private romance

During the ten days and a half months of illness, He Tingzhao's appetite was very bad, Song Mingzheng ate half of it outside, and when he came back, he still picked up a lot of leftovers.

In fact, he doesn't eat much of these things, Song Mingzheng thinks it's unhygienic, and He Tingzhao won't let him eat them before he gets injured. Sometimes He Tingzhao thinks he cares too much, so he rolls his eyes and says, why don't you sleep down tonight?It's thinner than 0's heart.

Let's talk, let's listen.He was disobedient and Song Mingzheng didn't attack him, so he lowered his eyes and didn't speak, silent like a ship that had sunk into the sea without seeing the sun for many years. He Tingzhao was not afraid to quarrel with him, but he was afraid that Song Mingzheng would be so self-closing and lonely. It made him feel distressed, so he couldn't help but follow his habit, which has slowly continued for so many years.

"Don't eat?" The words came out, but they were declarative sentences with no ups and downs.In fact, I also know that He Tingzhao probably can't eat much, and if he can eat, it's better to eat more food from home.Song Mingzheng bought wontons today and came back as his own willfulness. Probably being with Mu Chenyuan always reminded him of the past when he was young, so he couldn't help but also made these unusual actions, "Is the taste okay?"

"So bland", He Tingzhao curled his lips, let Song Mingzheng wipe his lips, and then took a cup to rinse his mouth.Hold his neck and spit slowly, lest he suddenly lose his neck and be choked.He Tingzhao's upper body was tilted on the headrest and his breathing was slow. The whole person looked very weak, but his eyes were full of spirit, with starlight in his gentleness, revealing the shadow of another person, "There is so little salt."

"You can't eat so much, it's not good for your health." Song Mingzheng was eating the leftovers, and when he heard this, he raised his eyelids and glanced at him, with a very pampering tone.Originally, the leftover servants were collected, but it was common for Song Mingzheng to pick up his leftovers, so it seemed natural to do everything. "You have to pay attention now, anyway, you have to take good care of it."

"I know, I still don't listen to the third master." He Tingzhao smiled and bit the joystick, and slowly turned a circle. Their posture changed from facing each other to side by side, and the distance between the two narrowed some.He Tingzhao's legs and feet, wrapped under the blanket and placed opposite to each other, could be closer to his legs.

The stretched and flat legs were slowly retracted, Song Mingzheng was still sitting casually, but he bent his legs without any trace, leaned out, and leaned against He Tingzhao's wheelchair.He Tingzhao just waited for Song Mingzheng to finish eating the leftovers, as they often did, so there was no need to say anything.It's just that sometimes Song Mingzheng would spare a hand to hold He Tingzhao's paralyzed hand on his lap, and gently rub those curled up weak fingers.Sometimes it would be like this again, touching He Tingzhao's unconscious legs and knees, caressing gently.

Their bodies are as interdependent as their souls.

After taking a nap in the afternoon, it was rare for He Tingzhao to be in good spirits at night.Song Mingzheng always feeds him himself when he is at home, so he always eats late, and he often waited like this a few years ago.But then he started to have heart failure, and his body was getting worse day by day, and he gradually became very tired mentally, and he couldn't even hold a meal until he became tired.

Sometimes when I do these ordinary things again, I realize that it has been a long time since the last time.What makes people sad is not that the relationship has faded, but that you can no longer do it.

"Aren't you tired?" Song Mingzheng ate rather quickly, and he wasn't so turbulent at first, but he didn't want He Tingzhao to wait too long.Wiping your mouth and rinsing your mouth is all done in one go, and then you stand up and lean over.Wrapping He Tingzhao's soft body with one hand, and helping him adjust his sitting posture with the other to relieve the pressure on some muscles, "Oh, Xiao Zhao, how can you make me feel at ease."

"I don't need to worry. It's fine. Ah Zheng, you love me enough." He Tingzhao raised his lips slightly and tilted his head slightly. He was already speaking slower than usual. The left shoulder was filled with constant soreness, "No matter what the doctor said...you don't have to blame yourself."

Ten years ago, no matter how open-minded and secure He Tingzhao was, it would be difficult for He Tingzhao to say such words at a difficult time.Young people love to say that the universe will last forever, if it is long, it will be really endless, and if it is long, it will really live the same life as the sun and the moon.It's just that after so many years, he faced paralysis, disease, life and death more clearly than anyone else, and he also had more time to think about life and how to face the future that may be a little painful.

"Why should I blame myself? Xiao Zhao, your heart failure has nothing to do with me." Song Mingzheng raised his eyes to meet He Tingzhao's and looked away, then got up naturally and pulled the wheelchair handbrake, ready to push He Tingzhao back to the bedroom "But I want to keep you... not to blame myself, it has nothing to do with any emotion."

"It's just that I can't..." The wheelchair moved forward slowly, He Tingzhao leaned on the headrest, and didn't interrupt Song Mingzheng's words, nor did he change the subject in a joke.They often have such exchanges. At first, Song Mingzheng was afraid that he would be overwhelmed because of paralysis, but later it became that he was afraid that he would die early one day and comforted Song Mingzheng.

"I can't lose you, I can't accept it, I can't."

"Losing you."

He Tingzhao was pushed forward silently, looked at the familiar scene in front of him, turned around a few corridors, and finally arrived at the bedroom where he and Song Mingzheng had slept for ten years.He knew what was going to happen next, Song Mingzheng would massage his limbs, straighten his curled and deformed hands and feet over and over again, and kiss him before going to bed, no matter where it was on his body.I will also help him change his diapers, help him put a diaper under his body, and help him wipe his urine-stained buttocks, so that he can have a clean and comfortable night.

Then, then.

Then help him put this uncontrollable, feelingless body in a good position, put a towel around his lips, and put on an oxygen mask for him to inhale oxygen.Song Mingzheng carefully tuned that thing, because any deviation would make him feel uncomfortable.

Cover him with the quilt, kiss good night, sleep next to him, good night.

Ah Zheng, you are very kind to me.

I also believe that people like you will not treat others well because of guilt.But it's been so long, you haven't touched me at all.You will secretly throw away the medicine I bought, the whole house is yours, they won't let me take the medicine, there are so many people who like you, I can't even imitate them to seduce you.

Everything about gay men is built on sex isn't it?So how do you face this kind of life.

Ah Zheng, I believe you love me, but I don't want you to suffer, so don't say such things.

He Tingzhao didn't really want to guess who was on the phone tonight. He knew Song Mingzheng well enough to know that they wouldn't have any relationship beyond boundaries. Song Mingzheng didn't like to establish intimate relationships with others.

But probably there is no lover like me, He Tingzhao thought.

So I hope you really betray me someday.