Second possibility

i am a very ordinary person

Of course, I never thought of it that way before.

I am from a single parent family,

This label brings me no gossip,

It's more about compassion.

I'm pretty good looking,

So since I was a child, I have never been short of people who love me.

I thought I'd always be the center of the crowd,

Even if it's not the focus,

That will continue to be excellent.

Until I went to college and stepped into the society

Only then did I realize that there are many people who are better than me.

But what does that matter,

I'm still young, there's still a lot I can do,

The sky is high and the sea is wide,

Let me do it.

I won the singing contest champion,

I began to feel that the future was bright and bright, so I declined the invitation to film, feeling that the arrogance of a musician in myself was shining brightly.

But accidents are always sudden enough to be called accidents,

The reality always tells you that you dare to talk about life only when your bones are broken and you are as low as dust.

Mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer,

That's when I realized,

She has raised me for more than twenty years,

Going to school, seeing a doctor, entertaining, even pursuing dreams,

But I can't even pay for her medical treatment.

Some people say that the breakdown of an adult is just a moment.

I don't have time to crash,

I have to find a way to raise money,

I've got to throw away my dreams and my bones,

I finally learned to bow my head.

It was a birthday party held by an old man,

I stand in the corner with my wine glass,

A great void suddenly hit me,

I stand in this glamorous Vanity Fair,

Bring up a smile and pretend like a duck to water to blend in

I didn't find out until I turned around

The world is noisy and warm,

It's nothing but an illusion to itself,

Vulnerable as long as you don't take the initiative,

In fact, it has nothing to do with how big your fart is.

How do you feel at that moment?

I don't know if you've ever felt that way,

The world is a sense of powerlessness blowing against us,

empty, scared

I don't know why,

But it did exist at that moment.

Then I saw him,

The crowd leaned towards him like stars holding the moon,

As long as he stands there, he is the focus of the crowd,

At that moment I realized,

It turns out that such people really exist in this world.

On that night,

Mother pulled out her own breathing tube,

I got a call and rushed to the hospital,

The moment I saw the death notice,

I thought it was just a joke between the doctor and me,

or just a dream,

wake up,

My mother would call me in a ridiculous accent,

Call me that title that I have always despised.

"Baby, remember to wear more clothes."

"You said it would be great if you came back to find a stable job, seeing how tired you are every day."

"Mom is getting old, and I don't expect anything else. You can give me a grandson to accompany me in the head office. When you come back this time, I will ask your third aunt to introduce a girl to you..."

And I won't be perfunctory anymore, and when I receive the message, I just reply, um, ah, I see.

Or just ignore it,

Next time I think of it or come back the next day,

to avoid continuing the conversation.

I picked up the phone and called the mother of the note,

Hope everything goes as usual,

They will answer the phone and ask "baby, what's the matter"

And I will patiently tell her about my life,

Or cry and tell her that I am actually really tired,

But the phone didn't go through,

There's nothing over there,

I finally broke down and cried at the end of the hospital corridor with my phone

i'm trash

I didn't give up on my dream,

Because of the last words my mother left me,

At the same time, I began to secretly pay attention to the news of that person,

Thinking that maybe one day I could stand in front of him,

Say it openly,

Hello, I am Chen Ning, I have liked you for a long time.

It's ridiculous to talk about hard work,

I diligently want to be popular, I want to go to the height I think of and I want to go in front of that person,

But my condition is getting worse and worse.

Time and time again, I thought my chance had come,

Disappointed again and again,

When participating in the draft, the vcr introduced myself with celebrities who were in the same period as me, and the agent used my misery as a selling point.

The saddest thing in the world is nothing but this,

you struggle and struggle

finally admitted,

You're really no different than everyone else,

You are just a normal person.

Historical materialism says that the essence of man is the sum of all social relations, so he is nobody.

I know there might be something wrong with me,

Maybe I really want to solve it too.

But every time that feeling strikes,

I knew I couldn't do anything,

I can only stand there and wait for it to pass,

Then I doubt whether I can see the sun tomorrow.

***

Today is the 29th day that Qi Rang and I have been together,

29 days like a dream,

He was gentle and patient with me, like a perfect boyfriend, but I knew that wasn't right for me.Replace me with any other person and he would do the same, perfectly cynical indifference.

But what does that matter, I am not good enough for him, he deserves to be loved and favored, and my only wish is that this kind of life can last longer.

Until that morning, when he rubbed my head, I saw complex emotions in his eyes that I couldn't understand,

He told me he wanted to try a long life with me,

He held me in his arms and kissed my forehead tenderly.

The world is spinning, I want to indulge in this.

I blamed him with tears in my voice,

To hide the fear and uneasiness that I can't hide at all,

I don't want him to know I'm such a fragile person,

I just want him to see the perfect, confident me.

Qi Rang always wanted to know what he said to me on the phone that night after drinking, but I always smiled and said it was a secret.

Actually nothing,

He just said he watched the video of me at the bar,

I think I was very bright at that time.

After hanging up the phone that time,

My panic grew, fearing that he would discover the real me,

So I began to blame myself and stop communicating, feeling that I was a waste,

While trying to adjust my state as soon as possible, I can't do anything at all. It's like a vicious circle.

I stand in place and go round and round,

It is always night.

The Internet began to call me plagiarism,

I am very happy,

Because I didn't expect Qi Rang to come to me because of such a trivial matter.

The moment I saw him,

All the desperation I had these days came up, I tore off my hat in a panic, and hid the cigarette in my hand behind my hand. I shivered from the ash burn and was extraordinarily awake.

what to do?How could I let him see me like this?

What should I do, is he going to abandon me?

my mouth is trembling,

I heard my own voice say,

"I don't smoke, don't hate me"

Listen to what bullshit this is, I can't even say a simple sweet word.

I know that Qi made him hate onion, ginger, garlic and fish,

I like to eat crabs but I am too lazy to pick them up.

Knowing that he likes to drink soy milk in the morning, he likes Chinese breakfast and hates greasy food.

Knowing that he hates the smell of cigarettes and the smell of wine,

Knowing that he can't eat spicy food and likes spicy food,

Knowing that he hates all troublesome things,

Every detail of his every habit has long been printed in my mind.

Like what he likes, hate what he hates, this is what I should have done.

I was annoyed at my stupidity and my stupidity in front of Qi Rang.

Unexpectedly, he hugged me gently,

Tell me that I am excellent, in his heart is the best one.

At that moment, I really wanted to cry,

I want to hug him and tell him that I can't find myself,

I can't find myself what to do,

Can you please don't leave me,

I will do my best, as long as I can be close to you, I can do anything.

And from that day on,

I told myself,

What do other people say, what about the world,

As long as he thinks he is the best,

Then I am the best one.

No one can deny his words, and neither can I.

Wei Qi said, Qi Rang and I are not the same people at all.

He's right, we're like two extremes.

Qi Rang has a smooth journey, the proud son of heaven,

I stumbled and couldn't find my way forward.

But so what,

I just need to be the best for him.

Wei Qi's eyes are proud and crazy,

He and Qi Rang are too similar,

Two people who both like suspicion together,

The ending is only to hurt each other.

Then he told me,

If I don't leave Qi Rang, I will regret it.

Soon I knew what he meant,

Scandal slammed into my face,

I secretly looked at Qi Rang from the corner of my eye,

As long as he doesn't let go of me,

I am not afraid of anything.

I knelt before him,

Suppressing the trembling in my heart,

Gently rubbed against him,

I can't show any doubts or unease,

I know him too well,

That would just bore him.

So I just pretended to be calm and tested him,

"You're not leaving me, are you?"

I could feel his relief, and I knew I was right.

I walked into the crowd,

People are jostling and jostling,

But my heart has never been so peaceful,

I straightened my back and acted distant and indifferent,

Because I know he's up there watching me,

I can't keep my head down,

If only I were that confident and uninhibited teenager.