Yuque Qiu

The north wind withers the mulberries, the sky is cold and the catkins fall, the windows are sparsely latticed, and are wrapped in plain silver.

Yan Yuque was wearing a thick brocade jacket, his face was buried in the fluffy trim around his neckline, and he was holding a stove in his arms. He stood in the yard and looked up at a plum branch.

There are a few unopened red plums on the branches covered with silver. The bright red and the plain white form a strong contrast. The red against the white pear blossoms is not as coquettish and vulgar as usual, but has a unique aloofness. She is so strong, no wonder the world praises Hanmei for her noble character, for being alone in Ling Han, and for being proud of frost and snow.

In the cold weather of the twelfth lunar month, the breath that came out of his breath immediately formed a white mist. Yan Yuque looked at the bright red in a daze, and couldn't help but stood on tiptoe and stretched out his hand...but he heard the servant behind him persuade him.

"Young master, it's better to go back to the house earlier in such a cold day, be careful not to freeze."

Yan Yuque blinked his eyes, his interest in admiring the snow was interrupted, and his face became gloomy, but it was really cold, and while he was talking, the snow fell from the sky again.

Going along the long corridor to the house, when I passed by my father's study, I saw the woman still kneeling at the door, it was icy and snowy, the clothes on her body were frozen hard after being wet by the snow, and the hands shrunk in the sleeves were exposed. A section of fingertips that were purple from the cold, when she saw him coming, the woman's eyes suddenly shone with brilliance, as if seeing a life-saving straw, she threw herself in front of him, and tightly grabbed the hem of his clothes.

"Yuque, Yuque, help Erniang to intercede for your mother, Yulou has been locked in the firewood room for three days and three nights, it's so cold, he wears so little and has nothing to eat, you also know that he Just weak..."

Yan Yuque looked coldly at the woman in front of her with disheveled hair, haggard face, and lips that were purple with cold and trembling while speaking, without any sympathy in her heart, she took a step back, and forcefully tore the hem of her clothes from under her fingers Come out, "I can't be the master of this matter, and it's useless if you ask me."

Turning around to leave, the woman staggered to her feet, almost blocked his way by crawling and groping on the ground, crying and begging him again, "Yuque, please do me a favor, you help Erniang, Yulou will never do that." For this kind of thing, you have to trust Erniang, you have to trust Yulou, he is your younger brother..."

Yan Yuque was a little impatient, and frowned. He didn't want to continue to listen to her crying and begging, and he didn't intend to help at all. He turned around and shouted to the servants behind him: "Don't drag her away? Once someone comes, what is the proper way to see this?"

A servant came up and grabbed the woman's arm, "Second Madam, I've offended you, why don't you wait for our master to come back and beg him to try?"

The servant dragged her up from the ground and took two steps, not wanting the woman to look thin and weak, but she didn't know where the strength came from, so she shook the servant's hand away and knelt down again. He got down on his knees and walked up to Yan Yuque, then took out something from his waist pocket, trembling with hands that were purple with cold, carefully held the thing in his hand and handed it to Yan Yuque. "Yuque, Yuque... Yulou really didn't steal your little golden bull, but Erniang searched the whole house and couldn't find the little golden bull you lost, so I will pay you one, okay?"

Yan Yuque lowered his head and saw that lying in the palm of her hand was a bracelet woven with red thread, with a small golden bull hanging on it, which was given to them by his father. He and Yulou each had one, representing their Lian Yulou is two years younger than him, and his zodiac sign is a rabbit.

Yan Yuque stretched out his hand and pinched the red rope from her hand. When his fingers touched her palm, the icy cold that spread along his fingertips made his body tremble involuntarily, as if he had touched a piece The frozen stones in the snow are so stiff and cold, not at all like the dexterous hands that fiddle with the silk machine all day long.

Looking at this woman again, it is estimated that even when Yulou was locked in the firewood room, she knelt here without sleep, knowing that her father was away, and she didn't know when she would come back, just knelt in the ice and snow all the time... And at this moment she Regardless of wiping away the tears on his face, he just looked at Yan Yuque with a look full of expectation and pleading, and his hand still maintained the posture of holding the thing in front of him, as if Yan Yuque was pinching it at this moment. What is in his hand is his son's life, once Yan Yuque lets go, and no one follows, it will disappear and there is no way to save it.

"Yuque, please, please save Yulou, save your brother..."

Crystal white snowflakes fell from the sky and landed on his hands, melting slowly due to his body temperature, icy cold to the bones.

Yan Yuque looked at the red rope, and nodded after a while, "Okay, I'll talk to my mother for you..."

Seeing this, the woman was ecstatic and kowtowed to him, "Yu Que, thank you... thank you..."

Yan Yuque didn't say anything more, took the red rope, turned around and walked away. After walking a long way, he heard the woman thanking him in a weak and trembling voice, one by one, which made him feel as if he had been stabbed in the heart It's like cutting down... He walked faster and faster, more and more urgent, and finally entered his room almost as if fleeing, and slammed the door behind him.

Leaning his back against the door, he panted heavily, and it took him a while to calm down.

Yan Yuque looked down at the red rope in his hand, then ran into the room and found a small box from the cabinet, but for some reason his hands were shaking so badly that it slipped and almost fell to the ground, and he finally opened it... Lying quietly inside the box is also a red string, and a little golden bull is also hanging on the red string, which is exactly the same as the one in his hand...

The candle flames danced, and the two little golden bulls pinched by the fingers glowed with golden light, but the two golden bulls were slightly different in appearance, one with its head raised high and proudly staring at the sky, the other with its head lowered and gnawed. Grass, looking simple and honest, but looking at them together in the hands, it makes people feel that they are like brothers.

In fact, that year, Yan Yuque's own golden bull was not lost at all, but it was caught in the changed clothes and he couldn't find it for a while. His mother believed that Lian Yulou had stolen it, and hung him on the beam of the firewood house. On the way, he beat him with a whip and forced him to hand it over, but Lian Yulou still refused to admit that he stole it, so he was locked in the woodshed like this, and the servants could not bring food and drink in without permission.

Later, Lian Yulou was released under his own intercession, but after that, he suffered a serious illness. He was very weak when he was a child, and became thinner after that. His mother knelt in the snow for three days and three nights. I got sick on my knees.

Yan Yuque put the two little golden bulls together into the box and put them away.

I don't know if it happened to Doudou during the day, but in the dead of night, he inexplicably remembered this incident. In fact, at that time, he also knew in his heart that Lian Yulou could not have stolen the things, but what his mother instilled in him was for the second The conflict between his mother and Lian Yulou made him choose to remain silent, and even watched his mother coldly watching his servants whip the weak body with a water-soaked cowhide whip in the cold weather. The dripping blood pooled into a small puddle.

After that, he didn't want to get close to the woodshed, as if he could always hear the sound of the whip echoing in his ears, mixed with Lian Yulou's weak but still stubborn defense.

'It's not me...really not me...'

'Even if you beat me to death, I won't admit it! '

For so many years, he has never regretted what he has done, because if he doesn't do this, his father and Yan's family property will be taken away by that bastard Lian Yulou. I am always a little bored, I always feel that there seems to be a hole in my heart, and then too many emotions that I can't control flow out of that hole continuously, and I can't stop it, occupying my heart, and then left and right own thoughts.

"Master..."

A small raving sound came from behind, and Yan Yuque turned to look at the little guy who was sleeping soundly on the bed.

Doudou was terribly frightened, even if he explained and apologized to him, he kept crying and asking for his master to ask someone to bring the snacks he liked, but he refused to eat them, making a fuss I cried for several hours, and finally fell asleep in my arms when I was exhausted from crying.

Yan Yuque sat down next to the edge of the bed, tilted his head slightly and carefully looked at the facial features that were very similar to himself, because he had been suffering for so long, his eyes were red and swollen, like walnuts, and there were still snot and tears on his face... Yan Yuque stretched out his hand, carefully wiped his face clean with his sleeve, but stopped when he was about to take it back, then bent his index finger, and gently rubbed his knuckles back and forth on Doudou's chubby face twice. down, and put his hands outside into the bedding.

If I hadn't woken up at the last moment during the day and deflected the knife, at this moment...I'm afraid I don't know how much regret I should have, and I clearly realize how cruel and cruel I can be...

It was the same for Doudou, and it was the same for Lian Yulou back then. No, at least I stopped in front of Doudou in time, but for Lian Yulou...

He remembers many things, and he remembers them very clearly, but he just forces himself not to think about them, not to recall them, because once he thinks about them, it's as if the gates have been opened, and those things in the past are like a flood, submerging him in it. Then the chest became suffocated and it became impossible to breathe.

He remembered that Lian Yulou, as the second young master of the Yan family, was dressed in rags and rummaged through the kitchen for leftovers. His life was worse than that of beggars on the street. In my heart, and that year, when my father hugged him into the carriage and wanted to send him to Lin'an, he cried terribly.

He stood behind the door, listening to the cries gradually fade away with the sound of horses' hoofs, he only felt that there seemed to be a piece of emptiness somewhere in his heart.

'He's your brother...' Yeah...

That's my brother...

It's just why it became the point where you have to kill you before you can let go?

He knew that the appearance of Doudou must have been arranged by Lian Yulou. Lian Yulou had held this pawn in his hands many years ago, and when it was time to use it, he would never soften his heart. All the things you do return to yourself.

The family is ruined, there is nothing left...

Yan Yuque raised his head and looked around. This is his own bedroom, and there are rare treasures sent by those who want to flatter him. The satin materials are all the best in the world, some... Even the concubines in the harem don't have the chance to use them, but they are really readily available here.

Supervisor of the Lingjin Court, head of the Yan family, Master Yan, Boss Yan, after listening to each of these titles, it seems that he holds a lot of power in his hands and owns a huge property. He should have no worries about food and clothing. What I want but can't get, but...

Yan Yuque turned his eyes to Doudou's face again.

Why is it that you are still not satisfied even though you are living so richly?

I always feel like I'm going to lose everything at any moment...

Even if the whole house is filled with rare treasures, even if the official journey is smooth sailing, he still feels that there is an empty space in his heart. Since then, it has been empty and has never been filled, or forever. Neither can be filled.

But now, looking at Doudou's sweet sleeping face, he felt his heart swell. Although the place that was originally vacant was still empty, other places in his heart were more satisfied. warmth.

◇ ◆ ◇

Doudou slept all night. Although she was still cautious, she obviously recovered a lot than before, but she didn't talk about the request to go to Lingjin Courtyard. Over and over again, I dug out a lot of waste fabrics and let Doudou take them to give away.

There were so many things that Doudou couldn't move by himself, so Yan Yuque personally took Doudou to the place where he often went to deliver rice and cloth, and gave the things to the poor who were in need for the winter.

It started to rain that day, and the autumn rain brought a little bit of coolness. The pattering drops of water dripped down along the edge of the purple bamboo bone umbrella. In the quiet small alley, the sound of two footsteps, one big and one small, reverberated slightly .

Yan Yuque held an umbrella in one hand, and held that small soft hand in the other. When walking through the long alley, it seemed as if he had traveled through time and returned to many, many years ago. At that time, even Yulou was so small. Yes, no, even younger than now, just learned to walk not long ago, staggeringly let himself be led, calling himself "brother" in a cowardly voice.

'Brother, where are we going? '

"Brother, Yulou likes to play with his brother the most..."

There was a mist in front of my eyes.

Lian Yulou said that he wanted to let himself experience the feeling of being ruined and having nothing, but he had nothing to admire at all. His family was estranged, and his family relationship was weak. The woman he was going to marry was only for the sake of his official career, and even... this small hand that he was holding in his hand did not belong to him.

Yan Yuque had nothing at all, so why did he lose everything?

The water mist in front of him confused his vision, Yan Yuque turned his head and closed his eyes, and when he opened it again, the mist faded away, and he saw a person standing not far in front of him, with a thin figure, elegant and dignified, with one hand Holding an umbrella and holding a food box in one hand, he was looking at himself with a smile on his eyes.

"I didn't expect to meet an adult in this kind of place..." Liu Qi said, looking away, took out a piece of pastry from the food box, and handed it to an old man in front of him.

"Master——" Doudou happily let go of Yan Yuque's grasping hand when he saw him, trotted towards Liu Qi and plunged into his arms. It fell to the ground, and the food box was held on the arm to escape.

"Well, let Master take a good look at you..." Liu Qi reached out and squeezed Doudou's face, "Would it be good to eat and sleep with the adults? Look at you, if you go on, you will become a little pig."

Doudou hugged him, rubbing his head against him, "Doudo is not a pig, Doudou is not a pig..."

The rain wasn't heavy, but it wet Liu Qi's skirt and cuffs within a few sips, and slightly wet his hair, with a few strands sticking to his face. It was revealed.

Yan Yuque's hand holding the umbrella tightened, walked over slowly, walked in front of Liu Qi and was about to speak, when he thought about the purpose of bringing Doudou, for some reason, those words choked in his mouth and he couldn't say anything At the exit, Doudou was the first to take Liu Qi to see the boxes of things that Yan Yuque brought.

"Master, Master, come and see, Mr. Yan is very good. He knows that the poor here need cotton-padded clothes for the winter, so he asked people to find all the unused cloth in the house." Jumping and jumping, he was not afraid of the wetness of the ground. Hua, took Liuqi to look at the fabric, and then took him to another person, "There is still rice, Mr. Yan also sent rice...so these people can spend the winter with peace of mind."

Yan Yuque only felt his face burning hot, and turned his face away in embarrassment. Seeing this, Liu Qi smiled with an unknown meaning, and walked towards him calmly.

"I never knew...it turns out that adults can do good deeds in addition to playing tricks, or that adults have done too many evil things and their conscience can't bear it, so they use this to make themselves feel better?"

Liu Qi got very close, Yan Yuque could hear this sentence clearly even if he said it lightly, but it was not the first time that Liu Qi liked to sneer at him like this, obviously it was to see that he was offended Said.

Sure enough, seeing that he was not angry, Liu Qi frowned, puffed her face, and somehow poked Yan Yuque with an annoyed look, she felt that this was very cute, she couldn't help but chuckled slightly, and stretched out her hand He brushed the fallen hair from his sideburns behind his ears, "You, why do you like to scratch people with your paws like a cat? When you scratch someone angry, you run away and laugh..."

After saying this, Liu Qi stared wide-eyed, looking at Yan Yuque like a monster.

Yan Yuque realized what he had done and said, and was taken aback for a moment.

The self who has always been serious, strict and rigid, would actually joke with others, this is really...

"Master—my lord—don't just stand there and look at me and I look at yours. If you don't finish dividing these things, they will be soaked!"

After being called by Doudou, the two realized the ambiguous atmosphere spreading between each other, and each took a step back unconsciously. They didn't even know how many times they had done the bed thing, but they just got closer now. Too embarrassed to look at each other.

Doudou looked at the two standing in the rain with a serious look, frowned, then shook his head incomprehensibly, "Leave them alone, let's continue to work." Then he acted like a master He greeted the poor like the Lord's people to share what Yan Yuque had brought.

◇ ◆ ◇

Ever since Yan Yuque took Doudou to live in Yan's mansion, Yan Yuque had never seen Liu Qi.

Although they hadn't seen each other for a long time before, it was not like this time that there was a trance like a world away. Liu Qi left Yan Yuque to have dinner in Jinlin Buzhuang. After dinner, Yan Yuque still accompanied Dou Dou practiced her handwriting for a while, Liu Qi drove Doudou back to her room to continue writing, and let Gong Xi serve a table of small dishes again, of course fine wine is indispensable.

Yan Yuque didn't ask him what his intentions were, and went straight to the table, sat down, poured himself a glass and drank it down, and when he poured the second glass, he said: "During this time, I suddenly remembered a lot in the past when Lian Yulou was still there. What happened in the Yan family..."

Liu Qi also sat down at the table, poured herself a glass, picked up the wine cup but didn't pass it to her mouth, just played around with her fingertips, without making a sound, so Yan Yuque continued to speak go down.

"It's not that I don't remember, it's just that I ignored the past as soon as I remembered it, or I just threw it aside and didn't let myself think about it again until the matter of Doudou in Lingjinyuan..."

Liu Qi's movement of turning the wine cup suddenly stopped, "Doudou? What happened to Doudou?"

Yan Yuque thought about it for a while, did not hide anything, and told the whole story. As soon as he finished speaking, the original peaceful atmosphere disappeared, and Liu Qi put the wine cup in his hand on the table heavily, "Pa Da With a sound, the wine spilled all over the table.

"Yan Yuque, I knew you were not a good person! Doudou, Doudou is still so small... If you really chopped off his hand, how will he live in this life? Besides... besides, that child might be yours Dear son, Yan Yuque, you are really ruthless, is your heart made of stone?"

Liu Qi was so angry that his shoulders trembled. Although he was usually very strict with Doudou, after all, as he said, Doudou was brought up by him, so naturally he has feelings, otherwise Doudou would not be so clingy to him. , and every time I teach Doudou in front of Yan Yuque, it is just to make Yan Yuque feel uncomfortable, but at this moment, when I hear what Yan Yuque has done to Doudou, I just wish I could go up and bite off a piece of his body, so as to make Yan Yuque feel uncomfortable. Vent your anger.

"I'm still thinking that the sun is supposed to come out from the west, and you Yan Yuque actually came to do good deeds. It turns out that there is such a cause and effect. You are not doing good deeds at all, but just to appease Doudou's emotions and play for him. That's all!"

Yan Yuque was scolded by Liu Qi pointing at the tip of his nose, at first he didn't make a sound, he just poured wine glass after glass, although the wine prepared by Liu Qi was not strong wine, but it was clear and mellow, with a lot of stamina, Yan Yuque was like this He drank vigorously, his cheeks turned red after a few cups, and he couldn't sit still listening to Liu Qi's scolding words, and suddenly slapped the wine cup in his hand on the table.

"shut up!"

That appearance made Liu Qi take a step back in fright, and bumped into the high flower stool behind her, the vase was on the verge of falling. Yan Yuque.

In fact, in the past few days, he felt that Yan Yuque's aura was different from before. In the past, he always had an arrogant and indifferent expression, as if everything was under his control, and no one could interfere. He... But today, in Yan Yuque's eyes, he saw doubt and confusion, and he saw the panic that seemed to be at a loss in the mire. He didn't know where the arrogance and indifference of the past had been unloaded by him, and he lost that share. Calm and calm, he looks no different from ordinary people.

After Yan Yuque had a fit like that, there was no more sound. He helped up the wine cup that had been overturned on the table, refilled it and handed it to his mouth again.

Liu Qi let go of the hand holding the vase, strode up, stopped his hand, and took the cup away from him, "My lord, you are drunk...don't drink any more..."

"Drunk?" Yan Yuque raised his head and looked at Liu Qi with blindfolded eyes, then laughed "hehehe", then leaned on the table, propping his forehead with his hands as if tired, "I still want to Get more drunk, drunk until unconsciousness is the best... You know, these days when I lie on the bed and close my eyes, what comes to my mind is the day when Doudou cried hoarsely and defended herself 'I didn't steal it, It's not like I stole it, but in a blink of an eye, Doudou's appearance changed..."

Yan Yuque paused at this point, raised his eyes to look at Liu Qi again, and grabbed Liu Qi's sleeve with the other hand, "I saw Doudou turned into Lian Yulou... so thin, so small, wearing a Dirty and tattered, he grabbed my hand and kept calling me 'brother', asking me 'why doesn't brother like me?' 'Why did brother and aunt try everything to drive him away ?''Why has he already lost his home and relatives, and his brother still wants to rob him of the little bit of dignity left around him?''Why...'...

"I can't answer anything... I can't answer anything! He took away my father's love for me, he took away my position in Yan's family, and then he continued to rob, like an insatiable robber That way, bit by bit, eating away what was originally mine, what can I do? What can I do? I can only drive him away... Drive him far away, and never come back... But Sometimes, I would have this idea in my mind... If I asked Dad to keep Yulou in that year..."

He didn't dare to admit this thought in his heart before, because he and his mother treated Erniang and Lian Yulou like that in order to drive them out of the house, and then there really was such a day, and they didn't do it themselves. The annoying bastard will finally leave Yan's house and leave the capital, and will never appear in front of him again. For the next few years, life will be very ordinary, but occasionally seeing other people's brothers loving each other, he can't help but have such thoughts, and immediately Then he quickly dismissed the thought from his mind.

Yan Yuque seems to have reached a limit. The arrogant, indifferent, calm and self-retaining person in the past seems to have disappeared. At this moment, his eyes are full of doubts and confusion, as if hesitant and helpless in a quagmire. Like Lian Yulou, he is in his own The door of his heart was covered with layer after layer, layer after layer, thick and solid, allowing him to ignore the outside world's words, allowing him to use all kinds of vicious means without any condemnation from conscience .

But this layer was cracking and disintegrating, so the guilt, guilty conscience and other emotions that had been kept out for many years surged up, making him unable to bear and resist.

Liu Qi reached out and caressed Yan Yuque's face, "But have you ever thought... what did our father do wrong? To be treated like that by you? Just because of his mother's background? Just because he is A concubine? You don’t trust the people around you, you think that everyone who approaches you has a purpose, even a child as young as Doudou, you doubt him..." Then he smiled, and moved his hand along Yan Yuque's The face slid down to his chest, and he raised his index finger to poke his chest twice, "Now, can you feel the pain inside?"

Liu Qi wanted to withdraw her hand, but Yan Yuque caught her, "What the hell did you... drug me?"

Liu Qi smiled, charming and seductive, "Your Excellency always thinks that others will harm you... It's not that you were drugged, but your conscience..." Seeing Yan Yuque's confused face, she kindly offered to help him. Explain, "My lord, do you still remember what I said, I have seen the other side of Lord Charming hidden under the cold and hard exterior, so I believe there must be another adult hidden inside, that adult is gentle, kind, and knows how to care Others, especially the weavers and embroiderers, will never see the painstaking efforts of the weavers and embroiderers being ruined in vain."

Yan Yuque was stunned for a moment, and then laughed out loud, "If I told you, at that time in Chengjia Zhifang, I rescued you, shared your moon cakes in the gazebo and invited you to drink and chat, but it was out of Pitiful and sympathetic! I was just putting on a show for the Cheng family to let them know that although they own such a big weaving workshop, I am the majestic supervisor of the Silk Brocade Academy, and my bearing and majesty are completely different from those of ordinary people like them. Yes, so that they dare not act in front of me."

Liu Qi didn't show any disappointment when she heard this, she took Yan Yuque's hand, put her left cheek against his palm, rubbed it, then took his hand, slid across her chest, slid across her waist and put He brought his hand to the place behind him, stopped at the hip seam through the cloth, covered Yan Yuque's fingers, and pressed there.

"Since the adults are so pitiful and sympathetic to the villain... why don't you sympathize with the villain one more time, we won't see you for a few days... The villain's here misses the adults so much..."