[Zhongyingmei] I don't want to save you today

He started working in a bar again, this time under the name "Nathan".

Get up at six o'clock every day, after finishing the housework at home, you can sneak out to find Tai Anna - it takes 9 minutes to run from the house to Nathan, and you will pass ten street lights on the way, half of which are broken, and the other Half of it will be bright or not, like a star that flickers at night.He would still run across two sections of the small road, and the traffic lights were broken, but it didn't matter, there were no cars here anyway, only beggars dozing off in the shadows with their bedding rolled up.

So he ran through the sunlight that just woke up in the morning, the breeze blowing against him, the black dog that was confined at the door, and every person wandering around with a tired and dull expression, with enthusiasm and joy in his heart. Arrive Nathan on time at nine o'clock.

The work of the bar starts with cleaning, entering through the back door, and tidying up the messy kitchen after being used at night. He likes this part very much, because there is a high chance that he can find his breakfast—leftover eggs or milk, occasionally There will also be small cakes that have not had time to be eaten by the guests.Then there are the corridors and aisles, filled with the smell of alcohol, scattered with cigarette butts, airtight and unable to shine a ray of sunlight.He had to work hard to get the stains off, and he had to maneuver his way around the comatose guests.After finishing all this, it was almost noon, the guests in the bar were almost gone, and the tired dancers with residual makeup on their faces slowly walked out of the room, ready to find a place to continue sleeping, or pack up and prepare to start evening work.

At this time, his little squirrel has already tidied herself up (I don’t know why she is always very relaxed and not very tired), if it is Tuesday, Thursday or Saturday, she will look more haggard, but her mood is always Better, she would accompany him to wake up the guests who stayed here and send them out. (This job would be much more difficult if he was the only one, after all, the guests would prefer Tai Anna's cute and charming smiling face), but if it was Monday, Wednesday, or Friday, she would just wander out to say hello and continue to sleep, with a The wine doesn't look sober yet.He also made a mental note of her schedule - like every two days she danced, she never had guests two days in a row, things like that...

In fact, he didn't like working at the bar, but the thought of Tyana here made all the greasy and booze less unbearable.

Half a month passed like this, and I thought that such a peaceful and contented life would continue, and the relationship with Tai Anna would continue to be lukewarm and occasionally intimate, but the staff of the Social Welfare Bureau brought bad news.

"we are very sorry."

The employee who came this time was not the gentle aunt with the same red hair as Taianna, nor the tall, thin uncle with glasses who helped him change the host family, but a man wearing a discounted suit from a shopping mall who kept wiping his hands with a small handkerchief. Khan's fat uncle.

But the fat uncle’s expression is equally sincere and soft. He looks at him with regret and regret, as if he is some fragile object like jade, as if the person left by his sister is himself, not sitting on a hard board He stared blankly on the bed.

But he is not such a precious and fragile object. If he is a vessel, he can only be a thing like stone or roughly dyed glass, which is randomly placed on the roadside stalls, with a humble attitude Waiting for the selection from strangers, no one will ever put him in the palm of his hand with a magnifying glass to watch, and lock him in a safe for proper collection.

In a trance, he realized that he was really the only one left in their family.All the people in the world who are closely connected with his blood have happily gone to another world, no longer suffering, and here he is left stumbling over the tip of the knife, wading through the sea of ​​​​fire, trapped in the oiled steel It is difficult to walk an inch on the single-plank bridge, and I want to jump into the fiery magma, but I dare not—what if the world becomes beautiful again when I wake up from sleep?

Thoughts were flying wildly, and from the corner of his eye, he saw that the fat uncle seemed to wipe away his tears—or perhaps sweat—and lamented softly: "Poor boy."

He thoughtfully exited the room, closed the door, and left him a quiet environment for him to sort out his emotions.

He didn't have any emotions to sort out. He raised his hand and wiped his face. His fingertips touched a few round, cold teardrops, but they quickly disappeared between his fingers.

Look, he doesn't even have many tears, how can this be called sad?

Tyana skipped the rehearsal secretly and dragged him out to find his sister's grave.

The two ran on the street until they left behind the hustle and bustle of the whole street, leaving only the thick orange-red sunset in front of them.

She stopped, only her face was a little rosy, and it seemed that such a long run had no effect on her at all.Inexplicably feeling that he had lost, he tried to catch his breath, thinking aggrievedly: He runs every day.

Seeing that he seemed to be feeling better, Tai Anna carefully asked: "Do you know where your sister is sleeping?"

He froze for a moment before realizing that Anna was euphemistically saying the word "cemetery", and he shook his head, starting to panic in his heart that Tai Anna would be angry and say why he didn't tell her earlier, why he was wasting her time.

But Tai Anna didn't, she just lowered her head and thought for a while, then pulled him up and ran again.

Along with the sound of the wind, her voice came intermittently from the air: "Hurry up, I'll take you somewhere!"

It turned out to be the closest cemetery to their block.

Tai Anna led him back and forth inside, and finally stopped at a tombstone with fine carvings that seemed to be of great value.

"Okay, if you have anything you want to say to your sister, you can say it now."

Seeing that he was still there, she pushed him anxiously: "Tell me, if you have any embarrassments, I'll just leave."

He shook his head and said in confusion, "but...it's not her."

Tai Anna nodded, her tone was taken for granted: "I know, but this is the best in this area."

Gently lowering her voice, she whispered in the tone of telling a little secret: "Did you know? Since the land is connected together, so is the cemetery. The cemetery is like one small window after another in a huge castle. Let the dead people listen to the voices outside. I heard that everyone in that world knows each other, so if you talk about it here, your sister can hear it."

"Even if they didn't hear it, they will tell each other." Tai Anna added vowedly, and put down a small yellow flower that came from nowhere. She bowed to the stone seriously and said: " Sorry to trouble you."

Wang Jiangxin nodded suspiciously, probably doubting the authenticity of this sentence, he finally said in a compromise: "Okay."

Then the surroundings became quiet again, leaving only the breeze circling between the tombstones.

He whispered to the tombstone: "I will continue to live, you may have to wait for me, even if you are there, you must take care of yourself and listen to your parents."

It was just such a short sentence, and after he finished speaking, he tightly closed his mouth, as if he wanted to keep some big secret worth tens of millions.Tai Anna couldn't understand the Chinese he said, but when she saw that he had finished speaking, she asked cautiously, "Have you finished?"

He nodded, resisting the soreness in his eyes, not daring to blink, for fear that something cold would roll down.

Today seems to be a cloudy day, but why is the sun so dazzling?

Tai Anna came over and hugged him gently, her warm little head rested on his shoulder, her hairy head was slightly taller than his and blocked the sunlight, so only wisps of light came through the gaps in her hair spilled on his face.

She patted him on the back and said softly, "Hey, I'm here."

He raised his hand, deepening the hug tightly.

When they met again, Tai Anna mysteriously took him backstage, and took out something from her cosmetic bag—a small square card.

"Library card?" he said in surprise, looking at Teana in disbelief. "Where did you get it?"

Tai Anna raised her eyebrows triumphantly, and said, "My little sister has a customer who is engaged in the work of documents, and I asked her to ask that customer to get it."

It was ecstasy, but it was more moving—it turned out that she really wrote down his usual trivial words.

I remember Teyna teaching him phonics and grammar - she seemed to have attended school as a child.He was a quick learner, and after less than a week Tyana had nothing to teach him, so she could only collect newspapers or printed pamphlets to show him.But he was completely dissatisfied, and his reading speed was getting faster and faster. Once he inadvertently sighed: "It would be great if I could go to the library to read books. There are not enough newspapers..."

Tai Anna proudly handed the card to him, and said with concern: "Don't lose this, it took so much effort to get it. Read the book carefully, maybe you can go to university to study in the future."

There was hope in her big beautiful eyes: "I may be stuck next to the sewer all my life, but you are so smart, you will definitely be able to do things in the future."

Seeing that he didn't say a word, just staring blankly at the card, she gently pushed him: "Hey, don't forget me in the future."

He shook his head firmly: "No."

how could be?His little squirrel, how could he forget his little squirrel?

So there was one more thing in his life. After finishing the work in the bar, he would go to the library to study, and at this time Tai Anna would sit obediently on the chair at the bar and wave to him with a smile.As the days passed, he spent more and more time in the library, and among all the books in the library, his favorite was science—mathematics, physics, biology, astronomy...

The library here is not big, only some of the most basic books and novels written by foreign authors, the yellowed pages are curled up, and the labels on the spine of the books have been used to the point of coming off, so they must be attached to it.

The library has its unique smell of ink, as well as the air conditioner that has been whistling for a long time, but for him, it is another distant world: molecules, cells and acceleration, and with these, he is living a happy life now. What kind of life is completely unimportant.He walked forward slowly on the line of time, and what he could touch was the formula theory and neatly arranged numbers, not the broom and mop placed in the corner of the toilet.

It was so beautiful, he was obsessed with reading these books. The first time he felt this way was the little squirrel Tyana, and the second time was the knowledge typed out in rows of tiny typefaces.

At the beginning, he would share with Tai Anna what he learned every day. Later, he watched more and more, faster and faster, and Tai Anna gradually couldn't understand, so she had to look at him helplessly.But she was not bored, she just sat there quietly and listened to him chattering about how he cleverly calculated to save draft paper and how to change the formula to solve the problem.Tai Anna listened to those unfamiliar terms: curve, first, second, and third cosmic speed, Kepler's laws... She had bright eyes, and she just looked at him so intently, as if she was looking through him to another world—that her The place where I was driven out in embarrassment and now long to go back.