start with my name

The central air conditioner is very powerful, and it is very hot.Zhao Shuming was covered with a thick quilt and soon started sweating. He kicked off the quilt and lay flat.

Lu Ming asked: "What's wrong?"

"It's a bit hot." Zhao Shuming blushed, he thought Lu Ming had fallen asleep, "Did it disturb you?"

Lu Ming stroked his forehead, then fell to his neck: "Why are you sweating so much?"

The palm of his hand was dry and cool, this sudden touch made Zhao Shuming slightly goose bumps, as if a series of tiny sparks exploded along the traces on the skin belatedly.

Zhao Shuming froze like a cat caught in the back of the neck. Lu Ming got out of bed and walked towards the entrance. He probably adjusted the temperature setting of the central air conditioner before returning to bed: "I lowered it by two degrees. You sleep with too much clothes on. gone."

"Wear more to get up in winter." Zhao Shuming tried his best to forget the strange perception just now, and wiped off his sweat, "Don't worry about me, you sleep with you."

Lu Ming asked, "Can't sleep again?"

The sound of cloth rubbing against each other sounded, and he leaned over: "Zhao Shuming."

His voice was close at hand, and the tone of his voice was lowered, which is unique to boys. I don't know if it was because of the lowered tone, and it was a bit hoarse. When it rang in his ears, Zhao Shuming's ears moved unconsciously. The comfort produced by rubbing ears and temples slowly moisturizes the skin from the ears, soaks into the muscles until it sinks into the bones.

Half of Zhao Shuming's body was tight, with a blank expression on his face.

I think someone is teasing me, but I have no proof.

This idea just flashed by. After all, everyone is a man. Even though homosexuality and eroticism are a bit popular now, straight men are still the vast majority in daily life.Zhao Shuming himself has been raped by girls, Xiangfang is still Liu Lei who sleeps with him, because the two of them interact the most on the basketball court, it is really embarrassing or embarrassing.

Why Liu Lei?No, wait, what am I thinking about this for?

He rubbed his ears, putting away his messy thoughts.

Lu Ming asked, "How long have you been asking this question?"

"I don't remember, it seems to be like this all the time." Zhao Shuming looked at the ceiling, he could vaguely feel that Lu Ming was lying on his side, probably staring at him.

It's weird to lie on your back and have someone stare at your profile, but it hurts too much to turn your back on someone at this time.

He moved left and right, because he was too concentrated, the sound of breathing that he had just heard was clear now.Zhao Shuming finally turned to Lu Ming.

Turning around, he regretted it, the two of them were facing each other, and at some point the distance between them had been drawn extremely close, so close that the heat of the other's breath could be felt faintly.It's a pity that he had shrunk to the bedside just now in order to stay away from Lu Ming, and there was no way to retreat.

In order to drive away the weird atmosphere brought about by this strange situation, Zhao Shuming had to keep talking: "There is no other problem, it is nervous insomnia."

Lu Ming's voice had a special quiet meaning in the darkness: "What's the cause?"

"What is the cause of nervous insomnia?" Zhao Shuming couldn't help laughing, "It's actually a little anxiety."

Lu Ming asked, "What are you worried about?"

"You really look like a psychological counselor." Zhao Shuming burst out laughing, and then said after laughing, "I don't know. In fact, I don't seem to have any specific anxiety, but I just can't relax my nerves."

Lu Ming is very good at focusing on the key points: "Have you seen a psychiatrist?"

"It was suggested by the doctor." Zhao Shuming explained, "You don't know, long-term insomnia is very annoying. So I still cared about it for a while. The doctor said that this is a mental illness."

This time he spoke in much more detail than the last time, and when he was talking vigorously, Lu Ming suddenly grabbed his waist and pulled him into his arms.

Zhao Shuming was so shocked that he almost bit his tongue.

"Lie down, you're about to fall." Lu Ming withdrew his hand, his tone was light, "What did the psychiatrist say?"

"Ah? Ah..." His freely changing topic was so natural and smooth that Zhao Shuming couldn't keep up with it. He felt that something was wrong, but he couldn't tell what was wrong, so he had to go on with his own topic, "Although The counselor also said not to think too much at night, but there is no way.”

It may be that people's nerves are always relaxed at night, and no matter how high their vigilance is on weekdays, they will be somewhat relaxed, or it may be that the scene at the scene made Zhao Shuming most afraid of the sudden silence of the air, or it may be that the relationship between the partners is different today. For the first time, the conversation that should have ended here continued.

Zhao Shuming said: "He helped me go back to the past, and said that there might be some reasons. You don't know, when they analyze your character, they will not only analyze your parents, but also your parents' parents, your parents' parents. Various relatives of parents. A family tree goes up like this.”

He stopped, but as soon as he showed that he didn't want to continue talking, Lu Ming immediately urged: "The result? What's the matter?"

Zhao Shuming was still somewhat resistant to revealing the past, but his judgment and vigilance were too low now, and when Lu Ming said "Huh?" impatiently, he organized his words and continued: " When I was young, when I was very young, I probably went to kindergarten, went... went to a place to play, and met a friend... I don’t know if it should be called a friend, but we actually didn’t know each other for a day.”

In the darkness, Lu Ming's breath was stagnant.

"I was very domineering at that time, and I don't know why. I just thought he had a good eye and insisted on dragging him to play with me." Zhao Shuming really couldn't say what Zhao Hong did back then. It's ridiculous, so I had to tell Lu Ming roughly, "Actually, his situation was not very good at that time, but I couldn't think about it when I was a child. Later, we two had conflicts with other children, and I fell because of this." I fell, it seems to be quite serious, and now there is a scar on my forehead."

As he spoke, he wanted to brush his forehead hair, but suddenly remembered that he couldn't see at this time.

However, Lu Ming stretched out his hand and touched the wound accurately. There was a raised scar where his fingertips touched. He said in a deep voice, "Is this your psychological shadow?"

"Ah? Oh, no." Zhao Shuming recalled the past and couldn't help sighing, "I cried a lot when I got hurt and when I got stitches, but I'm fine after the pain. My mother was terrified and called my grandma and grandpa. , took me away forcibly. I told the kid that I would come back to him and ask him to wait for me. But..."

But he couldn't go back.

"I wanted to go back to him after I got out of the hospital. There was a lot of trouble at home. Grandpa felt that I was spoiled, so he wanted to take advantage of this to educate me. The old and the young screwed up and sent me out Abroad, change the environment and start all over again." Speaking of this, Zhao Shuming couldn't remember why he was so stupid at that time. The adults thought that the children were playing with their temper, but the children thought that the adults' reasoning was sophistry. The two worlds are not connected to each other. , "I made so much trouble at the time that I was almost kicked off the plane, and then I went on a hunger strike when I arrived in the United States. I was beaten by my grandpa a lot."

Zhao Shuming was still lamenting the beatings he suffered in those years, and Lu Ming asked, "Why?"

Zhao Shuming didn't understand: "What?"

There seemed to be something in Lu Ming's voice, and he asked, "Why do you want to go back to him so much?"

"Perhaps in the eyes of children, we must do what we promised..." Zhao Shuming thought for a while, the child in the distant memory seemed to be still stubbornly making noise.

Lu Ming suddenly said: "Only children know what they are looking for."

This sentence was very familiar, Zhao Shuming was startled, and said in surprise: "The Little Prince?"

This is exactly a line from The Little Prince. Zhao Shuming read it as a fairy tale book when he was a child, because the picture album is so beautiful, he especially liked it for a while.But being able to understand it is a later matter. Although this book is in the style of a fairy tale, children can't understand it.

"You also know?" Lu Ming was also surprised. Most boys his age don't like to read this kind of fairy tale books. It's just a coincidence that the two people lying on the same bed at this moment like this book. Book.

This fate is a little too wonderful.

Zhao Shuming was inexplicably happy. He heard Lu Ming's voice soften: "I saw this book by chance before. Its name reminds me of my friend."

"Is it the person you mentioned before?" Zhao Shuming thought of the 'friend' who made him so loved.Noticing that Lu Ming nodded, he was very curious about this 'friend', but thinking that this must be Lu Ming's sad thing, he finally suppressed it.

"Well, you might laugh at me if you say it. I always think I'm not the only one who cares about this." Zhao Shuming was quiet for a while, "Because when I said I would come back to you, that kid nodded. He said I Wait for you."

From Zhao Shuming's point of view, it has become an agreement.

But he was really too young, even if he tried his best to go to such an appointment, it was just a nonsense from adults.

"I've always felt sorry for not being able to go back to find him. I don't know how long he has been waiting for me." Zhao Shuming's mood sank, and it was the first time he talked about this matter after many years. He always felt a burst of heartache when he thought of the way the other party looked at him , this missed appointment seemed to have let down the most beautiful thing in the world, and it made people regret, "I often dreamed, dreamed of being alone... to the place we knew, but every time he disappeared halfway, I looked for him everywhere, but in my dream there was no one but me, that kind of feeling was a bit terrifyingly lonely."

Zhao Shuming felt embarrassed as he spoke. From the outsiders' point of view, this matter was a fuss: "I went back to China later, but the time interval was too long, and he wasn't there anymore."

It should have been adopted, and the orphanage keeps this information confidential.

"Maybe he can't remember me either?" Zhao Shuming pulled himself together and continued in a relaxed tone, "Anyway, I don't know if it's because of this, but my sleep is getting worse and worse. This is it."

If Zhao Hong could have done something more when he was confronting Zhao Sheyi, maybe things would have been completely different. In fact, she had even aggravated Zhao Shuming's problems.It's not that Zhao Hong is a bad mother, she loves her children, there is no doubt about it, but she lives in a kind of innocence that does not grow with age all her life, and the favorable family conditions allow her to completely escape from the responsibility of being a mother , Immerse yourself in your own world and always be a girl with delicate nerves who only cares about her own emotions.

She lacks the ability to respond to the child's feelings, and she is also the one who needs to be cared for.

Thinking about it carefully, what Zhao Hong brought to Zhao Shuming might not only be insomnia, but also a fragile and deformed outlook on love.Zhao Hong pursues true love first, and she can do things like abandoning her children to travel around the world for true love. Zhao Shuming was forced to watch her love soap operas since she was a child, and deeply felt that love is nothing.Love is a routine, like a well-programmed program from beginning to end, fixed nodes have fixed choices, no surprises, no accidents, and also meaningless.

However, the trouble this brought to Zhao Shuming was not as much as insomnia, but after all, insomnia was not a big deal and could be resolved.So every time he lies on the bed, he doesn't fall asleep like other men. What he likes is not the stimulation, but the close company when he can't fall asleep.

like now.

He and Lu Ming are not in that kind of relationship, and there is no indescribable behavior, but this is very good. There is a vague touch between the two of them through the breath, and they are trapped in this small space chatting. Talking about other people's topics will make people feel a trace of unsure tenderness.

"I didn't sleep well before," Lu Ming said lightly, "but it was only because I was worried about things being robbed."

This kind of statement is very strange, but at this time Zhao Shuming didn't want to delve into it: "Then what happened later?"

Lu Ming said: "I couldn't beat me later, I just slept well."

"Are you so rigid?" Zhao Shuming laughed, "Then I haven't recovered from insomnia for so many years, maybe I'm too delicate."

Lu Ming said, "Yes, I know."

Although he didn't understand what the phrase knowing meant knowing, Zhao Shuming still smiled. It was so pleasant to whisper like a child hiding under the covers, and even Lu Ming's voice seemed to warm up.

"Tell me, if he sees me, will he still recognize me?" Zhao Shuming's brain was a little drowsy, as if he was dreaming, but he was still a little awake. This feeling was very precious to him, and he grasped This groggy, unwilling to think about it.

"I recognize it."

When Lu Ming spoke, his voice was extremely low, with a whistling sound, it felt like he was coaxing a child.The corners of Zhao Shuming's mouth curled up, and he said instinctively: "Really... It's a pity that we won't see each other again in this life..."

The voice became smaller and smaller, and Zhao Shuming fell asleep unknowingly.