Orderer

When Zang Wei saw me the next morning, he frantically accused me, "You didn't bring me breakfast!"

Me: "...=="

"I didn't close my eyes all night to catch monsters! In order to get back to school on time, I grabbed a flying dragon with my bare hands and used it as a mount! You clearly know that the cafeteria is sold out before eight o'clock! Why don't you bring it for me! Breakfast! Dinner!"

Me: "...==||||||"

"I am very disappointed with the despicable human nature! Even the lowest level of monsters know how to protect their own kind, and even Adam Clay knows how to be merciful when fighting zombies! As a human being who is the primate of all things, you are not even willing to have a mere breakfast Bring it for me! I'm so! Disappointed! Disappointed!"

Me: "...==|||||||||"

"No matter how I look at it, I am a minor! Minors are the future of the entire race! Minors are the hope for the continued development and prosperity of the human world! You have heard that the Bajie Beast of the Demon World will take the initiative to put Let the food be eaten by the cubs! Even the Bajie beast knows it!" Zang Wei spit and said excitedly: "This is engraved in the biological instinct and genetics! Great! Great! Love!"

The playground in the early morning was noisy, students carrying schoolbags and riding bicycles scurrying through the crowd, the clock in the teaching building was stuck at 08:30, and the morning reading bell buzzed over the campus.

"I remember! Team Leader Yi Feng!" Zang Wei turned his head and shouted while running towards the teaching building: "You despicable person! Selfish! Cruel! No love! Remember me! Traitor of mankind!"

……

I swore to send the pile of zero-score test papers that Zang Wei buried in the flower bed to his parents, then turned around and went to the office to get a shovel.

There's actually a reason why I don't have time to cook in the morning.

Yi Tiancai was targeted by Feiyao, and his memory was not cleaned by the aftermath team under my deliberate hiding. His existence is a little sensitive at this point.At the same time, the bruise on the back of his head has not healed yet, and he also needs a safe place to recuperate.I advised him to stay at home, but he was still wary of me and insisted on going out to school; it took me a lot of effort to persuade him to stay still.

Although due to the revival of the demon god, the creatures in the demon world have been acting rampant recently, but the aura of orderers near my house is very obvious. Generally, monsters will not come to hunt around my house unless they eat the courage of the ambitious leopard.

To be honest, although I have a thousand reasons for him to stay in my mind, all of them are logical and well-organized, and I can write a [-]-word college graduation thesis, but it is difficult to express them in words.My dark career as an Orderer has done a lot of damage to my language skills. I suspect that if this continues, I won't be able to speak in any other way except to complain.

I had a good catch-up sleep at school that day, and when I woke up, I found the principal standing in front of me with a pale face and asked, "Mr. Yi, have you done any meaningful things in school besides fishing for fish in class and sleeping after class?" ?”

I do not have."

"No? Can you still tell me calmly? Teacher Yi, although I can't easily reject the person introduced by classmate Zang Wei, you still have a little..."

I thought of Zang Wei's all kinds of arrogant actions and nourishing life, and finally anger grew from my heart, and I opened a space door with one hand, grabbed the principal's collar with the other hand, and slammed the bald fat man's head into the door. .

The roar of prehistoric creatures came from a distant time and space, and the magma flowing faintly glowed dark red in the darkness.

After a while, I lifted the fat man's head back and asked viciously, "Understood?"

The fat man stared blankly, and nodded in a daze.

I am satisfied to close the space door.

"...Then...that...is that a...a...a...dinosaur?"

"The snake in the center of the earth is nine feet long and one foot wide. It is covered in scales and looks like a dragon."

"Thank...thank you." Fatty turned pale and staggered away.

I had a happy sleep in school that day, but the retribution came at night: that difficult Yi Tian, ​​in order to prove that he is not a freelancer, insisted on helping me make dinner, and almost blew up the stove in the end.

The two brothers looked at each other, and each heard a clear "goo-" sound from each other's stomach wriggling.

In desperation, I decided to open a space door and go to the Order's troops to grab some takeaways; as a result, I just entered the cafeteria, and before I took two steps in, the people inside looked at me in a daze.

Ivan's naturally frightened rabbit pricked up his ears and asked in horror, "What happened to the corpse disposal team?!"

Cassie asked late, "Master Adam is bothering you again?"

Shui Lan asked, "Are you here for a fight?"

Zang Wei: "How much is empty mud?"

……

Finally Adam Clay found me, his eyes were bloodshot: "Tell me, why did you appear here? Is there something wrong with the human world? Earthquake? Tsunami? Volcanic eruption? Train derailment is not our business! Dead bodies It's your fault that the handling group collectively scammed corpses, and the organization is absolutely irresponsible!"

Me: "...it's just a meal, don't you need to be so nervous."

You run all kinds of weird risks when you eat in the Order Cafeteria: you never know what you just swallowed.

Once I found that the braised pork tasted very good, so I was greedy and ate two extra pieces, but they told me that the meat was pulled from the autopsy room of the corpse processing team.I threw up all afternoon.Another time, in the middle of dinner, Ivan suddenly roared, rushed into the kitchen and chopped off our only chef——and then ran away with his life: "Rabbits also have the right to rabbits! Why treat us as food Do you look down on rabbits!"

When I first entered the Order of the Order and was still working on drawing Tucson, once I heard that big lobsters were served at night, so I ran to the kitchen excitedly; I saw a lobster the size of a locomotive locked in a water room, covered in cloth. It is full of scales, with twelve pairs of large pincers, and it is banging into the wall with all its might.At that time, the team leader Chu Zhi was riding on the lobster head with a calm face, holding the prawn claws and trying to fix his body, while trying to dig the lobster meat with a spoon to eat.

I just glanced at it, then turned and left silently.

It is said that after the rabbit incident, the kitchen submitted a report to Adam Clay, requesting him to investigate the racial origin of each Orderer, especially those who were violent and classified as the strongest Orderer.In the report, the kitchen staff made a heartbroken statement. On the night when the braised rabbit meat was served, they never knew that Team Leader Ivan was from the rabbit family. If they knew, they would never include the devil rabbit in the list of edible ingredients.

Adam Clay accepted the report, and then sent out a form asking us to fill in our race and whether we could accept it being eaten as food.

Finally, he counted the forms we handed back.

"My dear Adam, what shall we have for dinner tonight?"

"... boiled grass."

The newly hired chef at the headquarters has a carp face. When he saw me, he shrank into the sink tremblingly, and stammered, "Master Yiyiyiyifeng! What kind of wind is blowing you?" coming?"

"Is there anything humans can eat?"

"... Qingqingqingqingcai?"

I pointed to the screaming red plant in the pot: "You call it greens?"

"Fried fried fried fish?"

"Fish nuggets in a liter of slime are not 'fried' fish."

"Sweet and sour pork ribs?"

I asked coldly, "You stole the corpse from the autopsy room again?"

Carp fell to his knees with a thud, and begged for mercy with tears streaming down his face: "My lord, you are so precious! I have an eighty-year-old mother and a baby boy, and my hometown was hit by a disaster and had no harvest. I have no choice but to do this job. My lord, spare my life today. Must have a grass titled ring to make a cow to make a horse to answer your grace! Ah ah ah ah ah, no longer go forward, otherwise I really shouted! I really shouted! Living for life, life -saving! "

I half squatted in front of the carp, held its fins and asked, "Who taught you this passage?"

"...Lord Zang Wei," Li Yu cried, "he said that if he couldn't learn it, he would burn me and eat me."

"Zang Wei is really cruel," I sympathized, "If you don't make a normal braised pork within half an hour, I will hand you over to Zang Wei."

carp:"……"

The carp slammed the wall frantically: "The cruelty is comparable!"

I went to the cafeteria to wait for the braised pork. On the other side of the long table, Kathy was buried in the dark vegetables, Ivan was grazing, and Zangwei was drinking ice water slowly, with his partner Mi Shiya beside him. .

This guy with a huge lion's head is definitely more than three meters tall. When I saw him for the first time, I thought I saw a burnt lion's head. That kind of weird deformation even zombie jellyfish Men are far behind.

Mishiya is Zangwei's artificial GPS.As a native human being, Zang Wei is always confused about the geography of the Demon Realm, and often gets lost during missions.Since Mi Shiya, who is born with the ability to control the weather and change the terrain, became his partner, his life has obviously improved a lot.

"What do you want to pack for dinner? Do you want a double serving?" Zang Wei asked politely as he drank the ice water, "Are you pregnant, Team Leader Yi Feng?"

Casey sprayed Mishi's teeth all over his face with a mouthful of vegetable dregs.

Mi Shiya grabbed the tablecloth (...) very calmly, wiped off the black vegetable dregs on his face, and then asked with a grinning smile, "Can human males also be pregnant, Zangwei SAMA? Is it an egg or a little human?"

Zang Wei said calmly: "Little human."

"Oh, that's it." Mi Shiya nodded, "Zangwei SAMA often tells me some new and interesting little knowledge."

... Zang Wei, what do you usually talk about with this lion head?

Also, why does this lion head always call you Zang Wei [SAMA], how many Japanese anime have you watched him? !

Casey covered her mouth and coughed desperately for a long time, finally looked at me with a flushed face, and asked in horror: "So you are not pregnant, Yi Feng?"

"... There is a student living at home."

"Oh, student."

Then Casey jumped up: "Student! Male and female?!"

I feel very uncomfortable with such an invasion of privacy: What does it matter if Yi Tian is a man or a woman?Even if my brother is male or female, it has nothing to do with him!That's my brother, not his brother!

Fortunately, the carp rushed out carrying the lunch box at this time, interrupting Casey's investigation.In fact, the first thing I saw when I saw the lunch box was =口=. Is it really a box instead of a box?Carp actually went to the human world to catch a pig and brought it back whole into a pot, right?

"300 catties of braised pork, please check it out." Carp wagged its tail obsequiously: "If you like it, come here more often!"

Me: "...Zang Wei is here to help open a space door, carp help me throw this box in! Quick!"

After some confusion, boxes of braised pork finally fell safely on the floor of my house through the space-time tunnel.I stepped out of the gate of time and space exhausted, and saw Yi Tian sitting on the floor with his upper body bare, calmly eating meat with his hands by the side of the box.

"Too salty," he said.

"...You didn't see anything extraordinary just now, did you?"

"Oh, there seems to be a very large carp jumping in through the window."

"then you……"

"I gave it a brick."

The corners of my brows twitched, and it took me a long time before I said stiffly: "Dry... well done."

Yi Tian was holding a piece of meat and was about to eat it. He moved his ears when he heard the words, and seemed to be very satisfied with my reaction: "Well, I think it's good too, otherwise cats and dogs can break into the house casually. Come on, I'll take this piece of meat Hey you."

I looked at the juicy piece of meat in his hand, and my heart was like ten thousand mud horses galloping past, and finally I was defeated by the young man's piercing eyes: "Thank you...thank you."