Jujube

Pan Guizhi's dog was my first childhood nightmare, and Pan Guizhi himself was another.

He seemed to get some kind of fun from me. At first he was not sure whether Lu Xinyao would turn against him because of my cheap brother, but my brother's indifference convinced Pan Guizhi that Lu Xinyao didn't want to see me as a cheap brother, so he began to change Do whatever you want with me.

For a while, Pan Guizhi was obsessed with martial arts dramas, and often used me as a target for practicing kung fu. After he got tired of practicing the Eighteen Palms of Subduing the Dragon, he quietly grew his nails for the balance of yin and yang.

Pan Guizhi used scissors to cut his nails into sharp triangular thorns. When he approached me, he suddenly grabbed a handful of my back. When I cried from the pain, he proudly showed off to me: "This is called Jiuyin." Bone Claw."

Pan Guizhi has been obsessed with practicing Jiuyin White Bone Claws for quite a long time. His nails have not been cut for more than two months, and they have become long and sharp. .During that time, I kept getting new scars on my arms and the backs of my hands. At night, the mosquitoes buzzed around me, and I had to huddle under the covers from head to toe.

In the sweltering bed, I heard the sound of Lu Xinyao turning off the lights and laying down. Several times I wanted to get up and go to Lu Xinyao's bedside to complain to him, but every time I fell asleep under the bed and dreaming without crying.When I was most aggrieved, I dreamed that I was lying in Lu Xinyao's bed, whimpering and telling him how Pan Guizhi bullied me with his nine-yin white bone claws.

What I dreamed was neither Meng Guanghui nor Chen Meiling, but Lu Xinyao, who had no blood relationship with me, as if he was my only relative.

Whenever I wake up sweating profusely, I can't help tearing apart the quilt, and silently begging Lu Xinyao's back from the gap: "Can you become my brother and protect me? Can you protect me?" Never hate me, okay? You can be nicer to me, okay..."

Meng Guanghui said that Sun Yuemei looks like Guanyin in the painting. In my eyes, Sun Yuemei doesn't look like her, but my brother does.I heard from my grandmother that ordinary people who are in distress can be rescued as long as they chant the name of Avalokitesvara.Grandma also said that sincerity leads to spirit.

I don't have any faith, I just keep chanting my brother's name, Lu Xinyao, Lu Xinyao... Each Lu Xinyao is followed by "OK".I fell asleep sadly in the insatiable "good or bad", not sure if Avalokitesvara could hear me, I only knew that after waking up I would still have to face Pan Guizhi's Nine Yin White Bone Claw alone.

It didn't occur to me that my grandmother was right.

After I didn’t know how many times I said “OK” to my brother’s back, one day, “Avalokitesvara” squatted down in front of me, and I climbed onto my brother’s back, just like countless dreams. All the grievances that had been swallowed were poured out to him.

I remember that it was a fiery evening, Meng Guanghui asked me to go to the store to buy him a bottle of cold beer, and on the way back I met Pan Guizhi.

When I saw Pan Guizhi, there was still a long canal between us. In my panic, I lowered my head and ran back quickly, hiding behind the haystacks in the threshing ground.

I don't know if Pan Guizhi saw me when I turned my head and ran away. When I hid behind the haystack and heard Pan Guizhi's whistle gradually approaching, my heart beat violently.

After a while, the whistle disappeared, and I thought Pan Guizhi had left, but at this moment the haystack behind me suddenly began to tremble.

"Oh, brother, what did you see brother hiding?" A whistle disappeared from above my head, I raised my head, and Pan Guizhi's sly smiling face suddenly appeared on the haystack.

Holding the cold and wet beer bottle in my arms, when Pan Guizhi looked at me, I shivered involuntarily, so I ran away before Pan Guizhi jumped off the haystack.

"Hey, are you still running? Do you think you can beat me?"

Pan Guizhi laughed loudly, I heard the sound of him jumping from the haystack to the ground, and then a gust of wind with the sound of footsteps quickly approaching me, Pan Guizhi's voice almost rang in my ears, and he let out a strange cry , grinningly said: "Hurry up! I'm going to catch you—"

Before I finished speaking, someone grabbed my collar from behind.Pan Guizhi triumphantly tugged at my collar. I was terrified and struggled to run forward.While tugging, Pan Guizhi suddenly let out a tragic scream, and at the same time, his hand that was holding my collar suddenly let go.

——That was the scariest moment I ever experienced when I was young: Pan Guizhi's nine-yin bone claw was caught by the thread on my clothes, and a section was torn alive.I turned my head and saw Pan Guizhi staring at my nails from a distance. In the next second, he ran towards me like a madman.

I didn't dare to imagine the consequences of being caught by him, so I could only run as hard as I could. Although it wasn't in a dream, I still felt a kind of fear that I wanted to escape like a nightmare but couldn't escape.

The wet beer bottle in my arms kept bumping into my stomach, but I was a coward. Even in such a dangerous situation, I was still afraid of Meng Guanghui's scolding. I didn't dare to throw it away, and I didn't dare to use such a weapon to resist Pan Guizhi. .

I saw Huoshaoyun burning a pile of black smoke, the sky darkened, and the road from the threshing ground to my home suddenly became extremely long, as if there was no end to it.

At that time, the engineering team for road construction had not yet arrived at Baiquedang, and the ground beside the field ridge was full of bumps and raised broken stones. I fell while running and was rubbed against my knee by the tip of the hard stone. At the same time, the beer bottle flew out of my arms, and Gululu rolled all the way into the rice field.

At that moment, I was terrified to think that I could not escape, and Pan Guizhi would catch up soon. I heard the sound of my heartbeat beating the ground in great fear.At that time, the harvest season was approaching, and the rice was growing tall and lush. I gritted my chattering teeth, endured the pain in my knees, and followed the beer bottle into the depths of the rice field.

Not long after, I saw Pan Guizhi's figure flash by through the cracks in the rice.But I was still lying on my stomach tensely, not daring to move. I was afraid that he would suddenly turn around and jump into the rice field like jumping off a haystack, trampling on the rice covering me.

Pan Guizhi turned back quickly. He stopped by the ditch, his obsessed eyes swept around.I didn't dare to look at Pan Guizhi, as if I was hiding my ears, as if as long as I didn't look at him, he wouldn't notice me.

"Mengli! You're dead!" Pan Guizhi didn't know where his eyes fell, and he suddenly said quietly, "Don't hide, I saw you."

After speaking, he walked towards the field ridge.

At night, the rice fields are filled with wild wind, chirping insects are everywhere in the wind, the rice is rustling, and Pan Guizhi's footsteps are also rustling.The rustling of his footsteps came to me, like a scythe harvesting crops one crop at a time.

I huddled in the rice fields like a turtle, terrified, and kept curling myself into a smaller ball. The beer bottle at my feet was frothing inappropriately, but I didn't notice it because I was The rice behind him suddenly trembled.

Huoshaoyun has been burned into a pile of scorched ashes, and it was completely dark. I turned my head in fear, and suddenly saw a sparrow hit the bird net and was struggling. Several bird carcasses hanging beside it could not help themselves. The ground swayed in the wind.

I saw a black figure standing in the field not far away.

"Mengli, you're dead—I saw you—"

I think of Pan Guizhi's voice, his sullen face, his sharp claws, and his family's dog.

I thought of my brother, and then I thought of home.

I want to go home.

The sudden longing for home made me feel wronged, but I am a coward, and the pervasive fear swept over the sky. I want to go home, but I dare not go home.

And at this moment, the beer bottle exploded.

I heard a loud "bang", the beer bottle I was holding all the way exploded at my feet, a few pieces of glass splashed on my face together with the liquid, and a strong smell of alcohol hit my face Come.

I was found by my brother in this unexpected noise.

When the sound of Lu Xinyao's footsteps and the light of the flashlight pushed aside the rice in front of me, I was curled up on the ground dripping with beer foam and sweat, and I was extremely embarrassed.

I didn't know it was my brother, but I thought it was Pan Guizhi walking towards me rustlingly.

But in fact, Pan Guizhi left early. That night in the dark sky, I didn't see the real face of the figure in the rice field clearly, let alone that Pan Guizhi in my imagination was actually a scarecrow.

But the scarecrow cast Pan Guizhi's shadow on top of my head, and a huge fear enveloped me until I heard Lu Xinyao's voice.

He just called me "Mengli", and my tears burst out like a collapse. I cried loudly in front of Lu Xinyao, as if I had accumulated grievances that I couldn't finish crying for a lifetime, and I just waited for my brother to appear and cry for him.

His teary eyes were hazy, and I couldn't see Lu Xinyao's expression clearly. He looked at me silently just like he was under the fence back then, and when I had cried enough, he reached out to wipe the tears off my face and said, "Don't cry!" gone."

I always listen to my brother, but I can't control my tears, especially to him - I even once fantasized that if I were a mermaid in the sea, my brother would stand silent and just look at me, I would Don't drop pearls like money.The water in my body still kept rolling out of my eyes, I lowered my head, shaking my body because of sobbing, rubbing my eyes and said sadly: "But, it, it doesn't listen to me ..."

Lu Xinyao was silent for a while, the light of the flashlight swept over my calves and knees, he didn't ask me how I did it, but asked, "Why didn't you go home while hiding in the fields?"

I said, "I'm afraid..."

Lu Xinyao then asked, "Who are you afraid of?"

My nose was sore again, and tears flowed out uncontrollably. Pan Guizhi's name was repeated in my throat many times, but my tongue seemed to be tied up. Said: "I am not your real brother, and you are not my real brother."

Lu Xinyao probably didn't expect me to say that, his eyes fell on mine, and he obviously froze for a moment.

I didn't expect that a sentence I said unintentionally seemed to touch a particularly fragile and sensitive nerve, and after I finished speaking, I felt overwhelmed and uncomfortable.I wiped my nose, and the uneasiness, fear and grievance accumulated day after day suddenly collapsed like foam in a beer bottle, and a hoarse cry could not be restrained from my throat.

When I was a child, I used to cry with Meng Guanghui because of a sesame candy bun. Meng Guanghui thought it was noisy, so he threw me into the house and locked me up for a whole day.Although I got the sugar bag as I wished later, I never cried like a rogue in front of anyone after that.

But I really have nowhere to go. The Buddha said that there are eight sufferings in the world, and I can't get the sufferings I want.I couldn't save enough money to buy my own brother, and I couldn't please him with sweet words, so I had to play tricks pitifully.

Under Lu Xinyao's gaze, I said intermittently: "...Can you be my brother?"

Lu Xinyao didn't answer me at that time. He squatted down in front of me and said to me, "Climb on my back."

I couldn't see his face, only the crown of his head and thin shoulders.

Lu Xinyao carried me on his shoulders.On my brother's back, I felt my heart beating faster than before. I carefully wrapped my arms around his neck, my body still twitching in the aftermath of crying.

Just like in countless dreams, I heard Lu Xinyao's voice asking: "Who bullied you?"

This dream was more real than any previous one. His ear was very close to me, and the pinna was slightly transparent by the light of the flashlight. When my brother was speaking, I could even feel a slight vibration in his back.

I leaned on his shoulder and whispered timidly, "It's Pan Guizhi."

The way home was a bit long, and my brother walked slowly with my back on his back. I became addicted the first time I complained, and told my brother Pan Guizhi's bullying of me.

Lu Xinyao asked me why I didn't tell him before, and I said it was because I was a troublemaker.

Lu Xinyao let out a light laugh from his nose.

For the first time, I talked so much with my brother, but my brother didn't say anything from the beginning to the end. I was afraid that he would get annoyed and stop talking to me.

"Don't hate me... okay?" I added quietly after finishing speaking, "Brother."

I dug my nails into the palm of my hand, anxiously waiting for my brother's answer, maybe he won't answer at all.In just a few seconds, I imagined countless situations, and the world is impermanent, but my brother chose the one that I was most looking forward to but did not dare to look forward to.

I heard my brother say, "I don't hate you."

Lu Xinyao is a person who does more than talks. In my heart, my brother speaks his mind, and his light "I don't hate" fell heavily in my ears.

At this moment, I was sure that my grandmother didn't lie to me. Avalokitesvara really can cross people out of the sea of ​​suffering. I looked at Avalokitesvara's back and called out his name reverently: "Brother."

Tears soaked my brother's clothes.