between men and women

[-]th post

Among family members and friends, the last one who knows about my relationship with Peng Zhiran should be my dad.It sounds ironic.

When I was young, I read my fortune and said that my parents were not well-connected in this life. I think it probably means that my parents divorced when I was young, and then I lived in school early and lived independently.

But even if we don’t see each other twice a year, and we don’t have a lot to say when we meet, but the nature of father and son is there, sometimes I still miss my dad very much, especially when Peng Zhiran’s father slowly accepts that we are together, When I occasionally scold Peng Zhiran about some trivial matters in life, I will miss him especially.

When I miss him, I will call him, even if I just say a few words, I will often break up because he urged me to ask my girlfriend or something, but I don’t know why as long as I hear his voice , the thoughts in my heart will be better.

I don’t know much about my dad’s business. I only know that he went to Inner Mongolia to engage in coal mines with a coal boss. Although he also bought property in this city, he basically stayed there and rarely came back to live.It wasn't until I saw that he was driving a Cayenne after dinner that I thought he might be quite rich now.

But I don't care much about these.

Peng Zhiran always said, I'm not like him, if he likes something, he will feel very uncomfortable if he can't buy it. He has a strong material desire, but I'm not a materialistic person, so it doesn't matter if he can't buy what he likes.It seems so.Maybe Sagittarius pays more attention to the spiritual level, so for me, I don't reject material things, and I don't force them if I don't have them.If you give me shark's fin, I'll eat it, even if there's no shark's fin hot and sour soup.

In this city, it is not uncommon for our generation to get married after thirty.Luo Feng got married after 34, Liang Mingchuan got married at 34, and Yu Luoshan didn’t get married until 32, so my dad didn’t start getting anxious until I was [-], calling me frequently to urge me to go on a blind date. The matter is still blaming my mother on the phone, saying that your mother went to Singapore by herself, and she never said she cared about her son.

I was speechless, and I couldn't tell him that my mother actually called me every month to ask how Peng Zhiran and I were doing.

Later, he even rushed over to arrange a blind date for me, so I said, "Dad, don't arrange it for now. Next time you come, I'll tell you something."

Some things are not suitable for talking on the phone and can only be said in person.

Probably when people get older, they will be eager to hold their grandchildren. Not long after I said that, my dad flew back.I still remember that when Peng Zhiran went to see my dad that day, he was very worried and said he wanted to go with me, but I said no, I would go alone, and he would get even more angry if you went.

When I arrived at the hotel where my dad was staying, I didn't panic, probably because the people around me had accepted us at that time, and my mentality was much better than when I was facing two mothers.

It may be a relationship that I haven't seen for a long time. When I saw my dad, I suddenly realized that he seems to be old.Suddenly a little sad.

Parents are old.In my impression, my dad always seems to be a person who refuses to accept the old. Maybe because of the seldom meeting, he seems to be in his early forties in my memory. What he looked like when his wife gave birth to his youngest daughter, but ten years have passed in a blink of an eye, and he is almost sixty, how could he not be old?

I was a little uneasy in my heart, I hope he doesn't have high blood pressure.

But in the end you have to be honest.

After briefly asking about my health, work and other aspects, my dad cut straight to the point and asked me, now that I am 32 and don't even have a girlfriend, when will I plan to start a family.He has always been used to being strong, and he is even more uncompromising at home. I am also used to his way of speaking, so I confessed directly.

I said, "Dad, I probably won't have a girlfriend in my life. But I have a boyfriend."

He may not have turned the corner for a while, and he was stunned for a long time, but gradually his expression changed.You don't understand when you look at an old man who has been shrewd for decades, with that confused and then shocked look on his face, how... how to put it, it makes people feel mixed feelings.

He immediately jumped up: "You, you, you..."

I finish for him: "Yes, Dad, I'm gay."

He was stunned for a second, then his face was extremely ugly, and then he flew into a rage: "Bastard! What have you done all these years! How did your mother discipline you! Homosexuality! Absurd! How is it possible! How is it possible for my son He is gay!" He paced up and down the room like a trapped animal, with one hand on his hips and the other touching his forehead, breathing in: "I can't accept it, I can't accept it!" Then he turned to me, "How long? How long have you given me?" I’ll change it! I have to change it! If it doesn’t work, go see a psychiatrist, find the best psychiatrist, and I can contact you..."

I stopped him: "Dad, homosexuality is a natural sexual orientation problem, not a mental illness. Seeing a psychiatrist is useless..."

Before he finished speaking, he was interrupted roughly: "Fart! What kind of natural sexual orientation problem! The men in our Chen family are all flirtatious, how could they be gay!"

I agree with this point. The elder brother above my father and the younger brother below were both very romantic when they were young, but the colorful flags fluttered outside and the red flags at home did not fall down. But after my parents divorced, I didn’t have much contact with those uncles. , so I don't know if they are all restrained now.

I looked at my dad calmly when I heard this, twitched the corners of my mouth slightly, and said meaningfully: "Dad, I knew I was gay a long time ago. I don't know why, probably because I lack fatherly love. I knew I liked boys when I entered junior high school. After so many years, I can’t change it.”

He choked for a moment, as if he had been punched by someone suddenly, his facial muscles were stiff, and he looked at me for a long time with a distorted expression, then slowly sat across from me, shaking his lips and said: "It's so early..." Then he hugged me. He shook his head and didn't speak for a long time.

After a while, I found that something was wrong with him, he seemed to be shaking, I suddenly realized, and slowly got up and sat beside him and hugged him: "Dad..."

I used to think that my dad would fly into a rage and scold me to the bloody nozzle, or couldn't help but slap me. When he was angry when he was a child, he even hit me with an ashtray, and once quarreled with my mom and even lifted me up. The top of the head said that he was going to fall off the balcony, so I thought it would not be uncommon for him to slap me twice with his usual strong temper, but I never thought that my dad would cry.

Not only did he cry, but the moment I hugged him, he couldn't control himself and cried while holding my hand.I suddenly felt that I was not a human being. I don’t deny that I was using his guilt to try to make him accept this fact, but after I did this, I saw him like this, and saw an old man who had been tough all his life but was dying when he was old. Because of crying like this about my son, I suddenly felt so guilty, so I hugged him and wept bitterly together.

This thing is really, I don't know how to say it, I can't find adjectives to describe my mood at that time.Looking back now, my dad cried twice in my memory. The first time was when my grandpa passed away when I was young, and the second time when I heard that I was gay, the second time was even worse than the first time. .

So, pity the hearts of parents in the world.All goodness and filial piety come first.

Later, my father also accepted this fact.Occasionally he would ask Peng Zhiran to have dinner together when he came back. Although I could see that he was uncomfortable at the beginning, just like Zhou Xingchi said, one day he would get used to vomiting, not to mention Peng Zhiran and me. At least in terms of appearance, it is quite attractive.

So when it comes to time, the pig-killing knife, sometimes you have to thank it.

But my dad would occasionally mutter in private: "Hey, I've been looking forward to my grandson for so many years."

I would comfort him: "Don't worry, isn't there Chen Fang, and the grandson is the same."

He just gave me a blank look.