gentleman's manor

In this world there are people who are born in rags and are hungry and cold, and there are people who are born rich and luxurious and surrounded by servants.

As the earl's son, I clearly belonged to the latter.

Just like what my father always said: "We are aristocrats, rich people, and we must be worthy of our status no matter when and where."

I was born in the beautiful and rich Earl's Manor, with noble parents, brothers and sisters and resounding noble titles.There are thousands of acres of land around our family and countless servants who serve us.From the time I am sensible, I will receive an aristocratic education that suits my status.

"A true gentleman is honest and temperate, upright and brave, self-love and self-improvement."

In the tall and spacious study room filled with books, the tutor's voice echoed hummingly.This study was my nightmare when I was a child, because it was so big, I always felt that the echoes in the study were like ghosts, falling into dark corners at dusk, peeping at me from all directions.And the old tutor in front of me is the only one who makes me feel at ease. He always tells me all kinds of interesting stories in a calm and slow tone.

"A gentleman always maintains the same noble morals, a friendly and optimistic benevolent heart, an elegant and decent aesthetic taste, and a gentle and humble polite words and deeds."

"Perfect self-cultivation is all the requirements of a qualified gentleman." The teacher concluded.

My family has strictly upheld all this. Like all aristocrats, they enjoy an elegant life, travel to and from the aristocratic class, and are surrounded by sensual dogs and horses.Fine wine and delicacies, fine clothes and jewellery, enjoy inexhaustible luxury.The days are repeated in horseback hunting, parties and singing and dancing, as if living in a passionate waltz that will never end.

I have seen countless people who are intoxicated in this glitz, they are ignorant, greedy and lazy, indulging in all kinds of desires and pleasures, the laughter of those drunken people left a deep memory on me when I was young.

"Are they gentlemen too? But they are not like what you said at all. They are as stupid as pigs in a fence. They only know how to eat, drink, sleep, and enjoy themselves." Sitting at the desk, I disapproved and said to my tutor.

The tutor sighed and shook his head, and the gold-rimmed glasses on the bridge of his nose flickered slightly: "Rich people may not have the qualities of a gentleman, but they are still a gentleman. I hope that you, Master Edward, are not just a person with the status of a gentleman, you You should have a truly thick and steady heart and a firm and indomitable character, unlike those people whose souls have already been corroded."

When I was 12 years old, my father sent me to Locke School, where I met the most important person in my life.

So far, all the gentlemen I have met are arrogant and self-confident, and they take their identity and status very seriously, even equating their lives to protect them.Resolutely resist anything that damages their dignity, especially those nouveau riche businessmen, and wish they could all be deported, lest they use their money to show their shame in front of the truly honorable people.

And that person turned against us for the sake of a strange businessman whom he had just met, and even put down his dignity and acted humblely towards me.He made me completely at a loss, and all my ease was shaken by him for a while.

But his maverick was praised by the head monk and accepted by the students one by one.

When I was young, I thought this was a great humiliation to me. The dean monk is not a nobleman, so of course he is partial to those upstarts with mud legs.I was determined to keep an eye on that bastard who didn't know what to do, and one day he would pay the consequences for offending me.

I thought he was a stubborn and annoying person, but I gradually found that he was gentle and humble, knowledgeable about books and etiquette, and a very aggressive person, which won my favor.He tried to reconcile with me many times, but I didn't forgive him immediately. As a nobleman, my dignity was offended so much, how can I clear up my suspicions with a few apologies.I must let him truly realize his mistake, and then solemnly apologize to me.

But not long after, he actually forgot about me and ignored me at all.

This angered me, how dare he treat me so arrogantly, is he complacent because he is popular among teachers and classmates?If I take away everything he has, the teacher's praise, the love of his classmates, let's see what he will be proud of.

However, for some reason, he gradually stopped appearing in the lounge, and was in a hurry every day, even trotting on the road.That's not decent behavior, he's like one of those little people who go about their lives.We are all the sons of gentlemen, and good manners and an orderly lifestyle are the requirements of our status.In fact, at that time, I ignored the most important reason, I wanted to see him very much, if he was always hiding in the room, I would not be able to see him.

Frustrated, I had to call in the chicken-like John and order him to get out of the room and enjoy the outdoors instead of being a nerd.

"Adam wanted to get a scholarship, his father had a terrible relationship with him and wouldn't pay for his tuition, there was nothing he could do," John said.

I sent someone to inquire a little about Quint Manor in Kent, and the results I got frown.That guy's father was outrageous. He married a wife who was a mistress and kept his illegitimate daughter at home.

From this point of view, that kid is actually quite pitiful, so I'll let him go on this point.But I have to let him know that I let him go out of tolerance and kindness, and he needs to know how to be grateful.

But when I entered my teenage years, things suddenly became complicated.Everything made me panic, but there was a kind of beautiful and hazy expectation. I seemed to have turned into a bird and flew to the sky happily, regardless of it.

When I was very young, I saw love affairs between men and women.

When I was six or seven years old at the earliest, I once watched the newborn foal in the stable of the manor.A groom puts a cook on the barn, lifts her skirts, and spreads her legs.Then the groom unbuttoned his trousers and rocked back and forth with the woman in his arms, the wooden frame creaking.In the sweltering heat of the afternoon, I hid in the haystack, holding the pony's neck in my arms, and heard the suppressed groans of the maid.The voices of men and women are intertwined without a moment's pause. Sometimes the voice sounds like laughing, sometimes crying, and sometimes howling like animals scratching their hearts and lungs.

I've seen two dogs, a pack of purebred beagle dogs in my house, and in the spring, they're wild.Once two dogs joined together in the middle of the garden, and the passing servants laughed and cursed.I never thought that human beings are like dogs, but only after I saw them did I realize that they are the same.The stable smelled mixed with livestock and dung, and there was a foul stench.The expressions of men and women seem to be joyful or painful. After the impatient and flustered orgasm, they lay on the ground like dead people. If it weren't for their heavy breathing, I would have thought they were really going to die.

At that time, I felt that I saw something very evil, and I told my mother, who drove them both out of the manor.But after seeing it more often, it's no surprise.Apart from the private affair of the servants, after each feast the dissolute guests mate in dark corners, behind secluded bushes.This kind of thing does not distinguish between status and even gender. For them, venting their desires is as ordinary as eating and drinking.

It was disgusting as a kid and I swore I would never do something so dirty.

But after entering adolescence, a person's face appeared in my dreams more and more frequently. Once I woke up from the confused dream and found that I had wet the bed.I was extremely ashamed, but a faint desire rose from the bottom of my heart, thinking about the lingering dreams of last night, leaving all the filth behind, and the feeling of beauty and happiness filled my heart.

I think I'm in love with him.

Unlike teenagers' vague admiration for women, I don't seem to be interested in women, but prefer beautiful men.

He was undeniably handsome, and I secretly painted many portraits of him, which I carefully tucked away in a dull book of philosophy.When painting these pictures, I am happy and contented.I began to yearn for him infinitely, and wanted to get close to him more urgently. That kind of longing broke my stubbornness. I bowed my head to apologize to him, begged him to forgive, and begged him to put his eyes on me.Because I want to have a more intimate relationship with him, I can't be satisfied just looking at him from a distance.

I got what I wanted, and of course he couldn't refuse me, and we became close friends, although that annoying John often intervened in our alone time without winking.For me during those days, it was as bright as the sunshine in spring, beautiful and dazzling, every minute by his side made me overjoyed.

When I invited him to my room, he discovered my sketch.

No one can understand my embarrassment at that time, because I was secretly in love with him, but he found out. For people of our status, how embarrassing it is.I got mad at him and kicked him out of the room, really just to cover up my embarrassment.

Afterwards, I regretted it so much that I had the courage to ask him what he thought.

I'm glad he didn't even notice that I was drawing him, and that's what disappointed me too.

Maybe he just didn't get the hang of it, so I pulled him into the wagon when Mike suggested a visit to a high-end brothel.In the dim brothel, I took two men and made them perform in front of us.He seemed to be frightened and ran away in a hurry.Then I heard the unacceptable declaration that he was going to never marry and be ascetic like the priests who lived in the Vatican.

I can't accept that my love affair ends for such a ridiculous reason, and I can't bear the fact that the person I admire is close at hand, but I can only keep a distance in the name of a friend.At least I will work hard to win him over. Even if I get rejected in the future, I am not a coward who just gave up without doing anything.

But a year of hard work was in vain. I kissed him and confessed my love to him, but all I got was a strong rejection from the other party.

"...The love between men is against ethics, against the law, dirty and indecent. I hope you will never say similar things to me again, otherwise I will never see you again."

These words made my blood run cold. He thinks I'm dirty?

Maybe I'm dirty and obscene, liking men is indeed against the norms, how can ordinary people easily accept it?It must be very helpless for him to be liked by a man, so if he rejects me, what can I say?

I ran away in embarrassment, and I felt that I could no longer face him. If he showed disgust and disgust at me, how should I bear it?

When I graduated, I went to say goodbye to him, he was going to Oxford Divinity School and I was in law school.From then on, it is impossible for us to see each other every day. Maybe as time goes by, we will never meet again one day, let alone rebuild our old friendship.

When he faced me, he looked apologetic. I knew he was a kind person, maybe he was regretting his merciless treatment of me back then.But I feel that I can no longer be with him as an ordinary friend like in the past. Love may be beautiful, but unrequited love is a kind of torture.Saying goodbye this time, I also mean to say goodbye to my love affair. From then on, I will give up my obsession with him.

However, returning home from graduation this time brought me a terrible experience that will never be erased in my life, so that my life has been turned upside down since then, as if I fell straight from heaven to hell.Everything I trusted in the past was destroyed. With a naked posture, he revealed the most despicable and shameless side in front of me, which caught me off guard.

The place where the execution took place was on the stand where the hanging was held. A tall and long log was supported by a bare frame. I was bound and kneeled on it, with my chest exposed.The sky was gloomy, and a crow croaked and flew into the distance. The executioner in black robe took out a long black whip and whipped it on me.

The excruciating pain made me faint.

I was very unconscious, and the faces flashed in my mind, and finally condensed into the cold face of my father.

"Because of the surname Femont, you have a noble status. Otherwise, you will have no money. Isn't this enough for you to make sacrifices for this surname?"

The mother and sister wept, but uttered cruel words: "Edward, you must keep your brother. If he is caught, then all our efforts to push him into the Senate will be in vain. Please, please protect him."

In the mist, the tutor's words suddenly sounded in my mind.

"Rich people may not have the qualities of a gentleman, but they are still a gentleman. I hope that, Master Edward, you are not only a person with the status of a gentleman, you should have a truly thick and steady heart and a tough character, not like those People, their souls have already been corroded."

I stared blankly at the distant sky, and suddenly, a long black snake flashed past my eyes.

After a sharp pain, I passed out.

When I woke up again, there was a scar running through my face.The scar is in the center of the face, like a twisted and horrible bug, reminding me of the cruel reality all the time.