[Titanic] I can't help myself

After the changing gong sounded, everyone went back upstairs to prepare for dinner at eight o'clock.

I had just changed when Carl walked in.

"Are you ready?" I waved George out. "I was going to come down later."

"I didn't want to go down so early, I just wanted to chat with you." He sat on the sofa next to me.

"What are you talking about?"

"Uh... Actually, it's nothing, it's just curiosity." He touched his chin, "Why does your cousin call you Miss Martha-Henry?"

I almost choked on my own saliva, "What, what?"

"Oh, sorry, I asked a wrong question, didn't I?" he said hastily. "Forgive my rudeness, Henry, and forget about it."

I thought I should breathe a sigh of relief, but his disappointment was palpable.I never knew he was such a curious person.

Or maybe it's just because it's about my problem?

As soon as this thought came up, I gave myself a slap in the brain to wake myself up.But I also couldn't face a disappointed Cal Hockley.

So in the end I compromised.

"It's not a secret, it's just a nickname when I was a kid when I was running a house." I tried to look relaxed, "It happened when I was five years old, and I was in London for the social season in the summer, Vio Aunt Wright and the others have a big house in St. James, London. When the adults get together, we play in the game room.

"That day we were going to play the prince save the princess game as usual, James was 11 years old at the time, he was the oldest, so he was always the prince, the princess was usually Rose, sometimes Emily, the others The child plays the part of a monster or a bodyguard or the princess's lady-in-waiting.

"I didn't have any problems that day, but halfway through the game, James said it was boring, so it's better to play something new."

"New stuff?" Carl repeated, and then laughed violently, "It's not about making you a princess."

"Well, your answer is infinitely close to the truth." I exhaled from the nasal cavity, and then said, "It's okay if it's just that, the point is, during that time, one of James' cousins ​​gave him a yellow book." A book, a, uh, book about that."

"I understand, Tao. Sex. Novel." Carl said the answer naturally.

"...Yes. The protagonist of this book is about a very famous young widow in the social season at that time. The name of the lady, I think you may see it in the gossip section of the newspaper Yes, Martha.

"Boys are very interested in these things, so at James' suggestion, they decided to play the story of the tryst between the Merry Duke and Mrs. Martha in the book. Rose suddenly wanted to make things easier, so she left the game room and went to Got a nanny. Emily didn't understand at the time that Mrs. Martha was a disreputable woman and she wanted to play the part. But James said she wasn't pretty enough and didn't want her to play it."

Carl nodded suddenly, "Then you accepted this role?"

"I was forced to accept it," I said emphatically. "I just sat and watched them play, and the next second, they picked me up, changed me into a dress, put on a wig, and put on makeup. ...I gotta say, it's pretty ugly, they put so much lipstick on me, I think it's all over my chin and my nose."

"Oh, then you must have been terrified." Carl sat closer and held my hand. "If I was there, I would have helped you drive away those bullying children."

"Thanks, Carl. But it's okay, I'm not more than terrified, just a little angry." I smiled. "When I was a child, few things could scare me. Mom used to think I was too dull."

I continued: "Although I was a little angry, I thought at the time that Renren is over. These boys are like this. The more you don't want to, the happier they are. Anyway, their attention will not last more than an hour.

"However, what I never expected was that after they learned drama and performed nasty love stories for a while, James suddenly took out a fragment from the book to share with everyone."

Carl's eyes widened slightly, "My God, it won't be the kind of clip I thought."

"I'm afraid so." I shrugged my shoulders. Looking back on the incident now, I still feel extremely embarrassed. "James asked, why did the Duke tuck his head into Lady Martha's skirt?"

"Then?"

"Then James literally tucked his head up my skirt amidst the roar of laughter. And that's when the adults came in."

Carl immediately showed a strange expression on his face, as if he was about to laugh, he turned his head and turned the laughter into a cough in time: "You won't be reprimanded."

"Basically, it's a mess anyway." I sighed a long time, "Our parents, and several guests, all stood at the door, staring dumbfounded at James giggling under my skirt, loudly Saying the lines from the book 'Dear sweetheart, there's a hole under you!'”

Carl laughed.Thinking of the scene at that time, I couldn't help but raise the corners of my mouth.When he stopped, I continued.

"If it ends like this, I don't think it's ok. The worst is later. At this moment, Emily suddenly yelled: 'Mom, it's all Henry's fault, he wants to wear a dress to pretend to be Mary Mrs. Sachs, and James put his head under his skirt, and said it was fun!'”

"Ah, that's really..." Karl frowned, paused, and said, "I don't want to appear too mean to a lady, but this kind of behavior is really disgusting."

"Who said it wasn't? And with so many grown-ups, who would think a five-year-old would understand the meaning of this action? This is a lie. Aunt Violet's expression was almost distorted. At the end of the day, James was brutally I was given a harsh lesson, and as a frightened and slandered victim, I was hugged and comforted by my mother for a long time. But in the end, James didn’t seem to have learned any lessons from that incident at all. When there were no adults around , and he started calling me Miss Martha-Henry. That's where the nickname came from."

After speaking, I breathed a sigh of relief and leaned back on the sofa.Recalling the embarrassing things in the past is really not a comfortable thing. That day, my mother was so angry that her eyes turned red, and even my father almost wanted to duel with Aunt Violet's husband, the previous Earl of Cornwall.I've been wondering why Emily said that at the time, we didn't have conflicts at all.And according to Rose's analysis, it was because James said she was not as good-looking as me.

Carl moved a little in my direction, moved closer, then took my hand and placed it on his lap, squeezing it slightly.

"Poor Henry." He sighed in a low voice, "At that time, were you still not afraid? Didn't you cry to explain?"

"...No." I looked at his lips, the Adam's apple that rolled up and down when he spoke, and the faint shadow of stubble on his chin.

I suddenly wanted to kiss him, enclose his Adam's apple, and then go up little by little, kiss the thorny stubble on his chin, and finally kiss his lips.

This impulse hit me like a bolt of lightning, and then quickly disappeared without a trace, but I was startled by this impulse, stood up abruptly, walked to the table, trembling hands It was like pouring two cups of tea, but the hand softened and almost knocked over the teapot.

Carl came over and took the teapot.By the time we all sat down on the sofa again with a cup of tea, I had managed to regain my composure.

After a moment of silence, Carl asked: "So, since then, your relationship with the Earl of Cornwall and Miss Emily has become very bad?"

I shook my head. "I've always hated Emily, but James is easy to get along with, as long as you get used to his psychotic moments."

"Ah, I heard it!"

The door was suddenly pushed open, and James poked his head out from behind the door, "My dear cousin Henry, maybe you can explain why you speak ill of me behind my back?"

"If you have even a tablespoon of self-knowledge about yourself, you should know that I'm only describing things objectively and factually." I put down my teacup.

"It's so sad, I've always been so good to you." He walked in muttering, sat across from me, holding a tightly packed package that looked like a book in his hand.

"What's that?" I asked.

"It's a letter, dear Henry." James blinked at me, and put the package on the table in front of me. Look at the time, I don't want to share my deep feelings for you with a third person~"

"Please calm down, I'm about to throw up." I resisted the urge to throw the pillow beside me, turned to Carl and said, "Let's go down, it's almost eight o'clock."

The dinner went so unremarkably that I thought it would turn into a battleground between my mother and Aunt Violet.Perhaps it was due to the fact that there were outsiders present, and provoking a dispute would only hurt both sides.

After dinner, James proposed to play cards for a while, and the men readily agreed and went to the card room.However, Viscount Stewart declined the invitation and left me alone, saying that he wanted to talk to me for a while.

We sat on the sofa in front of the fireplace in the study, and the jumping firelight pulled the shadows on the wall to tremble happily. On the wall, the young father stared at us with a smile in the dim light.

In the end, Viscount Stuart sighed for a long time, "You refused to accept my help at the beginning, but now you actually found a solution. I think you must have gone through a very difficult time."

"It's nothing." I said, "This is what I should do. After all, I can't rely on others all the time. I have to support everything myself."

He looked at me with relief, "From this point of view, you are much better than your father. Not enough, don't hate him, Henry, he loves you very much, he just hasn't grown up yet."

"I know." I said.

"What are your plans for the future?" Viscount Stuart asked, "I heard that you don't want to go back to Eton again."

"Yes, Uncle Patrick, I was going to go to college in America, but now, I'm going to make some changes to Acton, I'm afraid I can't leave here for too long, and I'm thinking about going to college in England. You know, I I have always been interested in things like bridges, architecture, and mechanics, and I think a few high-quality papers and research should have the same weight as an excellent graduation slip from Eton."

When Viscount Stuart heard that I planned to study in an American university, he immediately frowned, and gradually eased his expression when he heard about it later.

"That's right." He nodded approvingly, "Why would you want to go to an American university, God, who knows what they will teach, are those really universities?" He stared, and sneered unhappily, "Hmph, among a group of rude people, following a group of inexplicable so-called professors, learning some weird things, only God knows what you will become."

Viscount Stuart is a traditional old gentleman. Like other traditional British people, he looks down on Americans.He has a big hooked nose. When he is not smiling, the corners of his mouth are slightly down. The deep nasolabial folds on both sides of his nose and the deep wrinkles between his eyebrows make him look very difficult to get along with. The expression deepened these wrinkles even more.

I didn't try to contradict him, just smiled and looked at the fire in the fireplace.

"In the social season next year, let me take you to meet some elders. After all, you have not participated in social activities for many years, and I am afraid that many people are not very familiar with you." Viscount Stewart said suddenly, "This should be Your father's responsibility, but he failed. As his friend, I will help him take care of you until you gain a firm foothold in the London social circle."

I was stunned for a moment, I didn't expect him to say this, and after I realized it, I quickly thanked: "You are so kind, I am worried about this matter." I originally planned to let William guide me, but last time since I couldn't talk Having said that, it would be inappropriate not to keep a distance.

Viscount Stewart kindly stopped me on the shoulder and patted my arm, "There are still a few clubs, like the White Gentleman's Club, that need to be invited to become a member. I can just invite you to get acquainted with you. You know , there are all veterans of gambling. If you don't have the elders to look after you, you will definitely be slapped. You have to associate with them, but you must not be as depraved as they are, a real gentleman should be..."

Like a worried father, he chatted endlessly about all the things I should pay attention to after I became an earl, described the social circle of adults, imparted various experiences, and did my best for my father. his obligations.

I must say, my father made a real friend.

Viscount Stewart talked more and more energetically, until I yawned for the fifth time, he took out his pocket watch and checked the time.

"It's actually so late, go back and rest quickly." He snapped his pocket watch and put it back in his pocket.

I stood up, "Aren't you coming together, Uncle Patrick?"

"You need sleep less as you get older, Henry," he said slowly. "I want to sit here a little longer."

"Need me to ask Charles to make you something to drink?"

"No need, go to sleep."

I nodded and turned to leave.And as I left the room, I seemed to hear him whisper, "Ned..."

Back in the room, George changed my pajamas for me.The package James gave me before dinner was still on the table.To be honest, I was quite curious about what was inside. Although I was often teased by him, he still gave me a lot of good things many times.Of course, it must not be something like a missing letter.

After George left, I opened the thick kraft paper package on the outside of the package, and there were several books inside. On the top one, "Reverse of the Medal" came into view with several black cursive characters.