[Titanic] I can't help myself

This Christmas, because of the budget, we didn’t invite other guests, and we didn’t hold a dance or Boxing Day hunt, and Carl had to go back to the US to be with his parents, so this year, our Christmas was a bit deserted.

Although only my mother and I were left in the castle, it was still very lively when unwrapping presents.There are many more gifts this year, not only from former relatives and friends, but also from new classmates in Cambridge.But what I'm most looking forward to is Dan and John's gift.

Dan finished the first of his novels, and he got someone to print them out and give them to me and John.I read the first ten pages, and unexpectedly found that this is a magical novel with a fairly novel theme. Most of the novels currently on the market are based on the real society or the background of Greek mythology. The background novel is not a novel of the gladiator type with a protagonist who wins by hand-to-hand combat. This is the first time I have seen it.I didn't expect that such a dull person would conceive such a vast world in his mind. Maybe I would really have a friend who is a famous writer.

And John's gift turned out to be a photo album about me.He didn't know which senior he found a lot of photos of the noon competition at the opening banquet. There were a few photos of me running wildly in the crowd at the beginning, but the focus of these photos was the final part of the game. I was tripped by Dan , and then the photo of Dan who was turned back and rushed to the finish line on his shoulders, and the picture of being carried by everyone and thrown into the fountain, and then climbed out in embarrassment and was supported by Dan.From a bystander's point of view, these scenes are downright embarrassing.

"What is this?" My mother quickly noticed the photo album in my hand, and immediately sat next to me to look at it with me, "Henry, why are you being held on your shoulders? Oh, my God, you were thrown into the fountain pool , are you the last one?"

I wanted to hide the photos, but I was still not as fast as my mother. In the end, I could only tell her honestly what happened.My mother also knew about Trinity College's special way of welcoming new students, but I didn't tell her that I was the unlucky last one.

Sure enough, after listening to the real process, the mother laughed up and down.

"This Mr. Felton is a very gentleman." She carefully observed the people in the photo, "I am very glad that you can make such a sincere friend in college. You know, people are not only useful to their own future There are many people who come and go, and there must be at least one companion who can talk to each other."

"Of course, Mom, I understand. Dan is usually a quiet and introverted person, but he is very reliable." As I said, I took out another flat box from the gift, tore off the wrapping paper, and immediately fell out of the box and the wrapping paper. send out a letter.I opened the envelope, glanced at it, and was immediately stunned.

"Mom." I looked up at my mother, "This is a letter from Rose."

Mother stopped unpacking the gift box, and after a while, she straightened up.She stared at the letter for a long time, and finally sneered, "Don't give it to me. If you want to read it, you can read it. I don't want to know her current situation." After finishing speaking, she continued to unpack the gift box, but I She saw her fingers trembling slightly.

I sighed, scanned Rose's letter at a glance, and opened her gift.On the top of the box is a royal blue sari embroidered with exquisite patterns, underneath is a wool shawl, and on the bottom of the box are several small boxes tied together. She told me it was my Christmas present, but she didn’t say what it was. What.These were sent by Rose from India, with money she earned herself.

"This is a gift from her." I handed the box over, "She got a job in America and saved enough money to go to India for Christmas, and this is bought for you with her own money .”

The mother glanced at it and turned her head away. "Put it away, I'm not interested in these things. She has a thousand pounds a year. Does she still need to work?"

"After she left New York last year, she traveled to many places with Mr. Dawson. Mr. Dawson kept telling her to save a little money and not spend it recklessly, but in the end she spent it very quickly, very quickly." I watched While writing the letter, he said, "they had to return to New York and lived in a crowded attic in the suburbs. In order to make a living, Mr. Dawson continued to do manual labor, and painted in parks or roadsides in spare time to earn money. At first At that time, Rose didn't know what she was going to do, except to go out and hang out and stare blankly at the window. Finally, she felt that she could not burden Mr. Dawson with nothing to do, so she applied for the job of secretary. She was very interested in typewriters, but now It finally came in handy. Although the work of a secretary does not earn much, but a little saving can guarantee the most basic daily expenses."

Of course, much more than that happened during Rose's first difficult time back in New York.I dare not tell my mother directly, although she looks like she doesn't care about Rose's life or death, but I know that if Rose suffers, she will be very sad.Rose wrote in the letter:

"The law and order in New York is not good, and the suburbs are even more terrible. Within two weeks after we moved here, there were three cases of rape, and the police officers didn't bother to deal with it. Every time I went out Every now and then, I could find all kinds of malicious eyes looking back and forth at me, they would make obscene gestures to me, and even shout that they would come to our house, which made me very scared. Fortunately, my neighbor's family is very enthusiastic. Although they are black, they are very upright. Once a little gangster broke into my door while Jack was not there, and it was the strong wife of the neighbor's house who drove him away. of.……

"When the weather turns cold, it becomes very difficult to stay indoors. Because the house we rent is on the shady side, the house is colder than the outside, no matter how much we wear, it is difficult to resist the cold. Too many clothes. A week before that I got sick so badly that we had to trade my fur coat for money. Jack blamed himself, but I knew it wasn't his fault...

"And one of the most important reasons why I can't stay in the room is that there is a prostitute living upstairs. She brings many men upstairs every day. The sound insulation effect of the house is very poor. Everything that happens in her room makes me feel uncomfortable. I can hear it clearly. I can't stay for a minute listening to the almost non-stop foul language every day. I have to wake up as early as Jack. He goes to work and I wander the streets of New York. I rarely Waking up so early made me miserable for the first few days, but then I thought, Jack wakes up so early every day to go to work, but I sleep until the moment I want to wake up, and for all this Not only did Jack never complain, he was always blaming himself for making me suffer.

"At that moment, I felt extremely shameful that I enjoyed other people's dedication for nothing. Before, I always thought that I would be fine when I got living expenses in the second year, but I never thought that during the period of waiting for living expenses , how hard it will be for Jack, and when I have money, he is careful not to use my money. And I can see all this clearly now. When I was Rose Devitt Bukett, I Always despised the free-for-all of the upper class, and now, when I am Rose Dawson, when I decide to live my own dreams, I become the kind of person I hate the most in my heart.

"That's when I felt that I had to find a job, not for my own interest, but for responsibility and obligation. I was his wife and I had a responsibility to make a contribution to this family, to my life and his life. Contribution. So I carefully searched for every job advertisement on the street every day. Once I went to apply for a waiter in a bar. The environment there was very chaotic. Fortunately, I finally saw a small company’s advertisement for a temporary secretary, and the salary they offered was very low, but I didn’t have the conditions to pick and choose, and I needed a new start.”

I didn't expect Rose to experience this in her life. A thousand pounds is a lot, equivalent to eight times the annual income of ordinary British workers.She had never dealt with money directly in her previous life, and I also thought that she might encounter some financial problems, but I never thought that she would be so downcast.

But what is rare is that even in that case, she did not write to us for help, but took it all, which is already a good start.She began to consciously take responsibility for her actions, for her own life and the lives of others, and began to face real life, which is already a great improvement.

"It's her own fault. Now she has finally become an inferior person. If she is willing to be a lady in peace, how can she work hard like a maid." The mother snorted coldly, relaxed and leaned back on the sofa , "She only knows how to spend money like her father since she was a child, but she doesn't know how hard it is to earn money. I really sympathize with Dawson. It is usually very hard to be with this kind of person."

I smiled and pretended not to notice the relieved expression on her face: "Later, Rose found out that a manager in her office was looking for an etiquette tutor for her daughter, so she plucked up the courage to volunteer and recommend herself. Of course, she was not a regular teacher, and the manager only gave her half of the salary of an ordinary etiquette teacher, but the effect of teaching was very obvious, and soon her reputation spread.

"So at the beginning of this year, when she received a living allowance of [-] pounds for this year, she opened an etiquette school by herself, teaching some middle-class little girls aristocratic etiquette, how to walk, talk, eat, and salute." I looked at Rose The handwriting said with a smile, "After all, not everyone can learn her Oxford accent, and she is very convincing when she speaks."

"Didn't she feel that learning etiquette bound her nature, making her like a puppet without freedom and soul?" Mother said with a sneer.

I didn't answer, and continued: "She opened the school and earned a lot of money, which put a lot of pressure on Mr. Dawson. After all, at the beginning, Rose was a little girl who was completely ignorant of the world and needed his care. And now she is able to be independent. During that time, they quarreled so much that they almost broke up."

"I'm not surprised at all." The mother leaned on the armrest of the sofa and looked at the back of her hands. "An irresponsible beginning will inevitably lead to a tragic ending."

"Mom, it's just a quarrel. Besides, it's because Mr. Dawson feels he's dragging Rose down." I explained, and continued to tell about Rose's situation, "although the quarrel was fierce, but in the end, they all quit. Rose got acquainted with many people through running a school. She asked Mr. Dawson to go to an art school to study. Mr. Dawson always wanted to learn oil painting, but he had no opportunity or financial support before. Mr. Dawson They adapted well in school and made great progress, so they went to India for vacation in winter. These gifts were sent from India.”

The mother glanced at the sari in the square box, raised her head and let out a long sigh: "So now, what creative difference is there in her life? What about her freedom and adventure? In the end, it is not with her best How is it different from those of us who hate things to make a living? And it’s obviously worse. Think about it, a lady, go to work!?” The mother’s expression was a little distorted, “It’s so ridiculous and ridiculous !"

I didn't speak, just unfolded the sari and admired the exquisite patterns on it, and opened those small boxes, inside were bottles of oil-like things, and a folded note in the box , with the words "Look at it when you are alone" on the outside.I looked up at my mother, who was now unwrapping other presents, so I unfolded the note.

"This is Indian oil." Rose wrote in the note. "It is said that it has a very magical effect. The instructions for use are on another piece of paper. I hope this little gift can bring happiness to you and Carl. Sincerely wish you happiness."

I quickly folded the note and stuffed it into the box, feeling my face burn.I didn't expect that one day my sister would discuss this kind of intercourse with me. It's really weird, but I started to feel a little anxious in my heart.Carl won't be back until the end of January. Although we haven't been separated for a long time, it seems that the increase in geographical distance will intensify the longing for separation. I miss him more than ever.

When I went to bed at night, I still decided to show the letter to my mother. She resisted and disdainful, but she still missed her daughter in her heart. She has the right to know what her child has done.

After my mother's personal maid left, I stuffed the letter through the gap under the door. The next day, my mother asked for the letter to be returned to me, but the way the letter paper was folded had changed, and I knew she had read it. pass.

The author has something to say: I warmly thank you for waiting for the grenade from your classmate at the bottom of the pit, and the landmines from your classmate who is cute and tsundere~~I love you guys~~~