[Titanic] I can't help myself

During the period of sailing at sea, Karl asked me to send him at least three telegrams to report his safety every day, and he also sent me a lot of telegrams every day, just a few short words about trivial matters at home, but it seemed surprisingly warm , Maybe it's because he can feel his missing for me.Because of the frequent sending and receiving of telegrams, I even became acquainted with the crew in the telegraph room on the cruise ship a lot.

Ten days later, the cruise ship arrived at the port of Southampton safely.Both William and James rushed to the port to pick me up. When I got off the boat, William rushed over, ignoring the etiquette, and hugged me tightly.

"My God! Now I have a feeling that you are really okay..." William said with a trembling voice, "When I knew the Titanic sank, I just... I just..."

I hugged his back tightly and patted him hard a few times: "I've been fine for a long time, William, I'm worrying you."

I hugged him tightly for a while before he let me go. I saw that his eye circles were red and there was a suspicious light in the corner of his eyes.Then James and I exchanged another big hug.

Since we arrived at the port of Southampton at night, we rested in the hotel here for one night, and bought a train ticket back to Acton the next day.

Before going to bed, William knocked on my door.We sat face to face on the sofa and didn't speak until we finished the bottle of wine on the table.

"I'm very sorry about Rose." William cleared his throat and said abruptly, "She looks so healthy, I didn't expect to leave like this."

"She's been in the cold water for too long." I put down my glass.

"Soaked in the water?" William frowned. "She didn't get on the lifeboat?"

I paused, and then said: "She was worried that I wouldn't be able to get on the boat, and she refused to leave with my mother all the time. As a result, something happened..." I shrugged and sighed.

William leaned back on the back of the sofa, looking at the little red liquid remaining in the crystal wine glass in his hand, reflecting the dancing light under the swaying fire.

"She's a good sister," he said softly. "Don't be too sad, Henry."

I nodded indiscriminately, didn't speak again, and wiped the cold sweat in my heart.It was almost exposed.

William asked some questions about my health and things in the United States.We chatted aimlessly until the hour hand of the clock in the corner pointed to eleven o'clock.

"Thank you for chatting with me, William." I motioned him to look at the time, "But it's really too late now, if you don't rest, tomorrow's journey will become a torture tool."

William nodded, stood up with a smile, leaned over, and put his cheek against mine: "Don't send me off, I'm going back. Have a good rest."

I stood up and watched him go to the door. He had already opened the door, but suddenly closed the door, turned around suddenly, and walked quickly to me, looking a little excited.

"I know it's... rude to ask this question now." He swallowed, looking deeply into my eyes, "But I, I can't help it."

"It's okay, just ask, if not getting an answer pains you so much."

He blinked quickly, took a deep breath, and finally opened his mouth with a trembling voice: "Henry..." His voice was as soft as a whisper, "You and Calhoukri, you... are already together ?”

I avoid his gaze.His expression was too sad, maybe even he didn't realize it.

"Yes." I closed my eyes, raised my head again, and met his gaze, "We are together."

William's expression was almost distorted in pain at that moment.

"Is he nice to you?" He managed a smile that I could hardly bear to look into his face.

"He was very good to me. He protected me all the time on the Titanic. If it wasn't for me, he wouldn't have fallen into the sea with me. I survived because he was by my side. I lowered my eyes and looked at his neckline. "He loved me so much. He was willing to die for me."

"I love you very much too! I can give everything for you too, including my life!" William suddenly erupted, and then he took a step back and covered his eyes, "God...I wish I was on the Titanic The person is me, if the person who protected you at that time was me, isn't that true, you would be willing to be with me?"

"No, no." I said calmly, "I will be very touched and grateful, but I will not fall in love with you. William, there is a difference between being in love and being touched. I love him."

William turned slowly, his back to me, his hands still covering his eyes.For a while, the room was terribly quiet, only the crackling sound of the fire, and the mechanical sound of the clock's second hand moving.

"Sorry, I lost my temper." William turned to look at me, his eyes were still red and his expression was sad, but he looked much calmer.

"Henry, this road is not easy to walk. There are too few people who understand us, and the future is hopeless. Many people only hold the idea of ​​muddling along, enjoying the present, but are unwilling to commit to a lifetime."

William walked in front of me, he stretched out his hand, as if he wanted to touch my face, but his hand paused in the air, and finally put it lightly on my shoulder.

"Protect yourself. I know you take your relationship seriously, but don't let it hurt you. Remember that no matter what happens, I'm on your side."

"I know, thank you, William."

"Also." He pressed my collarbone with his fingers through the clothes, and then closed the collar for me, "Even when you are in love, you must be more careful. Don't leave any attacks for your enemies Your handle."

I looked down, only to find that the tooth marks Carl left on my collarbone were exposed. This mark was bitten by him when he was messing around in the bathroom of the cruise ship before parting. The collarbone is a place with less flesh, so the wound is a bit serious, and there are still obvious marks.

I blushed immediately, turned sideways and buttoned the pajamas all the way to the top.

William kept looking at me with his sad smile.In the end, he asked me for a good night kiss on the forehead, his tone was so disturbed, and I couldn't bear to refuse him.

I almost lost sleep tonight.It always makes people feel very guilty to live up to a person's feelings, especially when he thinks that he has given me so much help over the years, but I have not returned him a sliver.But what can be done about it?On the road of love, there is only one person who can walk by my side.

I touched the marks left by Karl on my collarbone, and at that moment I suddenly missed him abnormally.

Rose's funeral was held the day after we returned to Acton.She was not yet in the social season, and besides relatives, the only friend of her own who came to offer condolences was Miss Rebecca.

But Rose holds a high place in the hearts of the residents of Acton.She is the eldest daughter of the earl. She has unparalleled beauty and is very approachable. She is very enthusiastic about charity. She has a good relationship with our tenants and the residents of the town. On the day of the funeral, these people spontaneously came to Come to condolences.

Looking at the mournful people, the mother suddenly sneered, "She will always treat others better than her own family."

I put my arms around her shoulders, silently comforting her.

My mother took my hand and sighed a long time: "Don't worry, all this has nothing to do with me in the future."

After the funeral I spent three days inspecting the oats and beets already sown, and the farmhouse where new members had been added, before throwing myself at once into the mountains of official business in the study.The harvested potatoes have all been sold, and I have to carefully consider the future use of the income I have obtained.

I have always been intrigued by Patrick's proposal to build a canning plant. Raising poultry and livestock is much more profitable than growing crops. I would like to use most of this money to expand the livestock operation and the rest Use it to invest.

When I was on the boat, Patrick also suggested that I rent out the excess properties. We may not live in those houses once in a few years, but it takes manpower and material resources to manage them. Renting out is indeed a very good way.

Thinking of Patrick, I suddenly remembered his instructions.

His suicide note, due to soaking in water, is so blurred that I can't tell the handwriting, but the handkerchief is still there, and the words he asked me to pass on.When I think of him, I feel a pang of sourness in my heart.He is the first friend I feel have a common language in all these years in this world, and our time together is too short.We didn't even have time to say our proper goodbyes.

So, a few days later, I spared time and went to Downton to visit the Earl of Grantham's family.Lord Grantham himself came to fetch me.He looked a little sad, and I think that besides the grief of losing a loved one, there is also the trouble of losing an heir.

The earl's family gave me a warm reception, and I held the Countess of Grantham's hand and said, "I'm sorry that it's been so long since I came to visit. I have been recuperating in the United States due to physical reasons. There are too many things waiting for me to deal with, and I have to delay until now."

"It's very good that you are willing to visit us, Earl of Richardmond. We have heard about Miss Rose in your house, and we are all very sad." Countess Grantham's expression was very sad, But not too dramatic.

"Thank you." I responded with an equally sad smile.

"Let me introduce you," Countess Grantham smiled gracefully. "This is my eldest daughter Mary, this is Edith, and this is my youngest daughter Sybil."

Several countess shook hands with me one by one.I carefully observed Miss Edith. She is not as beautiful as her sisters, but she is also very cute and gentle.Next I was warmly invited into the castle.The Earl of Grantham's family are in mourning for Patrick and his father.Like Acton, the entire castle has put away its colorful decorations, making it look dull and monotonous.

After lunch, I asked to visit Patrick's cemetery. Earl Grantham readily agreed, had flowers prepared for us, and walked to the churchyard.

It was a clear summer afternoon, and the bright sun shone on Patrick's tombstone, which looked a little dazzling.His body sank to the bottom of the sea with the Titanic, but was not found, only some of his clothes were placed here.

I silently looked at his name and the year of birth and death on the tombstone, then bent down and put the bouquet in front of his tombstone, suddenly there was an uncontrollable sadness in my body, and tears fell down unexpectedly.I hurriedly took out the handkerchief to cover my eyes, but accidentally dropped the handkerchief. Just as I bent down to pick it up, the Earl of Grantham handed me his own handkerchief.

I thanked you briefly and covered my eyes with a handkerchief until I felt a little bit more in control of my emotions.

"Patrick was a true gentleman, and when he faced death, his every move was worthy of his blood and identity." I wiped my eyes, choked up and said, "When he knows that men can't board the ship, he goes back to his room and puts on his clothes." Dressed in the most expensive gown, with other gentlemen, sitting fearlessly in the hall, waiting for death."

Even helped me out.I said silently in my heart.The figure of him leading us running in the long corridor, and at the end, in the panicked crowd, the image of him waving to me with a bright smile appeared in front of my eyes again. Almost fell out.

Earl Grantham sighed and patted me on the shoulder: "Patrick has been a kind child since he was a child. He must be very happy that you can visit him. He has always liked you as a friend."

"It's an honor to be friends with him." I pinched the bridge of my nose, resisting the urge to cry, "It's such a pleasure to be with him. He always finds something to talk about that makes me feel comfortable. God..." I choked up, "I miss him so much."

We stood for a long time at Patrick's grave, until Lord Grantham proposed that we return to the castle.As I left, I touched Patrick's tombstone and burst into tears again.

We walked slowly towards the castle. In order to ease the atmosphere, Earl Grantham picked some milder topics.We chatted and walked until we got back to the castle.

It was only when I went upstairs that I remembered what I had brought, and hurriedly called to Earl Grantham.

"Before we parted, Patrick handed me a suicide note and asked me to pass it on to you." I took out the almost unreadable suicide note from my close-fitting pocket, "To tell you the truth, at the critical moment, I I didn’t behave as noble as Patrick. I didn’t have the courage to face death. I kept trying to find a way to board the ship. When Patrick found out, not only did he not blame me, but he encouraged me to live. You know what happened afterwards, but I fell into the water in the end .So sorry for not being able to preserve Patrick's last handwriting."

Earl Grantham took the suicide note and opened it carefully.The paper had been soaked and uneven, and the blue ink was blurred by the water, making it almost impossible to recognize a word.

"Thank you, thank you very much, really, thank you very much." Earl Grantham raised his head and looked at me seriously, "We are very grateful that you can send Patrick's suicide note."

"And this." I handed the handkerchief up again. "At that time, he put this handkerchief in the pocket of his dress, and then handed it to me. The handkerchief was also soaked in water, but I didn't wash it. It always felt like it had been washed. It's not the one Patrick handed me."

Earl Grantham took it, and gently unfolded the handkerchief. He didn't know what he saw, his expression became a little shocked, and then he let out a long sigh.

"Also," I went on, "I'd like to have a private conversation with Miss Edith. Patrick has a message for me to bring her."

Earl Grantham stared blankly at the handkerchief, and raised his head after half a beat, "Oh, yes, yes... Then, how about in the study?"

"of course can."

Earl Grantham turned around and took me to the large study on the first floor, and sent for Miss Edith.He seemed preoccupied until at last Miss Edith knocked at the study door.

"Come in," said Lord Grantham, and then he looked at me and said, "I do one thing, Lord Richardmond."

"please say."

He handed me the handkerchief: "Please give this handkerchief to Edith, together with the message Patrick asked you to convey. This was originally intended for her."

With that, he left the room, leaving me and Miss Edith, who looked a little nervous and dazed.

We sat face to face on the sofa, she looked a little nervous, with a stiff smile on her face.

"Miss Edith, I think you may know that Patrick and I are friends."

"Yes, I know." She smiled. "He wrote to us when he was still in London, saying that he had made a friend who had a lot in common with him. He liked you very much. He also said that he would wait for you from the United States When I come back, I would like to invite you to Downton as a guest."

Talking about Patrick, Miss Edith's eye circles began to turn red.

"He once mentioned it to me." I nodded, took a deep breath, and said, "That's right, Miss Edith. In the final moments of Titanic, Patrick handed me a suicide note and A handkerchief, let me send it to Downton. The suicide note has been given to your father, this handkerchief, your father said, I hope I will hand it to you personally. "

I passed the handkerchief into her hand.Miss Edith looked, and tears fell.

"This is my handkerchief." She choked up and unfolded the handkerchief. I saw the letters EC embroidered on the corner of the handkerchief. Not yet."

I turned my head sideways, looked at the tea set on the table, and said softly, "Patrick has something else to say, and he asked me to bring it to you, Miss Edith. It was an emergency and he couldn't say too much."

Miss Edith looked up from the handkerchief and fell on my face.

The scene of parting suddenly and clearly emerged, Patrick was panting, arranging his hair, the white breath he exhaled blurred the pleasant smile on his face.

"He asked me to tell you that he loves you."

"Oh, mygod..." Miss Edith covered her mouth, lowered her head deeply, and cried softly.

I sat silently, did not make any sound of comfort, and waited for Miss Edith to vent her emotions.

"I'm sorry, I lost my temper." Finally, she sobbed and wiped away her tears.

"It's okay, if I'm not afraid of your jokes, I would like to cry with you too."

She smiled, looked at the handkerchief in her hand, lowered her head and kissed it, and then folded it again.

"Please tell me about Patrick, his life on the Titanic. I really want to know what he was like...before he died."

The author has something to say: Everyone looks so cold

Discussing in the group today, talking about writing famous novels and colleagues, you can write anything. . .Then suddenly thought of writing Robinson Crusoe. .A Robinson Crusoe with delicate skin and flesh, drifted to the island and picked up a savage Gong. In fact, the savage Gong had fallen in love with him a long time ago, and then willingly accepted his efforts. He also trained the savage Gong to become a civilized person. , and return to civilized society. . .The Queen was attacked by the loyal dog of X Savage. . . .

Then Jiyou said: In fact, it is not necessary to write masterpieces, some non-famous works that do not involve copyright issues can also be written, and you don’t have to force yourself to write weird and famous novels. . .

look up to the sky. . .