start with my name

I'm really gay.

Daigo empowerment.

As if a speeding train derailed in his mind, Zhao Shuming suddenly plunged into the quilt, startling Lu Ming: "What's wrong?!"

"No, it's okay." Zhao Shuming's whole face was hot like a fever, and he felt that he really couldn't look directly at Lu Ming now, "Leave me alone."

Lu Ming was dumbfounded and wanted to pull him up, but the man's face seemed to be growing on the sheet, and he couldn't move it: "What are you doing? Be careful touching the wound."

"No, no, no." Zhao Shuming raised a hand and waved Lu Ming away, "I just want to lie on my stomach right now, don't worry about me."

"Get up first." Lu Ming was baffled by him, and he bent over and hugged him with a wry smile, trying to coax him up, "Don't really touch the wound in a while."

Zhao Shuming had just discovered his feelings, and the actions that used to only arouse a faint heartbeat were now adding fuel to the flames.After his heart missed a beat, he jumped up rapidly, and the loud sound echoed throughout his body, so he had to keep his mouth tightly shut, for fear that Lu Ming would hear him when he opened his mouth.

Lu Ming coaxed him for a long time to see that he looked like an ostrich, without any sign of raising his head. He laughed and said, "Aren't you bored?"

Zhao Shuming trembled again, his ears were burning, and he quickly covered them with his hands.

Damn, was Lu Ming's voice so nice before?

He was frightened by his own reaction, Zhao Shuming didn't know whether it was because the person he liked suddenly became a man this time, or because this person was Lu Ming.

Zhao Shuming moved his buttocks, shrinking himself into a smaller ball.

Although he didn't know what Zhao Shuming was doing, Lu Ming couldn't afford to hold him back, so he had to let him lie on his stomach like this, and pulled the quilt to cover half of it for him.

When the bell rang, Lu Ming took out his mobile phone to see the caller ID, frowned, got off the bed, and walked out the door.

Feeling his departure, Zhao Shuming finally breathed a sigh of relief, and turned his face to the side to breathe in the fresh air: "It's so stupid..."

What on earth was he thinking, he did such a thing suddenly, it was so stupid, it must look like a psychopath, but he couldn't control himself at all, at that moment he just wanted to find a place to hide.

so tired...

It’s tiring to face this kind of thinking squarely. He really doesn’t have any prejudice against the LGBT group, because the personnel and affairs of this group are far away from him, and he is surrounded by ordinary people with mainstream sexual orientation. melons," he hadn't given much thought to such things at all.

He stared blankly at the void, what should he do now?

No, Zhao Shuming came back to his senses, and stood up with resolute eyes. This is impossible. It must be some kind of misunderstanding, an illusion. How could he have such thoughts about his good friend?

After rubbing the bridge of his nose, Zhao Shuming took out his mobile phone to surf the Internet, staring at the Baidu page.

- How do you know if you are gay?

Hit search and a bunch of results pop up below.

——How can we determine whether a woman is gay or not.

——How can I find out if my husband is gay?

Zhao Shuming: "..."

He scrolled down again.

- How do you know if you are gay?

1. Having same-sex fantasies does not mean you are gay.

2.…

This looked quite reliable, Zhao Shuming immediately clicked in.

"Generally, many people will know their sexual orientation in adolescence or even elementary school. When others are mainly focusing on the opposite sex, you can think about where your attention is?"

Zhao Shuming has no doubts about this. He made his first girlfriend with blonde hair and blue eyes in elementary school in the United States. It is precisely because he has never had intimate thoughts about anyone of the same sex that this time is particularly unacceptable.

"Sexual orientation is all equal, basically determined by genes, and almost impossible to change the day after tomorrow."

Zhao Shuming looked at the door and continued to look down.

"Having same-sex fantasies doesn't mean you're gay. Straight men and straight women sometimes have these 'same-sex fantasies' too, with women dreaming about being gay, or men imagining kissing other men in the locker room .Having fantasies about same-sex is just a normal exploration of sexual orientation. Fantasizing is not a sign of liking...”

Just seeing this, Lu Ming has already returned.

Zhao Shuming's mentality recovered slightly, and he wanted to break the weird atmosphere he created just now and say something, but noticed that Lu Ming's expression was a bit wrong, and blurted out, "Who's calling?"

Lu Ming sat on the edge of the bed, obviously hesitated, but still replied: "My dad."

"About the school?" Zhao Shuming figured it out immediately, and his small thoughts were instantly thrown away, "The school's decision came down so soon?"

Lu Ming said: "We are still discussing, but I just called my dad first. Maybe there will be a notice of criticism."

Yan Xinchen's judgment is very accurate, reporting criticism in this situation is already the lightest meaning.But it didn't have to happen.

Zhao Shuming said: "Don't be busy, I'll go and find a way."

"What do you think?" Lu Ming asked in surprise, "That's the way it is."

Zhao Shuming still remembers the phone call with Lu Ming's father back then. I don't know if it was because of his bad temper or the bad relationship with Lu Ming. Obviously, this incident made the conflict between the father and son even bigger: "Isn't your father very angry? ?”

As soon as Lu's father was mentioned, Lu Ming had no expression: "If he is angry, let him have it."

"He may have thought that you were fighting with someone for no reason..." Zhao Shuming paused, and continued after seeing that Lu Ming was not unhappy, "But you were fighting because... because your classmates were being bullied."

Lu Ming smiled without emotion: "There's no need to explain to him, it's all the same to him. Don't worry, it's not the first time he's solved these things. This kind of thing won't do any harm to my relationship with him, because we don't emotion."

This family atmosphere feels quite bad, but it seems that in ordinary families, fathers and sons tend to have conflicts, and the mother is the lubricant. Zhao Shuming asked: "What about your mother? Is she not angry?"

Lu Ming said, "She's dead."

Zhao Shuming: "………………………………………"

Seeing Zhao Shuming's face that seemed to be cracked, Lu Ming laughed and pinched his face: "What's your expression? It's okay, I'm not sad anymore."

"How could this kind of thing not be sad for a long time?" Zhao Shuming said sullenly, "No matter how long it takes, I will still be sad when I think about it."

Lu Ming was stunned for a moment, then smiled at him, but did not speak.

Zhao Shuming felt that his smile was different from usual, a little sad, his eyes were drooping, and his pupils were clear but seemed to be a little embarrassed and happy, which made him look very gentle.

The weak psychological construction that had just been erected broke into pieces with a crash, Zhao Shuming looked at the pieces on the ground, and almost wanted to let out a sob.

Shaking his head, he tried to change the topic and said, "This matter is also caused by me. If your father is really angry, do you want me to explain it to him?"

"Who cares about him?" Lu Ming didn't care, seeing that Zhao Shuming was not ready to get out of bed, "You want to sleep in this bed?"

Only then did Zhao Shuming realize that he forgot to move it back after just moving it over, and was a little embarrassed.Lu Ming didn't care, and changed beds with him.The two were lying on the bed watching TV, Zhao Shuming was thinking about something, and the fake sophistication couldn't watch it anymore, he always wanted to catch a glimpse of Lu Ming.

Lu Ming was staring at the TV screen, but he had no expression, and he was never amused from the beginning to the end.It was getting dark outside the window, only a small bedside lamp on Zhao Shuming's side was turned on in the room, and only the light from the screen on Lu Ming's side shrouded him in vague shadows, which made him look like a handsome and cold man. statue.

Zhao Shuming couldn't help shouting: "Lu Ming?"

"Huh?" Lu Ming turned his face and looked at it seriously, with a gentle tone, which relieved his essentially cold voice.

Zhao Shuming didn't know what to say, but just looked at him.

Because Zhao Shuming didn't laugh out loud after watching it for so long, Lu Ming looked dazed again at this moment, and Lu Ming smiled: "Want to sleep? It's rare."

After finishing speaking, he got up to get the remote control, turned off the TV, and when he turned back to lie down, he touched the side of the bedside table in the middle and turned off the light.

It was dark in the room.

He said, "Go to sleep."