like drinking ice

I touched the lock.

"Does Ruirui know how to open this lock?"

Rui Rui nodded, ran to the bottom of the flowerpot next to her, took out a small iron wire that was sharpened, and looked at me proudly.

I originally wanted to educate him, but this is what he told me on his own initiative, and teaching him will definitely make him sad.

I looked at him helplessly and asked him to unlock it.

The doors of the Zheng family are all antique, and even the door is equipped with this kind of exquisite and ingenious small copper lock, with bats and cloud patterns printed on it, Ruirui stood on tiptoe, carefully poking the small wire into the keyhole, with a small face It is full of serious expressions.

I recognized where the wire came from.

The Zheng family has been handed down from generation to generation, and the implication is very profound. Not long ago, the housekeeper moved out a few boxes of such gadgets, such as silver locks, wishful jade locks, and a few very delicate nine-link rings, exquisitely made, either gold or jade Some of them are still engraved with the craftsman's mark. What Ruirui holds is not iron wire, but the brass wire on the Jiulianhuan. I don't know how he got it off.

"Ruirui, who taught you how to pick the lock?"

"It's the master who taught me boxing." Ruirui put her ears on the lock, raised the corners of her mouth, took off the opened lock, and showed me triumphantly: "That master is not smart at all, I told him he was not It's amazing, even if you don't know how to open the chain, he taught me how to open it."

I frowned, I don't know how Zheng Ao found a teacher for Ruirui, who can even open locks.

The door opened, and the room was dark. Ruirui seemed to have been here many times, and skillfully turned on the light at the door.

I was stunned for a moment, there was nothing unusual in the room, it was just an ordinary interior furnishings, I don't know what is there to lock it, and I don't know why Ruirui deliberately dragged me here.

Ruirui dragged me to the front of the closet.

"I like this place the most." As he said, he opened the door of the closet. He was young, and he was dragging the door with almost all his strength. I was afraid that he would fall, so I reached out to support him.

In the closet, there are a lot of clothes hanging, Zheng Ao's is on the left, mine is on the right, even including the down jacket that I threw in the plum grove when I left Zheng's house three years ago.

I finally knew why I was stunned when I saw this bedroom. Something seemed to pass through my mind at that moment, and it was fleeting, but now I think of it.

This bedroom, all the furnishings in it, the water glass by the bed, the coat thrown on the sofa, and the two pajamas next to each other, are exactly the same as when I left.

There is no difference.

Ruirui squeezed into the closet, stayed under the winter coat, and rolled over.He was wearing a soft white fleece with bare feet, like a little fox preparing to hibernate, burying himself comfortably in the clothes.

"I love it here," he told me cheerfully. "It smells like Dad. Dad's off to work, so I'll just stay here."

I knelt down and patted his head.

When Rui Rui was young, she often fell ill. I asked a specialized pediatrician about this. The doctor said that children will instinctively explore the world during infancy, and they need to be close to their mother's body to feel safe and good for their health. .But Ruirui is a little afraid of being touched by others, so I basically hug him. When he was a child, he was sick and uncomfortable, so I hugged him and walked around the room over and over again until he fell asleep.

In Chinese medicine, pediatrics is also called mute. Children are too young to cope with the many ailments in this world, and they can’t even express their pain in words. The only thing they have is the love and attention of their parents. .I always feel that Ruirui will quickly adapt to Zheng's family and fall in love with other things, so I want to leave before he adapts.I forgot how much I loved him, I forgot how much he depended on me, and I forgot how we came here depending on each other during the three years in the south.

When I touched Rui Rui's head, Rui Rui raised her eyes and looked at me carefully.

"Dad, do you really not want to treat your illness?"

The child's eyes are so clear and clean, I am looked at, and all kinds of feelings come to my heart.

"No." I stroked his hair, and he still looked at me quietly, with such a trusting look in his eyes, he might become a very powerful adult in the future, but maybe only I have seen such a look.

"Father will work hard to treat the illness and stay with you all the time."

Until the day you don't need me anymore.

At night, I took Ruirui and slept in that bedroom.

Ruirui took a bath, her whole body smelled delicious, she curled up in my arms like a kitten, and told me how amazing this bedroom was—every time the housekeeper found him in it, he would scream, with a heart attack. The look of hair.Talking about the things he got out of the housekeeper, for example, this bedroom has been cleaned by the housekeeper himself, and even the servants are not allowed to get involved, for example, Zheng Ao has been sleeping in this bedroom for the past three years...

Ruirui fell asleep, but I was still awake.

Zheng Ao kept telling me that he has been looking for me for the past three years, he said he loves me, he said he knows what he wants, I don't believe it.

But this bedroom is here, the jacket I threw away, the cell phone I used, the last book I read before I left, the clothes I wore, and my favorite cup are all still here, the hardest And the most direct fact.

Probably because I was extremely sleepy, in the end my thoughts were a little messed up, I only vaguely remembered to tuck the quilt up for Ruirui, and fell asleep.

Woke up because the door was pushed open.

I always felt that there seemed to be someone in the room, and I even heard the sound of water in the bathroom. I was half asleep, struggling for a while, trying to touch the switch of the bedside light.

Hands are held.

"Woke you up?" said the man holding my wrist.

I woke up with a jerk.

The person standing by the bed is Zheng Ao.

He probably had a shower, his hair was still a little wet, and he smiled at me as if nothing had happened.

I took my hand back.

"Didn't you run away?" I lay back down again: "Why are you coming back?"

I was still angry, so my words were very sharp, but Zheng Ao didn't take it seriously, grabbed my wrist and dragged me up.

"Go, take you to a place."

I was dragged by Zheng Ao all the way out of the bedroom, through one door after another, it was already midnight, everything was silent, there were only faint landscape lights everywhere, Zheng’s old house was immersed in the winter night, and the corridor was very cold , I was dragged by him and stumbled, not knowing where to go.

Zheng Ao finally stopped in front of a small attic.

I'm not familiar with the Zheng family, so I didn't know there was such a small attic in the Zheng family. I smelled the fragrance of flowers, and it seemed that some kind of flower was blooming, with a faint fragrance floating around.

"Come." Zheng Ao pushed open the attic door and extended his hand to me: "I'll take you up."

I looked at him dubiously, but he dragged me past me.

It was too dark in the attic.

I finally understood what Zheng Ao told me about being on the grassland at night so dark that people couldn't help but want to squat down. It was so dark here that I couldn't see my fingers. The awe in people's hearts makes you understand that you are so vulnerable.

Zheng Ao seemed to be very familiar with this place, and led me inside, not forgetting to remind me: "Stairs."

I fumbled and followed him up a flight of stairs, turned the corner, and my eyes suddenly opened up.

The wooden attic floor is full of moonlight, and the railings are slender and delicate. Outside is the plum blossom forest of Zheng’s family. The plum trees are all in buds, a dark cinnabar red, reflecting hoarfrost and moonlight, like a Chinese painting .

Zheng Ao wrapped me in the blanket he took out from the bedroom.

"Sit down and watch." He dragged out a chair covered with splendid cushions from nowhere, and sat down with ease: "I used to come here often at night."

I was unmoved: "What did you bring me here for?"

He didn't answer my question, but just patted the place beside him and motioned for me to sit down. I ignored him, and he didn't respond, just smiled.

"When I was four or five years old, I was just sensible, so I liked it very much." He said: "At that time, I hated my dad very much, and I was determined to be a strong person, and then revenge him. And my grandma happened to regret that she was here My father's mistakes made me determined to teach me to be different. When I was young, I thought I would take you into my home when I grew up, and I liked you very much at that time."

I sneered.

"People are stupid when they are young."

Zheng Ao was not angry.

"Probably around adulthood, for a long time, I thought I was very successful in life. I was proud that I didn't like anyone, and my grandma taught me that." He reached out and took my hand: " At that time I hadn’t lost you, so I hadn’t realized my mistake. I could still go to you anytime, and I thought I was doing well, but I didn’t think about why I was doing well.”

I really want to refute him a few more harsh words, but unfortunately his pain is also my pain. I was the one who liked him at that time, and I was the one who indulged him. it's me.

"Later my dad's plane crashed, and I took power overnight. It was supposed to be the most proud moment, but I was more difficult than ever." His eyes looked at me, frankly: "I didn't know until then, it turned out that it was because of the loss of about you."

"So you imprisoned me?" I asked him back.

He smiled helplessly.

"Thinking about it now, this was also a fatal mistake." It was rare for him to be so modest: "Probably since then, you no longer trust me."

He was wrong, in fact, since earlier, I no longer trust him.

Wang Xian is quite right, my anger towards him has never disappeared.He has lost my trust since he said that sentence in the flower room of Li's family that day.What I did in the future was just adding mistakes to mistakes, but because I was too angry, I didn't even want to give him a chance to correct, so I didn't mention that incident, and only used the later incidents as a weapon.So he couldn't figure out what I was thinking...

Wang Xian said that people don't vent their anger because they are weak. In fact, I don't want to vent my anger, more because I don't want to forgive.As I taught Ruirui, no matter how big a mistake is, as long as it doesn't involve life or death, there is a chance to make up and a way to redeem, but I don't want him to make up for it, so I won't say it.

"Zheng Ao, in fact, I have been thinking about what you said in the hospital for the past two days." I told him: "You said that I didn't work hard for our relationship, that I didn't give you a chance, I think you said That's right."

Zheng Ao looked at me defenselessly.

"What if I just give you a chance?" I said, "What if I don't want to be with you in the first place."

Zheng Ao was stunned.

"I like you, I love you, I can say these words. I'm not lying, I really love you. If one day I feel like it, it doesn't matter if I go to bed." I told him calmly: "But I don't want to to be with you."

Zheng Ao had probably never heard such an argument, and the smile on his face froze.

"That's what I think, and if you listen, I'll tell you. I love you, but I don't want to be with you."

"why?"

"It's probably because I lived in an orphanage since I was a child, and I didn't get any family affection after I was adopted, so I have low self-esteem in my bones, and I am proud on the surface. It's probably because when I liked you, you didn't know that you liked me, so I knew that even if I confessed It’s just an insult, so I instinctively suppress myself, just like an electrotherapy mouse, once I’m with you, I have to blame myself for a whole day in my heart. What I get from this relationship is nothing but demands and insults."

Since we want to talk about frontiers, let's talk about frontiers. Who hasn't talked about frontiers?It's just the difference between whether or not the mistakes made by relying on the front edge are wiped out.

Zheng Ao obviously saw it too.

But this time he didn't slam the door like he did in the hospital last time and left.

He took my hand and pulled me over.

"It's okay, I can wait." He hugged me and patted me on the back like a comforting child: "I can wait forever, as long as you don't become a deserter, I will keep working hard until the day you let go. As long as... "

"Just what?" I interrupted him.

Zheng Ao smiled and patted my head.

"As long as you don't die."

He said: "I know that after I leave, they will explain and speak for me, but I want to tell you myself that I love you very much, and I regret the mistakes I made at the beginning. A long detour, I have become a very selfish person, I instinctively know what to do to make my life the most comfortable, and I will not hesitate to hurt anyone for this. But love and selfishness are opposite, I will correct it little by little. As long as you wait, as long as you live."

He repeated: "As long as you live."

I leaned in his arms, it seemed very warm, the ground was full of hoarfrost outside, I saw the moonlight on his shoulder, the plum blossoms seemed to be blooming, and the fragrance was everywhere.But I am not reconciled to this.

"But what about the mistakes you made?" I asked softly, "Shouldn't those be counted?"

The words you said, the phrase "It's not that he likes me, I want to be with him", the things you did, those strangers who woke up from your bed, the past that made me feel like a stick in my throat, that once Me in the stairwell feeling sick because of you, those hopeless cold nights, and what the doctor said was a bad cold that caused a heart attack.Can all be covered like this?

The future time is time, should the past be forgotten?

"I can do anything, anything that makes you happy, anything that makes you forgive." He replied, "Just tell me, what do you mind the most?"

He said: "I want you to be happier, Xiao Lang, don't use yourself to revenge me, don't waste such a good time, you see the moonlight so well, if you can smile as happily as you did when you were a child, it would be great... "

But I still can't tell him what's on my mind.

I just asked him softly: "Zheng Ao, do you really love me?"

"Love."

"Is there more love than love for all?"

"Yes." He repeated softly: "More than the sum of my love for all the people in this world. I am a selfish person, you know, Xiao Lang."

"Also surpassing Ning Yue?"

Zheng Ao laughed.

"I don't like Ning Yue." He told me, "Really, it's just sex."

But we don't even have sex.

"Zheng Ao, what do you think about loving someone?"

Probably because the atmosphere was so good and the mood was so good, he patted my back and shook me gently.

"What about you, Xiao Lang, what do you think it's like to love someone?"

"It may be unconditional tolerance, no bottom line forgiveness, no matter how serious the wound is, there is still no way not to love."

"But I think it is indispensable, and I can't give it up." Zheng Ao said with a smile, but the meaning in his words made me shudder: "No matter what method you use, you must keep it. You can put down your dignity, or you can use whatever means."

After a while, he said again: "I'm telling the truth, and you can't hate me for that."

"will not."

I can even do it to Ruirui, how could I blame him for it.

But, maybe there are thousands of kinds of love.

In the early morning, the air was so cold that it was almost frosty, and the moonlight gradually faded away, but the east was pale, indicating that the sun was about to come out.The garden is full of cinnabar-like plum blossom buds, which will probably bloom soon.During the Chinese New Year that year, my dad wrote him a poem, the last two lines of which were "Don't believe the frost bullies the snow today, and wait until the Ming Dynasty is full of flowers." It is very suitable for the current scene.

In fact, I still don't know what love is.

I wanted to give up on him thousands of times, and felt that I would rather live alone. I even felt that death was okay, but when he looked into my eyes, when he said he loved me, every cell in my body was still in pain. I was jumping for joy, as if there was a voice in my heart calling: "Promise him, promise him."

But always start by forgiving.

Let him go, and let go of yourself.

Although the past time is important, since you have decided to live on, you should try your best to live a better life in the future.