Sad Jiangnan

It was still raining non-stop.I don't know what time it is, the sky has not dawned for a long time, probably because of the rain.

Because there was no driver, Teng Da Nayan had no choice but to lead the cow all the way back.It took a lot of time to find the cow at first, and he was stubbornly looking for it in one place, but he couldn't find it. He was so angry that he took off the only half boot left, and threw it away bitterly. place.

Later, on the way back, as if playing tricks on people, the half-boot that was lost at the beginning was found back, but it was useless.He threw it in the grass by the side of the road casually.

It's so cold, I can't feel my hands and feet.When I walked to the end, my whole body was shaking, and I couldn't control it.The rope leading the cows strangled his hands as if they were about to break.Fujita Nayan thought, why would I do such a stupid thing instead?In the beginning, it would have been better not to use the ox cart, and the ox was still in the cart, which always sent a continuous stench. After the infiltration of rainwater, the stench was covered with a layer of water vapor, which could not dissipate for a long time.

Every time I walked, it seemed as long as the whole night in the past.

When I got home, I thought I would have a good rest.For some reason, as soon as I entered the door and bathed in the orange light, my physical strength miraculously recovered, and my limbs regained strength.

Fujita Nayan pulled the bullock cart to the front of the main hall.Because I was soaked all over, I was like a rain cloud, and I walked all the way to the bedroom, scaring my brother to stand up.

But my brother didn't say anything, as if he was waiting for himself to speak up.Fujida Nayan hit the ground with a "plop", and saw under the lamp that half of the footwear stuck to his feet had turned black.

"I'm so tired." This is what I said from the bottom of my heart. I almost lay down on the ground, closed my eyes, and the candles around me dimly flickered.I almost entered a dream.

Suddenly those lights dimmed a lot, Fujita Nayan opened his eyes, his brother was standing in front of him, looking at him.

"I killed someone." It was like that when I opened my mouth, I didn't expect to say it so easily, just like the time when the priest said it was like a nonsense, even if I told the truth, no one would believe it, but this time it was different, "I killed my uncle."

I don't know why my brother insists on wearing that mask. He wants to have a pretty face, but he is afraid that others will know the origin of that face.But wearing a mask, it seems that wearing it can be very innocent.Fuji Da Nayan just glanced at it, and nameless anger would still arise in his heart.He got up by himself, grabbed his brother's head, and hooked the straps on both sides with his fingers.The mask "slapped" to the feet of the two, and the brother's expressionless face appeared in front of his eyes.The lips were pursed, showing no sign of opening.

If I had known this was the case, it would be better not to take it off.

"The corpse is in the bullock cart in front of the hall." Fujita Nayan took his brother's hand and dragged him out.The elder brother's face suddenly became very sad, and the soft facial features under the light seemed to be broken at any moment.

My brother's beautiful eyes were like crystal beads, "Why did you do such a thing?..." Seemingly knowing that he would never answer, my brother lowered his head and sighed for a long time.This sighing movement is also very elegant, and it cannot be associated with "sigh".The mother seems to be the same way, when she sighs, she looks like reciting poems, and when she sings poems, she seems to be sighing again.Others can't imitate it, and it's beautiful and enviable.

Now, it was his turn to say nothing.Fujida Nayan remained silent, and led his brother to the corridor of the main hall.Lonely carts and cattle are out in the rain.My brother didn't say anything, walked to the front of the car, opened the curtain, and closed the curtain without saying anything.

Brother's words were as low as breathing, "Why... were you killed?"

I thought my brother was crying, but my brother just lowered his head and didn't ask a second time.Suddenly, I felt a very sad feeling in my heart, but I wanted to cry a lot.The flames of the day floated back and forth in my mind, and they became somewhat blurred, as if they were last year.

"I don't know, I just pinched his neck to give a warning. Then, I just died." Fujita Nayan purposely took a relaxed tone, but his hands were still tightly clenched into fists.My brother must have noticed it, but he didn't mention it.If I tell a lie, my brother can always find out immediately.Why do you still lie?

"Is there no one injured?" The elder brother's tone was very unbearable, and I was really worried that he would run away again.

"Just a pinch."

"only……"

"Ah, I just pinched it and died. There should be no scars."

"Okay, okay. I see..."

The brother turned and went back into the room.On the other hand, he stared at the car for a long time.In the room, the elder brother called to himself in a low voice, "Zheng Rong... come here."

"what happened?"

"Your clothes..." From time to time, there was a stench on my clothes.The other half is full of mud, not only that, but my own hair, hat, and fingers are not spared.

"What should I do? It would be a pity to throw it all away." Fujida Nayan murmured to himself.

"It must be thrown away." The elder brother still said in that sick tone, very cautiously, "How many servants did uncle bring?"

"Everyone ran away!"

My brother's face turned pale, "Has anyone seen it?"

"No, just one came. We went to Youjing, but that one ran away on the way because of his timidity."

"Oh, oh..." Brother licked his lips, "Change your clothes first, don't let others see, after a while, send the car back to uncle."

"What?" Was it my brother talking nonsense, or did I not hear clearly?

"Send it back to the original place. Just pretend it didn't happen." My brother's voice was like hot water pouring into a cup. Did he cry?I secretly watched it by myself, still hanging on with a touch of sadness, "I'll take care of the rest."

"Aren't you going to send me away? Send me to the Jian Feiwei envoy, and then tell the emperor about it. I've told you everything, as well as the uncle's servant who came with me, that Qingyuan guard." Give up."

The elder brother hung his head very low, like a gourd, precariously dangling on that slender neck, saying such things by himself would only add to the sadness of his elder brother.Seeing his brother like this, he suddenly couldn't say anything.The eye sockets were itchy, and hot tears were lingering and rolling in them, ready to fall at any moment.Fujita Nayan hurriedly turned his head away, and wiped his face with his hands.

The elder brother stood up and brought clothes for himself in a short while.This long night seems to be forgiving himself, unwilling to usher in the dawn for a long time.The elder brother held an umbrella for himself, and led the cow out of the door by himself.From Onomiya to Ukyo's Rokkakudo, my brother accompanied me without saying a word.

When I got home again, I still didn't say anything.But he couldn't help crying.

After dawn, the rain stopped for a while, and at noon, it started to rain again.My brother hurried out in the morning and didn't come back until night.Another day later, Ximen's guard suddenly came to report that a lieutenant general of Daban's guard wanted to meet his brother.This lieutenant general is said to be the brother-in-law of himself and his brother, claiming to be a relative, but in fact the half-sister died shortly after marrying him.The so-called relatives are just a nice term on the surface.

After the elder brother married the two bureaus, the conflict with Otomo's family was also very intense.Especially what happened last time at the impromptu festival audition.The lieutenant general arrived, and Fujita Nayan was in his brother's room.

"I have something important to discuss with the Minister of Internal Affairs, Da Nayan just wait outside for a while." After saying this, it seemed that he hadn't heard it, and remained indifferent.

The lieutenant general looked very embarrassed, and begged his brother with his eyes, but his brother didn't say anything.As a last resort, the lieutenant general had no choice but to say, "Please be careful these few days. Someone reminded me that there are unrighteous people who want to plot against you. So please stay at home and don't go to the university again." It’s inside. I’ll stay overnight in Ouchi too, to prove your Qingbai. But don’t go to Ouchi.”

After that, he went back.

In fact, I know very well that my brother vaguely knows that he has something to do with the "that matter" that the lieutenant general said.But as long as I don't mention it, my brother won't bother.Until the day I want to say, my brother will not force himself.

In this way, the sadness in my heart will only accumulate more and more day by day, and there is no way to pour it out.This habitual willfulness will only make the whole family even more deformed.Her mother's dislike of herself was by no means unreasonable.

By this time, Fujita Nayan didn't know how to speak.The two of them sat facing each other silently until late at night, everything was silent.I said to my brother, "Actually, there are many things that I hide from you."

At this time, my brother didn't even say "I knew it a long time ago", and he was still as silent as last night.I want to cry again!When will the days of crying unscrupulously when I was a child come back again?

"Two months ago, my uncle called me over, saying that he wanted to exile you, and asked me if I would like to." I told the truth in an irrelevant tone, but within a few words, I choked up in disappointment .The elder brother silently took out the pregnant paper to wipe his tears.This made it seem like I was wronged, who used a knife to force me to do these things.But my brother must know that the truth is not like that.

As a result, the tears fell more and more, and I couldn't continue talking no matter what, my brother still wiped his tears for himself.In the end, I said to myself, "Or go to sleep." The tears that had just stopped almost fell out again.

When the Mei Jun was still alive, every time Teng Da Nayan left school, he would always wait on the west porch.Although he is a stupid dog who can't understand his own name, he is the best friend to him.No one expected to die just like that.For a long time, I, who didn't understand death, was shrouded in that kind of ignorant sadness.I still remember that the puppy was lying motionless on the ground with its eyes closed, unable to wake up again.

The so-called "not moving" and "never waking up again" are probably the death at that time.Fuji Da Nayan never raised any small animals again.Even thinking of the death of the goldfinch, I also feel like the smell of sadness after the autumn rain.

At night, there are very few people in the family, and only a few lamps are lit sporadically.Everywhere is dark, like a forest.Fuji Da Nayan hadn't walked back to Xi Zhi Dui, the nameless gloom was as dim as a candle, flashing and dimming in his heart.I ran back to the main hall very disappointingly, my brother was startled by me, and asked myself, "What's wrong?"

Such a thing as happiness cannot be seen or touched.It is simply an unrealistic fantasy, and men are full of unrealistic lies to women.It is a beautiful fantasy that is always better than reality.But one day, it will really happen to me, but it won't make people laugh.This is so strange.Shouldn't the so-called happiness be a palace built by joy?Even now, I can't experience any joy, but I firmly believe that I am happy.

I refused to say anything, my brother asked softly, "Can't you sleep?"

That's probably it.Facing the dark west hall, anxiety filled his chest, and he was trembling right now.My brother saw it too.

"It's inevitable." The elder brother lowered his eyes and moved aside to make room for himself.

"I was not careful." This sentence, mentioned on the lips, may be ready to come out at any time.But as long as I look into my brother's eyes, I can't say anything.

It was careless at that time, and it is also careless at this time.Regardless of whether my brother will believe it or not, how can there be so many carelessness?Accidentally almost killed my brother, and accidentally killed someone else, killed my uncle.What a childish subterfuge!I don't want to justify anything anymore.The words came to his lips and swallowed back.

The two of them, each harboring an ulterior secret, are now living their own lives under the false illusion.

Fujita Nayan just said carefully, "I want to sleep with you."

My brother didn't say anything, probably acquiescing.Before the lights in the main hall were blown out, the maid brought in two beddings and arranged them in my brother's tent.

During the period after Mei Jun's death, home became a synonym for hell.The puppies who live together day and night no longer exist, and such a place is not much different from the cold hell.I would rather stay in the university for a long time. The aunt in Neri wanted to go there by herself, and I was very happy to stay there.All in all, as long as you stay away from "home", everything is easy to negotiate.

After all, there were so many days when I had to go back, and I can still remember them now.Makes the nose a bit sour.

The elder brother who stood in front of the middle porch of the west gate instead of Mei Jun was always reading or writing quietly there.The bullock cart I was sitting in came in from the west gate, and my brother stood up and followed the cart until he got off the cart, just like this, just staring at himself, without saying anything.

Brother is not stupid, but waiting for himself to speak first!This kind of thing, I didn't realize it until today.

He grew up with his brother and never separated for a moment.But my brother is about to die, this thought is still engraved in my heart, it's very strange, when I don't want to think about it, it always falls on me like a spider on a beam.Immediately afterwards, that Su Fang-colored robe, which had not yet been properly folded, was also turning back and forth in his heart.

Fujita Nayan really didn't dare to think about what it would be like to lose his brother.

Not long after, the news of his uncle's death in Ukyo due to illness also reached the ears of Fujida Nayan.It is said that a domestic servant went home to read Buddhist scriptures for three days, and the minister of Jiutiaodian had no relatives.When I asked the servant, he just kept saying, "I went to a friend's house to spend the night, so don't worry about anything."

But after three days, he still didn't come back. The servant who was reciting Buddhist scriptures called people out to look for him in a panic.The result is of course predictable.He Dian Yaotou also rushed there quickly.

I don't know what was said to make everyone believe in it.

"Master's health was very bad before. It's really worrying. The time will come at any time. So I was anxious to recognize a son, but in the end, I still have nothing. I can't take anything away. This life is over." Myself He lied for the villain.After hearing this, Fujita Nayan couldn't help but laugh.

As the days passed peacefully, Fuji Da Nayan's premonition was about to come true.This is the last moment of acting like a baby, and I stay in my brother's room from time to time.

"Brother! Brother!"

"what happened?"

"My back is so itchy, is there a bug crawling?"

"How come there are bugs?" The elder brother's tone was also a little impatient.

"Hurry up and help me take a look."

But nothing was found, so my brother asked again, "Where is it?"

"I don't know, it just itch."

"There were no bugs at all."

"There must be, you just didn't look for it."

"You should go out and live too."

When my brother said that, he didn't know what to answer.Most men who start a family and start a business have to move out of the house and set up a new one.When one is old, it is only natural for a high-ranking official to find a wife to live with.

"But my brother has no children, I want to be with my brother." As soon as the words came out, I just felt that the words were too annoying.But my brother felt sad and didn't show anything.And facing that kind of seamlessness, I have no way to start.

The elder brother did not speak, nor did he sigh.Sure enough, he was angry. When he and the two bureaus communicated with each other for the first time, he said that he wanted a daughter.I deliberately forgot about it.

"My brother needs someone to take care of me, and I can't help it." This sentence is even more stupid, I don't know how to say it.But I have said everything, and I can't take it back.Although I have some regrets in my heart, I just admit that regret.There was no sign of redemption.My brother didn't say anything until the next day.

It will not be long before the elder brother framed the dead uncle in front of the emperor.The emperor was also very happy that he and his elder brother went to visit a courtyard together.

Hearing that his elder brother's face had recovered, the emperor said congratulations to his elder brother without any surprise.The elder brother also accepted it very naturally, saying, "It's all thanks to the medicine given by His Majesty." After that, he took off the mask and showed everyone his face.

Such a beautiful person came to a courtyard, and this residence seemed to add more brilliance.The emperor laughed so hard that his eyes could hardly be seen, like a wrinkled cloth ball.

Just after the dressing day on the first day of April, the palace was busy preparing for the Kamo Festival again.This year, Emperor Suzaku still did not give birth to a prince.The emperor was very worried because of this, but his brother said that he would definitely have a child this year.

Even if it was Yin Yang, he didn't have the confidence to say such a thing, and everyone was surprised.My brother went on to say, "Before I couldn't have children, it was all because of the curse of the late right minister."

Then my brother stood up, and the hall was silent.My brother's majestic voice sounded like a bell ringing in Jialan, "Whether it's a great tasting ceremony or a ceremonial practice, His Majesty the Emperor's appearance is no different from ordinary people. Everyone says that His Majesty the Emperor is insane, but until now, he has never acted out of line." It’s like a major event that discredits prestige, not to mention. Some people close to me told me before, “The minister of Jiutiaodian is cursing the empress dowager and your sister at home!” At first I was not very willing to believe it. But Until a few days ago, my uncle’s funeral was over. The relatives there were at my uncle’s house again, and found many paulownia dolls with their names written on them. I really feel chilled, and I can’t bear to talk about the rest. Now that my uncle has gone If you have achieved bliss, there is no need to pursue it. The people in his family have nothing to do with this matter."

Knowing this, Lihuyuan even became a nun.

After that, the Minister of Hongmei Palace resigned from the position of Minister Zuo before the autumn call.Now, my elder brother had no choice but to be appointed as Minister of the Left, and also served as Guan Bai as he wished.

In the past half a year or so, his sister Nakamiya Sadako actually gave birth to a boy.Brother is very happy, needless to say after the [-]th and [-]th ceremonies.The maternity ceremony held for seven consecutive days was held in such a grand manner that even the emperor was lucky enough to come to Ono Palace to celebrate, it is really hard to describe.

The elder brother seemed to be bent over by the fish, and once again turned back to the elder brother he was afraid of.