Zhu Mu Lang Ma

"Homosexuality in China".

After Fu Yijie saw the book that Fu Kun handed him in front of him, he felt that his pupils must have shrunk for a moment.

He kept this book on the top of the bookshelf. At first, he thought it was unnecessary to hide it so well, because Fu Kun never read books, and the manga he often read was piled up on the tatami mat, in a messy pile.

Unexpectedly, Fu Kun would find out the book on the top!

Fu Yijie looked at the cover of the book, and quickly searched for all the clues related to the book in his mind, including the various possibilities that Fu Kun would suddenly find this book.

accidental?

Found what?

still is……

"Well, I've read it before." Fu Yijie stared at the book and nodded.

"Where did you come from?" Fu Kun asked while standing on a chair.

"Xia Fei's, didn't I bring a lot of books from his house before." Fu Yijie replied, looking up at Fu Kun's expression, but he didn't see any special traces.

"This one too?" Fu Kun took out another one and handed it over.

"Gay Subculture", Fu Yijie suddenly felt something was wrong. He didn't put these two books next to each other, nor did they stand in a row like other books, but placed them horizontally on top of other books. If Fu Kun can find these two books at the same time, then...

"This too?" Fu Kun really took out the third book and handed it to him.

Zhang Beichuan's "Homosexual Love", which he bought secretly a while ago.

Fu Kun jumped down from the chair, put the three books on the table, stared at them for a long time before turning around as if he remembered something: "I didn't look through your things, I originally wanted to find a set of comics for Xiao Cheng To see..."

"Well," Fu Yijie knew that Fu Kun would not flip through his things, especially books, so he sat down on the chair, "Two are Xia Fei's, and the other one was bought by myself."

"Why?" Fu Kun leaned on the table and looked at him.

"It's just..." Fu Yijie's mind was in a mess.

To say or not to say, that is the question.

What the hell!what to do!

This happened so suddenly that Fu Yijie was completely unprepared. Although he had already made a basic judgment on himself, he never thought of telling Fu Kun, at least not now.

"Just what?" Fu Kun walked in front of him, bent down and stared into his eyes, with a rare seriousness on his face.

Fu Yijie gritted his teeth, leaned his head on the back of the chair, raised his eyes and looked at Fu Kun for a few seconds: "Just curious, just for fun."

It cannot be said that Fu Kun's tense attitude has already explained everything.

He didn't dare to say it. Fu Kun had already said that he felt disgusted. He didn't feel disgusted by Xia Fei and the others before, just because it was Xia Fei and Zhang Qingkai.

"Curiosity?" Fu Kun took a book back in his hand, flipped through it a few times, "Curious, will you mark it? Will you mark it? These are your words, like a dog crawling."

Fu Yijie didn't speak, and looked at Fu Kun's face in silence.

Fu Kun's pressing attitude all the way made Fu Yijie feel unspeakably depressed, and he was a little out of breath.

From seeing Xia Fei and Zhang Qingkai kissing in the room for the first time to now, he has dealt with Kun Kun from brother to brother, from confusion to fear, to trying to face it calmly, all these emotions, he can only bury in In my heart, there is no one to say, and no one to say.

No one can experience this kind of feeling, the kind of feeling that can only be endured silently, and occasionally a small outburst out of control, followed by deep guilt and fear.

"A bit," Fu Kun frowned, "Tell me, what's going on with you?"

"What's going on?" Fu Yijie suddenly felt very irritable, stood up from the chair suddenly, and stared at Fu Kun face to face, "Can't I read it? What's wrong with these books! You want to ask what's going on? I returned a bunch of psychology books and I marked them all, why don't you say it?"

"Fu Yijie!" Fu Kun was startled by him, and immediately became anxious, pointing to the bookshelf, "Psychology books, right! Do you think I didn't look through them together! People with chicken shit in their heads are all I can see where your emphasis is! You haven’t read any other chapters! All you’ve read is..."

Fu Kun paused, and roared in a low voice, "It's all about the fucking gay part!"

"Okay," Fu Yijie also lowered his voice, but the flames were still rising, "That's right, that's all I watched, what's wrong? Can't watch?"

"Why are you reading this?" Fu Kun threw the book on the table, "I just want to ask you why! Why are you mad at me?"

After saying this, Fu Kun bit his lower lip, pinched Fu Yijie's chin so that he faced him, and stared into his eyes: "Tell me, are you..."

"I'm your uncle!" Fu Yijie slapped his hand away.

Although Fu Yijie was now a little annoyed by the inexplicable fire that he had been holding back for several years, his rationality still made him change his mouth the moment he blurted out and wanted to admit it.

"You can be my grandfather!" Fu Kun grabbed his arm, "Master, just tell me if you have those thoughts?"

Fu Yijie stared at him for a long time before saying: "I don't know."

"Fart!" Fu Kun roared, "I don't know what's going on with me? Didn't your brother never put brains in his head!"

"I don't know what's so strange?" Fu Yijie shook off his hand, "I didn't see you in elementary school, brother, you are so big, and I feel so comfortable! I didn't follow you when I was in elementary school." Girls come and kiss! I didn’t sneak around watching porn either! I’m not enlightened about these things, so I don’t know!”

"Fuck!" Fu Kun choked him so much that he could barely speak, "You need to find out like this..."

"It's time to eat," Fu Yijie turned around, opened the bedroom and walked out, "Put my books away."

Unreasonable!quibble!

Fu Kun stood still in the room, and it took a long time before he returned the book thrown on the table and put it back on the shelf.

He didn't know what Fu Yijie meant, and now he was so confused that he couldn't describe it. He even began to regret why he had to find that set of Dragon Balls for Xiao Chengcheng today, and just take a set of it!Otherwise, I would never see these things on the bookshelf!

If you see it, you have to look it up, what is there to look for!

If he hadn't seen these things, he wouldn't have worried about Fu Yijie at all, and wouldn't have had so many troubles!

Fu Kun leaned on the bookshelf and frowned. Is Fu Yijie the same as Xia Fei?

Fu Yijie has never been interested in girls. He has never had a good relationship with a girl in Dalian since he was a child, but he has never seen anything wrong with any boy...

Fu Kun is so annoying, what's going on?

Originally, he was already trying to convince himself that Fu Yijie was really just curious. This kid would be very focused on what he was interested in since he was a child. He didn't stop until he figured it out. Maybe he was just curious. Fu Yijie and Xia Fei were very close, maybe he I just want to know what happened to Xia Fei.

But Fu Yijie finally threw him a sentence, I don't know!

do not know!

How can you not know this kind of thing!

Fu Kun felt a little cold all over his body.

Fu Yijie is very important to him. From the time when Fu Yijie was a little round dumpling crying at every turn, he felt sorry for his younger brother. Now Fu Yijie has grown into a handsome boy. After so many years Fu Yijie has always been his pride, his precious brother who can't bear any harm.

He will never forget the sarcasm and disdain behind Xia Fei's back, and he will never forget what Xia Fei said in front of Zhang Qingkai's mother.

He was afraid that if what he was worried about now was true, Fu Yijie would also have to bear it.

When he thought of this, he broke out in a cold sweat.

"Fu Kun," my mother stood at the door of the bedroom, "Are you on a hunger strike?"

"No, here we come." Fu Kun quickly adjusted his mood, entered the living room, and sat at the dining table.

Fu Yijie served everyone a good meal as usual, sat beside him, watched TV while eating, and chatted with his parents from time to time.

It looked very normal, as if the argument between the two of them in the room was just Fu Kun's illusion.

It was the first time that Fu Kunchang had a taste of being upset at such an age. School, exams, homework, girls, and practice booths, all of which never upset him.

Today he was in a mess because of Fu Yijie, and dropped a plate while washing the dishes.

"What's wrong?" Dad yelled in the living room.

"It's okay, I didn't hold it steady," Fu Kun replied quickly, slipped his hand and dropped another cup, he suddenly wanted to have a fit, propped himself on the edge of the sink and cursed in a low voice: "Fuck!"

"I'll do it." Fu Yijie entered the kitchen, pushed him away, picked up the dishes and continued to wash.

Fu Kun didn't go out, but stood beside him and watched.

Fu Yijie knew what Fu Kun was thinking, and he was suddenly glad that he didn't say everything out of impulse. This was too sudden for Fu Kun. It depends on Fu Kun's current state. If he really said it, he would be able to I threw all the bowls for today's meal.

"I won't go out at night," Fu Kun said aside, "shall we chat later?"

Fu Yijie turned his head to look at him, then continued to wash the dishes: "Okay."

"Brother doesn't mean anything else," Fu Kun said hesitantly, "I'm just... worried."

"Well, I know." Fu Yijie finished washing and putting away the dishes, turned around and walked out of the kitchen, walked through the living room and went straight back to the bedroom.

Fu Kun took two cans of coconut milk from the refrigerator and went into the bedroom.

Fu Yijie sat on the tatami and only turned on the desk lamp.

"Drink?" Fu Kun put the coconut juice in front of him, and sat down too.

"En." Fu Yijie picked it up and took a big gulp.

"For a while, do you ever feel like you can't eat? You're too full and you can't eat..." Fu Kun asked.

"No, I can eat as much as I want." Fu Yijie smiled.

Fu Kun also smiled, and then the two of them fell silent. Fu Kun didn't know how to continue the topic before the meal, and held the coconut juice jar in a daze.

"What do you want to talk to me about?" Fu Yijie asked him after taking a few sips of coconut juice.

"Just... let's talk... what do you think." Fu Kun spoke with difficulty.

"Because of those books?"

"Well, don't get annoyed by me, it's the same for anyone who sees it," Fu Kun put down the jar, "You saw what happened to Xia Fei back then, and I'm really... afraid of you..."

When Fu Yijie was ready, because Fu Kun's words got stuck in his throat, he shrank back any explanations or excuses after these words.

Yes, Xia Fei.

Fu Yijie stared at his fingers, which turned pale because they were subconsciously clenched. Xia Fei was something he didn't dare to think about. When reading books, he will consciously or unconsciously force himself not to think about Xia Fei's feelings.

"I really," Fu Yijie opened his mouth after a while, "I don't know."

"Do you have any girls you like?" Fu Kun sat next to him and put his arms around his shoulders, "You're going to high school soon, so there will always be one or two girls you're interested in, right?"

This natural movement of Fu Kun made Fu Yijie's heart tremble. If it was normal, he would immediately lean on Fu Kun, but now, he just felt uncomfortable.

"No, I haven't thought about it at all." Fu Yijie lowered his head and said in a muffled voice.

"Then... Where's the man?" Fu Kun tried to ask, but he felt rather embarrassed after asking.

Fu Yijie took a breath and let it out slowly: "...No."

This answer made Fu Kun heaved a sigh of relief, and fell back on the pillow.

No matter what Fu Yijie thinks, for Fu Kun, there is only one answer like this, a negative answer that can make him feel at ease.

Even if he couldn't figure out whether he believed it or not, this answer could also instantly relax his tense nerves.

"A bit," Fu Kun stretched out his hand and gently squeezed Fu Yijie's arm, "Those books... don't read them, okay?"

"En." Fu Yijie closed his eyes and lay down.

"I'm really, really scared," Fu Kun said softly, "I flipped through those books today, really...I'm really..."

"I don't want to watch it," Fu Yijie's nose felt sore, he turned over and hugged Fu Kun, "I don't want to watch it, I'm sorry, bro, I'm sorry, don't talk about it."

"Don't talk, don't talk," Fu Kun scratched his hair, "I probably think too much, if there is no matter about Xia Fei, I wouldn't think so much."

"I'm going to take a shower." Fu Yijie lay down for a while and sat up.

"Yeah." Fu Kun casually grabbed a manga and opened it.

Fu Yijie took his clothes and went into the bathroom, closed the door, turned on the water to the maximum, stood under the nozzle, let the hot water pour over him, and closed his eyes.

He hadn't cried for a long time, and after he didn't need to use tears to win pity and attention, he hadn't had the desire to cry for a long time.

But now, tears kept gushing from the corners of his eyes, and he could even feel the temperature of the tears was higher than the hot water sprinkled on his face, and he could feel the trajectory of the tears from the corners of the eyes to the last drop.

He scared Fu Kun.

Fu Kun's worry and nervousness were the biggest blow to him, even though he clearly knew that Fu Kun was afraid that he would be discussed, judged and pressured like Xia Fei.

He wanted to cry aloud and yell out all the grievances in his heart.

But now he could only suppress his voice, weeping silently amidst the rushing water.

Two days later, Fu Kun was going to buy goods.

Fu Kun had never gone out by himself before. During Chinese New Year, the whole family took the train together to go to grandma's house for a while. This time, he wanted to go to a strange city alone, and his parents were a little worried.

The two surrounded Fu Kun to explain back and forth.

"Hey, there's no end to it. I'll go there for a few days to buy goods and see if there's anything else to do." Fu Kun was helpless, "What are you doing?"

"Forget it!" Mom waved her hand and sat down on the sofa, "It's not like raising a girl, so what's the fuss about going out, the elders don't look very handsome, and they don't look like rich people."

"That's right." Fu Kun gave his mother a thumbs up.

Fu Yijie was sitting in the room reading a book, Fu Kun packed up his things and entered the room, and patted him: "Is there anything you want me to bring for you?"

"No," Fu Yijie looked at him, "Didn't you buy something, why are you still bringing something?"

"Then I'll figure it out, and I'll bring you the one that suits you."

"How many days?" Fu Yijie put down his book and turned his chair to face him.

"Not necessarily. If I only buy goods, it will only take one day. I just want to go around the market there to see if there is anything we don't have here." Fu Kun thought for a while, "About three or four days."

"Why don't you get a cell phone," Fu Yijie hesitated, "You can call home."

Fu Kun laughed: "Okay, I'm planning to buy it, but it's too late to buy it right now."

"Aren't you going to leave tomorrow night?" Fu Yijie was a little anxious, "Go buy it during the day tomorrow, rich man, it's so convenient for you to take a mobile phone when you go out."

"Okay, okay, I'll go shopping tomorrow."

"You call home to pick a time when I'm home."

"Understood, call at night," Fu Kun smiled and flicked his forehead, "Is there anything else I haven't explained? Mom and Dad told me for 10 minutes. Is half an hour here enough for you?"

"It's gone." Fu Yijie leaned back on the table.

Fu Kun went to the mobile phone store at noon the next day and picked up a Motorola 328c, which was considered to have fulfilled Fu Yijie's request.

In the evening, Fu Kun went there by bus. People who bought goods took this bus, slept in the bus overnight, arrived early in the morning to buy goods, and took the night bus back after buying goods, which could save money on accommodation.

Fu Yijie didn't fall asleep much all night, he always wanted to get up and call Fu Kun.

From the day he entered this house, he had never spent a night without Fu Kun by his side, the upper bunk and the lower bunk, by his side, Fu Kun's breath was all around him every night.

Now that the sound of Fu Kun's breathing suddenly disappeared in the darkness, he suddenly felt very uncomfortable.

A few times he habitually reached out his hand to rub it, but it was all in vain. He grabbed the pillow cover and rubbed it hard a few times, until his fingers hurt a little.

When it was almost dawn, he sat up suddenly, opened the drawer where Fu Kun put his underwear, took out a pair of his underwear, lay down and rubbed them for a long time, and finally fell asleep slowly.

Fu Kun's call came the next night.

After eating, Fu Yijie sat in the living room watching TV. As soon as the phone rang, he jumped up and rushed over as if someone had poked his butt, almost knocking over the coffee table where the phone was placed.

"Brother?" Fu Yijie grabbed the phone and shouted without letting the phone ring a second time.

"Oh, you picked it up before you heard anything from here," Fu Kun's voice came out, "Did you finish your meal?"

"Well, did you call from your mobile phone?" Fu Yijie sat on the chair next to him holding the phone.

"Yeah, isn't it according to your request?" Fu Kun smiled, "How does the voice sound? Is it particularly pleasant and sexy?"

"Extremely so." Fu Yijie smiled, and his mood suddenly became very good. "Did you go to see the goods today?"

"Look, damn it, the wholesale city here is called a wholesale city. The one in our east city is at most a farmers' market, and I have to go around tomorrow." Fu Kun was very excited when he heard the voice, "I will go to all of them from now on. It's here."

"Well," Fu Yijie heard Fu Kun's voice, and felt that he had a lot to say, but after thinking about it, he had just been separated from Fu Kun for a day, and suddenly he didn't know what to say, so he had to ask, "Are you with me?" Mom say a few words?"

"Row."

Fu Yijie handed the phone to his mother: "My brother said it went well."

The mother nodded with a smile, took the phone and shouted: "Son."

They didn't know that Fu Kun didn't say a word, and his mother immediately said: "It's okay, let's hang up, how expensive is long-distance plus roaming!"

Then click and hang up the phone.

It took a few seconds for my mother to answer the phone and hang up the phone. Fu Yijie hadn't recovered yet. He looked at his mother: "Finished?"

"It's over, as long as you know he's fine, it's a waste of money." Mom smiled and lay back on the sofa.

The phone rang again, and Fu Yijie answered it: "Hello?"

"Mom, what are you doing? I hung up the phone before I said a word, and she yelled a few words," Fu Kun yelled on the phone, "Forget it, I won't tell her. I'll go to their night market. Call you again."

"Well, when will you be back?" Fu Yijie chased after him.

"The day after tomorrow."

"Ok."

Fu Kun has been very busy these two days, and he only called home at night. Fu Yijie knew that if it wasn't for him, Fu Kun would definitely not be able to call back every day for nothing in the past two or three days.

But even so, he still found it difficult.

On the third day, when Fu Kun called back and said that he would stay one more day before visiting the Small Commodity Wholesale City, Fu Yijie couldn't help but yelled: "Don't tell me you're back today!"

"Oh, I broke your ears," Fu Kun whispered over there, "I'm sure you'll figure it out when you're here, and you don't have to wander around when you come here. It's easier to have a clear goal."

"Come back tomorrow?" Fu Yijie asked.

"Come back, I brought you a gift, don't rush, I promise to come back tomorrow, and it will arrive the morning after tomorrow."

After Fu Yijie hung up the phone, he almost jogged back to the bedroom. He suddenly felt flustered.

The strong desire for Fu Kun to go home quickly made him very uneasy.

He stood in the middle of the bedroom, staring at the sandbag in a daze.

If he was not sure how he felt about dealing with Kun before, or if he didn't admit his thoughts about dealing with Kun...

Now, the facts made it impossible for him to give himself any excuses.

He missed Fu Kun, and he didn't know how to solve this kind of miss.