Jujube

"I don't need healthy love."*

//

The jujube trees at the entrance of Baiquedang Village sprout and bloom in spring, and it was also in spring that I left Nanting.

Wang Chunlu is the only person I need to say goodbye to in Nanting.During the two years when the road ahead was boundless and life was worse than death, it was she who dragged me to a way of life with those thin arms.Now our years of being with each other are over.

The last time I went back to Tongzilou to see Wang Chunlu, I bought fragrant pears, thought about it, and bought two catties of sugar oranges like Mao Lin at that time.Wang Chunlu was very happy that I could go home. She gave me a porcelain doll with an apricot face and peach cheeks, holding a gold ingot in her hand.

When I first arrived, I often heard Mao Lin say that "Nanting is full of gold", and I also witnessed him cheating a lot of real gold, gold rings, gold earrings, gold necklaces, gold bracelets... and the only thing I held in the end was What he brought home was this fake gold ingot.

Three years of time, one after another, seemed to fall on a piece of gold ingot.

Real gold will not change, but Baiquedang has undergone many changes: for example, a cement road was built beside the ridge leading to the threshing ground, for example, the suspension bridge that was blown off by the typhoon was re-built, and it became an iron bridge that no longer shakes. Bridges, such as Pan Guizhi’s house, were demolished for bridge and road repairs and moved elsewhere.

It was my younger brother Sun Yanming who first noticed me coming home.

I used to hate Sun Yanming because he was Lu Xinyao's younger brother. In comparison, I was just a fake, but now I figured it out. ——Sun Yanming's body was covered with Sun Yuemei's blood and half with Meng Guanghui's blood.Well, his body is also flowing with the blood of my brother and me.

Sun Yanming is the continuation of my blood union with Lu Xinyao in this world.

At that time, my younger brother was directing a group of short and thin boys to play games at the entrance of the village. Against the backdrop of the group of boys, Sun Yanming looked very arrogant, like a little rooster standing among a group of little chickens.However, his arrogance was extinguished the moment he saw Lu Xinyao, and my brother's eyes widened, as if he had seen a ghost.

A complex expression that did not belong to his age appeared on Sun Yanming's young face, full of shock and fear, sadness and joy.When his eyes shifted from Lu Xinyao to me, those expressions unified and became dull, and then I heard him crow like a rooster.

After a while, he hesitated to remember who I was: "...Meng Li? Why are you back?"

Lu Xinyao said to him, "Call me brother."

My younger brother's lips trembled, his commanding air was gone forever, his face became gray and gloomy, he dismissed the group of boys, followed Lu Xinyao listlessly, and called vaguely: "Brother , Second brother."

Sun Yanming didn't dare to ask me why I came back, and he didn't dare to rush home to inform Sun Yuemei, so when Sun Yuemei saw Lu Xinyao coming back with me as an unexpected guest, she couldn't hide her surprise. She hadn't had time to worry about her son's return Feeling happy, he yelled angrily:

"...You actually found him back!"

Before Lu Xinyao said anything, Sun Yuemei continued to criticize, as if she had infinite grievances.

She said that Lu Xinyao's partiality was in the armpit, leaving her and Sun Yanming as an orphan and widowed mother, and he went away for a year and a half, but it turned out to be for nothing but the son of a bastard... This world is simply unreasonable Lah, petting a dog on the stove, petting a child is not filial!

While talking and wiping tears, Sun Yuemei hated me with red eyes.

But Lu Xinyao is the head of the family, and she has nothing to do with him.As my brother grew older, Sun Yuemei didn't dare to tease him like before. After a few days of separation, she told my brother in a muffled voice, "Don't expose your family ugliness".

However, my younger brother was determined not to be a fuel-efficient lamp, and he quickly sang about the good drama at home.Sun Yanming used to tell others that Lu Xinyao was not his own brother.Now he has more convincing evidence - the story about his eccentric elder brother traveling thousands of miles to find his bastard second brother who ran away from home.

The confusing life experience made Sun Yanming taste the glory of being famous at a young age. When he walks on the street, he can often feel the sympathetic eyes cast on him from all around him.

And another kind of probing gaze often falls on me and my brother.

I was 16 years old when I left Baiquedang, and I was under twenty when I came back.Lu Xinyao asked me to go back to high school and continue my studies.I didn't disobey him. I was willing to do anything for my brother since I was a child. Studying is just the most trivial thing among them.

Lu Xinyao moved back to the room where we used to live together. I did my homework at night, and he was reading and using the computer next to me. I guess what he was studying at that time was related to his later entrepreneurship.

The two of us don’t need a lot of money to live together. If we have money, we have enough food and clothing.But my brother has grown faster than others since he was 14 years old. He knew the weight of daily necessities and became the head of the family too early, so he thought more than me.Although he has found a new job in the county, he is still looking for another way at the same time.

I have never been a person with my own opinions, and I am willing to be my brother's loyal follower.He will reward me too.

The old piggy bank is still there, and Lu Xinyao throws some small change into it every day. This is money for prostitution. One yuan coins are made every time a hundred coins are full.A few times I waited less than a hundred, but I wanted to beg him, or seduce him—with a short skirt.

(...)

While I was studying, I had an affair with Sun Yuemei's son at the same time.I heard people say that a wife is not as good as a concubine, a concubine is not as good as a prostitute, and a prostitute is not as good as stealing.The excitement and pleasure brought by cheating are double, but people who steal things are called thieves, and cheating is also a thief.Probably because of a guilty conscience, I often feel a kind of unknown fear.

I remember that it was also during that time that something unexpected happened in Baiquedang.

The protagonist of the story is Mei Qingqing.I don't know who discovered it first, but the most beautiful woman in Baiquedang was unmarried, but her belly grew quietly.This incident was well known in Baiquedang, they talked about who made Mei Qingqing's belly bigger.

Because Mei Qingqing was on good terms with my brother, they also guessed that it was Lu Xinyao.But I know it's not my brother.What does Mei Qingqing's pregnancy have to do with my brother?It's only about him that I'm pregnant.

However, many people believed in this conjecture, because in Baiquedang, people who were about the same age as Lu Xinyao had already married, and even Xiao Wu, who followed him back then, had a son.But Lu Xinyao has never married, and Mei Qingqing has never married either.The people in the village are sure that there must be something hidden in it.

Of course, these rumors also reached Sun Yuemei's ears. Sun Yuemei was very worried. She believed that the source of these rumors was Lu Xinyao's singleness. If my brother got married, no one would continue to spread rumors.

Sun Yuemei didn't know that she might never see Lu Xinyao get married, and she would never see him have a child.But she knew that her son's non-marriage must have something to do with me, the oil bottle.

Ever since my brother and I returned to Baiquedang, Sun Yuemei has always regarded me as a thorn in my side. Although we don't have many opportunities and time to meet each other, every time we meet, Sun Yuemei will goug me with his eyes.She can't deal with Lu Xinyao, can't she deal with me?

One day Sun Yuemei broke into my room while my brother was away.

This time she didn't goug me out, but asked me calmly: "Meng Li, how old are you?"

After I told her, there was a smile on her face, and Sun Yuemei continued to say gently: "Your brother has been taking care of you since you were seven years old. He treats you better than his own brother. I always say you He is a good boy, more sensible than Mingming, he wants to learn from you, now that you are so old, it's time to think about it for your brother. Why doesn't he get married, do you know?"

I didn't speak.I was afraid of Sun Yuemei's gaze, as if there was a sharp knife hidden in her eyes, she saw through me.

Sun Yuemei was very patient. She taught me earnestly and earnestly that people should know how to repay kindness and know how to measure.

But I don't understand these principles, my sense of proportion is to live and love my brother.She asked me to persuade Lu Xinyao to get married, and I told her that my brother would not get married.

Sun Yuemei was irritated by me. She didn't want to accept this fact. She suddenly reached out and grabbed me, yelled at me, and dug out my father, Meng Guanghui, who had been dead for many years, from the cemetery and scolded me.

Sun Yuemei said that Meng Guanghui would leave a bastard to torture her when she died. Now she agreed with Sun Yanming's slander against me and asked me if I wanted to rape her son.

Finally she yelled at me: "Can your surname Meng let us go?"

According to Sun Yuemei, Meng Guanghui raped her, and I raped her son—this is true, but I disagree with the idea of ​​rape.Three years ago, I was kicked away by Lu Xinyao after an attempted rape. Three years later, we are your love and my wish.Who will not let go?

The way Sun Yuemei looked at me at the end is something I will never forget for a long time.

What if my relationship with my brother is really discovered?But we have done nothing wrong, why should we be afraid?I can't figure it out.

I told my brother this question, but instead of answering, he asked me, what if I was wrong?

I thought about it and said to him, then I will suffer the consequences.Lu Xinyao just laughed, teasing me casually and teasingly: "What kind of fruit is it if you eat it yourself? Isn't it delicious?"

I said, "I'll eat it if it's poisonous."

"why?"

"Because if you don't eat, you will starve to death."

Lu Xinyao stopped talking, he opened my jaw, and when I stuck out my tongue, he held it and bit it into his mouth... We are all eating our own fruit, a juicy and soft red fruit, full of temptation and trembling, It must be enjoyed with care.

Fortunately, this period of anxiety and anxiety did not last long, because after staying at home for more than a year, I soon took the college entrance examination.

On the day when my college entrance examination ended, Lu Xinyao gave me a gift.

I can't forget that day, my brother took me through the crowds at the school gate, I sat in the back seat of the car, and the road ahead was not the usual way home.I asked my brother where we were going and he said "go home".

I followed my brother into a strange community, went upstairs, and he gave me the key at the door. At this moment, I suddenly understood. I looked at my brother, a little dazed.

I used to think that even if my brother left me a corner to put garbage, as long as he didn't throw it away, I would stay with it, but now he gave me the whole house.I will never forget this day.

When the door opened, Lu Xinyao asked: "New home, do you like it?"

I suddenly hugged my brother and kissed him desperately.We pushed from the door to the wall, slid down from the wall, and rolled to the ground, just like that night in Nanting, at the end of Game Street, kissing the taste of hair and blood.

The sun was setting outside, and the gradually changing sky and fiery red rays spread across the ground, boundless and far-reaching.I bit my brother's nose stud and looked into his eyes, as if the world was the reflection in his eyes, and I was the reflection in the world.

I also have a gift to give to my brother, it is a song, a faint, intoxicating song, which once hooked three souls and seven souls into only one soul in a purple light.Grandma said, when the soul is lost, you have to call it out, and you have to stop being shocked... I sang it to him:

That day you passed through the crowd

Chewing a wild jujube like the wind

just passing by the corner of my eye

……

The name of the song is "Sour Dates".