Zhu Mu Lang Ma

The blind voice from the phone echoed in Fu Yijie's ears for a long time. He stood in the living room, holding the phone receiver in a daze.

"Brother?" Even though the phone had been hung up, he subconsciously wanted to find Fu Kun's voice in the blind voice, "You speak..."

no respond.

Fu Yijie squatted down slowly, leaning against the sofa and sitting on the floor, clutching the phone receiver tightly in his hands and not daring to hang up, as if if he hung up, he would lose the last bit of news from Fu Kun.

There was a sound in the corridor, and Fu Yijie came back to his senses, and found that Tuanzi had run into the corridor at some point.

He jumped up quickly, hung up the receiver, and almost fell on the floor with his bare feet.

"Your mother hasn't come back yet?" Dad walked in with a bag of noodles.

"Nope." Fu Yijie ran over to take the noodles, and entered the kitchen with a guilty conscience. After putting away the noodles, he didn't dare to go out. When he stood for a while and turned around, he saw his father still standing outside the kitchen door, He was a little nervous at once, and turned back to take the pot, "Let me cook first, Mom said I want to eat rice these two days."

"Okay." Dad replied, and walked towards the bedroom with footsteps. When entering the room, Fu Yijie heard him sigh long.

From the phone call that day until the New Year's Eve, Fu Kun never called the landline at home again. Fu Yijie began to feel that the call he received that day was a hallucination, or it was really just a wrong call. After Fu Kun disappeared It never appeared again.

He knew that Fu Kun would call his mother on the [-]st of every month and simply report. After each call, his mother would be depressed for several days. Suppress this thought.

No matter how much I miss, how delusional, how much I struggle, it's like sitting in a car that is gradually driving away. Everything about Fu Kun is getting weaker and weaker, and the breath of Fu Kun on the clothes on the pillow is becoming more and more difficult to capture.

All these made Fu Yijie flustered. He was afraid, and it became more and more difficult to fall asleep at night. The number of sleeping pills increased from one to two. After the weather turned warmer, he needed to take three pills to close his eyes when he suffered from insomnia.

What made him even more unbearable was those longings, those longings that became more and more intense as Fu Kun gradually went away.

As the internship was about to end, Fu Yijie began to prepare his dissertation. The preparatory work for the clinic had already been done, the materials were approved, and the decoration was completed. Lu Yanqiu had also adjusted all the equipment according to his ideas.

Fu Yijie put all his energy into these matters, and only by letting his mind keep spinning, could he gain a moment of peace, and be able to take a breath from the suffocating thoughts of dealing with Kun.

But once he stops, even if it's only for 10 minutes, Fu Kun's smile will flash past his eyes, pushing him back into his unseen thoughts.

"Guo Yu will be here tomorrow," Jiang Song said while sitting on the treatment table, "I'll pick him up. Last time, nurse, did you say he'll be here next week?"

"Huh?" Fu Yijie sat on a chair, holding a stack of documents.

"Nurse, when will you come to work?" Jiang Song repeated.

"Next Monday." Fu Yijie said.

"Where are the printed pictures on the wall? When will I get them?" Jiang Song asked again.

"Huh?" Fu Yijie raised his head.

Jiang Song repeated again helplessly: "When will the pictures on the wall be brought back?"

"I'll get it tomorrow."

"Fu Yijie," Jiang Song jumped off the table and kicked his chair leg, "You can't do this, can you work in this state?"

"I haven't slept well these two days." Fu Yijie frowned, got up and drank two big sips of water from the cup.

"I'm going back first, and I have to clean up the other room for Guo Yu to live in." Jiang Song walked outside the clinic, "Your sleeping pills should be stopped."

"En." Fu Yijie bit his lip, he had to stop, people would become dull after eating like this.

Xiao Shuqin gently pushed open the door of Fu Yijie and Fu Kun's bedroom. Fu Yijie hadn't come back yet, and Comrade Fu Jianguo was reading a newspaper in the toilet. She quietly didn't make any sound.

There was a bottle in Fu Yijie's underwear drawer, she stretched out and touched it out gently.

It was a bottle of sleeping pills. She poured out the pills in the bottle, put them on the table and counted them one by one. After counting, she frowned and put the pills back into the bottle, and carefully put them back in the drawer.

When she turned around and was about to go out, she suddenly saw Comrade Fu Jianguo standing outside the bedroom door. She clutched her chest in fright and yelled, "Fu Jianguo, what are you doing!"

"What are you doing?" Fu Jianguo looked at her, "Come out, what should Yijie think when he comes back later!"

"He increased the amount," Xiao Shuqin ran out of the bedroom holding her chest, frowning, "Now I must eat two or three pills every time, and I'm counting them. How can this continue!"

Fu Jianguo sighed heavily and sat down on the sofa.

"Should I talk to him?" Xiao Shuqin sat on the sofa, covered her face tightly with her hands, and couldn't hold back her tears. She would cry when she thought of her two sons, and the eye drops didn't work recently, "Kun I haven't been home for a year, and I don't know what it's like now... I dare not talk to Yijie every day when he looks out of his mind, and I want to go crazy when I hear him say that my mother is sorry..."

Fu Jianguo hugged her and patted her on the shoulder lightly, without saying a word.

"The family has become like this now. I don't even like to bark for dumplings. I don't want to go home every day," Xiao Shuqin cried, leaning on him, her shoulders shaking violently, "Why is this happening? Why is it me Son? Two sons?"

Fu Jianguo still didn't speak, just pressed the corners of his eyes.

The wall clock on the wall rang, and Xiao Shuqin jumped up and ran to the kitchen: "I'm going to cook, I'm going to cook."

Fu Yijie went home to have a meal at noon, and went back to the room to lie down for an hour.

Xiao Shuqin has been standing outside the bedroom door. She often stands outside the bedroom door like this, squatting when she can't stand up. She doesn't know why she does this. When she hears that Fu Yijie got up, she will run back into the room .

She looked out through the crack of the door of her own room. Fu Yijie came out of the room with a tired face, washed his face, changed his clothes and went out, feeling very depressed.

She sat back on the bed and froze for a long time.

"I'm going out for a walk." She stood up, changed her clothes, and picked up the small bag.

"You don't go to work?" Fu Jianguo was stunned. He had a shift, and Xiao Shuqin was on duty.

"I'll just tell Sister Zheng, I won't go in the afternoon, I'm so bored, I want to go out for a walk."

"I'll accompany you." Fu Jianguo sat up from the bed and prepared to change clothes.

"I don't want you to accompany me," Xiao Shuqin carried her bag and ran to the corridor to change her shoes, "I want to be alone."

Xiao Shuqin didn't know where she was going, she just didn't want to stay at home, every corner of the house was full of memories, the happy memories of a family of four made her unable to think properly.

She stood at the bus stop outside the community, got into a car casually, sat by the window and looked out the window.

When the car reached the terminal, she got up and got out of the car, and changed another car without a destination.

As the bus continued to arrive and depart, she sat back and forth between the starting point and the ending point.

One start, end, another start, end.

At four o'clock in the afternoon, she got into another car that was going to nowhere and leaned against the window in the last row.

There are people getting on the bus at every stop, but there are very few people. After a few stops, there are still many empty seats.

Someone got into the car again, she glanced up, her gaze casually passed over the person who got into the car, and then continued to look out the window.

But soon she looked away again, staring at a man who was walking towards the back of the car.

She hadn't seen him for ten years, but she still recognized Zhang Qingkai who hadn't changed much in appearance at a glance.

Zhang Qingkai didn't see her, to be exact, he didn't look at anyone, he just walked to the seat two rows in front of Xiao Shuqin and sat down.

Xiao Shuqin has been staring at him for ten years, making a person mature and introverted, but apart from these, what she feels deeper is...depression.

After Zhang Qingkai sat down, he turned his head and looked out the window in a daze. It seemed that he was not in a good condition, and he felt as if he was going down.

This feeling is very familiar to Xiao Shuqin.

It has been almost a year, and Fu Yijie has been like this, getting more and more depressed, talking less and less, and at first there was a forced smile on his face, but now it seems that he can't even pretend, every time he sees His eyes were wandering, he didn't know where he was looking or what he was thinking.

She didn't know where Zhang Qingkai was going, whether to go home or go to work, she looked at the name of the station in the carriage, and when she saw the end station, she froze suddenly, took out her phone and looked at the date .

It's been ten years...

When Fu Yijie returned home from the clinic, his mother hadn't come back yet, only his father was trying to cook in the kitchen.

"Mom isn't off work yet?" Fu Yijie was a little surprised.

"Well, she... probably has something to do." Dad held a piece of fish, "Steamed or braised?"

Fu Yijie had no confidence in his father at all: "Do whatever you know."

"Steam it," Dad nodded, "I don't know, but isn't this just throwing it in a pot and steaming it? It's quite simple."

"How about..." Fu Yijie wanted to say, why don't I come, at least he has watched his mother cook.

Before he finished speaking, Dad's cell phone rang in the living room, and he put down the fish and ran out.

"Hello? Hello? What's the matter? What's the matter with you?" Dad picked up the phone and raised his voice, "Don't cry, tell me what's wrong? What happened? Where are you?"

Fu Yijie rushed into the living room as soon as he heard it: "Is it my mother?"

Dad nodded, then said to the phone, "Why are you going there...who? Zhang..."

Dad took a look at Fu Yijie, turned around and walked into the bedroom, closing the door.

Fu Yijie stood in the living room in a daze.

Mom's phone call, mom is crying?Why?Not at work?What happened to cry?

open?Zhang what?who?

After a few minutes, Dad came out, Fu Yijie rushed over and grabbed the phone in Dad's hand: "What's wrong with my mother?"

He put the phone to his ear: "Mom?"

"Hang up, your mother is fine," Dad patted him on the shoulder, "I just got out of the car and will be home soon."

"What's wrong with her? My mother cried? Why?" Fu Yijie asked a series of questions. He was most afraid of seeing his mother sad. Every tear from his mother was like a heavy hammer hitting his heart. He gritted his teeth , "Is it because of... me?"

"Not all," Dad squeezed his shoulder, "Wait for her to come back, don't worry, your mother is an optimist, don't worry."

Fu Yijie's heart palpitated for a while, he couldn't bear anything else, whether it was his parents or Fu Kun, his endurance was almost at the limit, and now any small accident could knock him down .

Humming and whimpering, Tuanzi jumped off the sofa in the living room and ran into the corridor, wagging his tail and barking at the door.

Fu Yijie ran over after him, opened the door, and saw his mother standing outside the door with her head down, picking out the keys.

"Mom," Fu Yijie became anxious when he saw his mother's red eyes, "What's wrong with you?"

The mother bowed her head and did not speak. After a long time, she suddenly threw the bag in her hand on the ground, threw herself on Fu Yijie and hugged his waist, and cried out in a crying voice, "Son..."

Fu Yijie was knocked back a step before he stood still. After his mother yelled, she was speechless and cried like a little girl. She was not suppressing silently like usual, but erupted all over. Weeping like crying until the sky is dark.

"Mom!" Fu Yijie hugged his mother tightly. He could feel his mother shaking from crying, and his heart ached so badly. He hugged his mother and rubbed hard on her back, "Mom, what's wrong with you? Don't scare me, Mom..."

Dad came over and pulled Mom's arm: "Go back to the house and talk to me."

Mom turned around and jumped on Dad, and was dragged into the bedroom by Dad. Dad turned his head and looked at Fu Yijie: "Wait a minute, I have something to tell you about your mom."

"En." The clothes on Fu Yijie's chest were already soaked by his mother's tears, he nodded in a daze, feeling faintly uneasy.

Mom and Dad went into the house and didn't come out for a long time. Fu Yijie went to the kitchen to dispose of the fish, imitating his mother, cut up some onion, ginger and garlic, took a plate and put the fish together. Put it in the pot, looked at a bunch of bottles for a long time, picked a bottle of light soy sauce and poured some on the fish.

After the fish was steamed, he stood in a daze in the kitchen, a little scared. There had been no waves in the house for a long time, and it was as calm as a deep pool. He didn't know if he was used to such a life of suppressed emotions. Now his mother The sudden outburst made him very uneasy.

When steam started to come out of the pot, the door of Mom and Dad's bedroom opened, and Dad's eye circles were a little red. He drank a couple of sips with the teapot, sat on the sofa for a while, and then called out to the kitchen. : "Yijie."

"Yes." Fu Yijie walked out of the kitchen and stood in front of his father.

Mom also came out of the house wiping her eyes, and sat by the table: "Did you put salt?"

"Ah?" Fu Yijie didn't react.

"Did you put salt in the steamed fish?" Mom wiped her tears with her sleeves, her nasal voice was heavy.

"No, I'll put it in," Fu Yijie quickly turned back to the kitchen, "I just put the soy sauce in..."

"It must be terrible, don't do it, let's steam it first, I will make a seasoning dish later," his mother called him, "Mom has something to tell you."

Fu Yijie returned to his mother and stood beside him: "Well, tell me, Mom."

Mom looked at him silently, and after a while, she said softly: "I don't have your brother's phone number."

Fu Yijie swayed, and he helped the table.

This is the first time he has heard the word "your brother" from his mother in a year. For such a long time, Fu Kun seems to have disappeared from home, except for the phone call on the first of every month. , he was like a non-existent person.

Everyone scrupulously never mentions it.

Now that he suddenly heard what his mother said, Fu Yijie almost couldn't stand up.

"He didn't show the number when he called me," my mother pulled the corner of the tablecloth back and forth, "I checked, but I couldn't find it."

"Mom, I..." Fu Yijie didn't know what his mother meant, he gritted his teeth and wanted to say that I don't need my brother's phone number, but was interrupted by his mother.

"Don't talk, listen to me," my mother continued to grab the tablecloth, "I only know that he has set up a nursery and is in the flower and tree business, but... I don't know where to do it, he didn't say."

"However," my mother grabbed the tablecloth fiercely. This tablecloth has been used for several years. Because the color of the tablecloth is the jasmine flower that my mother likes very much, it has not been changed. The tablecloth made a "hiss" sound between her hands. , a hole was torn out, and my mother was taken aback, "Oh my baby tablecloth!"

Dad stretched out his hand to hold her hand, squeezed it, and looked at Fu Yijie: "The outskirts of the city are all made of flowers and trees. Fu Kun didn't go out of the city. When I sent money to your mother last time, it was an ATM in the city. If you want to find... can always be found."

Fu Yijie, who kept his head down, was stunned, and suddenly raised his head to look at his father: "Dad, what do you mean?"

"I mean...if you can't wait for him to call back on the first of next month," Dad said with difficulty, and the last sentence seemed to have made a lot of determination, "you go to him."

After saying these words, Mom and Dad leaned back on the back of the chair at the same time.

Fu Yijie froze on the spot, didn't move, didn't speak, didn't react, just stared at his father.

"I went out for a walk today." My mother raised her hand and pressed her forehead. "I met Zhang Qingkai. I was on the bus. That bus was going to... the cemetery."

Fu Yijie didn't move.

"Ten years," my mother sighed, "that child is still the same, I think he may never get out."

"Mom..." Fu Yijie finally made a sound, he felt as if his whole body was swept into a gust of wind, this force pulled him to spin wildly, dizzy, confused, unbelievable... his throat Something blocked him, and he couldn't speak any more words, and he even started to stand unsteadily.

"I'm suddenly scared...I don't want...I don't want to lose my two sons in the end," the mother closed her eyes, "You are the people I care about most in my life, I'm afraid that this will be the case in my life, my son That's it...you go to Fu Kun, we won't stop you."

Fu Yijie's lips moved, but no words came out.

His knees slowly sank, and finally he knelt down in front of his mother, tears that he hadn't shed for a long time poured out, hot.

I'm sorry, mom.

I'm sorry, Dad.

Thank you.