allow you this life

As soon as Lin Ancheng picked up the phone and said "Hello", Zhou Fangran hung up. After that, Lin Ancheng kept calling and Zhou Fangran refused to answer, but Lin Meinan was so anxious that he had to send a WeChat voice: "What's wrong with you? Don't scare me Me, why didn't you answer the phone, where are you?."

Zhou Fangran thought for a long time before replying: Wrong number, I will call you tomorrow.

"Are you really okay? You're making me panic." Lin Ancheng's tone was anxious and concerned, Zhou Fangran couldn't bear to say anything radical, and after a few more explanations, Zhou Fangran ignored him.This kind of thing is the most difficult for human beings. It must be heart-wrenching to say that such a long-term relationship ends. Zhou Fangran is very touched. The same is true of his first love in high school. They all shut down their gaydar and made up their minds not to love anyone anymore.

Thinking of the moment of breaking up, Zhou Fangran felt that he had died countless times, and after confirming that he was still alive, the huge pain cut his heart with a knife, but he couldn't cry because he had no strength.

Going to meet your friends for dinner and singing, Zhou Fangran remembered Lin Meinan's words of persuasion. After so long, Zhou Fangran still couldn't let go of his feelings for his first love. Even after that, the high school head teacher also changed seats, but he didn't talk to him again. First love had any communication.

If I haven't contacted him for so long, I must have changed my phone number. Zhou Fangran found him in the high school class group on QQ. His gray profile picture didn't seem to move for a long time. Since the failure of unrequited love, he hasn't said anything in this group and will never The group owner no longer pays attention to this group, but he is still his "special concern", until Zhou Fangran made up his mind to pull him out again, and the cycle went on for a long time.

Libra's entanglement makes him miserable, but this may be karma, and he can live through it, but he can't live through it.

Zhou Fangran sent a message to the QQ of all online students: Do you still have He Yan's contact information?I can't find him.

After a long time, no one paid any attention to him. It seemed that after the "scandal" between himself and He Yan was exposed, the students didn't like this "heterogeneous" very much. After all, in Zhou Fangran's city, there were still very few gay people. An environment with few and simple folk customs would not allow this kind of thing to exist, so Zhou Fangran put all his thoughts on his studies after falling out of love, because he wanted to go to a more developed place outside the city, a place where his mind was more open and inclusive.

In the end, only one girl replied to him: You haven't contacted He Yan all this time?I was very impressed, that girl is also a master who studies hard but is often bullied and excluded.

Zhou Fangran replied: Yes, until now.

After a long time, she replied: He Yan is gone.

Zhou Fangran's hands trembled, and his heart skipped a beat. He only felt uneasy but didn't think about it, so he replied:

What do you mean by gone?

Where did he leave home?Going on a trip, going to school or working, going to another place to get married?

What exactly does that mean?

he died.

Once the girl came back, she went offline.

Zhou Fangran looked at the girl with the gray head, and was at a loss for a moment. His mind froze, and he tapped on the keyboard vigorously: Come out, come out, make it clear, and leave before I finish asking.

After a while the gray profile picture moved, and the invisible girl replied: I'm sorry that I reported it at the beginning, I'm jealous of you and He Yan, whether you like it unilaterally or not, it's just jealousy anyway, so, I'm sorry.

Zhou Fangran no longer cares about this reason. Even though the girl's report made him ruin his reputation in front of everyone and he couldn't hold his head up in front of everyone. Fortunately, the teacher in charge was kind and didn't tell his parents about it. The queen brought some benefits to the old class.

Zhou Fangran still remembered the location of He Yan's house. He hurried to He Yan's house. His brain was a little frozen and blank all the way. He tried to think of something but couldn't think of anything. He beat his head hard to no avail, anyway, his chest felt tight .

He Yan's house is not far away, and the bus is just a few stops away, but such a short distance, Zhou Fangran thought it was countless light-years away.

After entering the community and going upstairs, he stood in front of He's house and rang the doorbell. When the doorbell broke, he knocked again, but no one answered.

He just kept staring at the peephole on the door, and kept staring, but he didn't dare to look at anything else, because now his mind suddenly became quiet, and once he calmed down, He Yanyin's smile and appearance were all in his mind, as if he had watched a movie in his mind, so he could only stare at him desperately. With the cat's eyes closed, I can't think of anything else when I concentrate.

I don't know how long she watched, but He Yan's mother dragged her tired body upstairs after get off work, and when she looked up, she saw a boy standing in front of her house in a daze, but he didn't look sneaky, just dazed.

"you are?"

When Zhou Fangran turned around, He Yan's mother's pale face was devoid of any color, but she hadn't seen her for two years. Her hair was silver and old, and the wrinkles at the corners of her eyes made her look haggard.

"Zhou Fangran, hello, auntie, en~" Zhou Fangran's teeth were chattering, he gritted his teeth desperately, biting a piece of flesh on his lip until he tasted the smell of blood.While trying to control my emotions while my nose was sore, I couldn't cry at this time.

He Yan's mother's face suddenly darkened, "Oh~" She stomped her feet, turned on the voice-activated light that had just been turned off, and took out the key to open the door, but it took a long time to open it. "come in."

Following Mother He into the house, the house was a bit messy, Zhou Fangran stood at the door without moving, Mother He turned her head and said, "Come in, sit down." But she followed Zhou Fangran's dumbfounded gaze——

On the locker to the west of the living room, there is a black and white photo of He Yan smiling.

Zhou Fangran just watched without saying anything. He sniffled his nose, only to realize that tears were streaming down his face.

He Yan's mother took a glass of plain water and apologized a little: "I haven't had anyone at home for a long time and I haven't had tea, so you can drink it. Who are you Xiaoyan? A classmate or a friend?"

"Deskmate."

Zhou Fangran wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. Mother He didn't ask any more questions, and he didn't take the tissue that Mother He handed over. He walked to the locker and stared at He Yan's photo. Thinking about how long he hadn't looked at him carefully, he also It's been a long time since he appeared in my dream, no wonder, it turned out that this guy left long ago and didn't say hello to me, really.

"Auntie, I want to visit his room."

Mother He just wanted to say something but nodded again, and took He Yan's photo from the cabinet and led him to He Yan's door. He Yan had been here many times before and it was He Yan who secretly called her to come over to play games while no one was at home. It's a small movie, so He's mother is not familiar with him, the He family's family education is strict, and He Yan has to be sneaky to play a game, which is funny when he thinks about it.

"What happened to He Yan? When did it happen?" Zhou Fangran said calmly, as if everything was still the same.

Mother He took out another key to open the door, "The year before last... there was a car accident, and I couldn't be rescued." Mother He was also surprisingly calm, but she kept staring at Zhou Fangran as soon as she opened the door: "Go in and have a look, don't move around, look Come out when you're done."

After finishing speaking, he put He Yan's photo in his hand, then went to the living room and sat there blankly, the room was very quiet.

Zhou Fangran entered the room, he took a deep breath, and seemed to want to recall the smell of He Yan, but for more than two years, there was no trace of him in He Yan's room except for the things he used.

Sitting on He Yan's bed and looking around, the computer on the table is covered with a cloth, all the textbooks and novels he likes to read are arranged neatly, his slippers and sneakers, Zhou Fangran wants to laugh, are already cracked and he still doesn't give up It doesn't matter, who would stare at your feet every day, Zhou Fangran thought, I will.

Auntie cleaned it very clean without any dust. I used to like to lie on He Yan’s bed and watch him play games. Once I brought over the “Little Overlord” that I hadn’t played for a long time at home, which made He Yan very happy. Yes, it's fun.Everything seems to be the same as before.

Caressing the photo of He Yan, his smile, his words, his every move is sometimes clear and sometimes blurred, all the memories are spliced ​​together haphazardly, but there is no complete He Yan.

"You say you, why don't you come to me, I'll just say forgive you or not."

"Oh, haha, what am I going to do when your mother leaves, it's so irresponsible."

"I despise you!" Zhou Fangran murmured to himself, crying softly from the beginning to howling at the end, as if he had exhausted all his strength, all the memories intertwined with regret and love made him breathless for a while.

Only then did he feel that he was truly broken in love.

He Yan, you bastard!sorry~