back to innocence

"I don't want to pry into privacy or anything." Fei Yizhen explained, "It's just that you were so repelled by singing before, so I'm curious about your psychological changes—you know, I'm a novelist."

Ye Zhen glanced at him with a complicated expression, but she didn't feel offended, but said: "I think about it now, I liked singing very much when I was a child. Or, I really like listening to my parents singing."

Fei Yi really knew that she was going to say something, so he stopped talking immediately, nodded to her, and listened quietly.

"You know when I became disgusted with singing and why. But now that I think about it, it's not so much that I hate singing, it's better to say that I hate all kinds of jealousy and ridicule that come with it."

"My mother has always said that singing is a skill that is very talent-oriented. This is the conclusion she has drawn from her years of experience in teaching students. The sense of pitch, musicality, and voice line are all very subtle and talent-oriented. Things that can be improved only through hard work. Therefore, having a good talent is a very lucky thing, because some people, no matter how much they love singing and spend a lot of effort learning singing skills, they still have insufficiency of five notes, or their voice lines are wrong, and it is difficult to sing well A song. Although for many occupations, people without talent may have to spend several times the effort to achieve the same achievement as those with talent, but in singing, this is especially serious, almost impossible."

Fei Yi really listened, and suddenly remembered the last words his oil painting teacher said to him at that time.

——Yizhen, I didn't want to say such things to you at first, but your emotions are too out of control recently, I have to tell you directly: You are not suitable to be a professional oil painter, because you hardly have any sense of color... …

It seems that someone also told him: You said that when you write, images will naturally appear in your mind, and what kind of words and sentences you should use will flow out of your mind like flowing water. This is an experience I have never had before. .I never have a certain plot in my mind, and whenever I need to use an adjective, I often need to think over and over again, but I can't guarantee that the words and sentences that I finally figured out are just right.Writing beautiful sentences is a matter of course for you, but it is a kind of criticism for me.

Ms. Wen said that art, literature, and music all have many things in common.

Then, obviously, they should also be the same in terms of the criticism of the untalented.

There are always some things in this world that you love so much, but you still can't embrace them without barriers.

"But," Ye Zhen continued suddenly, "is it lucky to have talent? Is it happiness?"

Fei Yi was really stunned.

Ye Zhen smiled at him: "When my voice was good, I might be a gifted child in everyone's eyes, but does this talent really make me lucky or happy? Sing a song When I sang a song, I got applause and praise from many people, is this luck or happiness?"

Ye Zhen looked serious and asked Fei Yizhen word by word.

Fei Yi really didn't know how to answer her.

But Ye Zhen was not really asking Fei Yizhen, she answered the question herself.

She said: "I performed in front of people when I was very young. Whenever I heard other people's praise and applause, I was very proud and proud. This sense of pride accompanied me throughout my childhood and made me feel ecstatic. The sky is high and the earth is thick. So when this pride is broken, I feel extra pain and can't bear it. At this time, singing is no longer a thing that makes me feel happy."

"After that incident, my mother was completely disappointed with what I did. She is very stubborn and stubborn, so she didn't beat me or scold me, but she just refused to talk to me again. When she was severely disciplined, all I became indifferent, and I felt panicked. In the first year, that kind of loneliness almost destroyed me, and even the comfort of silkworms could not make me feel relaxed. The more desperate thing for your smiling friend—is that your mother doesn't love you anymore."

"In those few years, I actually regretted it a long time ago. When I was alone, I would hide in a place where there was no one. I tried to sing songs that could be easily sung before. At that time, I always Looking forward, maybe as long as I can sing good songs again, my mother will forgive me and love me again."

"But that's when I realized how difficult it is to sing with a ruined voice."

"My mother hates Silkworm very much, and thinks she hurt me. But I like her very much, and it hasn't changed over the years. Because during that time, or in the days when I always felt painful, there was always She was the only one with me. When Silkworm found that I was practicing alone, she cried, then hugged me and encouraged me. In fact, all this was my stupidity. What was wrong with her? I used my own stupidity Her self-righteousness hurt her mother, and she also hurt Silkworm, she didn't need to feel any guilt."

"She listened to my singing, although it was so rough and ugly, but she listened very carefully. Every time I sang a line of lyrics smoothly again, she was happy for me. Although it was very painful at that time, only her When I listen to my singing, I feel that I am happy."

"But it wasn't until not long ago that I sang the first line in front of my mother." Ye Zhen said, "I originally decided that since my mother had forgiven me, I would never sing in front of her with such an ugly voice in my whole life. It hurt her heart. But that day she was in a daze in the room looking at the awards I had won before, and suddenly I couldn't help it for some reason, and sang softly behind her."

"But she heard such a soft voice, and then suddenly turned her head. I saw her staring at me blankly for a long time, and then asked me: 'Sing one more sentence'."

"So I sang it again softly, and this time I sang the whole song in staccato staccato."

"She started crying." Ye Zhen showed a smile when she said this, with a little tear in the corner of her eyes: "But she smiled again, looking very happy, and pulled me to ask again: 'Sing again' .”

"I sang several times. My voice became like this, and singing became very difficult. I haven't practiced my voice for a long time. I think my songs should actually be very difficult to listen to. But my mother was very happy to hear them. Repeated over and over again, as if never tired of listening to it.”

"Then, I told my mother that I wanted to practice singing again. Although I might not be able to go on stage and make my mother proud of me, I wanted to sing."

"I want to... sing it to her."

"When I said this, I felt as if the whole person breathed a sigh of relief."

"Mom's eyes were red, she smiled and said: OK."

"But even if I continue to learn to sing, what can I do in the future? I'm actually very confused."

"My mother listened to my doubts, she thought for a long time, and asked me: So, what do you think of being a middle school music teacher?"

"I never thought that my mother would say such a simple career plan. I thought about it for a long time, and I really think there is nothing wrong with this proposal. Even if I can't stand on the stage and hear the applause of many people, if there is One day a little girl came to me like a silkworm and said, "Teacher, you actually sing really well."

"Isn't that what I've been after?"

After saying this, Ye Zhen looked at Fei Yizhen, with a smile on her face, her expression serious: "Yizhen, your sister Ye Zhen is not as smart as you, nor as capable as you, and has done many stupid things, but there is only one thing, I speak from experience. Don't let the so-called talent ruin you. I've seen many people, even if they are tone deaf, they always insist on singing to others, and they don't care if they are joked or complained about. They Those who can feel the joy of singing the most, because singing makes them feel happy, so they sing, not for any other reason. But there are also people who are not good at singing, because they are shy and introverted and can't sing out loud, but they I will listen to a song silently and repeatedly, and feel happy, moved or sad because of it. That's enough."

Fei Yizhen nodded.

Ye Zhen and Ms. Wen were actually talking about the same thing.

Although Fei Yi really felt that it was difficult for even him to express that truth in straightforward words, but he knew what they wanted to express in the end.

A good singing voice should make people feel happy.It may not have very good skills, a very wide range, and a very beautiful tune, but it will definitely touch your heart at every moment, make you cry, or smile uncontrollably from the corner of your mouth.

Like a good story that touches the heart.

From this perspective, recalling the lyrics he had filled in before, Fei Yizhen realized how shallow he was.According to Ms. Wen's standard, the songs he wrote lyrics in those days can only be regarded as some saliva songs with smooth words and sentences.

Fei Yizhen returned home thinking about it, then suddenly pulled out a piece of paper and started to write again.

It’s too late to say goodbye/The story has come to an end/Waving your hand to the air/But to whom to say goodbye/Dream once/Meet in a dream/Never meet again She is waiting (she is waiting)/That one Happy Begnning (happy beginning)

Even if (soon) / say goodbye (want too) / a Happy Begnning (happy beginning)

She's still (still waiting) / a certain HappyBegnning (Happy Beginning)

That day (too late) / say goodbye (but didn't) / a Happy Ending (happy ending)

I know I have to say goodbye/The footsteps have already begun to wander/In fact, I want to cry/But I only gave a smile/How can/Reverse the time/Back to meet someone said (who said)/This is a happy ending (happy ending)

To the end (alone)/But can't (with tears)/There's a Happy Beginning (Happy Beginning)

Who Said (Who Can Say) / It's a Happy Ending (Happy Ending)

To the end (say goodbye) / the loneliest (more cruel) / but a happy ending (happy ending)

I want to say goodbye/The signal can’t penetrate the clouds/Mobile phone can’t reach easily/Where you are/That place/There’s only silence Wave your hand to the air/But who to say goodbye to/Dream once/Meet in a dream /Nor meet each other Then, after hesitating for a moment, he continued to write the rest of the new story.

The senior was amazed by the girl, and instantly had a vague affection for the girl.

The girl said to him: Although you may not remember me, I always remember you.I promised that one day I would sing you a complete song, little brother, and I did.do you remember?

After listening to the girl's explanation and memories, the senior's expression gradually became calm, revealing sadness.

Then he told the girl: You got the wrong person.

It turned out that the little brother the girl knew was actually the senior's twin brother.He died in a car accident half a month before the girl knew they were moving.

Only then did the girl know that the little brother who said her song was good had already passed away.

She has been looking for him for ten years, but he is long gone.

The author has something to say: Regarding the story of Ye Zhen, I found that many people had thought about it before. Let me share my thoughts here. When I wrote this story, I substituted myself and many people. Although Ye Zhen's behavior may seem incomprehensible to some girls, she is within the scope of my logic.If the moral levels of the protagonist and supporting roles in a story represent the author's upper limit and lower limit respectively, in a sense, Ye Zhen does not go out of this range.

To me, Yeo Jung represents a lot of people.I was once isolated for a period of time because of inexplicable cold violence in school, a child who fell into the second stage of middle school because of divorced parents or long-term cold violence in the family, and adolescence because of some disputes at a certain moment. Boys and girls jumping up and down...

I wrote Ye Zhen not to accuse anyone, but to sincerely say to myself: I have come here.

I have gone through the days when I wanted to jump off the roof of the school, the days when my parents divorced and felt extremely painful, and the self who walked into the sea weakly because of some sarcastic words from the elders .

When you are so vulnerable and want to hurt yourself, please think about the people who love you.

When you resent the pain and want to punish those who love you by hurting yourself, please think about the consequences that you cannot bear.

I know what I'm talking about is black history, but I really don't taboo.Because I know that, unlike my luck, many children have actually paid the price for this impulse.It is difficult for people who have not experienced it to imagine what it is like to be isolated or subjected to cold violence in the family. I can't explain it, I can only say "very painful".

The NY survey that Fei Yizhen mentioned was not NewYork, but Nanyang City. I found this survey data on adolescent suicidal tendency on the Internet. Facts have proved that this is actually a very common phenomenon.Teenagers’ thoughts and feelings are mature at this age, they begin to learn to think about life on their own, but the fact is that the actual situation in society is often contrary to the ideas they have received since childhood, teachers teach you to be honest, but adults always lie; My father said that they should study hard, but they didn't work hard...so they became suspicious.

Depression due to loneliness and depression, and secondary school because of the conflict between reality and ideals, for me, this is really a very normal thing.

So I want to say to Ye Zhen: live a good life in the future, I believe there will always be Aunt Huanwen and Uncle Ye who love you in this world, and I believe there will always be a silkworm who will be your lifelong friend.

I also want to say to Aunt Wen: If time goes back, please learn to understand a child’s innocence and stupidity, learn not only to love her and hate her, but also learn to understand her and communicate with her; Compromise for the ones you love.