like drinking ice

When I came back from Luo's house, the family was setting up dinner.I didn't eat at Luo's house just now, and Ruirui kept yelling that I was hungry, probably because she was afraid that I would go to other places, and urged me to go home in this way.

The butler has seen me recently as if he saw a life-saving straw. In the past two days, he has added the item of complaint—probably he has nothing to confide in after being bullied by Zheng Ao. He would blame him for having too many things to do, and dare to pick Zheng Ao's fault.Only I will admit that Zheng Ao is also wrong.

"Mr. Xu..." The butler looked like he was hiding his words, but I wanted to avoid him, fearing that he would explode in his heart: "Mister won't eat."

I hugged Ruirui and walked through the snowy front yard. Luckily, Zheng Yan held an umbrella for me.When I came here, I forgot to bring Ruirui's small cloak, so I had to wrap him in my own coat.The housekeeper looked sincere, so he turned around and asked, "Why doesn't he want to eat?"

"I've been busy all the time. I said I didn't want to eat, but now it's almost a little late. How can I not eat..." the butler babbled, "I'm annoying when you press me, so you don't show me a good face."

Ruirui thought he was long-winded, so she got out of my arms and made a face at him.The housekeeper looked as if he had been hit hard, and said nothing more.

I put Ruirui on the sofa and warmed his face with my hands.Ruirui laughed and crawled back and forth on the sofa. The room was very warm. I was afraid that he would catch a cold, so I forbade him to take off his coat completely.

"What do you want to eat today?" I asked the butler.

"There are groupers and sea cucumbers that just arrived, mushrooms are also good, and you can stew pheasant." The housekeeper looked clear, but he was not sure about my intentions: "What dishes do you want to eat for sir?"

"Don't call him, let's eat." I stroked Ruirui's head: "Ruirui is hungry, let's get some quick dishes instead of stewing."

The housekeeper had an unbelievable expression: "Aren't you called sir?"

"Didn't he want to eat?"

The butler left in a daze, and probably ran to report the news.Anyway, before the food was served, Zheng Ao ran over, smiling as soon as he came: "Are you back?"

Recently, he has gradually become more casual. He found a nightgown from somewhere and put it on, lazily tilting it around, quite like his father. Those who didn't know thought that the Zheng family and his son were all sick, but unfortunately I was young When I saw Li Zhurong and Zheng Yehu fighting in the garden, Zheng Yehu smiled and kicked the bench, kicking the bench to pieces. Later, the gardener searched for the culprit for a long time, and probably finally put the black pot cover in his heart. It's on Li Xiu's head.

I leaned on the sofa to read a book, Ruirui crawled around on my lap, the two of them ignored him, he lifted Ruirui up and put him on the carpet, for which he was punched twice on the leg, and asked me with a smile : "Why don't you eat there?"

"I'm too lazy to stay outside, so I came back." I was impatient and he kept harassing me: "Don't touch my ears."

He seemed to be very happy. Ye Susu didn't know what he messed up after eating, so he ran over to apologize to Zheng Ao himself. Zheng Ao was in a good mood, and let her go with a wave of his hand. Ye Susu looked shocked , I laughed when I saw it: "How bad is he usually to you?"

Ye Susu glanced at Zheng Ao, and said in a low voice, "It's not that good anyway."

As soon as Ye Susu came, Wang Xian also followed.

She has always been very quiet.Zheng Ao Mingming was going to work and still refused to leave here. I urged him to leave, but he was still dawdling in chatting with me, talking bad things about Luo Xi, while Ye Susu stood beside him and said, "Boss, don't be like this. I still want to cooperate with the Luo family..."

"Cooperated with his father, but not with him." Zheng Ao didn't have any psychological pressure: "It's hard to say whether he can take over the shift or not."

I would like to say a few words, but Zheng Ao's hostility was originally caused by me, and more words would only add fuel to the flames.In the future I will not be here, maybe Zheng Ao will feel relieved.The Luo family has been unable to integrate resources in the past two years because of the festival with the Li family, so I can't be more troublesome.

The side I saw Luo Xi might be the last time.

Zheng Ao finally went to his study after he found out that I would ignore him no matter how noisy he was.Ye Susu also followed, I was reading, Wang Xian was also reading, Ruirui had class in the afternoon, so she followed the housekeeper.

"What book are you reading?" I was afraid that she would find it too awkward for the two of them to be silent, so I picked up a glass of water and asked her.

"Psychology." Wang Xian shook the cover at me: "Xu Lang, will you be angry?"

"Angry?" I was a little puzzled: "Is it a term in psychology?"

Wang Xian put the book down.

"It's the kind of anger, anger, and outburst." Her tone was very calm, and she looked at me.

"Rarely, it has something to do with temper." I laughed, as if she was chatting with me: "Why? Do you want to learn something about this in the future?"

"Anger won't die by itself." Wang Xian said softly.

I said "hmm" and waited for her to finish.

"There are many kinds of people in this world, but as long as they are human, they will generate anger in the face of harm and aggression from others. It's just that some people have a strong personality and will feed back their anger to their opponents in order to protect themselves. And some people, Because of a weak position or too much self-discipline, I will suppress my anger in my heart..."

I get it, she's talking about me.

"But anger will not die by itself, but will be expressed in other ways." She is still saying: "For example, a child with a very low status in the family does not dare to express directly when he is beaten by his parents. Anger, because that would lead to serious beatings. But he will show it in other ways, such as being slow to respond to his parents' orders, procrastinating in doing things, obviously doing things, but the efficiency is very low..."

I laughed.

"You said I was a child who was beaten and scolded?"

"I'm talking about the way you and Zheng Ao get along." Wang Xian didn't mind my interruption at all: "The anger you haven't vented is reflected in your every action and every word. Zheng Ao will feel confused, he I thought you'd let it go, you've said you don't mind, but your behavior doesn't say that..."

My ears were burning, apart from what Zheng Ao had done before, there was very little that would make me want to escape like this.

"What you're talking about is just a theory, I..." I stood up.

Wang Xian held me back.

"You know in your heart whether what I'm talking about is a theory." She looked at me with clear eyes, she was still the girl who had never lied to me three years ago, and I was the one who was lying.

But I can't stay any longer.

I have always restrained myself from lying or evading in front of some people, such as Wang Xian and Rui Rui.Because I know my weight and influence in their eyes, I dare not do wrong things for fear of causing bad influence.

It's just that I didn't expect Wang Xian to reveal these things so unexpectedly. It's not a question of right or wrong, but a curtain that has been covered for a long time, and what is revealed, whether it is good or bad , my first instinct was to block them and lead them back into the darkness.She peeled off a layer of skin, and the thing underneath was so fragile that even the wind would hurt, let alone the sharper and more direct words.

"I don't want to tell you this right now!" I realized that my tone was too much after I said it, and tried to restrain myself: "Things are not what you think..."

"If you don't face this problem directly, you will never be able to solve it. Do you think Zheng Ao can't feel it? He is just following your pace, not to uncover these things. He is willing to spend his life with you. But these things always have to be said When you come out, you must always get communication, and there must always be someone who will be the villain..."

I pushed her hand away.

But it was too late.Some things, some seemingly unbreakable walls, are falling apart and collapsing. I used to think I was in the most airtight secret room. All the pain, humiliation and hurt are swallowed as long as no one can see. of ice.The flesh and blood were dripping with liver and intestines, but other than the skin, he was still decent and radiant, with a decent smile.

As long as no one sees it, it's fine.

But now they all saw it.

I almost fled back in a hurry.

I want to go back to the study to be quiet for a while, but there are thousands of voices in my head, and I can't stay here.Wang Xian said that Zheng Ao knew about his stiffness in physical contact and his dodging when talking about certain topics.He knows my jealousy, unwillingness, and self-righteous calmness, my caring, pretending to be free and easy, and my deep love for him that cannot be washed away...

It seems that there are countless forces rushing against the heart together, as if they are about to break through the heart and rush out.I pressed my chest in embarrassment, and I could clearly feel that my heart seemed to be clenched by an invisible hand, and even the last drop of blood was about to be squeezed out, which was extremely painful.I pressed my head against the bookshelf, sweating, and my body felt chills.

At that moment I thought of death.

But you can't die here either.

This is Zheng Ao's place, I have to go.

Ruirui can stay, he is still young and will soon forget.Zheng Ao was younger than him at the beginning, but he became a different person when he grew up.In short, it can't be here, it's too embarrassing, since I came here alone, I have to go alone...

I stumbled to the door, my heart was throbbing, and my eyes seemed to be going black for a while. I instinctively reached out to grab something, but there was nothing around me.

I fell down.