Arty Records

The Kubon Reading Room is closed at night and closes at 05:30.Everyone else left, but Fang Sishen still stared at the pages of the book without moving.The teacher on duty knocked on the bookend behind the table: "Okay, come back tomorrow, you can't become fat if you eat in one bite, you have to combine work and rest, understand?"

He stood up, returned the book in a daze, and walked out slowly.He knew in his heart that he hadn't actually noticed the party for a long time.It was as if a blender was installed in my mind, all kinds of reluctantly forgotten, unwilling to think of, unavoidable, and afraid to face, rumbling and stirring into a puddle of mortar, filling my head.

Seeing students going to the cafeteria in groups to eat, I suddenly remembered that I should go home to make dinner.Touch the corner of the mouth that has not subsided, and the blood stains have already dried out and are tight.The weather is dry, and as soon as I move my lips, they crack immediately.When the wind blows, Sisi burrows in pain.

Anyway, I gotta call my dad.The whole person is dumb... the excuse for not going home is very smooth.

Walking to the student dormitory area, a group of people set up a stall with banners on the side of the road: "The cold wind is not the enemy's heart, the world has no love, and everyone has love-send warmth in winter and donate to the poor."

As if suddenly inspired, I went over and asked, "Student, what time are you there?"

"Seven o'clock. Classmate, do you donate money or things?"

"Donate."

"If you donate things, they must be clean, preferably more than [-]% new. Winter clothes and quilts, school supplies..."

Before the other party finished speaking, Fang Sishen said, "I'll go back to the dormitory to get it."

He strode towards the dormitory, walked for a while, and then simply trotted.Opening the door, the room was in a mess. It was still the half-opened packing box last time, and the color photos were scattered all over the floor.That day, he was too lazy to deal with it, so he just left the mess behind, turned around and locked the door, not seeing anything.I was forced to be helpless today, and I had to cheer up and clean up.

Turn on the light, glance around, and move quickly.All the photos were stuffed into plastic bags, and the furniture was put back as it was.He got under the bed and pulled out the pair of "Randy" sneakers.At first I wanted to throw it away, but the habit of cherishing things is deeply rooted in my bone marrow, and I can't get rid of a good thing for nothing, so I stuffed the box together in an invisible corner under the bed.The shoes have only been worn a few times on night runs and are like new.

Fang Duzhi bought him a lot of new clothes in the past year, and many old clothes can be donated.Glancing at the quilt rolls on the top of the cabinet, I set up a stool and moved it down.This set of quilts was left by Hao Yi when he returned to his hometown after graduation, and Hong Xinyao made the floor bedding only once when he stayed overnight.

I moved two boxes to the donation point, and heard that there were still a lot, so the organizer immediately sent a few boys to follow Fang Sishen to pick them up.Seeing those brand new furniture, everyone present was stunned.

"Student, you really don't want these..."

Fang Sishen wiped his sweat and shook his head: "No more."

"It's all new, it hasn't been demolished yet!"

A girl came over to take a look, and exclaimed, "Anran Home! Enron! It's super expensive and hard to buy!" She stared at Fang Sishen incredulously, and was immediately pleasantly surprised, "Teacher Fang!" Frowning again, she pointed at his face, " Teacher Fang, why are you so angry?"

Fang Sishen hesitated and confused.Beginning last year as a substitute for Hua Dingsong, all freshmen and sophomores at the Chinese Academy of Sciences recognize him.

The girl grabbed his sleeve: "Mr. Fang, are you really going to donate all of these? Are you sure you didn't make a mistake?"

The student's name, Fang Sishen, was well remembered, but his face was very vague. He nodded and shook his head, took the donation form and began to fill it out.After filling it out, no matter what other people are talking about, get away and leave.

Back at the dormitory, looking at the empty room, I felt much more relaxed.He picked up the plastic bag full of photos, struggled for a moment, and walked to the trash can at the end of the corridor.The cleaner happened to be there, and took the bag with a happy smile: "It's all waste paper?"

"It's all waste paper."

"That's good, that's good." He carried it downstairs as if he had found a treasure.

The photos in the bag are all professionally shot, enough to be on the cover of a magazine.Fang Sishen suddenly regretted it.He opened his mouth, but made no sound after all.

Feeling very tired, I sat down on the edge of the bed, not knowing what to do, and naturally picked up a book.After the simple bookshelf collapsed, he was not in the mood to rebuild it, so he built layers half a meter high next to the wall.When I got it in front of my eyes, I realized that this book was wrapped in a book cover.He has always cherished books, but he has never had the habit of wrapping books.Subconsciously, he likes the natural and colorful satisfaction given by those covers and spines.

I deliberately wrapped the book cover because it was stained.It's impossible to throw away books just because they're dirty, let alone several copies are out of print.It's a pity that no matter how tightly wrapped it was, it couldn't cover the brown blood stains left on the edges of the pages.It is also impossible not to read the book from now on. After such a long time, the imprint is no longer very conspicuous, and Fang Sishen gradually ignores it as an ordinary stain when flipping through it.

But at this moment, they became dazzling again.

A strong resentment welled up in my heart.Extending from one thing and one person, including the past and future, others and self, there seems to be nothing that is not worth rejecting.He tried to pull himself away from the unprecedented negative emotions, but he had to realize more clearly that the current confusion and pain are so dirty and heavy, and the root of the current situation is so absurd and powerful.And the worst thing is that he already has a premonition that this time is different from every time in the past, and the patience and persistence that he is good at may not be effective.

The very familiar loneliness that could not be told to anyone attacked him again.Fang Sishen recalled that when he was a child, that person always said: "Ah Zhi, don't be afraid. No matter what happens, if you hold on, it will pass." But with the increase in life experience, he gradually understands how to get over it, Belong to two worlds.

Can't read, so let's go for a run at night.After making a decision, I suddenly felt very hungry.The shallots and garlic on the window sill have long since turned into a handful of withered grass.Fortunately, the dried noodles and dried vegetables bought before the summer vacation were not expired, and the seasonings were barely available, so I made some noodles.

Looking at the noodles tumbling in the pot, although it was inevitable to think of something, the resentment faded.After the meal, I gave the house a thorough cleaning, and before I knew it, it was late at night.Tired, but the idea of ​​running became more and more intense.Find out the old sneakers, they haven't been used for a long time, and the surface is covered with dust.I patted it casually, and it was a bit awkward to put on my feet. After walking to the playground and running two laps, I slowly got used to it.

After Hong Xinyao and Liang Ruogu had dinner, they still went back to school.He applied for the dormitory one month after the start of school. The single room in the new building of the student apartment is much more expensive than the collective dormitory.Put the car away, go around the doctor building as usual, and stop immediately when you see the light on the window of 313.How many times have I been here, the first time the windows are bright.I was a little surprised after being excited, but figured it out right away.Sitting on the flower bed table by the roadside, wondering what the nerds are doing.

The night is getting darker and darker, and the number of people coming in and out is getting thinner.The access control of the undergraduate apartment started at eleven o'clock, and Hong Xinyao was hesitating whether to leave, when he saw Fang Sishen coming out of the building, he raised his legs to follow without thinking.After following for a short distance, I saw that I was going to the playground for a run, so I slowed down and wobbled far away.

The playground was dark, and with the help of the street lights on the side of the road, the outline could barely be seen.Hong Xinyao sat on the parallel bars near the woods, hid himself in the darkness, and watched Fang Sishen run lap after lap.See him running out of the darkness little by little, becoming distant and clear under the yellow street light, stepping into the darkness step by step, getting closer and closer to himself with the rhythm of breathing.

You can't hear it when you can see it, and you can't see it when you can hear it-no matter what, it is always within the range of perception.Young Master Hong felt very good and lit a cigarette comfortably.Whenever Fang Sishen ran close, he put his hand holding the cigarette behind his back and closed his eyes.Hearing the sound of his footsteps and breathing gradually fade away, I opened my eyes and took a breath, staring at the silhouette under the light through the smoke ring, I thought it was so beautiful.

So lovely.

Light, vigorous, pure, sexy... Young Master Hong couldn't describe it.He took out his mobile phone and wanted to take a picture, but unfortunately the light was too dark, so he had to give up.

I don't know how many laps I ran until I was completely exhausted. Fang Sishen finally slowed down and prepared to walk again.Sweat drenched the clothes, and was blown by the wind, and it was chilly against the body, but it didn't feel cold.I don't think about anything in my mind, the empty playground is a world of its own, lonely and comfortable.

Suddenly someone "Hello".Startled, he stopped in his tracks.

Hong Xinyao jumped off the parallel bars and walked in front of Fang Sishen.I didn't think about what to say at first, but the warm breath after the strenuous exercise in the dark rushed towards my face, and I said, "I don't feel tired after running for so long."

Although the light is dim, the outlines of each other can be seen clearly when they are close.Fang Sishen recognized him, his mind was still empty, he replied "not tired", caught a glimpse of the twinkling red dot, and blurted out: "Do you smoke?"

"Ah, no..." Hong Xinyao let go of his hand immediately, and stomped out the cigarette butt, "Mine... occasionally smoke..."

"How old are you..." Fang Sishen suddenly realized something was wrong, shut up, and took a step forward to leave.

"Don't go!" Hong Xinyao grabbed his arm.

Fang Sishen turned around and stared, Young Master Hong let go immediately: "Don't go, stay with me for a while."

Fang Sishen stood still.Hong Xinyao took a few steps back, sat back on the parallel bars, his voice was soft and slow, with a strong hint of pleading: "For a while...just a while..."

Looking at the figure in the dark, Fang Sishen recalled the way he held a cigarette just now, with a sophisticated maturity far beyond his actual age, but now he was lonely and helpless like a child.Perhaps, compared with his own confusion and pain, the young man in front of him who only knows how to follow his instincts and run amok is facing essentially similar pain and confusion.

He suddenly didn't know how to hate him.

Really tired, Fang Sishen leaned on the other side of the parallel bars, silently looking up at the sky.

After a while, Hong Xinyao said timidly: "I saw you running downstairs just now..."

"Don't follow me."

"I haven't." Young Master Hong completely forgot about his criminal record and bad deeds, "I just passed by downstairs from you, and I happened to meet you. I wanted to see you running, and I was afraid you would be unhappy, so..."

"I'm really afraid that I won't be happy, so let me see you less often." Fang Sishen's tone was discouraged and cold.

Hong Xinyao felt extremely uncomfortable hearing this, and didn't know how to respond.After a long time, he choked out a sentence: "Fang Sishen, I like you."

It is easier to let go of scruples in the dark, Fang Sishen immediately said angrily: "But I don't like you."

Hong Xinyao asked back: "If you don't like me, can't I like you?"

Fang Sishen came up angrily, and pointed at his blurred face: "Hong Xinyao, you know what you can't do!"

Hong Xinyao drooped his head: "I know. That night... I shouldn't have treated you like that... I..." He really wanted to look deeply remorseful, but he didn't have any regrets in his heart, so he simply said rascally: No, you beat me up, like my dad, with a belt to beat me to death?"

Fang Sishen put down his hand: "I won't hit you. Don't bother me again."

"Either...or, I let you come back? No matter how many times..."

Fang Sishen's temples hurt from the bastard's anger: "Shut up!"

"Then tell me, what will you do to forgive me?"

Fang Sishen looked at him in the dark.It was obviously dark, but young master Hong felt that gaze was pressing heavily on his body, his heart was up and down, and he was anxiously waiting for his answer.

After a long while, I heard him say word by word: "Hong Xinyao, who has no faults? But you must know that mistakes can be corrected. What you should do is not to ask me to forgive, but to work hard on yourself and reform your mistakes. If you can't reflect on yourself, change yourself. What's a name? It's just a hypocritical trick to deceive oneself and others."

Every word was bitter and gloomy: "The matter has come to this, what else can I do to you? But from now on, please don't be so selfish and tyrannical and hurt others. You are still so young and have a family background that you can rely on. It is too easy to hurt others. You must know that when you hurt others or yourself, no matter what excuses you have or what your purpose is, in the end, besides other people's body and mind, there will always be your own conscience and good fortune."

Hong Xinyao grew up so big, when will someone tell him such a truth.He seemed to understand but half understood, but in his heart he knew that each word was true.He didn't understand why Fang Sishen spoke so sadly, but he could hear the sadness, and said: "You, don't be sad...I, I will never do it again."

Thoughts twisted and turned, and finally turned back to the original point, and said again cautiously: "Then... if I... didn't...that night...would you... like me too?"

Fang Sishen saw that he was still holding onto him, and he didn't know how much he had listened to, so he sighed.The expectant tone of the other party's child made him helpless and sad, and said softly: "You helped me and saved me, I am very grateful. But those are two different things. Besides...it happened, it just happened, I can't accept this if."

Seeing that he refused to answer directly, Hong Xinyao didn't pursue it directly, so he changed the question: "Then... if... I don't mess around again, like you said, work hard to reform, can you... ...can you forgive me?"

Fang Sishen shook his head, slowly and decisively: "I can't."

Hong Xinyao thought that if he was willing to talk to him calmly, it meant that he had room for maneuver. When he heard the two words that were decisive, he didn't guard against pouring cold water on his heart, and stayed on the spot.

He sat on one iron bar with half of his buttocks, and supported the other iron bar with his hands. He forgot to balance when he was in a daze. He only heard a blunt "poof", and the whole person fell heavily, and he fell to the ground. The perfect "buttocks back flat sand falling wild goose pose".

Immediately there was no atmosphere.Fang Sishen couldn't hold back any longer, and laughed out loud.Seeing that he didn't move for a long time, he hesitated whether to reach out for a hand.But he heard a crying voice yelling: "I can't do this, and I can't do that. How do you tell me to like you? What do you want me to do?"

The conversation changed direction inexplicably.Fang Sishen said dully, "I didn't ask you to like me."

"I like you! I don't care, I like you!" Hong Dashao was ashamed and desperate, and snarled on the spot, "I don't care what you do! I don't care what I like, you won't forgive me for doing my shit It’s better if you don’t forgive me, lest the young master worry about reforming myself and pretending to be a good person. Do you think I’m hypocritical? I’ll just show you the ‘sincerity’! Hmph, let’s wait and see!”

It's impossible to communicate with this bastard.Fang Sishen also got angry, turned around and left.

After a while, I heard Hong Xinyao angrily following behind.Fang Sishen couldn't help laughing as he walked.When he got downstairs to the doctor, he turned around and stopped: "Don't follow."

Young Master Hong seemed to have been immobilized, and his raised leg was immediately suspended in the air.Standing still, the circles of his eyes were still red.Now I can clearly see that the corners of the bookworm's mouth are swollen and red.If you want to ask, you dare not ask, and if you want to touch, of course you dare not touch.

Fang Sishen asked, "How did you go back?"

Hong Xinyao was angry, but he couldn't bear to deal with it, and replied angrily, "Cross the wall."

"Is the door locked too?"

"I have the key."

Seeing Fang Sishen's surprised face, he stared: "I can't bribe the administrator? Who the hell is too busy to return home at eleven o'clock every day. I have business to entertain, do you understand?"

Fang Sishen ignored him, seeing that he really didn't follow, breathed a sigh of relief, rubbed his throbbing forehead and entered the gate.