midsummer night

He Xiyuan went to the hospital in the autumn for a suppressor removal operation, and he wanted to try to live without a suppressor for half a year.

In total, he has had two suppressor implants so far.The first time was when he was 15 years old. When his parents learned that he was in heat, they slapped him and took him to the hospital.The second time was when he was about to graduate from university, and he went there on his own initiative.

Presumably the parents must be very satisfied, as long as he develops the habit, he can restrain himself without wielding the whip himself.

A suppressor must be removed for a minimum of two years and a maximum of five years after implantation, and then reinserted.

Sometimes he felt that the little piece of metal had become one with his flesh and blood in ten years, or that somewhere under the skin had grown a shape to match the shape of the metal.Whether there is a suppressor or not, that shape will remind him there: heat is shameless, and a crush on Lu Chengfeng is delusional.

Estrus symbolizes fertility, but it will be humiliated by parents and the society; crush on Alpha is a pure emotion, but it will be ridiculed by many people, including Yan Xun and strangers who are not related.

In short, not only can Omega not be in heat at will, but he can only love those around him who are compatible with him by default.

He Xiyuan suddenly realized at a certain age that his parents were the ones who hurt him the most.He failed to accept this intuition when he was young, and it took him a long time to face the desperate truth as an adult.

The parents are also Omegas, but they were extremely vicious towards him when he was young.Slapping him, beating him with a broom, punishing him by kneeling, making him slap himself, and adding a lot of mental pressure and torture.He Xiyuan believes that it is not easy to survive the double torture of violence and cold violence in the first half of his life, so he does not expect to find love in his life.

After all, his biological parents didn't love him.If you don't love, don't live.After he was born, he had to drag him to suffer together.

The conditions at home are not very good either. He has never had his own room or space, nor has he any room to live or think.

Lu Chengfeng was the support of his emotions and desires when he was young, and he was a vague illusion of the future.When he first met Lu Chengfeng, he really thought about how he and Lu Chengfeng would look like in a relationship, even though these pictures would hardly come true, they could only be used as a kind of spiritual comfort.

He imagined that he and Lu Chengfeng were riding horses by the sea and walking on the street in light rain.The winter evening on Summer Island was cold and gloomy, and the other party put his hand in the pocket of his coat.Lu Chengfeng still has a deep-eyed look when he is an adult, but there is tenderness melted in the mist in his expression.

He had to visualize every picture down to the strands of his hair, in order to find a little comfort in the room where someone would appear behind him at any time.

When the parents found out that he had a crush on an Alpha object, they didn't care much, they just said a few words, "Study at ease and don't get distracted." But later, the parents found a book cut from the school magazine in a book on his bookshelf. Looking at Lu Chengfeng's photo, he found the multi-printed graduation album he got from the senior student union, and he folded a corner of the page with Lu Chengfeng's information.

His parents shook the yearbook in their hands excitedly and asked, "Do you like an Alpha named Lu Chengfeng, a senior?"

He shook his head, silently denying.

But the parents refused to let go, and took out the newspaper clippings he had put in the book: "I don't like why I cut out his photo on purpose and hid it?" Then he looked at Lu Chengfeng's photo and commented: "It looks so good. It's not bad."

Later, the parents did not know where they found out about Lu Chengfeng's family background and information. Maybe it was other parents, or they asked the school teachers in private.

At that time, He Xiyuan had just been implanted with a suppressor, and he retched for many days due to rejection. The dizziness forced him to ask for leave and go back to the dormitory to rest.

The parents said to him on the phone: "It's time to take medicine and rest, what to do when you get up, and do your homework later. Don't think about climbing into Lu Chengfeng's bed all day long, see what your own conditions are, and what other people's conditions are, don't Obsessive, how did you learn so cheaply at such a young age."

He Xiyuan hung up the phone, digging his fingernails into the back of his neck, trying to dig out that piece of metal.The severe pain in the flesh and the involved nerves made him burst into tears. He bit his arm and continued to dig until his fingers could not bend because of the pain.

He was lying in the empty dormitory, wrapped in a thick cotton quilt on the lower bunk, trembling all over.

He knew that his crush on Lu Chengfeng would be ridiculed by many people, so he never confessed it himself.After the accident in the hospital, he never disturbed Lu Chengfeng's life again, and he never even went to Lu Chengfeng's class.

But the raging malice was still at his most vulnerable and caught him off guard and bit him.Because he is too fragile, unable to resist or refute, anyone, especially his parents, can humiliate and abuse him at will.

Humiliation of him is probably pleasant for parents, because there is nothing controllable by parents in life, except for young children who can be controlled, suppressed and abused at will until they are kneaded into the shape they want, like A submissive slave who can never be independent due to mental castration.

By controlling their children, parents can enjoy the power to completely control a person's life and death, body and spirit. This kind of pleasure is probably irreplaceable by anything.

Therefore, whenever He Xiyuan showed signs of heat, the parents would humiliate him for lack of self-control and profligacy. The society regarded him as a mobile genital cavity and a container of sexual desire, and no one stood by his side from the beginning to the end.

The Omega youth he met in the hospital in high school wanted to have a suppressor implanted, but no one stood by his side.The so-called Alpha partner would most likely not sign the consent form, Dr. Beta would not operate on him without the consent form, and even his Omega mother just patted him on the back submissively.

It was so easy, almost effortless, to crush a young Omega, who was considered flawed from birth.

The definition of every Omega is a negative sentence: without Alpha pheromone, without physical strength, and without Alpha, a fragile sex that will die.

The body is regarded as a defect, and after years of suppression, deception and abuse, the double castration of body and spirit is achieved.When Omega finally succumbs, the perpetrators will put a string of withered and decayed garlands on him, and say with satisfaction: "You have finally become a real Omega."

Before the operation to remove the nape suppressor, Nurse Beta looked at He Xiyuan and asked with a gentle smile, "Are you finally going to become a real Omega?"

He Xiyuan replied: "I have always been a real Omega."

He Xiyuan chose to go to the hospital to take out the suppressor during the vacation, and then rested at home.

Lu Chengfeng was also in Beijing during the holidays, and sent a seemingly random message to He Xiyuan, inviting him to a certain industry reception.At that time, He Xiyuan had just finished the operation. He heard the phone vibrate while lying on the bed. He glanced at the message, and then replied: "I'm really sorry, there is someone at home, I can't spare the time, I will definitely come next time."

Then he didn't think about why Lu Chengfeng invited him to a reception that seemed impossible to enter unless he was invited, so he fell asleep.

After the operation, he went back to the hospital for a follow-up examination. The doctor drew his blood and told him: "During the active estrus period, in order to stabilize the physiological characteristics, it is recommended that you and your Alpha partner mark each other."

He Xiyuan said: "I don't have an Alpha partner."

Doctor: "Then use inhibitors."

He Xiyuan asked again: "Suppose I found an Alpha partner, but didn't want to get pregnant?"

Doctor: "If the fit is high, Alpha can use physical condoms and ordinary inhibitors, while Omega needs to increase the amount of inhibitors used."

He Xiyuan: "Can Alpha increase the dosage of inhibitors?"

Doctor: "Yes, but few Alphas will take the initiative to take inhibitors. They think that the drugs will affect Alpha glands and pheromone production."

He Xiyuan replied casually: "Understood, as expected of Alpha."

Doctor Beta smiled at He Xiyuan, handed over the test results to him, and asked him to come back anytime if he felt unwell within a short period of time.

Influencing the production of pheromones is just an excuse, and the Alpha group let Omega bear all the physiological risks and drug side effects.From suppressor to suppressor, from estrus to pregnancy and childbirth, once Omega is stained with Alpha, he can't help himself.

Before the operation, He Xiyuan was approaching the deadline for the re-implantation of the suppressor, and the urge to estrus came very quickly, and he often had violent physiological reactions when going to work.But he is more mentally and physically prepared than when he was young, so ordinary people can't see the difference.

Weekday and weekend headaches can be solved with sleep and painkillers, and physical desires with masturbation and suppressants.

Everything is going well, even without Alpha, he seems to be able to live a smooth life.

Occasionally, I think of the physical discomfort and sharp inner pain after the suppressor was implanted for the first time at the age of 15.

The suppressor was intended for an adult Omega, but he was young when it was implanted.At that time, he was not fully mature physiologically, like an orange that was picked hastily when the peel was ripe from orange green to orange yellow. No matter how long it was left in the sun, it would not be ripe again naturally.

But parents think suppressors are the best option.For the first year after the implant, that thin piece of metal completely suppressed his pheromones.To the outside world and to himself, he is a pheromone-free Beta.With the disappearance of the estrus period and odor characteristics, he was not immersed in the textbooks and sea of ​​questions as his parents expected. On the contrary, the blackboard in front of the classroom was like a dark magnet, sucking away a trace of joy in his heart. Left depressed and depressed.

Around that time, he had decided to leave home, go as far as possible, and never look back in this life.

He often walks aimlessly after evening self-study, or stands in the corridor in the night breeze and looks at the lights of the senior teaching building.The corridors of the teaching building during the evening self-study break are noisy. He is alone among the running crowd, looking at the door of a certain classroom, hoping to see a certain figure.

Until the day Lu Chengfeng graduated from high school, he still hadn't recovered his pheromone.Under the winter sun, the skin on his wrists was pale and tasteless, as if he had experienced an irreversible castration in the future.

I have something to say: Even though Xiao Xiyuan has been suppressed multiple times, he still maintains the ability to awaken himself. The concept of "Id" is borrowed, and friends who are interested in psychology recommend reading Horney instead of Freud.