."

"Since he is sick, it means that the root cause of the disease has not been cured. I hope he can go to the United States with me for treatment." Bo Jinyan continued to state the facts flatly.

Qu He was shaken: "He agreed?"

Bo Jinyan turned his head to look at him, with a gleam in his eyes, as if he was very satisfied with his reaction, but his face was still stagnant: "I agreed. Director Li and your mother also agreed."

Qu He felt that the ice surface that had formed in his heart had been drilled countless holes, and that a net was being put into the cold water under the ice surface, trying to fish out the few remaining live fish there.

"When are you leaving?" He heard his voice visibly trembling.

"After the Spring Festival. Shanghai has made it clear and asked for leave." After Bo Jinyan finished speaking, he looked deeply into his eyes, as if confirming something, then turned and walked into the room.

A countdown came from the TV: "5, 4, 3, 2, 1, Happy New Year!"

New Years, that's it.

H.respectively

After the Spring Festival passed, spring did not come immediately.Whether it is Tongshi or Shanghai, they are still shrouded in cold wind.

Qu and her feet have basically recovered, and she will return to work in the orchestra after the festival. Qu's mother is worried and decides to go to Shanghai to take care of her.

Li Xunran stayed in Tongshi and went through various procedures for going to the United States.When public officials go abroad, the procedures are always more complicated than ordinary people.

Bo Jinyan was so enthusiastic, he was busy inside and out to help contact the psychological institution in the United States, and Jian Yao naturally wanted to go with him, and for a while Li Xunran felt as if he had returned to more than a year ago.At that time, he was still in love with Jian Yao, and at the same time he was entangled in the case of Bo Jinyan and Xie Han.I thought Shanghai was a new beginning, but after walking around and returning to the starting point, it was still a worse starting point than before.

In the current situation, it is really an unwise choice to go back to Shanghai with Qu He, and with the addition of Qu's mother, things may get out of hand.When Bo Jinyan proposed to go to the United States for treatment, he agreed without much thought.The desire to dig out the seeds is indeed very urgent, but the real goal is to be far away from Qu He.

Since there is no future, kill the present in the cradle.

Li Xunran sometimes feels that there is actually a very hard and cold-blooded side in his personality, wondering if this is like the father who is bent on revenge on his family.

On the day Qu He returned to Shanghai, the whole family went to the airport to see him off, and everyone said goodbye to him one by one, saying goodbye to him, and asked him how he was, until there was only Li Xunran left.

They stood facing each other, looking at each other for the first time in more than ten days.

Perhaps time can really wear away the passion, and many days of forbearance seems to have become a habit. Except for the staring eyes, they did not show any emotional fluctuations. Like a pair of ordinary brothers in a normal family, they hugged calmly .Only the two people holding each other felt the strength in each other's arms, as heavy as if they were about to say goodbye forever.

When they let go, they looked into each other's eyes again.

"Go back to Shanghai and take good care of yourself." Li Xunran said.

"When you go to the United States, you need to listen to the doctor and treat yourself well," Qu He said.

This was the last conversation they had before they parted.

Yes, without any warning, they separated like this.

After returning to Shanghai, Qu He worked at sunrise and rested at sunset, and his life was so normal that it was almost abnormal.

He only went to Li Xunran's room once on the day he first arrived home. There were hardly many traces of Li Xunran's life there. Supplies, bed and table were also pushed into Qu He's room. Except for a few pieces of clothes left behind, there was only one bed that could remind people of the days he lived here.

While his mother was out shopping, Qu He cleaned every corner of the room carefully, changed all the sheets and quilt covers, washed them, and then locked the door.

Later, my mother asked why Xunran's room was always locked, and he only replied that Xunran's personal belongings were left there, waiting for him to come back to pick them up.

In fact, even he himself didn't know why he locked the door, maybe it was because he didn't want to see it again, so he didn't have to think about it, or maybe it was because he was locked in that door.

Li Xunran went to the United States for treatment, and he applied for a special visa, which allowed him to stay for up to one year.It is uncertain when psychotherapy will be effective, maybe two or three months will be enough, maybe half a year or a year will not be effective.But Bo Jinyan seemed very confident this time and was eager to try.

Li Xunran always felt that this person seemed to have seen through what he was hiding but didn't care.He often said to Li Xunran seemingly unintentionally: "Psychiatrists in the United States have seen all kinds of bizarre cases that you can't imagine. In their eyes, your situation is just pediatrics. For psychologists, protecting patients' privacy Basic professionalism, you have to trust them and not hide anything."

This made Li Xunran slightly shaken in his heart.There are too many things hidden in his heart, if possible, he really wants to find someone to talk about, otherwise, one day late at night, those secrets will be gushed out together with the surging blood, and they will no longer be controlled.

The psychiatrist is a woman named Anna. She is 50 years old. Caucasians are the most confusing at this age. She may be in her 30s, or she may be over sixty years old. Her brown curly hair and green pupils make her look like Li Xun. Although there was some mystery in his eyes, the smile on his face was reassuring, like a strange hypnotic.

Li Xunran's English level is average, and he is not good enough to communicate with others about his psychological problems in English. Bo Jinyan even found this fluent Chinese psychiatrist. He said: "Psychotherapy is the best. Do not have a third party present."

He was very concerned about Li Xunran's treatment this time, and he waited until the treatment was over every time, and exchanged his views with the psychiatrist.

Li Xunran was lying on the psychotherapy chair in a different place, and he found a kind of relaxation in a strange way, which was similar to the mentality of breaking a jar. Without much effort, he poured beans into the bamboo tube and told the secret .

Anna always had a gentle and understanding smile on her face. After listening to Li Xunran's story, she only asked softly: "After you tell me, do you feel better?"

Li Xunran didn't want to answer her.He only felt that the transparent blood that had been bubbling from the five sense organs these days had finally dried up, and the feeling of being strangled tightly on his neck disappeared.His feelings that have been played by fate and have never really seen the sun are being spread out in the sun to dry, and the water vapor rises to the sky, bringing lightness to the damp and moldy soul stand up.

☆, you and I, but you as a businessman (5)

I. Childhood

During his days in the United States, Li Xunran hardly went out except for treatment.He seemed to have lost interest in the outside world, and only when he was discussing his inner self with a psychiatrist did he occasionally see some sparks in his eyes.

Jian Yao originally thought that with the addition of an older brother, Li Xunran should be happier than before, but she didn't expect him to be depressed day by day at a speed visible to the naked eye, and the initial worry about his unacceptable life experience came back to her heart.

She had been looking for a chance to have a good talk with Li Xunran, but was stopped by Bo Jinyan: "You are not entitled to participate in all his concerns, and the best comfort you can give him at this time is not to disturb him." Jane Yao was baffled by Bo Jinyan's words, but she was used to obeying such unreasonable orders, so she could only worry and feel helpless at the same time, and finally comforted herself, Xun Ran was probably a side effect of psychological treatment.

Li Xunran's life during this period is actually much better than during the Spring Festival, at least his heart is peaceful.He asked Bo Jinyan to buy back a violin and some basic sheet music. When he didn't need to go to the clinic, he practiced the piano at home. Starting from learning to recognize the staves, he gradually regained his memory of strings and bows.

He did learn the violin, it was a childhood thing.

When I was 5 years old, my father had a co-worker's child who wanted to sign up to learn the violin. On a whim, my father asked him if he wanted to learn.The little child didn't know much, he just remembered that he liked the violin when he saw it, so he nodded in agreement.When registering, the teacher also gave each child a very strict test, asked them to sing a song, and asked them to pick up the violin by themselves without teaching any skills.Singing is to listen to the child's innate sense of music and intonation, while holding the violin is to see if they are sensitive to the violin and whether they can find the correct grip by intuition.

Li Xunran remembered that he was singing "Little Conch", a song that the kindergarten teacher had just taught.The little boy's voice was bright and accurate, and he looked very proud. The violin teacher was very satisfied and agreed to accept him as a student on the spot.Later, he was always the top kid in the hobby class, and he even participated in a provincial competition. Because he was too involved in playing, he beat the time with his feet too much, which affected his beautiful posture. In the end, he only won the winning prize.

But these are the fleeting glories of childhood.His natural love for the violin was gradually eroded by the hard work of practicing the violin. Throughout elementary school, when other children went out to play after finishing their homework, he could only stay at home to practice the violin.In the beginning, in order to correct the posture, some books were placed on the head, and an egg was clamped under the armpit of the right hand holding the bow. Neither the book nor the egg could be dropped.If you practice for two or three hours a day, the hand holding the piano will be sore and unbearable.He was a determined boy, and he would not have given up easily, but small and long tortures wore down the mind more than hard, fast blows.Director Li is indeed an incompetent father, so I just told him that he should stick to what he chooses.This made him even more unsustainable. Finally, after entering junior high school, he put down his qin and bow and deliberately forgot about them. Come to think of it, I only know a little about music, or don't know anything at all.Quhe belongs to music by nature, and I am satisfied as long as I listen to Quhe's music.

Now, he suddenly began to miss this musical instrument that filled his childhood.With such a long and slow time to pass, the violin seemed to be a good company. Although in his hallucinations, its image was a little scary, but he didn't care at all.Hallucination?He wished that he could live in the hallucination forever.

He has no contact with Qu He anymore, the kind of connection that really belongs to the two of them.

Qu's mother often called and asked about trivial daily life. When Qu He was by her side, she would hand the phone to him and ask him to say a few words.

They greet each other through the microphone like ordinary brothers.

"Xunran, how is it? Are you still used to it over there?"

"Good."

"What about you?"

"Very good too. Don't worry."

"Well. Don't worry too."

Simple questions and answers, but in fact, every word is carefully thought out, and every word is extremely important when it comes out of the mouth.

Occasionally, Li Xunran would look through the chat records in WeChat.The last conversation they had was the "good night" that Qu He had said the day before the car accident. He couldn't help thinking, if time stopped at that time, would it be luck or misfortune?

J. Seed

When Bo Jinyan came to him to discuss whether to undergo hypnotherapy, he had just finished playing a piece of "Kaisai", an entry-level violin etude.Picking up something that has been abandoned for more than ten years is no different from beginners.

He asked only one question: "After hypnosis, will I relapse into hallucinations?"

"Very likely, but also the way we're most certain of finding that seed."

"Okay, I agree with hypnosis."

Xie Han's face is close at hand.

Li Xunran felt like a dehydrated Trisolaran who was about to be roasted into a piece of dry and flat human skin by the scorching light.

There is music in the ears, it is "Sculpture".

"Do you know what love is?" Xie Han looked at him as if admiring a half-finished product, "You don't know, you never loved at all."

Li Xunran looked at his mouth opening and closing, feeling that his eyelids were getting heavier and heavier.

"No one deserves to be loved. Except yourself." Xie Han walked around him, his voice was low and obscure, "Simon thought he loved that little girl? He was lying to himself. He loved Allen, and he thought Allen Hide it, so I can't find it?"

Li Xunran felt that his voice was getting farther and farther away, and his consciousness was gradually drifting away from his body.

Xie Han suddenly leaned into his ear: "So what about you? What is the name of the person in your heart? When will he come out to see you? When you are sleeping or when you are angry?"

Li Xunran raised his head suddenly, his eyes widened.

He thought he had a key to a very important door, but he couldn't remember where it was.

When he opened his eyes, Anna, Bo Jinyan, and Jian Yao were all beside him.

It took Li Xunran a long time to sort out his thoughts.

He looked at Bo Jinyan: "I found the seed."

What Xie Han planted in his heart was a seed that would accompany him for life: You can't love others, you can only love yourself.You should create another self for yourself, he will always be with you, just like Bo Jinyan and Allen.

That was the seed that was the foundation of everything that came after.It allows him to raise his gun when facing Jian Yao, because Jian Yao is not himself; it also makes him feel inexplicable joy when he sees Qu He, because Qu He is like another self, his second personality.

So he fell in love with Qu He because of the seeds?is that so?

Hypnotherapy should be said to be extremely successful.After the root cause is discovered, the psychiatrist can formulate a series of treatment plans to pull out the seeds step by step in different courses of treatment.

But Li Xunran proposed to suspend the treatment for a while.

He locked himself in the house and played the violin day and night, from "Kaiser" to "Kreizer".Jian Yao wanted to rush into the house several times, but was stopped by Bo Jinyan. The psychologist always had a knowing expression: "He will be fine by himself."

When Li Xunran was finally willing to go out to meet people, it was already mid-April, the weather was sunny and the land was green.He ignored Jian Yao's concerned expression, and just said to Bo Jinyan, "I want to talk to you."

"You knew it early on." Li Xunran felt that Bo Jinyan was as mysterious as a castle, unfathomable.

"When I saw you and Qu He at the bar that day, I probably guessed it, and I observed it carefully later." Bo Jinyan was expressionless, but Li Xunran felt that expressionlessness was the most reassuring expression for him now.

"Are we being so obvious?"

"It's not obvious. What I see, others don't see."