Embroidered Pillows and Paper Tigers

Shen Yan followed Li Shi'an out of Tang Doudou's house, and the two started arguing not long after they left.

Li Shi'an thought that in this situation, Shen Yan's reaction was too much when he hit someone first. However, Shen Yan believed that Yu Qiao was deliberately finding fault. Even if he didn't do it himself, Yu Qiao would do it. The first person to be beaten was Li Shi'an.

The two talked to each other, and finally Li Shi'an didn't want to argue, and walked to the front to avoid arguing with Shen Yan.

Shen Yan chased after him: "You're blaming me for messing up Tang Xia's birthday party, right? You don't think it's my fault that you don't blame Yu Qiao for being provocative?"

Li Shi'an really couldn't understand his brain circuit: "I don't blame you, I mean that there is no need to argue with him on this occasion... Anyway, it has already happened, so let's not talk about it?"

Shen Yan felt that Li Shi'an was still blaming him, felt aggrieved, and blurted out after holding back all night: "When Tang Xia confessed to you, why did you say it later? Why didn't you reject her?"

Li Shi'an didn't know why Shen Yan suddenly became entangled with this, and spread his hands and said, "Didn't I not agree?"

Shen Yan sneered: "But you didn't refuse completely."

Li Shi'an: "It's her birthday, and it's a girl again, how harsh are you asking me to say in front of so many people?"

Shen Yan: "Rejecting a person is nothing more than rejection. It's not that the words are ugly. She is prepared to be rejected when she says it. Or do you think that saying that will hurt her? Why are you afraid of hurting her if you don't like her?"

In Shen Yan's heart, Li Shi'an belonged to him, but Li Shi'an didn't reject Tang Doudou, which made his affirmation become uncertain for a while. He felt flustered, uneasy, and felt that Li Shi'an might abandon him at any time, just like abandoning him. Like a beloved paintbrush.

However, Li Shi'an didn't notice Shen Yan's sensitive heart at all. He was still thinking about the whole thing that happened tonight, and he was also angry: "Is it okay to hurt people who don't like it? Even if I refuse, it can't be this person today." time?"

To put it bluntly, I still can't bear it.

It's not that Shen Yan doesn't understand Li Shi'an's idea of ​​refusing at another time, what he doesn't understand is that he can't bear it.

He has been in prison for too long in his own world, and has been fighting against others for too long. He doesn't understand how people connect with each other apart from family and love. Naturally, he also doesn't understand why Li Shi'an has such pity and intolerance for irrelevant people. He has even subjectively equated that pity and intolerance with "like".

Shen Yan put his hands behind his back and grabbed his ear-level hair. He felt indescribably depressed in the night. In his life, Li Shi'an was the only person besides Qu Ya who made him feel helpless.

He said: "Do you know that the more emotional things are, the less sloppy it is?"

The night obscured the faint tears in his eyes, and after saying this, he walked forward alone.

"It's just unreasonable," Li Shi'an cursed in a low voice behind Shen Yan. He didn't understand why he refused or was wrong when he said it, "Hey, have you had enough trouble?"

Shen Yan continued to walk on the winding road down the mountain as if he hadn't heard anything.

Li Shi'an caught up and grabbed him by the shoulder: "Why are you making trouble like this? You know that Tang Doudou and I have nothing."

Shen Yan had already calmed down: "I said it, it's a big problem that you didn't reject her."

Li Shi'an felt that Shen Yan was as unreasonable as a piece of wood, and suddenly became irritable: "Then what do you want? In front of so many people, make people cry on their birthday?"

Shen Yan: "Since you don't like it, then don't use any excuses that you don't want to hurt a girl's feelings. You must know that people are like that. If you don't tell her clearly, she can find you 1. There are some reasons why you can’t confess’, do you believe it or not?”

The two quarreled more and more fiercely, Li Shi'an asked: "Then what do you want me to say?"

Shen Yan: "Tell him the truth, tell him you have someone you like."

Li Shi'an blurted out: "Are you crazy?"

After he finished speaking, he regretted it, and wanted to go back and make up a few words, but saw Shen Yan's face turned pale.

It took a long time for Shen Yan to recover, and said in an almost begging tone: "I didn't tell you that you like men, I told you that you have someone you like."

Li Shi'an wanted to comfort Shen Yan, but he didn't know how to do so.He heard Shen Yan continue to say: "Li Shi'an, you are always compromising with others, with your father, grandparents, Tang Doudou, why can't you compromise with me once! What are you afraid of? Are you afraid that others will ask you what you like? Who is the person?"

Li Shi'an was stunned under Shen Yan's questioning, and didn't say a word.

Silence is often the scariest, because there is always more acquiescence than denial in silence.

Shen Yan liked Li Shi'an so much that he couldn't get the same response, he felt a huge pain in his heart, he turned around and pushed Li Shi'an against a tree by the road, and kissed him brutally .

Although it was dark, Li Shi'an was very uneasy on the road where someone might appear at any time. He tried his best to push back Shen Yan, but to no avail, until he saw a figure out of the corner of his eye, his mind went blank for an instant, and he punched Shen Yan. It hit Shen Yan's face.

"Crazy!" Li Shi'an cursed.

Shen Yan stumbled, and wiped the blood from biting his lips. He also saw the black shadow in the distance, and he understood everything. He roared angrily: "Yes! I'm crazy!"

The dark night couldn't hide the despair in his eyes, and finally he staggered up from the ground and disappeared into the dark night.

Li Shi'an stood at the same place, he saw that the person who just bumped into him and Shen Yan just stood there in a daze, and waited for Shen Yan to leave before approaching.

It turned out to be Zhu He.

It was boring for Zhu He to stay alone at Tang Doudou's house. Li Shi'an and Shen Yan followed after they left. Who knew that after seeing this scene, it was obvious that he also heard the conversation between the two.

At this moment, Zhu He didn't know whether to pretend that he didn't hear or see anything, or what to do.

It was Zhu He who came, and Li Shi'an couldn't tell if he was relieved. He picked up the coat that fell on the ground when he was arguing with Shen Yan, casually put it on his shoulder, and said with a sullen face, "Let's go!" Come on, go back."

Since the night of Tang Doudou's coming-of-age ceremony, the two of them haven't spoken for a few days, and Li Shi'an would stay up late at night doing quizzes, sometimes staring at the chair Shen Yan usually sat on when he stayed up late with him in a daze.

He knew why Zhu He appeared that night and he would attack Shen Yan. He was not afraid of homosexuality itself but was afraid of being seen by others. This made him think about one thing: whether he and Shen Yan can last long, whether they will have the courage to face For the present, and everything in the future.

Shen Yan wanted to be with Li Shi'an for the rest of his life, which meant that their relationship would be made public one day, but he got a glimpse of Li Shi'an's true attitude that night, which made him think that both of them had no hesitation in this matter. , but the facts show that this is not the case.

Life retreated into a narrow canyon again, everything he liked flowed through his fingers, Shen Yan was at a loss, and could only bury all his emotions in his studies.

One morning when the two met outside the door, Li Shi'an wanted to explain, but soon hesitated again. Opening his mouth meant reconciliation, and reconciliation meant avoiding the eyes of others.

In fact, he is not afraid of the eyes of the world, what he is afraid of is Li Qishan.When Zhu He bumped into him that night, his first reaction was: Who is it?Will it spread?Will you tell Li Qishan?What if Li Qishan found out?

He doesn't have a mother, and his father is everything to him. Reality puts Li Qishan and Shen Yan on the same scale, but he doesn't know how to balance it.

However, just as he was hesitating, Shen Yan had already left.

Walking one after the other, just like when we first met, Li Shi'an stared at his toes and followed him all the time, and when he looked up at the school gate, Shen Yan was no longer there.

This reminded him of the time when Shen Yan ran a race with him, but he left without leaving the dust, but put milk and eggs in his table belly.

When Li Shi'an rushed to the classroom, the first thing he did was to look at the table belly. It was empty, and he was a little disappointed for some reason.

Back in the day, I went to school every day, read books and studied questions in class. After school on Saturday afternoon, Zhuang Jing came in in high heels, holding a test paper in her hand, patted the desk and said, "The results of the monthly test for this semester have come down. There is a question about the total score. Ranking, now I will read the ranking."

How many times has the audience wailed as usual: "Do you want to be so cruel! Do you want people to have a good weekend?"

Zhuang Jing started to read it as if he didn't hear it, or read it backwards. After a dozen or so big concepts, he read Xie Chen. As soon as Lao Xie heard his name, he turned around and grabbed Li Shi'an's arm: "Did you hear me? I actually left It's down to the bottom ten!"

Li Shi'an didn't listen to Lao Xie's nagging at all, and listened carefully to Zhuang Jingnian. When he finally found out that he had lost a few places, he was so annoyed to death, when Zhuang Jing suddenly called him: "The other students can leave school, Li Shi'an come to the office .”

He came to the office reluctantly. There were no other teachers in the office. Zhuang Jing took out a stack of notebooks from the drawer and said, "Do you still remember these?"

Li Shi'an nodded. The pile of notebooks were all his sketchbooks, which were confiscated by Zhuang Jing in the self-study class of the first year of high school. He thought Zhuang Jing used them as draft paper, but he didn't expect to keep them all.

Zhuang Jing patted the stack of sketchbooks and said: "When you first entered our class 1, I didn't know that you were studying art. At that time, your grade was going to transfer you to class 7, but you stayed and became No. 1 in our class." , so I refuse to live or die, and I need someone to show me in the poor class, right?"

Li Shi'an felt that he might not be able to support this appearance now, and said guiltily: "Sorry, I let you down."

Zhuang Jing smiled: "You don't have to be nervous. If you want to talk about your performance in the first year of high school, you really can't satisfy me, but you have improved since you entered the second year of high school." Why did you stay?"

Li Shian shook his head.

Zhuang Jing said: "Your age ranking is generally good, but your performance is not stable enough. It is too early to say whether you will be admitted to a first-class college. After all, you are only a sophomore in high school, and there is still a lot of room for effort." ...But you are sure to pass the art test, and you also like art, do you want to think about it again?"

Zhuang Jing was leading the class for the first time, and she cared about every student in the class. She could see Li Shi'an's changes this year. Know when to stop drawing.

Those few sketch books have been kept in Zhuang Jing's drawer, and they are taken out from time to time to look through them, and they are also passed on to the teachers in the same office to look through. The expressions of the teachers and classmates are all drawn vividly, so there is nothing wrong with it.

Zhuang Jing once thought it was a pity that Li Shi'an gave up the art test, but she found that Li Shi'an was silent when faced with her proposal.

Zhuang Jing was afraid that Li Shi'an's thoughts would go wrong, so she quickly explained: "I didn't mean to drive you out of Class 1..."

"I know," Li Shi'an interrupted her softly, "but I've already made up my mind that I won't take the art test."

Zhuang Jing still had words of persuasion to say, but in the end she couldn't match the stubbornness of this child, she sighed: "You and this child Shen Yan are both worrying..."

Shen Yan is no longer in Class 1. Li Shi'an never thought that Zhuang Jing still pays attention to him, so he hurriedly asked, "What's wrong with Shen Yan?"

Zhuang Jing said: "Oh, this time the grade was ranked, and this kid fell out of the top three. Some of the questions were careless mistakes. Their class teacher asked him a few more questions, and he lost his temper."

Li Shi'an: "Have you lost your temper?"

Zhuang Jing said: "He said that he could go to any school he wanted anyway, no matter how low he was, ah, he has a big temper, which made their class teacher very angry. He stood in the office all morning this morning. You are very friendly with him Did he not tell you?"

Li Shi'an didn't know how to explain it for a while, and stammered: "Well... didn't you say that he stood in the office all morning, and he probably didn't have time to tell me."

Zhuang Jing nodded, then waved and said, "Take all these notebooks away, and come to me when you change your mind."

Li Shi'an nodded, and when he left the office, he suddenly turned to Zhuang Jing and said, "Teacher... I will work hard."

Zhuang Jing waved again.