Young

With a bang, I locked the bathroom door.

Chen Feng stood lazily, looking at me with his arms folded: "Why? Can't wait to make out with me?"

After confirming that there was no one in the bathroom, I stood a little distance away from Chenfeng, not daring to look him in the eye, gritted my teeth, and said desperately: "Chenfeng, why not... why don't you come to class?"

Chen Feng didn't speak, but the air around him had obviously frozen.

I squeezed my palm nervously: "If... If you really want to take tuition, I... I can introduce others..."

"No need," Chen Feng interrupted me coldly, and said, "Chu Mu, who do you think you are? Why the hell do you decide which cram school I go to?! I'm telling you, I'm going to decide on this class. Yes! If you want to feel ashamed, you can pretend you don't know me, or pack up and leave, in short, we will go our own way, so don't fuck me!" After finishing speaking, he kicked on the door as if venting his anger.

I was startled, knowing that he had misunderstood, and hurriedly said: "Chenfeng, listen to me, I didn't mean that..."

"Then what do you mean!?" Chen Feng stared at me with a pair of red eyes as if he couldn't bear it anymore. He didn't know whether it was sad or angry, and his lips trembled slightly: "What do you mean? What do you think? Why? You don't say anything? Do you know... I'm working hard..."

The huge nail pierced through the heart, I was stunned in place, staring blankly at Chen Feng's eyes that were about to bleed.

"It was fine one second, but it will change immediately the next second...Chu Mu, I really don't know what to do...Are you torturing me? Is there anything I can do to you? Why are you doing this? for me?"

no……

No no no no no no no no no no! ! !

"You were the one who approached me first, you were the one who said you liked me first, you were the one who said you wanted to be with me forever...Why did you leave? Why did you come back alone? Why did you break up? Why on earth? ... I think every day, did I do something wrong? But my head is about to split open, and I still can't figure it out... You said in the letter, you have figured it out, two men will not be together There is a future, you said that we are still young and should not delay each other, you said that you want to live a normal life... Chu Mu, are those words... true? Being with me... makes you feel unbearable Even you... even you think it's abnormal for us to love each other?"

Tears, finally, rolled down from those peach blossom eyes that made me obsessed.

Like a soldering iron, it burns hard on my heart.

He once said that a man does not flick his tears lightly.

He once said that only women cry at every turn.

He once said that crying is a sign of weakness.

But now, he is crying, crying in front of me...

Trembling all over my body, I walked towards him step by step: "Don't do this, Chen Feng...I'm sorry...don't do this..."

He looked straight at me, his face was gray, and his eyes were hopeless: "Sometimes... I really want... really want... to kill you... But, I can't bear it, I can't bear it, Chu Mu... "

"..."

Suddenly, he smiled sadly: "Damn it, if my heart can be as cruel as yours, maybe it won't hurt so much..."

"Chen Feng..."

He took a deep breath, wiped his face carelessly twice, and said, "Chu Mu, I want a word from you." After a pause, he asked in a deep voice, "Do you still...love me?"

Love.

But... I can't say... I can't say it!

Tears flowed violently, Chen Feng's face seemed to be soaked in mist, making it hard to see clearly.

He laughed at himself: "Is it hard to answer?"

I shook my head desperately, my lower lip was bitten, and my mouth felt bitter.

"Okay, let me change the question." He paused for a few seconds before asking in a decisive tone: "Really... decided to break up... right?"

I know that once I answer, it will be beyond redemption.

I just cried, crying so hard that my eyes hurt.

He didn't ask any more questions, but just stood quietly, waited for a while, said "then, goodbye" lightly, then turned around and opened the bathroom door, and left without looking back.

I slumped down on the ground.

The bathroom floor is dirty, but I don't care anymore.

Because I...have nothing...

I know that Chen Feng's departure indicates that the relationship between us is real...really...

ended……

After that, Chenfeng stopped sending me text messages, and I fell seriously ill.Many small problems accumulated in the past broke out at the same time, and it almost killed me.At that time, I actually already had the idea of ​​committing suicide, and my consciousness of survival was very weak. I always thought that I would be liberated if I died.During the hospitalization, I didn't say a word, lying in bed every day, just staring out the window in a daze.Shi Shi and Xiao Wang came to see me, Shi Shi was such a fierce person, her eyes were swollen from crying, Xiao Wang comforted her and said irritably: "You and Liu Chenfeng... what's going on? He's going to die, a lunatic who either drinks or finds someone to fight...Damn, what the fuck..."

The heart throbbed, and the eye sockets that I thought were dry began to swell and hurt again.

When I was about to be discharged from the hospital, the doctor strongly suggested that I see a psychiatrist. After discussing with my parents for a while, I finally invited a psychiatrist to my home.The psychiatrist was very young, probably less than 30 years old, and she was a woman.It may be that my parents told her about my situation, and she said a lot of "teenagers tend to have a good impression of the same sex, which is normal" when she came.I wrapped myself in a blanket and plugged my ears with pillows to block out the noise.

The psychiatrist came to me a few times, but stopped coming because I didn't cooperate with the treatment.

In fact, I didn't deliberately keep my mouth shut, it's just that I was in a state of exhaustion at that time, and my spirit was very depressed, as if my heart was dying, and I had no interest in anything.It was summer vacation again, I only ate and slept every day, and gradually, I stopped talking.

One day Shi Shi came to see me and secretly slipped a photo into my hand.I took a look and my heart was beating violently.

That photo was taken of the view of Maple Volcano - the person who took the photo stood on the top of the mountain and looked down at the large green maple trees in the mountain.

The words next to it: the first anniversary - 2008.7.15.

My heart ached, tears blurred my vision.

July 2007th, 7 was the day when Chenfeng and I met for the first time.Before I knew it, it had been a year.Everything that happened in this year was like a dream.Close your eyes, think back to the bits and pieces of being with Chenfeng, your heart is sour and sweet, mixed with lingering bitterness.

"Wood..." A cold hand held mine.

I opened my eyes, and Shi Shi was sitting in front of me, holding my hand, her beautiful eyes were full of tears, and she was looking at me with complex eyes that couldn't be described as sympathy, pity or pain.

I smiled at her, speaking for the first time in a long time, "Thank you."

Shi Shi burst into tears.

I didn't know how to comfort her, so I could only give her a few tissues.

Wiping her tears, she said, "That photo... seems to have words on the back..."

I turned the photo over, and sure enough, there was a line of words on the back, the handwriting was wild and unruly, just like the owner's unrestrained and unrestrained - I promised to wait for the maple leaves to turn red, and then go up the mountain together to see, I will wait for you.

The scene of climbing to the top of Fengshan Mountain together quickly appeared in my mind——

"If you come a month earlier, the scenery will be more beautiful. At that time, the mountains and plains will be full of maple leaves. Looking at it from a distance, it looks like a fire."

"Ah, what a pity..."

"What's the pity, won't it be the same again next autumn?"

……

At that time, none of us thought that we would come to this point.