Before and After Divorce

Of course it is very happy to be domineering in the Su residence.

Whatever you want to eat and drink, someone will bring it to you at any time.

Su Yan went out to Tianlan Pavilion to help Xia Tingwan get the script of "Looking" and some necessities.

Xia Tingwan played with the surround sound system in the big bedroom familiarly, and listened to the song comfortably for a long time.

But the distress of not being able to move his feet followed immediately. He suffocated in the bed for a long time, until Su Yan came back, and then hurriedly leaned into Su Yan's ear and said that he wanted to go to the toilet.

Su Yan carried Xia Tingwan into the bathroom again.

Xia Tingwan's right foot was still swollen badly, even if he just stepped on the hard floor, it hurt terribly, he could not restrain himself from taking a "hissy" breath.

After struggling crookedly in front of the toilet for a long time, the feeling of powerlessness that he couldn't stand upright by himself made him feel very angry for a while.

Su Yan hugged him from behind: "Tingting, don't worry...step on my feet, don't use force, I will support you."

Xia Tingwan trembled a little, put his toes on Su Yan's insteps, didn't dare to exert any force at all, and leaned back limply, the balance of his whole body rested on Su Yan's powerful arms behind him.

In that posture, he and Su Yan were like a big kangaroo with a small kangaroo in its arms.

Su Yan put one arm around his waist, and the other hand helped him take off the pajama pants and the underwear inside.

Xia Tingwan let out an "Ah", and her bare butt was just stuck to the base of Su Yan's thigh, and the sudden contact made his face instantly heat up.

Su Yan's body also froze for a moment, and then quickly shrank his body back in a weird posture.

In the quiet bathroom, Xia Tingwan felt his heartbeat beating rapidly, and he felt a bit ashamed to be so loud.

He hurriedly settled the matter in a panic. When venting, the sound of splashing water covered up the sound of his heartbeat, but it brought a new layer of embarrassment.

He dared not speak.

Su Yan didn't speak, and silently helped Xia Tingwan put up his pants again, and after Xia Tingwan finished washing his hands, he picked him up and walked out.

After changing the angle like this, Xia Tingwan was finally able to see Su Yan's face.

The usually deep and introverted man showed no expression on his face, only a slight redness appeared in his ears.

Strangely enough, they had been married for five years.

Such an old husband and wife relationship, even if his butt has a flower, it is nothing special. Su Yan has not only seen it, but also touched and kissed it.

And it's the same on his side, he's had sex with Su Yan countless times, logically speaking, it's just a little bit of posting, so there's really no emotional ups and downs.

But at this time, it was as if they were in close contact with their first love for the first time, and a youthful and ambiguous atmosphere floated between them.

Xia Tingwan's heart suddenly felt itchy as if being scratched by a cat's paw.

The relationship between two people is like a waltz in which you advance and I retreat.

When I was shy, I wanted to hide in the hole like a little mole, but when I saw Su Yan's reaction, I became more courageous, and couldn't help poking my head out to touch the old cat's whiskers.

He put his face close to Su Yan's ear and said, "Su Yan, I still want to take a bath."

Su Yan turned his head to look at him, but then quickly shifted his gaze away, and said somewhat unnaturally: "The wound can't be wet, why take a bath."

Xia Tingwan was a little angry, but could not refute.

I don't know why Su Yan can always find so many reasons to speak righteously. He ground his teeth depressedly, and changed the subject abruptly: "Then I want to eat hot pot tonight."

Aunt Rong and the others know Xia Tingwan's taste like the back of their hands, they prepared spicy and tomato mandarin duck pot bottom, and the ingredients are all according to Xia Tingwan's favorite, yellow throat hairy belly, fresh beef tongue, and fresh The green bamboo shoots, lettuce, lotus root slices and mushrooms are full of bright colors and placed on the whole table.

Aunt Rong also specially made brown sugar ice powder and hot pot herbal tea for him to clear his stomach, and put them in the refrigerator in advance.

Su Yan has never been a person who needs to be served at any time, so after he was roughly ready, he asked Aunt Rong and the others to rest.

Yin Ning is not there either.After the painting class, Su Yan asked Uncle Shen and the others to take Yin Ning to go fishing outside.

Su Yan carried Xia Tingwan into the large leather chair prepared earlier, and there were only the two of them at the table.

Xia Tingwan used to be a delicate little prince at home, and this time he will not be polite when his ankle is sprained.

He lazily leaned back in the leather chair, and began to call out confidently: "Get the hairy belly first."

After the hot pot boiled, Su Yan rolled up the cuffs of his shirt, and ordered the dishes according to Xia Tingwan's instructions. He skillfully scalded the fresh hairy belly with chopsticks, and then put it in Xia Tingwan's oil dish .

Xia Tingwan could hardly sit still, impatiently swallowed the crispy hairy belly whole, burned himself until he stuck out his tongue, and said vaguely: "It's delicious, it's delicious."

Su Yan shook his head angrily and amusedly: "Little guy, I'm so greedy."

He patiently cooked Xia Tingwan's hairy belly piece by piece. This kind of food must be watched carefully, it is easy to get old, so he didn't care about eating it at all.

Fortunately, Su Yan is used to it.

Both Xia Tingwan and Xing Le are seriously ill patients of hot pot.

But Xing Le was much more serious than Xia Tingwan. After he debuted and became famous, he was often photographed eating at a hot pot restaurant after work.

In comparison, Xia Tingwan's love for hot pot is a bit like a hobby gradually formed by Xing Le.

Later, when he and Su Yan were together, he liked hot pot even more.

In addition to the appetite, more is the obsession with that atmosphere.

A steaming pot, sitting face to face with close people, chatting and eating.

I felt a kind of warmth that he had always yearned for.

He likes to eat hairy belly and yellow throat, and Su Yan memorized the formula for him. The former takes seven or eight seconds to burn, while the latter takes longer.

In this way, when Su Yan cooks for him, he will always be able to eat the best and most exciting ingredients.

Thinking about it now, that kind of love did not come from a powerful person in a high position.

There is no exaggeration at all, and there is not much taste of money.

But it is just plain and sincere——

It comes from an ordinary man who cherishes his treasure meticulously.

Before, he always took it for granted, so he didn't understand the feeling of his heart being rubbed soft.

Xia Tingwan quietly put his injured right foot on Su Yan's lap, his face was steamed by the hot pot, and his face turned bright red.

……

The wind in the autumn night is wild from time to time.

Xiangshan is located in a high position, so naturally you can feel the momentum of the strong wind blowing past.

On such a night, staying at home to eat hot pot and watch a movie with a full stomach is the best thing.

Xia Tingwan picked out an old Korean horror movie called "Strange Talk".

He is not very courageous. If it were him, he would never dare to challenge horror movies, but with Su Yan around, it will be different.

Before watching the movie, Xia Tingwan suddenly wanted to eat Haagen-Dazs, which was indeed beyond Su Yan's expectation.

Unlike Su Yan, Xia Tingwan has never been very interested in sweets, so Su Yan didn't think of preparing them before.

Su Yan first explained that he would buy it tomorrow.

But Xia Tingwan quit, but he was much more cunning than before, not tough at all, instead he kept pitifully telling Su Yan that he wanted something sweet.

Su Yan had nothing to do with him, and after agreeing, Xia Tingwan ordered several things with him in one go, except ice cream and some snacks, and finally added "Marlboro".

It's like children usually put the things they want most, but they know their parents don't want to buy, at the end, trying to hide from the sky without attracting attention.

Su Yan was not so easy to fool, he glanced at Xia Tingwan lightly, "Marlboro?"

"I only smoke one or two." Xia Tingwan couldn't go out to buy it himself, so he could only grind Su Yan aggrievedly: "Really, I definitely don't smoke too much. Just look at mine. Su Yan, I'm good." I'm bored, I can only lie on the bed, my feet hurt..."

Although what he said didn't seem logical, Su Yan could only reluctantly agree, standing up and emphasizing it again: "I'll only bring you one bag."

Su Yan left for more than half an hour.

Just when Xia Tingwan was about to get impatient and called, Su Yan finally came back.

Due to the strong wind outside, Su Yan's face turned pale, and his hairstyle became messy.

"Why have you been here for so long?"

Xia Tingwan took the bag from the convenience store in Su Yan's hand, and when it touched Su Yan's fingers, he felt very cold.

"The driver's stomach is not feeling well," Su Yan exhaled, and said, "I drove down and took him to the community clinic to prescribe some medicine, so I waited a little longer."

Xia Tingwan looked up at Su Yan.

He took a light breath, held Su Yan's cold hands, and placed them on his warm face.

Su Yan froze for a moment, then looked down at him.

"Su Yan," Xia Tingwan closed his eyes and murmured, "You are so kind."

His mood was so complicated that even his language suddenly became clumsy.

Sometimes two people are too close, and over time, they will forget each other's kindness.

Those little things in life will appear insignificant because they are too familiar and commonplace.

But when I lost it and suddenly remembered it, my whole heart trembled.

Five years ago, Su Yan and Xia Tingwan ate at a Japanese restaurant. They ordered so many dishes that they couldn't fit on the table.

Later, when I ordered king crabs, the waitress wanted to hold down the previous sukiyaki pot, but there was something wrong with the door of the box, and I always accidentally closed it by myself.

When Xia Tingwan didn't notice the little girl's embarrassment, Su Yan had already walked over naturally, propped the door of the box with one hand, and then stood there patiently waiting for the little girl to finish serving all the dishes behind , and then sat back with a calm expression.

Even Su Yan didn't know about such a trivial matter, Xia Ting went home late and thought about it quietly for a long time.

Su Yan's kindness is a gentleness without sharpness, an instinctive warmth towards people.

Not at all deliberately, and he himself doesn't feel the need to be proud of it.

But Xia Tingwan saw it, but felt that this man had an indescribable charm.

The environment in which he grew up was hideous at first, but when he came to his stepfather, although there were no more brutal beatings, it became vulgar and boring again.

Her stepfather was rich, and Zhang Xueqiao also acted like a wealthy lady, yelling at the servants at home every day, Xia Tingwan thought they looked annoying.

At his age, he was restless, bored, and lost.

His nature is not bad, but it seems that he can't learn how to care about others.

But by Su Yan's side, he gradually felt that he could also learn to be that gentle.

Su Yan loves watching movies, so Xiangshan's house specially designed a screening room.

The ceiling is so high that it can accommodate the huge screen, and the top-notch subwoofer is installed to pursue a movie-watching experience close to that of a movie theater.

But the movie Xia Tingwan picked did not have a Blu-ray disc, and Xia Tingwan felt that it was too scary to watch horror movies on such a large screen with such good effects, so Su Yan took him back to the master bedroom.

Xia Tingwan leaned against the bed and took two sips of alcohol-flavored Haagen-Dazs.

But when Su Yan also came close to him, he immediately dug a large spoonful and handed the spoon to Su Yan's mouth.

Su Yan froze for a moment, seemingly surprised.

"It's inconvenient for you to hold an ipad," Xia Tingwan whispered, "I'll feed you."

As soon as he finished the last three words, he himself blushed a little.

Su Yan hesitated for a moment, but still obediently opened his mouth and took a bite of the ice cream.

The corner of the neat and reserved man's mouth was stained with rose-colored ice cream, Xia Tingwan stretched out his fingers to wipe it off gently for him.

The heart was beating thumpingly, with a kind of youthful turmoil.

After a while, Xia Tingwan couldn't bear to feed Su Yan again.

After Su Yan ate, he turned his head and asked in a low voice, "Why do you eat so little? Didn't you ask me to buy it?"

"I ate it." Xia Tingwan hurriedly lowered his head and muttered in a panic.

He never had a sweet tooth.

But he was too embarrassed to say it anyway, in fact, the reason why he wanted to buy Haagen-Dazs just now was because he wanted Su Yan to eat it.

His concern was awkward, and seemed a little superfluous.

He was so tormented that Su Yan ran out late at night, blowing until his hands were cold, and in the end it was like his usual wayward temper, he was guilty and nervous.

But when feeding Su Yan, he really felt strangely satisfied.

Su Yan looked at Xia Tingwan with a complicated expression.

But he didn't say much, but turned off the lights, and then clicked on the movie with his ipad in his arms.

The two of them were lying side by side under the quilt just like before, and in the darkness, the movie started slowly.

"Strange Talk" tells about three strange things that happened in Seoul Ansheng Hospital in Korea during the colonial period in 1942.

The first story has a kind of beautiful weirdness. The young and lonely intern falls in love with the corpse of a beautiful girl.

He put a ring on the cold girl, and the girl's soul silently stayed with the doctor for a lifetime.

It's a really weird story.

A dark marriage.

The wedding is in a dream, and the beautiful spring, summer, autumn and winter seem to flow by frame by frame.

The doctor and the ghost wife had intercourse and gave birth to a child. In the blink of an eye, it seemed that their whole life was over.

But after that extremely romantic night, the ghost wife sent the doctor back to the world.

Time flies, decades later, the two wives and children have left the doctor.

In his dying years, his face was wrinkled and he was getting old.

Holding the photo album, he said sadly to the girl in the sailor suit who was sitting across from the bed: "If you were going to abandon me from the beginning, why did you take me away again?"

The girl with the same face poked her head out and hooked the old man——

The old man's fingers gradually dropped, and he finally followed her.

In a trance, he seemed to have turned into a boy again.

Xia Tingwan stared in a daze, lit a Marlboro, and smoked it slowly.

In the darkness, even the firelight at his fingertips seemed a little lonely.

"Are you afraid?" Su Yan asked softly beside him.

Xia Tingwan shook his head, he didn't think it was scary, it was just a little unspeakable discomfort.

He quietly leaned his head on Su Yan's chest. Su Yan didn't speak, but took the cigarette from his fingers naturally.

Su Yan wrapped his arms around Xia Tingwan's body, then he lowered his head and took a puff of cigarette, and slowly exhaled the smoke ring.

Xia Tingwan turned his head and looked at Su Yan.

There was a bitter taste of nicotine, and for a moment, Xia Tingwan thought they would just kiss.

The movie continues.

The last story is almost maddeningly sad.

A male doctor gradually discovers his wife's strangeness.

His beautiful wife was nowhere to be seen, and they went for a walk on the beach, but there was only a row of footprints on the sand.

Nevertheless, he still loves his wife.

He touched his wife's face tenderly and said don't leave me.

But this is actually not the truth.

The man who died was not the wife.

A year ago, in a medical accident, her husband died unexpectedly.

The wife who is overly sad, in order to make herself believe that her husband is still alive, consciously transforms herself into the personality of her husband.

She would rather die herself.

The woman who was pointed at by the gun lost all reason to live after the truth came out.

In the heavy snow, she pierced her throat with a long needle and whispered when she fell down: I am so lonely.

At the end of the story, three stories and three deaths all intersect at the same moment.

Ansheng Hospital was demolished, and in the heavy snow, lonely souls left one after another.

From life to death, from the world to the nether world.

That murmur was so lonely, but it seemed to be echoing all the time.

……

Xia Tingwan didn't realize that she was crying.

It wasn't until he opened his mouth that he could hear the crying from his choked voice: "Su Yan, why... I don't understand."

"Can a person really love to such an extent? To love so much that he would rather kill himself subconsciously than admit that the living person is actually himself?"

Su Yan remained silent and did not answer.

Xia Tingwan raised his head, only through the reflection on the ipad screen, he could see Su Yan's face clearly.

Su Yan's expression was painful.

His brows were slightly furrowed, and although he was trying his best to hide it, the intense pain could almost overflow from his eyes.

"I know."

Su Yan's hoarse voice sounded in the darkness: "I understand—because living alone is more terrifying than death. I didn't understand before, but later, after the car accident, I understood."

Xia Tingwan stared blankly at Su Yan.

After the divorce, it was the first time he heard Su Yan talk about the car accident.

He subconsciously wanted to hug Su Yan, but was suddenly pushed away roughly by the man.

"That night, when I arrived, your face was covered in blood, lying on the steering wheel, and the car was also covered in blood... It was terrible, I thought, I thought..."

Su Yan's voice became lower and lower: "On the way to send you to the first aid, I felt scared and thought every second, what would I do if you were gone, what would I do? My hands are cold, and it's hard to walk. Walking crookedly."

"For a second, I really hated you. Really, it wasn't the kind of hatred born of love, or the real, deep-rooted hatred. I was thinking, since you are so cruel, why should I still fall in love with you. You might as well let me die—”

When Su Yan said that, he slammed his fist on the bedside table with a "bang", and he almost squeezed out the next words through his teeth.

"I died and left you in this world, do you have any regrets? After meeting you and falling in love with you, I thought I would never be alone again, but you almost left me alone again. The person left alone... Ting Ting, I was so scared that night, do you know that?"

-

"After the car accident, you always feel very uncomfortable. There are so many bruises on your body, it hurts to touch it a little bit, and the wound on your face... I, I feel so distressed. Sometimes it’s not just distressed, but all parts of the body are hurting. It hurts sharply."

Su Yan took several deep breaths, it seemed that because of the tragedy in his memory, such a few simple words made him feel very difficult.

It didn't know when the autumn rain began to fall outside the window, and a few drops of rain fell on Xia Tingwan's face along the gap of the bay window.

"Your pain seems to grow on me after being magnified several times. I...I wish I could be the one who had the accident. I was the one who couldn't get out of the hospital bed, and it was me who was injured on the face. The more I feel distressed, the more I see you I would get angrier and angrier from time to time, angry with you, and angry with myself. When I saw you at that time, I felt like this over and over again in my heart, as if being run over by a truck. Those days really It's so painful."

Su Yan's emotions seemed to gradually calm down from the excitement, his voice became smaller and smaller, and finally it was almost like raving.

"Tingting, why do you want to hurt yourself? You know that I can't stand it. Are you angry with me? The days with me make you unhappy, right? So you don't even care about your own life. Cherish it. I want to ask you this question every day, but I can't ask it... Maybe it's me who is afraid of knowing the answer."

Xia Tingwan tremblingly leaned over to wrap his arms around Su Yan's neck, and said stammeringly: "Su Yan, no, no, I'm not unhappy, being with you is my happiest day. I'm sorry... Sorry, I really don't know what I did."

He suddenly thought of the time after the car accident.

He had a broken left forearm and a badly contused right hand, so he couldn't take care of himself.

One day, Su Yan was feeding him fish porridge one bite at a time, and while he was drinking, he suddenly became irritable, and without saying anything, he overturned the bowl with force.

Such behavior is of course unreasonable, but because I can't do anything, I feel so depressed that I want to vent.

He always vented on Su Yan, so that time, he didn't feel any different.

There were many specks of porridge on Su Yan's suit, but he didn't get angry, he just looked at him quietly, and after a while he suddenly asked: Ting Ting, do you hate being with me very much.

For a moment, he felt that Su Yan's eyes were so sad.

But he didn't take it to heart at that time, but turned around with a cold face, and lay down with his back to Su Yan.

In the ward, the walls are gray and white, and there is a faint smell of disinfectant.

Behind him, Su Yan said in a low voice, "Go to sleep, Tingting, I won't disturb you anymore."

Thinking of this, he could no longer restrain the regret in his heart, sobbing and crying.

Su Yan shook his head and pushed him, but perhaps because he was afraid of hurting his legs, he pushed very lightly this time.

While crying, Xia Tingwan gritted his teeth and hugged Su Yan tighter, until the man in his arms stopped struggling, then pressed his forehead tightly against Su Yan's with tears in his eyes: "Su Yan, I It will never be like that again, I will never hurt you again, I'm sorry... I really regret it, you trust me, okay?"

His language is clumsy, but his movements are stubborn.

Perhaps because he couldn't escape, Su Yan finally hugged Xia Tingwan's back with his backhand.

Their bodies hugged each other and trembled slightly, until the temperature of the two seemed to melt together.

It was just the two of them in the empty room.

Only the sound of rain.

In the lonely night, the wind stirred the music box of nature, and the somewhat lonely music spun round and round.

Patter, patter, patter.

Xia Tingwan and Su Yan clung to each other's ears and whispered softly, as if every word in their mouths was a whisper to Qiu Yu.

"Tingting, it's not that I don't believe you, but I'm still very scared." Su Yan whispered.

"Why?" Xia Tingwan leaned into Su Yan's ear and asked.

"I'm afraid of my feelings for you. I can never control my longing for you."

Su Yan murmured: "It's embarrassing to say it, but I'm very happy that you come back to live."

"If you don't think about it, I'm really happy. I like you by my side. I can't lie to myself, maybe, I can't lie to you, either? Even if it's just holding you, taking care of you, watching you eat something you like But when I think about it carefully, I feel a kind of fear seeping into my heart little by little, and I don’t know where to go... It’s like walking back and forth in an alley, and it’s dark at either end.”

"I want to stay with you. It's satisfying to just stay together without doing anything. Tingting, I know what you want, but maybe I'm not ready now, so I can't give myself one." The answer. I don't even want to think about it—I don't want to think about anything related to the word "feeling", and I don't want to think about our relationship. As soon as I think about it, I become very cowardly and I can't restrain my desire to escape Impulsive. Can you forgive me...?"

When Su Yan said this, he raised his head. In the darkness, the corners of his eyes were a little red, and he tentatively asked softly, "Maybe you...can you wait for me?"

Xia Tingwan's heart trembled.

He had never seen such a weak and pitiful look in Su Yan's eyes, like an old cat that was cornered and raised its tail.

Mingming was stimulated by the past pain and wanted to escape, but instinctively grabbed the corner of his clothes.

Su Yan misses him.

Su Yan still loves him.

Xia Tingwan leaned over and pressed Su Yan on the bed.

His feet made his movements a little clumsy, but Su Yan didn't struggle.

Xia Tingwan kissed Su Yan, the lips of this wandering man were a little cold.

"Su Yan."

He stroked Su Yan's eyebrows with his fingertips, and said softly: "It's good for us to stay together. You don't have to think about anything, and you don't have to think about it. The relationship is not important to me. If you want, we can a lot of intimacy, kissing, sex... everything, I really miss you, you know? But I won't ask you for any commitments and decisions, and you don't have to stress. We have a lot to say , talk about the past, and the future; I will make a good movie, and then go to the cinema with you to watch the premiere, everything, we will take our time, okay?"

Lu Xiangnan told him that he would pull out all the cat's whiskers for Su Yan.

But he was reluctant.

He had already pushed Su Yan into a corner, but Su Yan's sudden vulnerability made him reluctant to part with it.

This man is already bruised all over, and all his desires now are just to stay in the shell for a while, how could he have the heart to force him out.

So he waits.