between men and women

No.30 a post

In my memory, when [-] passed, I could already hum Cantonese songs that were not very well-spoken, and I only listened to Leslie Cheung's songs.During the Spring Festival in [-], my mother and I went to a stranger's family for the first time, calling a pair of strange old men, grandparents, and grandparents. This feeling was very strange.Although everyone in my stepfather's family treated me well, I always felt a little out of place.

Their family can be regarded as a scholarly family for generations. It is said that the sons of my stepfather's two older sisters are all attending the most famous universities in China. I heard that I only studied in a vocational school, and my expression is a little alienated.

During the holidays, I finally got a VCD of "Farewell My Concubine". The times have progressed rapidly, and VCRs have been replaced by VCDs before I know it.I was very excited to call Peng Zhiran and invite him to come to my house to watch the VCD.At that time, a three-disc automatic-changing VCD was still quite expensive, and it had not yet been fully popularized.

In an era when WINDOWS95 and the Internet did not even exist, those of us who did not read newspapers or pay attention to the news had no idea what this film, which won the No.40 Palme d'Or at the [-]th Cannes International Film Festival in [-], was about.The boss who sold me the VCD just kept saying that this movie won an award and it was great. You know Leslie Cheung, don’t be too clever in it!

We didn't realize until about halfway through the movie that it was a gay movie.Well, I was really too young at that time, and I didn't understand some of them at that time, for example, the part where Xiaodouzi was taken away by the old eunuch when he was a child, we both didn't understand at all.It wasn't until later that he realized that Cheng Dieyi was actually in love with Duan Xiaolou.Then I was directly intimidated by the subject matter.Peng Zhiran's first reaction was: "Ah, homosexuality, it's so disgusting! Don't watch it!"

I can't express how I felt at the time.A little complicated, a little sad, a little sad, and then hit the stop button.

Peng Zhi then kept repeating: "You said how it is possible for a man to fall in love with another man, what do you think!"

For the rest of the day, I was depressed and didn't talk much. Peng Zhiran probably thought I was sorry that I got such a movie and asked him to watch it, so I didn't talk. I chatted with me about other things and left. When leaving, he said, "Next time I'll get two Stephen Chow funny movies, let's watch them together."

I nodded and forced a smile on my face. After he left, I put the film back and watched it alone.

I have to say that people's mood when watching movies changes with age.Years later, when Peng Zhiran and I were told by our parents about our relationship and were almost about to give up under the pressure from both families, I watched "Farewell My Concubine" with Peng Zhiran again.From the beginning to the end of that time, apart from the sadness that Cheng Dieyi's unresponsible love brought us, more feelings were about the heaviness of life, the helplessness of fate and the sorrow of human nature being distorted before suffering.Seeing that Cheng Dieyi went to sing for the Japanese in order to save Duan Xiaolou but was spurned by Duan Xiaolou, and seeing Duan Xiaolou insulting Juxian as a prostitute in order to survive during the Cultural Revolution, that feeling when he exposed Cheng Dieyi as a prisoner , so oppressive that we could barely breathe.

When Cheng Dieyi finally committed suicide, Peng Zhiran held my hand tightly, hugged me and choked on my shoulder, saying: "Chen Jia, let's not give up, even if fate challenges us, let's never give up, okay?" .I don’t want us to be a tragedy, too.”

I said yes, and wept with him in my arms.

But during the Spring Festival in [-], the tears I shed after watching this film were only because of the same unspeakable feelings as Cheng Dieyi.

No.30 two posts

In [-], many things were destined to be an unforgettable year.

"Tokyo Love Story", which is popular all over the country, broke into people's field of vision at 17:[-] p.m. on February [-]th of this year.I was [-] years old that year.

The love story between Akana Rika and Nagao Kanji has touched the hearts of all boys and girls. The boys and girls in our class will watch this movie on time every week in front of the TV in the classroom.Under the eyes staring at the TV in pairs, there are hearts throbbing longing for love.

The boy's dormitory is full of turbulent hormones. Some people even shout "Lixiang, I love you!" to the window when they are bored at night.

After the lights were turned off at night, the frequency of talking about girls in our dormitory became more and more frequent.As seniors, the boys in our class naturally set their sights on the first-grade girls.

Some people say that there is a generation gap every three years, but in fact, it is only a year away. The unrestrained and boldness shown by the first-year school girls has already made the girls in our class far behind. There is sometimes no shyness in the eyes of the handsome guys in the crowd. to speak of.

Not long after, Liu Gang, who is usually not very eye-catching, started talking with a school girl in the first grade.Gradually, Zou Feng seemed to have some ambiguity with Bai Rong, and the atmosphere in the dormitory began to develop in the direction of pink.

Liu Gang is very good to his girlfriend. Since the two of them started in the half-light, he often helps his girlfriend cook meals, and after the evening self-study, he also helps his girlfriend get hot water.Since the four of us usually go to fetch water together, we usually accompany him to the girls’ dormitory, wait for his girlfriend to take off the thermos shyly, and then send it back with him, watching him foolishly downstairs. Silly calling his girlfriend's name at his girlfriend's dormitory.

There was another way of showing love back then that was silly.Some boys chase girls and are not treated well, so they will foolishly call the name of the girl they like downstairs, calling it over and over again.It is very similar to Zhang Yimou's "Speak Well", the way the tattered one shouted "An Hong, I love you" downstairs in Qu Ying, but we didn't dare to say "I love you" at that time. "The three words are just An Hong An Hong over and over again.

That time when we walked downstairs in the girls' dormitory, we saw a boy in the next class calling downstairs for the first grade flower.The first-grade Hua is called Qiao Shuang, a short and cute girl. The brother in the class next door is really not very good. When Liu Gang went downstairs to ask his girlfriend to come down and get the hot water bottle, the brother is said to have called Qiao more than 20 times. Double up.Seeing us coming, the brother finally felt a little embarrassed, rubbed his nose and left embarrassingly.

I, Peng Zhiran, and Zou Feng have been standing on the side all the time, jokingly saying that the brother might lose his throat tomorrow, but we saw a girl, Qiao Shuang, coming down from behind Liu Gang's girlfriend.We were all silent immediately, and looked at each other in twos, with a kind of doubt in our eyes: "Could it be that the beauty was moved by the beast?"

Unexpectedly, after she came down, she frowned and looked around, probably because she was annoyed by the brother in the next class and came down to chase people away, but she didn't see the brother but saw the three of us beside him.

She was stunned, swept over the three of us, her eyes stayed on Peng Zhiran, then suddenly lowered her head and blushed, then raised her head to take a sneak look at Peng Zhiran, turned around and went upstairs.

After a brief silence, Zou Feng turned his head and glanced at Peng Zhiran and asked me with the corner of his mouth hooked: "Hey, let me tell you, what happened just now? Did Qiao Shuang take a fancy to this kid?"

I immediately turned cold.

No.30 three posts

Qiao Shuang really liked Peng Zhiran.I found that no matter where Peng Zhiran went, I could always see her nearby, and another girl who was always with her.

I was really trying to control myself, but people don’t know if it’s like this. Anyway, I can suppress myself until I give up voluntarily, but I can’t bear someone coveting under my nose.Maybe subconsciously, I can't accept others robbing him from me, so after being estranged from him intentionally or unintentionally for more than two months, I returned to the days when I was inseparable from him.

When I deliberately distanced myself from Peng Zhiran before, I felt that he seemed unconscious, but now that it has returned to the past, I feel that he still seems unconscious.The only difference is that when I was washing the dishes, he left long ago, but now he will stand behind me and wait for me, and he talks a little more than before, and looks at me for a little longer, but that Or maybe it's just my illusion.

Then came countless encounters with Qiao Shuang.I'm 100% sure that the word lingering refers to women.I can't see Qiao Shuang and her classmate almost all the time.After class, I went to the cafeteria to buy fried pork cutlets for afternoon snacks, and they would line up behind us; during dinner, they would sit not far from us; I would see them on the way to take a shower after dinner; I will chat on the side of the stairs; after self-study, Peng Zhiran and Zou Feng will accompany Liu Gang to the girls' dormitory to get his girlfriend's thermos bottle; I will meet them who also go to soak in water; even occasionally go to the library with Peng Zhiran to review homework, they All suddenly appear on the same table.She and her deskmate are always floating around me and Peng Zhiran like ghosts.I almost sighed why the director of A Chinese Ghost Story didn't like her at the beginning!

Finally, after countless chance encounters, Qiao Shuang and her tablemate sat across from us grandly.It was a Sunday night, Liu Gang's girlfriend Wen Qing's birthday, Liu Gang invited everyone to dinner to celebrate Wen Qing's birthday, so everyone went to the small school cafeteria early.This small cafeteria is a place to eat a little stir-fry. Usually only teachers and some third-year students in the graduating class come to patronize. Our first and second-year-olds only come to have a meal on birthdays and the like.As a result, Qiao Shuang and her tablemate Zhang Wenjuan were the ones who came with Wen Qing that day.

I ate this meal thoroughly, and Qiao Shuang kept talking to Peng Zhiran, and after eating, she still got tired of staying beside Peng Zhiran, walking towards the dormitory while chatting.

Looking at the backs of the two tall and well-matched figures in front of me, I lowered my head and kicked the stones and followed behind. Next to me was Zhang Wenjuan who talked to me from time to time throughout the night.

Zhang Wenjuan is not as thick-skinned as Qiao Shuang. She said less than five words to me all night, and she always blush first every time she speaks.

Walking and walking, when I looked up, the two people in front of me were gone.I was taken aback, stopped and asked Zhang Wenjuan: "Where are the two of them?"

Zhang Wenjuan blushed and was a little nervous: "Ah, they...they walked fast, and they disappeared as soon as they turned around."

Could it be that these two guys hooked up after a quick meal, wouldn't they go to some playground to have a heart-to-heart chat?I heard that couples in our school like to sit on the stands next to the playground and watch the stars. Did they go too?I was thinking in a mess, Zhang Wenjuan suddenly said: "Why don't you go to the playground?"

I hurried to say yes.As a result, he walked around and didn't see those two people, but instead saw Liu Gang and Wen Qing hugging each other on the stands beside the playground.

The two people who were seen were not ashamed yet, but Zhang Wenjuan actually became ashamed first, and pulled me away quickly.I was full of thoughts about where Peng Zhiran should be at this moment, but I didn't realize that she held my hand and didn't let go until I walked downstairs to the girls' dormitory with her, and she said to me: "Thank you for taking me back." Only then did I come to my senses, and then I watched her turn and go upstairs with a blushing face.

I was still in a daze, when suddenly there was a whispering sound above my head, I looked up, and a certain girl’s dormitory retracted a few heads, it seemed that one of them looked a bit like Qiao Shuang, and after a while I heard someone laughing: "Little Juanjuan, How do you thank me?"

Walking back to the dormitory in a daze, Zou Feng laughed wickedly as soon as he saw me: "Hey, why did you come back so early?"

I didn't know why, I just looked at Peng Zhiran who was lying on his bed, he was reading a book, when he heard the voice, he raised his head and glanced at me, then lowered his head again.

I walked over, obviously feeling very uncomfortable, but I pretended to be indifferent and asked: "Aren't you walking in front of me, why did you disappear in a blink of an eye?"

He let out a "huh" and turned a page of the book.

Seeing that he didn't answer, I had to ask again: "Send Qiao Shuang back to the dormitory?"

He seemed a little impatient, put down the book, glanced at me, said: "Yes." Then he lay down and fell asleep.