Lush in Lace

-Scott-

"Let me just say it!" An excited male voice came from the door, waking me up from my sleep with an exclamation.

I struggled to open one eye, adjusting to the bright morning light, and saw two people standing in the doorway.

"Fuck! I can't believe it," BJ said to Jamie.

"How cute they are together!" Jamie whispered with a smile.

After hearing this, I turned my head and saw Lelan lying beside me, rubbing his sleepy eyes.

Oh fuck!Leland is still in my bed, but my brother and his husband are already back.What a fuck!

"Think these walls are made of titanium, can't we hear you guys?" I moaned in shame and annoyance, after all, this was the second time in 24 hours that I'd seen anyone naked.It was too late to say it, and I desperately wanted to pull the sheet, only to find that it covered my chest and wrapped me tightly, and then I breathed a sigh of relief.

"Can you go out for a while, brothers?" Lelan asked hoarsely, and the unique magnetic voice in the morning was too sexy. "Scott is still in a daze."

"Of course, of course," Jamie replied, stepping back into the corridor.

My brother didn't move. "Are you all right, buddy?" he asked me hesitantly.

I nodded, but didn't dare to meet his eyes.

"He didn't hurt you, did he?"

"Damn it, BJ. I didn't fuck him," Leland said angrily.

BJ was visibly relieved. "Well, we're downstairs," he said before closing the door.

But from the sound, it was clear that the newlyweds hadn't gone far.

"I have to think of a CP name for them soon," Jamie said excitedly, "I'll think of it—'Maish'."

"What the hell is this?" my brother answered him.

"Well, combining your own name with your partner's name is 'CP name'. Like Brad and Angelina's CP name is 'Bragilina'."

"You just came up with 'Mash[1]'?" My brother laughed.

"It's Madden and Rush combined—Mash," Jamie explained.

"No."

"Well, what about 'Wright'?"

"You're hopeless," my brother said to his new husband.

"Ah, I thought of...'Strang'—Scott and Leland. Oh, it's perfect, don't you?" Jamie's excited voice came through the door to my ears.

I don't need clairvoyant powers, I know what kind of smile BJ will be looking at his playful husband now. "You're the perfect," BJ laughs, "bad crazy little perfection," he added.

"That's why you love me so much." Jamie said proudly.

"I do love you very much."

"My God! Can you two get out of here!" Leland yelled, startling me lying next to him.The brothers finally walked away, leaving me in bed with a naked Lelan.

What's the matter.

***

-Leyland-

I see Scott put his hands over his eyes. "Fuck, I can't believe it's like this," he muttered.

After last night's indulgence, I'm hoping to catch Scott Lush's teal stubble chin, tousled hair and sleepy eyes this morning at first glance.But I don't seem to have this chance, especially after my brothers fell from the sky.

"Are you afraid they'll talk about you?" I asked, wondering what was going on in his straight man's head.God, I hope he doesn't think last night was a mistake.Even if it was, I'd like to commit a fucking crime every night for the rest of my life.

"No," he murmured, and then added, "at least I'm not wearing stockings."

"They won't mind, you've seen the sick yellow stuff in their brains too," I reassure.

"What kind of consolation are you?" He muttered, getting up angrily and sitting on the edge of the bed.

"What do you mean?"

"It's embarrassing."

I didn't expect him to say that, and his confession hurt me deeply. "Is it awkward for you to be with me?"

"Uh, what else?" He replied sarcastically, stood up with the sheet wrapped around his lower body, and rummaged through the closet to find clothes to wear.

I admit, it was easier for me to face the morning afterward than it was for Scott.It's not the first time I've woken up in bed with a naked man, but I've never woken up with someone I love either.I'm also vulnerable and sensitive, and I was hurt by Scott's reaction.

I stood up, stuffed my legs into my pants as if venting my anger, and searched for the shirt that had been thrown somewhere.

"Where are you going?" He asked, frowning suspiciously.

"I'm not interested in doing embarrassing experiments with you, Lush." ​​I scolded. "I'm not going to hang out with people who are ashamed of being gay. I love being out and I'm fine, thank you. So if you want to climb back into the closet, just climb alone."

"I, I'm not gay." He retorted me.

Another fatal blow.

"Really? You cum on a guy's ass last night, didn't you like it? You enjoyed it! It looks like a gay thing, Lush."

He glared at me. "I didn't, I wasn't. I've lived with gay men my whole life, and I know what that means. I didn't fuck you, Leland, we just—"

"What? We're just what?" I interrupted him roughly.I was controlled by the stormy emotions, and I couldn't say a soft word. "Masturbating each other? We were just like that last night - satisfying each other? You can't find a woman so you decide to try it with a man?"

Scott slumped on the bed. "Honestly? I don't know." He said dejectedly. For a moment, I almost relented to this fool. "I don't know what the hell last night was, but I know I'm not gay."

"So you just like wearing lingerie, don't you?" I snapped.

"No, I don't like it either, I wear them just—"

I don't want to hear any more. "Forget it, save it! I don't want to know. You were right last night, and you're right now. You're not gay, and we don't like each other at all. Satisfied?"

He shook his head.

"Just pretend it was my goosebump last night and you just wanted to try it, so be it."

"Lylan—" His voice was full of warning.

"What? Are you trying to say you have feelings for me again? You're not gay, you only bend over for me? Are you?" I sneered, though I wished it was true.

"I don't know." He mumbled.

Saying this is far from enough to calm my anger. "But I know, I've had enough," I said, grabbing my shirt and slamming the door.

***

I was so intent on getting away from Scott as quickly as possible that I didn't even see Jamie standing downstairs.

"Whoa! Whoa! Is there a fire somewhere?" Jamie asked, walking up to me and stopping me. "Shouldn't you be tired of crooked for a while?" He teased.

"Let go." I growled, feeling that I might cry at any moment, or I might smash things regardless, or cry while smashing things.

"Hey? What's the matter?" His tone immediately changed from joking to worried.

"I can't tell you now, Applejack," I begged, trying to get past him, but I couldn't.

"It's terrible." He gritted his teeth and comforted, his face full of seriousness. "What did he do, Lay? You can tell me."

"He didn't do anything, that's the problem. Scott Lush is still the same bastard who knows nothing, except he knows what my dick looks like now." I didn't bother him and tried to get rid of him again.

"Damn," my brother cursed under his breath, "come here." He took my arm and headed for the living room.

"How was your honeymoon?" I asked, reclining on the couch, trying to change the subject.

"Never mind a honeymoon or not, Lelan. My God, what's the matter with you two?"

Jamie was very upset, I've never seen him like this.He's always been the eccentric and easygoing brother, and I've been the overthinking and overthinking one.Seeing him flustered like this made the morning even more difficult.

"Where's BJ?" I didn't answer his question.I don't want Scott's overprotective brother here, Jamie and I are enough.

"He said he wanted to go for a walk."

Apparently, even Scott's gay brother couldn't digest the fact that I was with Scott.

I shrugged. "It's nothing serious, Scott and I just fooled around all night."

"Well said, but you're a bad liar, boy. I know how much Scout means to you."

"He's nothing to me," I overreact, "he's my nemesis, don't forget he's straight."

"I don't see a lot of straight guys sleeping with a naked gay guy," Jamie said.

Is not this nonsensical!I wanted to scream up to the sky, but it was useless.

"He just wants to try with a man." I avoided my brother's probing eyes and said in an almost broken voice.

"Fuck! Did he really say that?" Jamie asked in shock.

I shrugged. I actually said all this, but Scott didn't refute it, so there was nothing to clarify for Jamie.

"I'm sorry, Lay."

My brother's words were the last straw that broke my psychological defense.

"I don't want to be like this. I'm such a smart person, I shouldn't be like this." I said bitterly.

"Why do you think that?" he asked, frowning.

I wiped away the tears that overflowed my eyes. "People always say nothing is impossible if you try hard enough. That's bullshit, Jamie, they're liars, all of them. I can't get the only thing I want, you know no matter how hard you try , what does it feel like to not get what you really want no matter what you say or do, or even what you become?"

"My God, Lay," he said sympathetically.

"You know what upsets me the most?"

"It's giving up," I continued on my own without waiting for his answer, "I don't know how long I've been stupid with the idea that 'maybe someday Scott will change his sex'. He won't change, then What should I do?" I asked back. "I made a promise to myself never to be one of those lonely, silly old comrades dying for a straight man who would never love him. I can't be that, Applejack, and I'm not going to be one of those , even if I lose the best part of my life."

Jamie cursed violently as he took a deep breath. "How long have you been in love with him?" he asked, taking my hand.

I stared blankly at the open bay window in front of me, the sun was shining brightly, the buds on the tree were just about to bloom, and the sound of birds chirping infiltrated through the closed window.And all I could see was darkness, and the only sound in the world was the sound of my heart breaking.Jamie wanted to know how long I had loved Scott Rush, and it would have terrified him to know, but there was no need to deny it now.How ironic, I even laughed a little.I finally dared to admit my feelings for Scott, and I had to let go.

"Sad for as long as I can remember?" I smiled dryly again.

Jamie squeezed my hand. "How can love be sad, Lai. We can't control who we fall in love with, and we can't choose. The heart chooses for itself. I know you may not want to hear this now, but I don't think it's right for you to give up so easily. I I don't want your love to end badly, but I hope you give love a chance. Whatever Scott said this morning, he lied to you, if he just wants to try what it's like to have sex with a man , he can find anyone else. But what he wants is you."

I can't listen to Jamie, the more I hope, the more I hurt. "It doesn't matter, I don't want to be so ambiguous, Jamie, not even him."

We sat in silence for a long time, holding hands tightly.It makes me feel better to have a brother who loves me unconditionally and supports me.

"Sometimes love is worth the risk." Jamie said after a long time.

"But sometimes people are too weak to bear the consequences of failure." I finally answered like this, and then got up and walked towards the door. "Don't worry, nothing will change about my relationship with Scott, at least on the surface," I said.

"It's just that you can never forget what it was like to be with him." Jamie tentatively said.

The truth he told took the last breath of air from my lungs. "I'm not going to be on Scott Lush's ass forever," I said stubbornly. "I deserve better."

"You deserve to be happy, bro. I was just wondering, how are you going to be happy without Scout?"

Sadly, I was thinking the same thing.

[1] Write Mush, that is, "Madden (Madden) + Lush (Lush)", the original meaning of mush is "paste".