voice

Fang Yisheng raised his head and saw Wei Nanjun leaning sideways Xiaomei.

As if he was being bewitched, he looked at it without blinking.

He also said that he wanted to create memories, isn't he sleeping...

Standing up, he took out a thin blanket from the cabinet to cover the belly of the man who was taking a nap. Fang Yisheng simply sat cross-legged beside him and watched him carefully, as if trying to see something from this peaceful sleeping face.

His fingers slid across the man's cheek and he was grasped.

Wei Nanjun opened his eyes and looked at him.

Fang Yisheng didn't struggle, for some reason, he was very tired in his heart, tired of suppressing himself, and tired of covering up, he looked down at Wei Nanjun, unexpectedly there was not much resistance in his heart.

Probably because he knew that Wei Nanjun was a man.

Or maybe he broke it.

"It's true that I like men." He said softly.

Wei Nanjun didn't make a sound, just looked at him quietly.

"When I was 15 years old, my relationship with my classmates was discovered, and my family was very unhappy. I was kicked out when I was 16 years old. I lived in the school dormitory for three years in high school, and almost never went home."

Fang Yisheng narrated calmly, he did not allow himself to recall all kinds of experiences in his youth, those were forbidden places he dared not touch. "I still can't accept my sexuality, but I really don't have any feelings for the opposite sex."

Wei Nanjun gently rubbed the back of the young man's hands, as if wanting to comfort and appease him.

"They said I was crazy."

"It's not." Wei Nanjun said.

"Whether it's not that important." Fang Yisheng stared at the blue sky, and the corner of his mouth twitched mockingly. "I can't accept you, because I can't accept myself like this, and I can't face this relationship."

Wei Nanjun didn't speak, he looked down at the hands hanging beside his face, the young man's hands were broad and skinny, not sexy, but similar to Fang Yisheng's, down-to-earth.

A down-to-earth person can also be said to be stubborn.

He gently rubbed his cheek against the back of Fang Yisheng's hand. "Can I kiss you?"

"No, all your actions make me miserable."

He is like an ascetic walking alone in the thorn bushes. All the feelings of the flesh are added to his heart. The good and the bad are all a thorn, which makes him breathless.

The only thing he can do is to shrink himself a little smaller and reduce the frequency of his external feelings. The less he pays attention to, the more he can feel safe.

"I have seen a psychiatrist, and I have taken more antidepressants and sleeping pills than I can count. It took me a lot of time to live like a normal person. Can you leave me alone?"

"Can't my existence make you feel happy, even a little bit?"

How can you be unhappy, those touches, those sweet words, are like thorny roses with honey, fragrant and beautiful, sweet and moving.

So he resisted extremely, because no matter how intoxicating it was, in the end all he got was pain all over his body.

"Yes, if I really only make you unhappy, you won't smile at me, and you won't let me into the house. It's not just my insistence."

"So I'm suffering..."

Wei Nanjun sighed softly, and wrapped his hands around Fang Yisheng's as if holding some treasure. "But if you hide in your own shell, you will never be able to reconcile with yourself. Time can indeed take away many things, but if you don't let go, it can't do anything."

"I'm in pain..."

"Yisheng, do you want to hear about my experience? For the sake of me being purely gay?"

Fang Yisheng finally lowered his eyes, and he looked at Wei Nanjun in a daze. "Have you never liked the opposite sex?"

"No."

"Aren't you in pain? Aren't you afraid? Don't you think it's wrong to be like yourself?"

"I don't think so." Wei Nanjun brought his hand into his bosom, and pressed the young man's palm against his chest. "I probably discovered my sexuality at about the same time as you. I am so much older than you. When I was 16 years old, my environment was more conservative and scary than yours."

This is Fang Yisheng's first contact with someone like himself, and it is also the first time he has heard someone talk about such a thing, so he can't help but listen quietly.

"The only thing I'm better than you is that I wasn't discovered. At that time, I was also very confused, and I didn't dare to think about this issue. I buried my head in the ground like an ostrich and pretended nothing happened. But deception itself can't last long. I In the end, you have to face it soberly."

"Does your family know?"

"I called them when I was 25."

"Is there no objection?" Fang Yisheng asked.

"I object, but can objection change anything? My dad scolded me when he called, and my mother scolded me too."

"Are you sad?"

"Sad." Wei Nanjun said frankly. "But I don't want to blame myself. They have already blamed me. I can't find a reason to blame myself again. No matter how I think about it, I can't figure out where I am wrong. Yisheng, do you think I am wrong? What am I wrong? Well, I just like men, is this as shameful as rape? Is it as shameful as being good at work and not working?"

Fang Yi was dumbfounded by repeated questioning.

"If you can say that I am wrong, I will give up and never see you again."

Fang Yi's voice shook.

How can I be willing to...

Their secrets were so dark and almost invisible, it took a lot of courage and perseverance to convince myself that I was not wrong.

How could he be willing to deny him.

Fang Yisheng pulled out his hand and pressed his cheek.

"If you can't say I'm wrong, then what reason do you have to blame yourself?" Wei Nanjun took Fang Yisheng's hand and kissed the back of his hand. "Now, can I kiss you?"

Fang Yisheng subconsciously wanted to withdraw his hand, but Wei Nanjun held it tightly.

Wei Nanjun stared straight at him. "Have you ever kissed anyone other than that night?"

Fang Yi frowned anxiously. "No."

"How did you feel that night?" Wei Nanjun asked, still staring at him. "Yisheng, look at me. You wanted me to just look at you that night, and now you just need to look at me."

Fang Yisheng didn't want to get up at first, but the fingers being held were suddenly warm and wet. He was startled, and Wei Nanjun had already bullied him, overwhelming him aggressively.

The masculine breath enveloped him, and Fang Yi was dizzy for a while. He knew that he should refuse, but when he saw Shang Wei Nanjun's eyes, his mind was blank.

He couldn't help looking into those eyes. At this moment, he felt as if there were only two of them left in the world, and the only thing they had was each other reflected in their eyes.

The man's breath was the strongest when there was no distance between them, it was almost like warm white wine, and he was instantly drunk.

The intimacy brought about by the closeness of lips and teeth is almost trembling. It is completely different from the out-of-control confusion that night. Fang Yisheng can clearly feel every detail. For the first time, he knows that such intimacy can be done without sex.

This comforted him to the greatest extent, so when Wei Nanjun lightly lifted his chin and kissed him for the second time, he did not refuse.

They kissed again and again, teasing and being teased, the sweet intimacy became hot, Fang Yisheng pushed him away obediently, leaned up and sat on Wei Nanjun's body, and kissed him instead.

Aware of the young man's addiction and the enthusiasm seduced by him, Wei Nanjun didn't want him to fall into self-loathing later, he stopped responding, and nibbled the young man's chin when he caught up with him and wanted to kiss him.

He wrapped his hands around the young man's thin waist, and buried his face in his chest. "You hug me."

Fang Yisheng came back to his senses for a while, before he had time to review himself, he was melted by Wei Nanjun's almost dependent action.

Somewhat clumsily, he hugged the man's back and rested his chin lightly on his head.

"Can I stay today?" Wei Nanjun asked.

Fang Yi paused, and reached out to ruffle his hair, a little clumsily.

"Don't get too far."

Even though he knew that the chance of success was very low and he was really rejected, Wei Nanjun couldn't help but hum softly.

The author has something to say:

I have been writing since I was a substitute, until my eyes were filled with white light. As a group of people who are going to die, I once wondered why I tortured myself like this...